#aftertheweekend

Rory:

I’ll always love you

Even after the weekEnd

clyde

Overall good weekend, nothing too major nothing too minor.

Saturday: One thing that had ultimate staying power on my cranial, was the fact that a close cousin told me she was expecting a baby, her first one, I know its not  the way she would have thought it would happen but I'm happy for her, excited for her. But it wasn't until this morning that I realized a small part of me envied her new life growing in her. I am not ready to have a baby by no means. No real relationship, I haven't accomplished my own dreams yet, and I'm not financially stable at the moment to support a budding me. Maybe its just the woman in me that pondered the thought, or even that fact that just a couple of months ago I questioned that fact that I would ever have children. I have time but in the ultimate scheme of things and the direction my life is going in I really don't know. Ideally I always wanted to be married, done with school and have my dream job before I walked around with an 8 lb baby in my belly, but how many times does that really happen to people. I think about my parents, my mom and dad had me in their early 20's, my brothers were born in my mom's early 30's. I know none of use came at an ideal time, but we are here, loved a part of the world.

Just a feeling that I have been struggling with with sometime as I'm sure we all have. weather its school, relationships, marriage, starting a family. Nothing ever goes how we dreamed when we were in kindergarten drawing pictures of our futures. I believed that by the time I was 25 I would be married and expecting my first child. Now I think my friends who get married at 25 are crazy (too young). the thought of my having a baby scary not young anymore but unprepared, the thought of me never having baby , even more scary. I guess its just life, and whatever path I decide to walk, is one I cant regret, In some ways I believe that our lives have been pre-planned.