#aj talks

1. That Santos is inherently pessimistic. She does not see the good in people most of the time, and anything that she doesn’t understand defaults to a “fucking idiot” mindset. We know she gets this from her trauma, most likely. It’s why she doesn’t open up to people, cannot get over Langdon’s behavior, and is unable to be vulnerable. And sure this attitude can work sometimes, we have seen before that his negative outlook can lead Santos to make brash decisions.

And 2. McKay is sooooo empathetic. I was surprised at first when she came to the patient’s defense, thinking in the same way as Santos that the women is just being manipulated by all this health advice nonsense. But instead of treating her as a nuisance, McKay sees it as a woman who is being taken advantage of because she is insecure about herself and her health. Yet similar to santos her optimism and empathy has also led to some problems, such as David in s1 (which is more of a Robby thing but it’s still related) and the street team check up making her miss Roxie’s death.

19.06.26 || summer waves

Had a very intense, but important morning call with a fellow author, in which we talked through my latest book idea. I am so grateful for his comments, though dreading the amount of work I have to do in the upcoming week to stay within my deadline.

To Do today:

morning pages ✅

writing exchange 11 am - 2 pm ✅

house chores: dishes, laundry, grocery shopping ✅

write/ edit next chapters

read my friend's chapters ✅️

finish reading my book

Theirs a wider conversation on TikTok about not wanting a husband because you have to perform being this like perfect sexy woman (a technically very valid conversation about patriarchal views of women that is COMPLETELY CLUELESS about any kink outside of BDSM) and I’ve also been talking to my girlfriend recently because she’s insecure about not having the spoons to shower or clean up. This made me think about how a very common trope within my fantasies is that of the “bad housewife”.

The “bad housewife” is a stay at home wife who instead of focusing on being a domestic goddess or a put-together-rich-Pilates-girl uses her place in the home to slob out and relax. She’s spoilt, gross and hedonistic. An image that came to mind that I shared with my girlfriend is her wearing just panties and an open robe, unshowered and unshaven, pleasuring herself with a vibrator with one hand and eating snacks with the other. Then in the fantasy she greets me, the working man, by loudly farting and smearing her hands on my clothes while still focusing on the TV in front of her.

My personal ideal for a woman or femme is a woman who is fat, messy, dirty, slutty, demanding, gassy, greasy etc. I want a woman who will burp in my face and smear crumbs on me. I want a wife who spends all my money on sex toys and asks for a massage when I’m visibly exhausted . I want a wife who lets the dishes pile up while she sleeps until midday and spends the rest of the day scrolling and picking her nose. I even find a woman calling me slurs really hot. Obviously my girlfriend is smart and caring and does household duties when needed as do I and all this exists in context but it’s just kind of a trope for me.