#afroemo

Sept. 11, 2024: Being Loud

I don’t need to argue with people to make a point and they’re a fucking lie if they think that their worthy of an argument. To subvert a person’s expectations of you when they have known you for a long time is hard because they know you’re faking it but that faking means something. It represents something more. More damaging to fake a new attitude but also, no one deserves that level of intensity out of me. The new attitude creates a new air around you that people really can’t stand.

My best friend in the world just told me there’s no reason to yell and she’s damn right. There isn’t a reason to yell unless I am in trouble and people are going to hate that. They’ll hate the new me too but I can’t care about that. I can’t care about people hating the new me because the current me that they tolerate isn’t real. It is real for them but not for me. It will never be real for me because the caricature of who I am is the picture created by stress and drama. When there’s no drama to be had and no one around, why be loud.

Why claim loudness when people suffering from my silence is more satisfying. Easier. I can’t regret or dwell on what I said if I just remain quiet, if I just let the scene play out. People don’t need me to step in and yell for them, hell they won’t learn to stand up for themselves if I do.

So, here’s my oath to me;