Product Review.
Author's note: wrote this abruptly while still going through a writer's block for Junoon. (Koi madat kardo please)
In which Uzair Baloch gives a 3-month product review of his baby girl.
Zoya had just woken up from her afternoon nap. Stretching her arms lazily, she slowly sat up on the bed before making her way toward the baby crib, excitement bubbling in her chest at the thought of holding her baby girl.
Only to find the crib empty.
Zoya froze.
“Farah…” she mumbled under her breath before immediately rushing out of the room. “Nazia, Farah kahan hai?!” she nearly shook the poor helper while asking.
“Ji, mene nhi dekha bibi—”
Zoya didn’t even let her finish. Panic had already settled deep into her bones as she began frantically searching the entire haveli for her three-month-old daughter.
“FARAH!” she called out desperately, as if the baby would somehow answer back.
She was just about to call Uzair when she noticed a suspicious squad gathered near the haveli entrance.
Her heartbeat stopped instantly.
Slowly, she approached them, her throat going dry. She could hear faint chatter, bits and pieces of conversation, but nothing clear enough to understand.
And then she saw it.
What she witnessed next made her seriously consider smashing Uzair’s head into the nearest wall.
Uzair was standing proudly in the middle of the squad, holding their three-month-old daughter in one arm while presenting her with the other like some prized showroom product. Siyahi, Donga, and Hamza had surrounded him, listening with deep fascination.
“Would definitely rate this product 9/10!” Uzair announced proudly while the baby rested peacefully in his arm, eyes wandering around the world completely oblivious to the nonsense happening around her.
“Ek mark kaata kyun..” Donga asked curiously while reaching forward to touch the baby’s cheek.
Uzair immediately slapped his hand away.
“Mera product hai! Apna khud ka la!” he snapped protectively, pulling the child closer to his chest.
Donga pouted dramatically.
“Ek mark isliye katta kyunki kabhi kabhi merepe ulti kardeti hai, aur iski nappi bhi mujhe hi badal ni padti hai.” Uzair complained with an offended pout.
Hamza leaned closer, inspecting the baby’s tiny hand with utmost seriousness. “Kiti choti hai yaar,” the human refrigerator mumbled to his best friend in awe.
“Toh tu konsa 21 saal ka Gabar banke paida hua tha,” Uzair retorted instantly.
Siyahi, meanwhile, had gone completely silent. The moment he noticed his bhabhi standing behind them looking absolutely murderous, his soul nearly left his body.
“B-Bhai—”
“Dekha meri biwi ne diya hai!” Uzair continued proudly, completely ignoring him.
“Mein bhi bataunga Yalina ko!” Hamza declared competitively.
“Lekin mein toh first hun!” Uzair mocked him smugly.
“Bh-Bhai peche dekh—”
Still, Uzair didn’t listen.
“She smells soo nice!!” Donga gushed emotionally.
“Obviously! Mein bhii same shampoo use karta hun!” Hamza replied matter-of-factly.
“Tu Johnson's Baby use karta hai?!” Uzair and Donga asked at the exact same time, staring at him in absolute disbelief.
“Shit ywaar!” Hamza gasped, stomping his foot dramatically. “Secret bata diya, hmph.” He turned his face away in annoyance—
Only for his soul to almost leave his body when he noticed the woman standing behind Uzair.
'She Da real Wrath of God,' he thought silently while internally praying for his best friend’s survival.
“Ekdum mast product hai abhi tak sirf 3 mahine ka hi review hai—”
“Uzair…”
That dangerously calm voice made every single hair on Uzair’s neck stand upright.
He gulped.
Slowly turning around, he came face to face with his wife standing there in her fresh-from-nap glory, except the murderous look on her face ruined the softness entirely.
“Tum Farah ko yahan laye..” she said slowly while walking toward the group.
Every single man there froze like criminals caught red-handed.
Zoya took one long look at all of them before gently taking Farah into her arms.
“Ayinda bina bata ye meri beti ko merese leke Gaye. Gala kat dungi tum logo ka.”
Farah immediately giggled in her mother’s arms, completely unaware that her father and his gang were standing one step away from death.
Zoya gave them one final glare before walking away, softly mumbling nonsense to her baby as she disappeared down the hallway.
Donga finally released the breath he’d been holding.
“Beta tu toh gaya,” he muttered sympathetically while patting Uzair’s shoulder.
Uzair gulped again, still staring in the direction his wife had gone.
“Mein ja raha warna phir aaj bahar Sona padega,” he announced nervously before immediately running after her.
Hamza, however, still stood there pouting dramatically.
“Mein bhi Yalina ko bolunga...”
Koi kuch nhi bolega mene bohot jaldi jaldi likha hai. 😤
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