#alltheangst

Summary:  Set after the events of The Last Jedi. Rey visits the ruins of Luke’s Jedi Temple, intent on getting some answers. The Force Bond she shares with Ben Solo reopens, letting them communicate for the first time in weeks. In the shadow of the temple, Ben and Rey discover another connection between them that brings them closer together.

Title: Of Blood and Fire

Word Count: 3,998 

Musical Suggestions: Felxprod Your Dark Side, Halsey’s Gasoline 

Warnings: Get ready, it’s gonna get dark. Sexual Assault, Violence, Abuse, Malnutrition of a Minor, Angst (though that was a given), Foul Language

Notes: Okay, so I’m doing this a bit different. The dual version of this chapter has already been posted. It provides the same major plot points and background as this chapter, just without the more vividly traumatic scenes. If you prefer to read that version, click here. 

@itshaejinju, @xnoctits, @atarostarling, @ka-za-ri, and anyone else who wants to be tagged. Let me know. 

If you’re still reading, brace yourselves. Avarice is by far the darkest character I’ve ever written. 

 Of Blood and Fire 

Chapter Five

Avarice exhaled a puff of smoke into the night air, grateful for the quiet that swallowed up the noise of the festival. The final day of the festival concluded as the more pious Infernians retreated into their homes to present offerings to Ifrit for a better year to follow. Avarice internally scoffed. Such a damn waste. Reaching the center of the enclosed courtyard, she eyed Mother’s throne, resisting the urge to sit. It had been nearly a decade since she first kneeled before this throne. Her hands had been bloody. Her eyes gleamed with madness. Images blurred her sight as she allowed herself to travel to the past.

When her hair didn’t cover her glimmer grey eye. She’d been so young, so naïve in the High Tower. The only daughter to the Commander, her birth had been celebrated with far more exuberance than her brothers. Her father’s large hands lifting her up into the air. Giggles spilling from her lips, eyes gleaming with joy. She’d been so oblivious to the resentment her step mother and brothers shared. Her father’s love for her knew no bounds as she was dressed in the finest silk and wore the brightest jewelry. There was no luxury too grand to be bestowed on her. She shared more than her father’s physical appearance. She shared his wit, his cunning, his ability to never coerce—but to persuade those to do his bidding. It’d been yet another day in her sheltered life. She’d been in the hall when it happened. Her long raven curls flowing behind her, her oblivious grey eyes lit up with the same haughtiness afforded to someone of her privileged status. One grip was all that was need for her small frame to vanish from the hall. Time slid to an agonizing pace, her heels ripped from her feet, her eyes wide in panic. Her arms were pinned to the side as her kicks and swears were ignored as she struggled on the table. Trepidation overwhelmed her as she bit and scratched at the men restraining her. She recognized her brothers, each pinning her down.

“Hold her still.” The disembodied voice caused her to freeze. Grey eyes met with the woman who shared her father’s bed. His whore. A holster for his cock. Nothing like her mother who died in childbirth.

“Let go of me, bitch! I’ll see to it that your burned at the stake!”

A dark chuckle reached her ears as Avarice glowered.

“Oh, Avarice. You’ve always lived up to your namesake. Selfish, inconsiderate. Greed’s incarnate.”

Nimble fingers swiped away from her wild raven locks from her eyes. “Consider this your greatest lesson in humility.”

The iron rod used to stoke the fireplaces burned an eerie orange as Avarice’s eyes widened in fear. Struggling beneath the various holds on her arms, legs, and head, the preteen released a bloodcurdling scream as the iron seared her right eye.

Unable to move from the pain, tears fell from only one of her eyes as she whimpered and trembled on the table for hours. When she gained the strength to find her father, she expected his usual embrace. A kiss on every tear, a caress to her singed cheek. Instead, he took one look at her, and grimaced. Cringing at the sight of his once perfect creation. Avarice recognized the disgust on his face as she felt the world around her fade, her young psyche shattered. A twisted smile reached her lips that day. An depraved look in her eyes as she began to seek revenge.  She’d cut her hair, angling it to cover her blind eye from the insufferable stares in the Tower. The whispers turned to jeers, only adding to the contempt she bore for the Commander and all who served him. She’d just need to wait for the right moment to present itself. And when it did, she’d be ready.

One moonless night, she waited for one of the Commanders Lieutenants to enjoy just a bit too much alcohol on his latest trip to the Bloom. Avarice had been aware of his love affair with her step mother, and was nearly giddy when she discovered his affinity for straying.  She’d trembled with eagerness, hidden in the shadows, as he reclined from his orgasm. Blissfully unaware of what was to befall him. The chloroform had taken effect as he lied there, defenseless to the plucking of his own eyes. Avarice had already reached the rooftop whenever the screams of the blossoms reached her ears.

An all new evil rippled in her soul whenever she presented both her tithe and blood shed to the Matriarch. The inexpressive woman had been astonished, uncertain as to how to receive the daughter of the man who enslaved her people. Permitting Avarice to enlist among the Rogues was one of the proudest moments of her life as her time as a runner, led to lead interrogator before receiving the honorable title of Daughter. The day she’d met Emniya, she’d licked her lips similarly to a beast eyeing its prey. Emniya had been a couple years younger, eyes wide with inexperience, ears so believing of the “truth” Mother spoon-fed her. Avarice had been present for Emniya’s Trial of Fire. Her chilling screams mirrored her own as Avarice extended the first hand to Emniya as she crawled from the pile of embers.

Having the daughters to the Matriarch remain so close in age, benefitted more than just the Mother herself. Avarice and Emniya had to share a room together. To build the connection between them, Mother had insisted. Avarice could remember sharing a bed with Emniya and not quite feeling close enough to her. Despite developing early, Emniya still needed more experience to be up to par with Avarice’s mentality. That night, Avarice decided to offer a helping hand in more ways than one. Emniya had been babbling about her latest tonic inspired by Ifrit, whenever Avarice silenced her with a kiss. When her sister tried to pull away, Avarice summoned some of that strength used to pin her down that fateful night in the High Tower. Emniya didn’t stand a chance and despite her best efforts, failed to keep Avarice’s determined digits from entering her. Emniya knew better than to scream knowing full well what Avarice could do with her infamous blue blades. The healer resisted often by pushing her face into the pillows, fisting the sheets, until the day orgasms erupted from her unexpectedly. The muffled screams of pain and pleasure brought Avarice to the edge time and again. As Avarice’s need grew, the topic of knife play entered their sessions. Watching Emniya tremble under her blades brought unparalleled joy to the fighter. The same glints of pleasure in her eyes mirrored the same wench who blinded her. That night, Avarice coined a phrase that would stick with them both for the rest of their lives.

“Everyone pays with a piece of their flesh in the land of Ifrit. It’s not so much a matter of how much you pay, rather who you pay it to.” Avarice had vowed to never pay with her flesh again. Unlike Emniya, who looked for ways to sacrifice herself for those around her, Avarice didn’t see the point. A hand extended to give is a hand extended to be stabbed.

Avarice had received the inspiration to dye the blades with a poison after watching Emniya use her abilities to save someone from a daemon’s bite. Historically, the Daughter of Ifrit sacrificed others to create tonics blessed by the Gods. However, Emniya didn’t care for that idea and argued that the act was open to interpretation.  Her perspective had been honored in exchange for her use as a test subject. Mother too had been curious as to the extent of her new abilities. As it turned out, there were a couple major limitations to her gifts. The first, Emniya’s body was still bound to her physical limits.  The second and perhaps the most cruel, The time to heal must not exceed the time remaining in the afflicted life. Avarice had mastered the art of pushing Emniya to her limits as their nights often consisted of her blades resting on topaz flesh, waiting for the writhing healer to react to the poison to affect her. Eventually, Avarice didn’t need to cut into her flesh to gain the reaction she wanted.

A hum fell from her lips as Avarice thought of her sister. To her knowledge, Mother never knew of their activities and seemed almost bothered when Emniya moved to the clocktower. A fire dipped into her stomach at the thought of pressing her body against the glass of the clock’s face, her squirming and pleas to never stop. We’re cut from the same cloth. Why else would we be so evenly matched? There’s no one I’d rather fuck senseless.

The wind blew as Avarice overlooked her shoulder. A thought suddenly occurred to her as a dark chuckle fell from her lips. She wouldn’t have kept her pet in the clocktower. That would be careless even for Emniya…

The sound of footsteps caused her to sharpen her gaze at Kostya. The boy’s eyes were darkened, as she could practically hear the anger radiating from him.

“Hey kid.” Avarice sat at one of the concrete tables, continuing to smoke her poppy pipe.  “You ready for this?”

Kostya nodded emphatically, squaring his shoulders.

“You have a target in mind, then?”

Chestnut eyes sharpened as venom filled his tongue. “There’s this foreigner…”

Avarice raised a brow, waiting for the boy to elaborate. “Who?”

“He’s the man we rescued from the old chapel.”

Grey eyes narrowed as she took another puff. “Go on…”

“He’s been in the clocktower this entire time.” Kostya huffed, kicking a rock in frustration. “He’s an intruder who…” Images of Ignis thrusting into Emniya made his blood boil. “Keeps taking what doesn’t belong to him.”

Avarice nodded, her suspicions confirmed. Rising from the table, she leaned over to him, connecting their foreheads. “I’m glad you told me this, Kostya. You’ve just earned yourself a very important role in the Rogues.”

“Yeah?” His eyes lit up in childlike wonder. “As what?”

A twisted smile curved her lips as she leaned to whisper something in his ear.

“Really?!” Kostya beamed. “That’s great! When can I start?”

“Easy, there. There’s still protocol to follow. Are you up to date on your tithes?”

He nodded.

“And you’re prepared to spill blood for the name of our family?”

He nodded slowly this time, reservation in his eyes.

“Now then, have you any secrets or know of any secrets that the Matriarch should know?”

He thought a moment, images of Emniya sharing their culture and language with that bastard foreigner.  His browed furrowed. But that doesn’t mean that she’s shared Rogue secrets…does it?

“Kostya,” Avarice lifted his chin, grey eyes piercing his uncertain chestnut eyes. “There is no secret worth keeping from the Matriarch, you understand?”

He nodded. “But what if I wasn’t the one to initiate the secret?”

Avarice kneeled, offering a façade of understanding. “Then you won’t be in trouble. That said, the Matriarch cannot effectively guide our family without complete honesty.”

Kostya averted his gaze, his stomach turning with uncertainty. He knew the laws the Rogues abided by and yet, betraying Emniya still didn’t feel right. Gripping his arm nervously, he worried his lip. “I don’t want Emniya to get hurt. Just him.”

Avarice’s feigned ignorance, eyes widening. “Him?”

“Ignis Scientia.”

Tilting her head, Avarice listened to the boy vent over how close Emniya had become with this stranger. His face flushed with anger as he revealed their most intimate moments. “And he is still there now?”

Kostya nodded but before he could reiterate that Emniya wasn’t to blame, Avarice rose and grabbed him by the wrist. “Come, it’s time for your Initiation.”

Ignis swept up the remainder of the shattered glass on the floor as Emniya slumped in one of the chairs.

“Emi.” He cupped her face, peering into her devastated violets. The shattering of her heart nearly reaching his ears. Swallowing a cry, she forced a response. “Yes, Ignis?”

“I didn’t mean to eavesdrop, but what did you mean by...” His voice drifted off as he struggled to use the Infernian phrases he’d just heard. Emniya nodded, understanding what he was saying.

“He…” She paused, to wipe tears escaping from her eyes. “I do not think there is a word in your language. The closest translation is…your life bears no worth.”

The words struck him as he realized he’d misunderstood just who Kostya was projecting his anger towards.  The boy had finally snapped before storming out of the apartment leaving Emniya in shambles. Her pained expression caused his heart to sink, eyes filling with sympathy, his arms tightening around her. Regaining some composure, Emniya let out a shaky sigh. Her eyes lifting to meet his, he pressed a gentle kiss to her tear stained lips. “Emi,” He cautiously began, not wanting to place any more weight to his words lest her glassy composure shatter completely. “What did you mean by life outside the blood walls? Can you not leave on your own volition?”

A surge of emotion filled her eyes as he caught saw trepidation in her eyes. Realizing there was but one option at this point, Emniya heaved a shaky sigh. “No, we can’t. No one has been able to leave since the start of Isolation fifty years ago. Even with it recently coming to an end, the Commander wouldn’t let any-” Her heart painfully pounded against her chest as she contemplated her words. Could she trust him enough to hold Rogue secrets? Worrying her upper lip, she felt the words climb up her throat, attempting to claw their way out. Biting her tongue, she watched as Ignis gave her a knowing gaze.

“Does this have to do with those wanted posters you burned?”

So he did see them. Her shoulders dropped in defeat as she realized there wouldn’t be any fooling him of their family. “How much do you know?”

Ignis shifted, his mint green eyes gazing out the clocktower window. “I deduced that you were part of the resistance as soon as I saw your…attire. However, I am still curious as to why you brought me here in the first place…”

Emniya shifted, her eyes drifting to the floor. Ignis narrowed his eyes, her decision wasted precious time he didn’t have. Regardless of how fond he was of her, Ignis reminded himself of a cruel fact. She is only temporary. He needed to remain objective which meant he didn’t have time for niceties. Especially if she knew he’d been sent as ambassador.

“It’s not what you think. The night we found you, you were hidden in an abandoned part of the city.”  

He nodded, waiting for her to continue. “Do you care to elaborate?”

“Elab-or-ate..” Confusion registered on her face as frowned.

“Do you care to explain why you didn’t take me to a hospital? Or call for a doctor?”

Emniya shook her head. “We aren’t permitted to see a doctor. The Commander forbids it.”

“Because you’re a band of criminals?”

She flinched at his words. “Ignis…I know not what life is like where you come from, but I can tell you that we Infernians do not have a lot of the same privileges that we used to. They were stripped away when the Commander took power. We have done what was necessary to survive.”

Ignis sharpened his glare. “I came here for a reason, Emniya.” When she didn’t respond, he released an exasperated sigh. “Would you at least explain what happened to me?”

Emniya sighed. Her ambergine eyes drained of their usual brightness.  “When we first found you, your blood had been poisoned. Do you recall whether your mouth felt like it was burning or if it was metallic?”

His brows knitted, as Ignis thought a moment. He could still feel where his body had been slashed, his shoulders, ribs, and chest suddenly hot. Surely, he’d be able to place the taste in his mouth. His eyes closed, his mind taking him back to the iron gates. To when the first blow struck him. His mouth had opened before a hand clamped over it. His mint green eyes widened feeling someone force something down his throat. It dissolved quickly as his chest felt close to spontaneously combusting. “It was a burn that gradually became hotter.”

Emniya nodded, her violet eyes lifting to meet his. “Then you were likely given one of the Commander’s toxins. Its purpose is to literally melt the body inside out. It’s especially harrowing because the afflicted person tries to physically remove the toxin from the outside, in.”

Ignis stared in disbelief at her words. His mouth parted as he struggled to process what she’d said. “But that would imply…”His voice dropped as his mind tried to process what he’d heard, the images replaying in his head. If what she claimed was true, then there weren’t necessarily a bunch of thugs who attacked him. His wounds had been self-inflicted. Why would the Commander have him poisoned after agreeing to discuss an alliance? It didn’t make sense.

Emniya waited for him to reach his conclusion watching his eyes fill with disbelief. “What evidence would you have of this?”

She frowned. “You believe me to be a liar?”

Ignis felt anger creep into his face as he breathed, regaining his composure. “You’re making a serious allegation in a situation in which too many lives are at stake.”

“And you think bringing you here benefitted us in anyway?” Violet eyes flashed in anger. “Do you have any idea what it would cost me if anyone found you were here?” She shot up from her chair, fists rounded to tightly her knuckles cracked.

“This isn’t a matter of a life or two. There is a myriad of lives caught in the crossfire.”

“And you’re wanting to what, help the man who has already slaughtered thousands of his own kind?! What could you possibly get from that?!”

“I’m not to be involved in what savagery your people have brought upon themselves! I-“ He caught his tongue too little, too late as he saw the utter devastation in her eyes. She bit her lip to prevent the tears welling in her eyes as turned slowly to look out the clocktower.

“Very well.” Her voice was brittle, as Ignis could hear the glassy composure she’d mustered, shatter. “I will take you to find evidence of the Commander’s doing. From there you can decide if you should stay or leave.”

The weight of her words wore heavy on his shoulders as Ignis felt shame burn his cheeks. His lip quivered as his mint green eyes were down cast. He’d heard of the discrimination and contempt the East held for their neighboring region. How their barbaric practices clashed with the puritanical, leaving their government vulnerable to a coup. As a result, anyone who’d escaped and sought refuge were deemed savages. Regret seeped into his heart, his stomach nauseous with disgust at his actions. He resented the source of that discrimination as images of his parents mistreating their Infernian maid flashed before his eyes. Rounding his fists, he internally cursed himself. He’d broken the one vow he made the day he left to live with his uncle. To not be like them.

He wanted to say something—anything to atone for his impudence.

Emniya turned suddenly as she grabbed her sandals, storming out of the apartment.

Kostya inhaled sharply as the Matriarch finished her rousing speech about family, the power of Ifrit, and the sacrifices necessary to ensure their success. He swallowed his nerves, glancing up at Avarice who playfully winked at him.

“And now, dear family. Our newest member, young Kostya, future runner!” Mother pulled him in front of her, hand on either shoulder as the uproarious applause seemed muffled to his ear. Kostya could feel his lips force into a smile. This was everything he ever wanted and yet his happiness was nowhere to be found. The previous morning crept into his mind as he swallowed. Perhaps there was something to Emniya’s words…

Kostya shot up from his chair, his heated gesticulations amplified by his words. He could feel Ignis watching from the sleeping nook, further infuriated that he couldn’t even have a private conversation in his own home.

Emniya rounded her fists before drawing in a shaky inhale. “He represents life outside the blood walls. He is proof that we don’t have to live as Rogues.” She leaned down to his level, placing her hands on his shoulders. “We can have a better life-.” His scoff cut her off as he forced her arms from him. Venom thickened his accent as he repeated the same words he’d heard Avarice utter in the past. They seemed so light as they flowed through the air. However, as they left his tongue he realized the exact weight of what he’d carelessly repeated. The blow of his words caused her to step back, as he saw her violets fill with tears.

Breaking the stare, he stormed out of the apartment, slamming the door with as much force as he could muster. Images of the past played in mind like an old movie reel. She was the one introduced to him to wishing on a star. She was the one who encouraged his ideas no matter how outlandish. She was the only person who looked and him that day in the market. He’d held her gaze daily for nearly a decade.  Her affections and patience, her dedication and effort, her pride and love were his.  

She’d betrayed him. She’d given away his place in her heart to that…foreigner. A dark laugh escaped his lips as Emniya’s voice filled his mind. No matter what happens, Kostya. We will always be family.

His ears perked up at the sound of Emniya’s shaky breathing as the air struggled past her muffled sobs.

Forcing himself from the door, his footsteps felt heavy as his persistent memories continued. He wasn’t expected to survive to toddlerhood, meaning he was fed, bathed, and remembered last in the orphanage. There was a day where he’d wandered outside. Hungry and dazed, he stumbled into the street where the vendors had set up shop. His matted shaggy hair blinded him as his frail legs wobbled until he collapsed. He couldn’t recall how long he’d lied in the sun, or how many people ignored him as they walked past. The urge to cry remained despite his dehydration, as he parted his chapped lips. A sense of impending dread filled him as he felt death’s cruel grip around his throat as a strangled whimper escaped him. He flinched at the warm touch on his skin. Nimble fingers carefully smoothing the hair from his eyes. Her voice was soothing, as he felt the taste of cold water at his lips. The refreshing coolness brought some light back into his eyes as he soon felt the taste of bread at his mouth. It was sweetened with jam as he slowly chewed. Gaining enough strength to see clearly, his eyes locked with a comforting smile. The words spilling from her lips were muffled as he struggled to lift himself. When he couldn’t, he felt her tender embrace around him, as she gently cradled him. His body left the ground, as he instinctively latched to her chest, head tucked over her heart. For the first time in his life, he felt…loved.

He’d learned, laughed, lived because of Emniya.

It was Avarice’s weight on his shoulder that brought him back to reality. She’d hovered over him, as he looked up. The glimmering grey that had once attracted him left him feeling nauseous. She was everything Emniya wasn’t. Cold. Intimidating. Predatory. Those eyes filled him with dread as his stomach twisted.