#alpha-beta x reader

Gigi

SHE LOVES BABES <3333 they're so cute they're so squishy,, she has such a soft spot for kiddos. I personally hc her having a kid and she MISSES those baby years!!!

Please let her babysit she knows,, all the tricks. She'll gladly take the little one off your hands for a few hrs while you rest!!

She's also one of those types of ppl who,, don't get annoyed by babies yelling or crying?? Maybe it's all those years of ignoring interns but she is so completely unfazed when your bab starts being fussy

aa <33 she puts on music and carries the baby and dances around a bit, just like her mum used to do with her <3333333 it's super cute, please join her

on a similar note, so many lullabies <33 that kid is gonna end up humming those as they grow up.

Reagan

yeah no

MSNDSMND she just. they're so small and loud and icky and. please no

not the type for babysitting - it's a small kid, so it won't be crawling around causing trouble when she's over, looking over blueprints with you

She brings earplugs just in case it starts screaming!! It's a good balance so that she can still come over to work on stuff and hang out with you but,, not have to hear it MSNDSMD

She might have a peak or two at it, if she's curious - sure, she doesn't like kids, but she also doesn't wanna be rude either. Besides, if the little brat is part of your family, she'll have to get used to it's presence eventually

and its..... cute.

"aww, are you manipulating me using evolved traits to make me want to protect you? Yes you are." Just,, little bits of teasing while she wiggles her fingers at it.

The second it starts screaming she is OUT THO SMDNSMDN

overall?? Not horrific but definitely not great.

JR

YEAH SMDNSMD PRETTY MUCH THE SAME AS REAGAN

At least until they're a little older - he's pretty bad with babies, he can only really tolerate kids.

It's irritable and can't do his paperwork he might as well be talking to a fucking goose

He WILL however spoil the hell outta it, mostly for your sake <3

He wants to make sure you have everything you need! if you need a day to rest, or even just some better quality stuff for it.

He went through this rodeo once, when Rand and Tamiko had Reagan, so he isn't completely hopeless. He knows the basics and can offer a few tips (maybe not,, the best tips, considering he learned most of them either On The Fly or From Rand)

He'll definitely get closer to the kid once they're older!! It's easier to bond with something when it can hold a conversation SMNDSMNSMD

MYC AND ANDRE

YES IM COMBINING EM, BC IF ONE OF THEM IS HELPING WITH THE KID, 99% THEY'RE GONNA CALL IN THE OTHER FOR MORAL SUPPORT.

They're horrible in a good way. Like utterly incompetent but also the kid isn't dead by the end of the day so..... win?

"Support the fuckin' head." Myc knows,, slightly more about childcare, only because he's been alive for 4000 years and it's kinda impossible to not interact with kids a little when you've been around that long.

Andre puts on Mozart!! He has no idea if it's actually gonna do smth, but his mum did it for him and he didn't turn out... that bad?

"If we put on all his concertos at once-" "Please no" you're gonna have to,, adjust their techniques a little.

Andre's way more caring towards kids than Myc overall? He doesn't really like getting attached to humans, and especially doesn't like following humans through their whole lives.

Glenn

AAA <333333 he's such a natural with babies it's unreal. You wouldn't expect it, but it's pretty effortless for him.

Your little one can rest in the palm of his hand.

He has two kids, he knows the drill by now. Expect plenty of Southern Yeehaw child rearing tips that seem absolutely insane but,, actually work? Questionable but functional.

SNIFFLES <33 he love tickling them to hear em giggle. Baby laugsh cure his soul, he's never looked so at peace

ALSO THE KID LEARNS HOW TO SAY 'Cadet' BC THATS,, ALL GLENN CALLS THEM SMDNS THATS HIS NICKNAME FOR THEM. It's one of their first words, Glenn is extremely proud.

Brett

NATURAL DAD BUT ALSO. VERY ANXIOUS

He makes that Nervous Hissing Inhale noise while he holds them.

HE COOS SO MUCH <33 AT THE BABIE <333 He's got his little 3: face on, gently stroking their cheek, giving little nose nuzzles. He's gonna get such insane baby fever. as if he didn't already sdnsmdMSNDS

He doesn't actually know that much about practical babycare, so he'll probably stand back and watch!! Please teach him some stuff, he'll be so happy <333

OH he may not know a lot about babycare but he DOES know a lot about personcare!!!

yes he's bringing you food and treats and,, clothes and blankets and literally anything you could possibly need!! He remembers how stressed his aunt was after she gave birth, so he wants to help however he can!!

If they ever say his name he WILL burst into tears. "Bept :o" he is fucking sobbing MSNDSMN <3333

Alpha-Beta

He's the type of guy to be like 'oh no I HATE kids they're horrible and annoying and awful hate hate hate' but. the second he actually sees one irl. it's a complete 180 he would protect it with his life MSNDMSND

he THINKS he hates kids bc he hates humans (and even,, that is questionable) but,,, it clocks him that kids actually Don't Suck As Much As He Initially Thought

They're just so. small and innocent and helpless. They don't have any ill wills, they aren't greedy and horrible like adults, they just want love!!!

So yea he makes a solid effort to hate it but the second it starts staring at him with those Big Blinky Eyes...... no he's done for lmao MSNDMSND

"are you fucking insane-" as you gently hand the baby off to him.

He's so scared of accidentally hurting it. he doesn't have,, a great track record with people and,, babies are so fragile.

THE BABY LOVES HIM THO <333 his body hums at this,, low vibration so it puts them right to sleep <3333 please exploit this.

NOTHING HERE IS GONNA BE A SINGLE NEW THOUGHT I JUST. GOD I THINK SO HARD ABOUT CUDDLING WITH THIS BASTARD ALL THE TIME. MUSE WITH ME ANON MSNDMS.

Like not only is he Shaped but he's also so insanely touch starved. Just absolutely deprived of lovely touches. Imagine seeing him slowly relax into your touch as you snuggle close to him?

HEARING THAT STIFF LITTLE SIGH AS HE,, SLOWLY LETS HIMSELF ENJOY JUST BEING HELD??? <33333 DYING.

Like at first he's got that little Glare of his, staring up at the ceiling for a long Minute, probably cursing himself for being so sentimental before,,, gently tilting his head to rest against you. Because goddammit cuddling actually feels nice >:( what the fuck is that about huh.

And ofc, despite all his huffing he's gonna be. so hesitant to let you go. He visibly pouts frowns when you shift to readjust.

GOD and he'd be. so warm. all those moving components inside of him + the motor he's a walking talking radiator AA <33

THIS IS,, DOUBLED BY THE FACT THAT HIS MOTOR IS ALWAYS WORKING DOUBLE TIME SO LIKE. Even te fabric of suit is just,, nice and warm. Like a blanket that's been left by the fire <333

AND HES MADE OF METAL SO LIKE. THERES SOME NICE HEFT WHEN HE DRAPES HIS ARM OVER YOU?? if you like weighted blankets like <333 friend he's literally a hunk of metal have fun <333

BITING GNASHING TEETH FKGRKGKRG

Brett

okay he's,, and interesting case bc <33 like he will NOT admit to being stressed most of the time

He's getting better but it's still extremely hard for him to,, yknow,, ask for stuff. Or admit when things aren't going too good

THANKFULLY HE IS EXTREMELY BAD AT HIDING HIS EMOTIONS.

He just completely Compresses when he's stressed. Balled up fists, his posture starts hunching a bit - you'll find him sitting on the couch, knees to his chest as he makes The Face and,, worries himself into a coma.

HE CHASES YOUR KISSES <33 like you'll come in for this,, soft kiss to ease him into it and when you pull away he's LEANING forwards to get more.

TBH?? rail him

RAIL HIM. DO IT DO IT. Fuck those remaining worried brain cells right out of this man's body.

HES GONNA,, try to rock against you bc he feels a bit bad about,, just laying there. <33 give him some soothing kisses and words of comfort.

DW ONCE YOU SET A RHYTHM,,, HES JUST GONNA MELT INTO YOUR MOVEMENTS BUT. LISTEN HE HAS TROUBLE LETTING HIMSELF ENJOY THINGS

<33 if you start giving him a bunch of praise?? or like,, adoringly humming about how well he's doing?? <33 OH ITS JUST,, these fantastically dazed, loose nods <3

HE CUMS WITH THIS <33 giant, shuddery sob while he clings to your back <33 he's gasping 'thank you' before he even hits his peak, its a delight <33

OH HES SO GOOEY DURING THE AFTERCARE I HAVE NO OTHER WORD TO DESCRIBE IT. This big dopey grin, some tears left on his lashes while he cuddles close and sweetly mumbles about how much he loves you <33 ougogughe <33

Gigi

It's,, very hard for most people to tell when she's stressed - she's overall seen as unshakeable by most

YOU KNOW BETTER THOUGH

It's all in her handwriting - you casually glance over her shoulder while she's at her desk and you see these, messy little scribbles, wobbling all over the page

Gigi is precise with writing - she worked in journalism for years. No matter how pressed for time, she makes sure her writing is at least legible to herself.

The only time it's messy is when her brain is starting to cook in her skull from stress smdnsdm, when she's getting burntout, her writing is the last to go,

Just <33 sneak under her desk. Be direct - you know she knows what you're doing, because her writing pauses just a moment and she uncrosses her legs.

take your time <33 she's used to Rushed Quickies in broomclosets and the like, just bc her schedule is so packed. Slow, purposeful, tender motions make her melt <333

OFC SHE'S GONNA MAKE A GAME OF IT <333 she keeps writing, just to taunt you <3 see how long it'll take for her to give up on working and start focusing on your fun <3

AND YKNOW WHAT?? she lasts,, a solid 10 mins <33 you slip your fingers inside with this,, tight little curling motion and you can hear the pen slip out of her fingers and clatter on the desk <33

YOU HIT YOUR HEAD ON THE UNDERSIDE OF HER DESK WHEN SHE CUMS BUT LIKE <333 its worth it - when you look up she's all slumped and shivery in her seat with this <33 lovely, tired smile <33

SHES GONNA YANK YOU UP FOR KISSES TOO <33 DONT DOUBT IT. You two are absolutely gonna continue this,, more intimately later, but for now she just wants you close <333

JR

When isn't this man stressed msndmsd its practically his natural habitat

NO BUT THERES,, definitely some key signifiers that he's doing A Little Extra Bit Not Good At All

Mostly he's,, jumpy. looking-over-his-shoulder jumpy. It doesn't happen often, but it does happen, esp after moments of getting in hot water with the Shadow Council.

The slightest touch,, or word of kindness and he is going to melt into your hands.

Genuinely just <33 OH this horribly tired, appreciative sigh when you just,, randomly straddle him at his desk and start undoing his tie <33

ITS LIKE A PUPPET GETTING ITS STRINGS CUT HE'S JUST MUSH <33

the best option is to ride him <3 super intimate, you can guide everything so he doesn't gotta think, PLUS you get to see all those lovely dazed expressions when you do smth Particularly Nice

the only time he really starts, thrusting is when he's close - it's this panicked little rut, like he thinks you're not gonna let him have it <33

He doesn't really have the brainpower left to beg so it's just,, this kinda,, keening noise?? All strangled out while his head bobbles around - he'll probably cum once or twice back to back just bc,, of how wound up he's been

AAAA <333 these lovely messy kisses after. Tired JR Scheimpough who is just,, LETTING himself be tired is the rarest sight and it is truly heaven. All loose limbs, these big exhausted sighs while he nods in and out of sleep.

Alpha-Beta

OH when he's stressed he is sulking.

For some reason,, the man in the mason jar is not very calm about his situation - he has a bad habit of checking and re-checking and re-re-checking different plans, scrutinizing them until he finds them Completely Unsalvageable and scraps them.

Too much brain, very not good

It'll take a bit to coax him away from his work in general - he insists he 'doesn't need to sleep', that he needs to get these details worked out, etc.

(which side note is BULLSHIT HES GOT A DIAGNOSTIC CYCLE, DONT LET HIM CONVINCE YOU OTHERWISE THIS MOTHERFUCKER NEEDS HIS 8 HOURS TOO)

START WITH,, little touches and escalate from there. Running your hands along his shoulders and back, nuzzling your lips against his ear, bringing a gentle hand up to fix his hair - you'll start to see that,,, tension,,,, wind up.

It's this delightfully slow, persistent tightening of his jaw and hands,, his writing getting a little bit more aggressive <33 OUGOGUOUGHGE

SMNDSMD HE'S ALREADY,,, NOT THE MOST PATIENT MAN. ADD TEASING + STRESS W/ THAT = YOURE GONNA GET PINNED BABEY SMNDSMD

Like full on 'legs-over-his-shoulders-im-pretty-sure-i-just-heard-the-table-crack' flavor of stress relief. You'll be treated to the most satiated, savoring noises in the known universe <33 the kind right at the back of his throat that just,, reverberates through your bones. <3333

IF YOU EVER WANT YOUR INSIDES REWORKED, GETTING HIM TO RAIL YOU WHEN HE'S STRESSED IT ABSOLUTELY THE KEY <33 he always seems to be able to find that perfect spot inside you that just,, makes your brain start leaking outta your ears, it's a delight.

when he cums, he's shaking so hard you think he might just smnds fucking Hard Reset but SURPRISINGLY NO,, JUST SOME HEAVY GLITCHING

OH AND AFTERWARDS HE JUST <333 it's like night and day honestly. This coy, calm little smirk as he takes you in during the afterglow - a murmur here and there in that,, teasing way of his <3333

GOD Y'ALL ARE GIVING ME AN EXCUSE TO SCREAM ABOUT ALL MY TOUCH STARVED AB IDEAS. THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULTS YOU BROUGHT THIS UPON YOURSELVES

HE IS SO FUCKING TOUCH STARVED ITS UNREAL

He doesn't even know its touch starvation either - its not a concept he associates to himself bc 'Something Something Im Above Needing Anything'

'why do you subconsiously wrap your arm around your stomach and rub your side as if someone was with you if you aren't touch starved, AB' one might say. The answer to that is Shut The Fuck Up >:((

JUST LITTLE THINGS <33 he'll get distracted and just start,, passively touching himself?? (not like that you HEATHENS, that comes later smdnsmd)

LIKE <3333 fiddling with his own hair?? Pressing his palm just under his neck, running his thumb along the collarbone?? Before he shuts himself down for the night, he places his hand on the opposite shoulder so that when he wakes up it Almost Feels Like Someones There??? </3 YEAH. YEAH HE'S TOUCH STARVED. TOUCH FAMISHED. TOUCH RAVENOUS. SMDNSMD.

LISTEN JESUS CHRIST THE FIRST TIME YOU,,, TOUCH HIM YOU CAN,, VISIBLY SEE THE RUSH OF ABSOLUTE BLISS.

It wasn't even anything big?? Like <33 Reagan finally let up and agreed to let you sit in his tube for an hour, and when you were sitting yourself down your leg pressed against his side and Oops Hes Instinctively Leaning In Because He Wants More But,, Also Doesn't Know How The Fuck To Ask For More???

LISTEN HE'S A STUBBORN BASTARD. VULNERABILITY = WEAKNESS AND HE CANT ACCEPT THE IDEA THAT,,,,,, HES ALLOWED TO FEEL THINGS AND ENJOY FEELING THEM.

GRKKRKGR <333 him laying on your chest??? Like he'd never ask but,,, he just slowly keeps gettin closer and closer and eventually you just wrap your arms around him and coax him into this half-cuddling, half-hugging position??

HE HESITATES FOR,, A SOLID MINUTE??? Like you can SEE him battling his pride bc,,, Oh No Vulnerability.

Coo out a little,, endearment or pet name though?

his whole body <33 completely slacks in this gorgeous relieved sigh. He shudders a bit here and there but,, <33 mostly he's still. He accepts his defeat with grace <33

he doesn't even start huffing or scowling?? Like,, His Yearning For Touch completely overrides his pride. <333 in this moment he's a hopeless romantic mess for you, and maybe that's okay <3

OH BABEY the first time you play with his hair is a religious experience. It looks like he's about to faint?? his eyes just,, instinctively close w/ this massive shudder. You might even catch a low moan or two, if you have nails <333

LISTENNNN <33 REAGAN SAID AN HOUR ONLY BUT <33333333 yea it ends up being most of the afternoon bc she peeked in on the security feed and... tbh shes never seen AB that happy, she's not gonna interrupt that.

<333 HE UNDERSTAND WHY MOVIES MAKE FIRST KISSES LOOK SO DRAMATIC BECAUSE HO-LY FUCK. YOU AUDIBLY HEAR SMTH INSIDE HIM SNAP FROM HOW FAST HIS FANS ARE GOING.

His shoulders and brows just,, raise and raise and raise at first?? It's like this full body Shock??

<33 he <333 he didnt <33 he didn't think they'd be so soft <3

 BUT LIKE THE MOMENT HE REGAINS BRAIN CELLS HE'S LEANING IN. TABLES TURNED.

he forgets you need to breathe bc hes so invested in it <333

like every time your head dips a little to catch your breath his head weaves down <333

EVEN WHEN YOU DO PULL BACK TO BREATHE, HIS LIPS ARE GONNA BE LIKE,, ON YOUR CHIN N BOTTOM LIP??? He breaks into smiles at random intervals just bc of how Dizzy With Love he feels??

<333333333333333 this man doesn't half-ass anything, especially not kissing <333 expect some <33 very long kissing sessions <333

GRRRKKRKR <333 ROBOTS <333 MEN <333 GNASHING OF TEETH.

HE <333 HEEEEE <333

IVE BROUGHT THIS UP AGAIN BUT LIKE <333 oh heavens just feeling your hands on his skin is enough to make him dizzy <33

running your hands along his back while he fucks you?? Or if you drape your arms around his shoulders while you ride him???? His eyes always unfocus a bit <333

LIKE <333 nah during sex he wants as much skin touching skin as possible. You're pretty sure he'd crawl inside u and hide there forever if he could lmao, he loves having you close <333

YOU WOULDN'T EXPECT IT,, BC,, YKNOW, HE ACT LIKE THIS TOUGH SNARKY ASSHOLE 80% OF THE TIME??? But Super Cuddly Sex is absolutely his jam when he wants,, smth more intimate.

NOT ONLY because he's secretly a sap but <33 oh the physical contact <33 feeling the little vibrations under your skin, the changes in temperature?

YKNOW WHAT??? I think he'd love cockwarming for that exact reason - not only for the delightful sensations, but like <333 he's so very close to you?? <3333 eee

His idea of heaven is lazy saturday morning cockwarming <333

JUST <333 the two of you pressed close under Massive Covers, his dick vibrating inside you?? Soft kisses here and there, all pretzeled around eachother?? Being close enough to hear every noise you make?? Your skin feels so soft and warm in the morning, that it almost feels like he’s standing in front of a fireplace? <3333 YEAYEAYEAYEA THAT'S LITERALLY HIS JAM

EHEHEHEHEHE THIS IS GONNA BE A LONG ONE, GENERAL STUFF FIRST

ALRIGHT so <3333,, it really is a He Didn't Know What He Was Missing situation?

CAUSE,,, AB has literally zero frame of reference for taste?? The most he can make out is Corrosive and Non Corrosive... which is basically There Is Now A Hole In His Tongue Ouch VS A Slight Temperature Change, Maybe A Textural Difference.

SO HE DOESN'T REALLY GET WHY YOU MAKE SUCH A SAD FACE WHEN HE TELLS YOU HE CAN'T TASTE ANYTHING????

The only reason he decides to give himself taste buds is bc you Insist smdnsmd he probably wouldn't bother otherwise.

he DOES have a stomach... kinda - its a tank he can remove and plug into an incinerator!!

AWE BUT <333

OKAY BUT <333 he doesn't have the human flaw of what I like to call Stomach Hurty (tm). He can eat nearly anything so long as it isn't,,, corrosive. this means that this man will create the most batshit combinations of food

Every single time you've asked the question 'hey what would an orbeez taste like - oh wait no that'd kill me' WELL GUESS WHAT IT WON'T KILL HIM.

HIS BODY DOESN'T GIVE HIM THE SIGNALS OF 'oh god spit that out its gonna kill you' NOPE HES GONNA FUCKIN GO FOR IT AND LOVE EVERY SECOND.

Just,, taking a bite out of a whole lemon like it's an apple bc He Likes The Tingle. You come into the kitchen to make yourself breakfast and he's sat at the kitchen table with a Bowl Of Dried Herbs eatin it like cereal while he reads. You'll catch him spreading toothpaste on a tea biscuit like nothing is wrong. You can visibly see him debating taking a bite out of the pencil you left on the table because.

I MEAN IT'S USUALLY ALL VERY NICELY PRESENTED BUT IT'S ALSO REPULSIVE. YOU LEARN NOT TO ASK WHAT HE'S EATIN BC,, IT NEVER LOOKS AS WEIRD AS IT ACTUALLY IS????

'oh, what's that?'

'whipping cream, raw eggs and sprinkle of pinesol <3 it creates this fantastic curdling effect :)'

'that's nice dear </3'

YOU LEARN VERY QUICKLY TO NEVER STEAL ANY OF AB'S FOOD BC ITS ONLY RARE OCCASIONS THAT HE EATS FOOD THAT WOULDN'T CAUSE YOUR INSIDES TO BECOME YOUR OUTSIDES.

his first time experiencing spice sure is something <3

'oh that- ow, ow - ah!'

'y- oh it's chili <3 it's spicy! It's supposed to hurt.'

'how have humans survived this long when you actively eat things that hurt you-'

after he gets through his Usual Dramatics he,,, does end up really enjoying spice!!!

Andre and Myc give him Poprocks and he GRABS HIS CHEST IN PANIC BECAUSE OH GOD ITS MOVING. Very cute overall, even if they got Promptly Yelled At directly after.

Mint is a very interesting sensation for him? It's like,, The Flavor Of Cold, Without Being Cold??? When he drinks mint tea you can see his brain buffer bc,, its Hot And Cold What Is This??

same thing with Savory?? It's like,, Three Dimensional Taste - the depth of the meal rather than a Specific Flavor?? But like he'd notice it if it was gone???? the first time he eats a steak he spends a solid 10 minutes just,, trying to Explain Himself. Very cute <3

'No - it tastes like a different taste.'

' 'it tastes like a different taste' BOY HOWDY doesn't that just narrow it down.'

'>:('

'You should have started with that - '(y/n), this tastes different from other tastes i've tasted', I would've got it from the beginning.'

'>:(((((('

LOTSA MOMENT LIKE THAT, ACTUALLY. Esp for describing things that,, Humans Can't Eat?? <333

HIS FAVORITES???

Icecream, Gelato, Sherbet, Sorbet - any variation of Cold and Sugary and Soft. TBH,, overall he really likes sweets? He'll purposefully eat a bunch of your favorite candy so that when you kiss, he tastes like your favorite candy <3

I ALREADY MENTIONED SPICE BUT <333 YEA, he really likes vvv spicy foods. Or just straight spoonfuls of chili powder. It takes him a while to build a tolerance but He Isn't A Quitter >:( he isn't gonna be beaten by some herb who do you think he is smnsmd.

OVERALL?? Super Intense Flavors. Very Sour, Very Sweet, etc. 100% Dark Chocolate, White Vinegar,

'Darling I don't have a liver, please stop looking at me like that >:(' yea he really likes Alcohol!! It's still jarring to see him finish an entire bottle of Vodka within an hour smndsmd - he can't get drunk, it just has a very Sharp Taste that he enjoys!!

<3 Toast, burnt to ratshit. Practically cinders. you're convinced that if he held it too hard it'd turn to ash. the correct way to eat toast 1v1 me

OH HE ALSO LIKES TEA <3 he mostly drinks it bc it smells like a garden!! How delightful <3 yea he uses like 7 teabags what about it?

NO BUT THERE'S DEFINITELY A HORNY ANGLE HERE <333

You REFUSE to let him eat anything at first because!!! You want the first thing he tastes to be special!!! It can't just be a cheese toastie or smth, it should be something memora- wait when did he get on his knees-?

OH YEAH <33333

<3 you wanted it to be special, right? <3 there is literally nothing in the world that's more special to him than you. please he is not above begging right now

<3 the sound he makes when his tongue makes contact is akin to a man finding an oasis? <3

you're at least 99% sure he came instantly,,,, but you don't bring it up bc <333 you know he's gonna get flustered, and you wanna make sure he gets to enjoy himself!!!!!

Just this,, fantastically throaty groan as he yanks you closer <333 probably a muffled 'oh fuck - oh fuck' while his tongue explores!!

he <333 needs a minute to process all the feelings n new sensory input - lots of stop-starting?? Like he'll slow down and get this Massive Shiver before continuing??? <3333

OKAY HE MIGHT GET A BIT DISTRACTED FROM,,, y'know your genitals bc he'll get caught up kissing and licking your skin?? The salty-sweet taste is,, Completely New and he's enraptured <3

He doesn't even notice his moaning OR shaking?? Like his hands on your thighs are practically vibrating?? You can feel the vibrations from his mouth all the way down his tongue??? <333 yea he's kinda lost in his own world

<3 all remaining composure is gone when you cum. He's sucking n licking and positively gulping like it's the last meal he'll ever get <333 he looks positively disheveled when he pulls back to look at you.

ORAL BECOMES HIS NEW FAVORITE THING <333 listen you aren't going to work for a solid few days, maybe a week. He needs to figure out how Every Inch of you Tastes <3

I MENTIONED SOME DETAILS IN THE TAGS BUT IM GONNA GO INTO A BIT MORE DETAIL

As any Self Respecting Genius AI, the first step is Making A Very Long List.

You've already narrowed it down to Someone In Cognito, right? (theres fuckton of levels at cognito,, so lets maybe put that at like,, 5000 ppl?? 10 000?? im not sure what number is realistic bc,,, we don't have blueprints-)

BUT you obviously don't,, interact with all those people, right? You've never even BEEN in the Kaiju Research Department - so he can 86 all those. People you've talked about disliking, etc.

he narrows it down to a list of,, about 400 ppl, ranked most to least likely

(... yeah its a little biased. and by a little i mean a lot. Mostly because If You Had A Thing For fucking,, Chad In Biochem He Might Blow A Fuse Because You Could Do So Much Better)

AND FROM THERE, over the next few weeks he gets it down to 50< by keeping track of who you interact with the most!! He assumes that if you were interested in someone, you’d at least speak to them every few days, if not daily!!

he'll pop outta the woodwork every once in a while to,, give his best guess of the day.

'Quinn? They work in The Crypid Re-'

'Nope'

'... Am I at least getting closer?'

'If you figure it out, I'd be very surprised.'

'Are you insulting my intelligence? >:(('

'It isn't about your ~intelligence~, oh wise one. you just aren't gonna figure it out. Besides, it's never gonna be an answer you'll like (</3)'

'I'll like being right - Joseph Langat?'

's i g h'

If anybody asks why he cares so much, he's gonna claim boredom and/or pride. is that the truth?.... no

HE ABSOLUTELY GOES TO THE GANG ASKING FOR HELP AS,, THE LIST STARTS TO GET DOWN TO LIKE,, 20 PPL??

Does the gang know? ABSOLUTELY! are they gonna say Dick?? NOPE

its funny as hell watching him fumble around. He rarely,, doesn't know smth. Lots of room for teasing <3, trying to lead him towards the answer and trying not to crack up when He Just,, Can't Get It.

ANDRE REALLY DOES HIS BEST OKAY??

'Maybe you're going about this wrong - is there anyone they talk to every day without fail? Maybe, oh I don't know, someone they greet in the morning?'

'Well that doesn't help, the only person they do that to is me! Perhaps I need to backtrack...'

'... dude'

LISTEN EVENTUALLY MYC BREAKS HE FUCKING SNAPS HE CAN'T DO IT. ITS FUNNY BUT GOD ITS SO FRUSTRATING SEEING SOMEONE SO SMART BE SO DENSE. ONE DAY HE JUST,,

'holy shit, did you take a dip in the company pool and fry your fucking brain out? It's you. They've been making goo-goo eyes at you since August. How do you qualify as a sentient lifeform.'

LISTEN ALRIGHT THE CONVERSATION BETWEEN YOU TWO,,, GOES ABOUT AS WELL AS YOU'D EXPECT. If you catch him in the hallway??

'Any luck?' while you two,, make your way along the front foyer. Why not see how far along he’s gotten?

'Well, Myc thought it would be very funny to suggest you were interested in me of all people - what a ridiculous idea. As if I'd miss something as obvious as that.'

'...'

BUDDY YOU'RE GONNA START HEARING FUCKING DIAL UP NOISES I STG. 

HOLY FUCK THIS IS LIKE PRIMATES LEARNING TO BANG ROCKS TOGETHER. HIS EXPRESSION JUST GETS,, MORE AND MORE CONFUSED?? His eyes are just,, bouncing back and forth between two points on the floor?? he looks almost pained by his own stupidity?

'Holding up?' please tease him. it’s good for your soul <3

'Aside from wanting to throw myself into the sea, I am... pleasantly surprised?'

'pleasantly? Then I guess you wouldn’t mind a date? Maybe hide down in the basement levels and make fun of people on the security cams?'

‘... ᶦ ᵗʰᶦⁿᵏ ᵗʰᵃᵗ ᶜᵒᵘˡᵈ ᵇᵉ ᵃᶜᶜᵉᵖᵗᵃᵇˡᵉ <3’

I LIKE HOW THIS CAN WORK BOTH WAYS??

Like if reader is Always Too Warm?? That means they're gonna stay in cooler rooms. AB ALSO LIKES VV CHILLY ROOMS, BC HE'S BASICALLY A WALKING RADIATOR, AND IT GETS ANNOYING BEING WARM ALL THE TIME

AND ON THE OPPOSITE END??? if reader is always too cold,, AB literally,, Radiates Warmth.

IN EITHER FUCKING CASE ITS GONNA BE A MESS FOR OUR FAVORITE OMNICIDAL ROBOT

Listen the moment he notices that he has feelings for Anyone his immediate strategy is,, Avoid Them Until The Feelings Go Away. If he isnt intellectualizing ever feeling, he's Avoiding Them

WHICH CAUSES QUITE A FEW MANY PROBLEMS WHEN YOU KEEP SHOWING UP. EVERYWHERE.

He swears to god you're doing it on purpose at first???? because who the fuck else comes to the Basement Archives??

WHEN YOU EXPLAIN ITS BC,, YOU LIKE THE TEMPERATURE?? LIKE YOU COME DOWN HERE TO DO YOUR WORK BC YOU LIKE THE SMELL OF THE OLD FILES + THE CHILL???? GRRRR HES FRUSTRATED AT HOW PERFECT IT IS BECAUSE FUCK THATS THE EXACT SAME REASON HES THERE TOO >:((.

Yknow how he was lecturing Reagan in episode 4 about how she should Just Go On A Date With Bryan, Its Not That Hard?

oh yeah hes the biggest fucking hypocrite on the PLANET, HE'S NOT ASKING YOU OUT. NOT ON HIS FUCKING LIFE. the world will burn before he ever even Suggests The Idea Of Being Interested In You

this means a lot of Very Snippy Comments. Little bits of unwarranted advice on how you could be doing your job better - essentially, he's doing his Fucking Most to annoy you enough that you just,, leave

for some reason it doesn't fffffffucking work. 

You just keep,,, being your stupid, beautiful self and not taking any of the shit he's saying to heart. Sometimes you even come back with a witty comment of your own and Doesnt That Just Make His Chest Feel Warm

EVENTUALLY HE JUST,, decides to switch rooms entirely because he can barely look at you straight on without feeling butterflies and if he doesn’t nip this shit in the bud soon he’s never gonna be able to repress it ever again-

AND BOY HOWDY DOESN’T HE ALMOST BLOW A FUCKING FUSE WHEN AFTER A FEW DAYS, YOU END UP ALSO SWITCHING ROOMS

‘ahaha - what happened to the Archives?’ his eye is practically,, twitching sdnsd.

‘Something felt off. Thought I’d switch it up - doesn’t the Observatory have such a nice view??’

*clenching fist* ‘positively gorgeous’

AND LIKE,, AT THIS POINT HE CAN FEEL HIS FAUX-SYNAPSES FIRING OFF A MILE A MINUTE WITH JUST,, THIS ABSOLUTE HEAD-OVER-HEELS, PUPPY LOVE FEELING. FUCK. HES ABSOLUTELY FUCKED.

Like,, god, he’s looking forward to seeing you?? He feels himself getting excited when he hears your footsteps down the hall?? He’s so, so fucking enraptured by every little story you tell and joke you make and Oh God He Really Is In Love Isn’t He?

the thing that seals the deal is when you’re working in silence one day and you just,,

'you know - I don't think it was about the room. I think I just like your company. Isn’t that funny?'