Weird purity competition within the lesbian community???
Has anyone else noticed the very weird purity contests?? This may mostly be a strictly online thing but I’ve been noticing a lot of very puritanical-esk ideas/themes being spread recently.
Terms like “15/17” coming to popularity (meaning women who have been with more men than women, usually women who experienced comphet) I’ve seen ppl mocking or making jokes implying that lesbians who are 15/17 “aren’t really” lesbians or are “basically bisexual”.
Not only this but the resurgence of “gold star lesbian”, this is another thing I’ve seen a lot and frankly, I find it very weird. I’m a “gold star lesbian” by definition and I find that term honestly gross. That being said, while women in the community are being mocked for having been with men previously, I’ve seen that women who haven’t are being praised, openly bragging, and being prideful or borderline smug about being a “gold star lesbian”.
Saying things like they were “never confused” or that they “always knew” using it as leverage over the validity of lesbians who have experienced comphet. (I feel like this is also the reason we don’t talk openly abt comphet as much)
It’s the same misogynistic idea the patriarchy pushes onto women in a usually more heteronormative context, that you’re “pure” if you haven’t been with men and punished if you have by being seen as less or no longer “valuable” bc men don’t want you.
These ideas are ofc geared towards the desires of men but also the hatred of women. It serves as a way to pit women against each other in competition of looking better for men, and it acts the same way here too.
It’s a little concerning to me the lack of critical thinking going on that people aren’t recognizing that this behavior is not only blatantly misogynistic but also a very weird show of putting other women down in an effort to make themselves look “better” or gain validation from within the community simply bc they’ve never been with a man. Just perpetuating the same “You are less valuable because you have been with a man” idea except in a queer setting and I find that incredibly disturbing.
(This isn’t to shit on or suggest that everyone who uses the term “gold star lesbian” is using it in that way or with that intent, but just a connection I made and what I think abt it)
As someone who experienced and struggled with comphet for years (and still occasionally do) before coming to terms that I am a lesbian, I can only imagine the further confusion this could have caused others who are trying to understand themselves. It’s not fair to them, late bloomers, or anyone else who took a little longer to realize or accept they were a lesbian and there shouldn’t be some sort of time limit on knowing that to be fully accepted.
Anyways, apologies for the long rant but I haven’t really seen anyone talking abt this. Im curious to hear everyone’s thoughts on the subject though, I would love to discuss this.
