#agirl

saturday, june 20th 2026

it's been a while lol. i guess i was just feeling uninspired. when i started this page i wanted to push myself to write everyday, but obviously that hasn't happened. i think maybe i just need to start going to therapy.

i think that it could really help me.

i think the biggest thing that's still bothering me in loneliness. I still haven't seen my best friend N, and today she told me she fell and broke her back. i know that the next however long is going to be very challenging for her mentally and physically, and i wish that i could be by her side. i love her so deeply, and want nothing but the best life for her.

i've been trying to do more recently. i'll go to work and then come home and swim, but the days that i don't work i find it hard to do anything but lay in bed. i find that i have become completely unmotivated to do things that i used to love. i think that weed has become a crutch, because it makes life feel less hard. i feel less lonely, or atleast more at peace with my solitude. my parents are often away and my brother isn't home much so it really is just me alone most of the time.

i've been trying to smoke less, but honestly sometimes i just get so bored and get high just so something is slightly different feeling. i can't really pin down why i have come to enjoy being high so much.

i think that my smoking habits worry by best friend V, and i want to do better for her.

today i went on a 2 mile walk and swam for an hour. it felt nice to just be alone with myself in a place that wasn't my house. i think i do fine being alone as long as i'm not at home. i think that i'm going to try to push myself to be outside, either walking or swimming, for atleast 45 minutes a day. or maybe on days that i don't work.

any advice for cutting back smoking would be cool. i'm thinking about getting a nicotine free vape as an alternative so i can still hit something but not get high.

best