Miss Texas USofA Diva-getting there, the pageant and the aftermath
Here we are. The last stop that I had on my USofA Journey as far as pageants go. Obviously, I am not done telling my story, but each post represents and shows something. Ā And as a wise man once said, it is doesnāt matter how you start, itās how you finish.
In June of 2019, I paid my fine. At that point, I wanted to compete again, but first I had to pay that dastardly fine. I had already paid my promoter back everything last year, so it was now time to focus on that fine. I paid the fine and told Devin and Gage. They seemed happy that I was coming back and even If I didnāt compete, Iād still be able to support-if I wanted to.
After the fine was paid, I started by looking for a gown. I no longer had any of my old gowns and besides, I wanted to start fresh, a new package, a new look. I already knew what I was doing for talent-my Depression talent. At that point, only one panel had seen that talent and that was at Texas Riveria. Other than that, it was an unseen talent and it had never been competed with in USofA. My gown was first-I decided on a fire gown I saw online for sale made by a Canadian drag queen. It was my size and it was gorgeous. She took payments and I started paying on it. Once gown was halfway paid, I started working on jewelry for gown. I found a maker and they would have it made. That was paid in full fairly quickly.
For talent, I decided on a blue/black color scheme for my costume. I bought a blue and black leotard and a blue mesh skirt with pearls on it. It was meant to me more expressive and artistic. More dancer-like and it would be perfect for what I was doing. I added black ab stones (which looked blue) and black stones on the leotard. Ā I thought it looked good and I ordered blue and black earrings to match. They were smaller than normal jewelry I would wear for evening wear, but it would be perfect for talent-so Iād be moving around a lot-even with super glue.
Interview I found a pink flowery dress and pink flats with jewelry.
Presentation was the last category I prepared for. My drag sister predicted a country or denim thing since it was Texas. However, when it was announced, she was right, sort of. Theme was denim and diamonds. I stoned a denim jumpsuit with silver stones and had my black boots. Even though I hated the presentation theme, I had to do it and still look the part on stage.
For the pageant, just before I left, I had a sausage wrap and cookie sale. It worked out where I made enough for final expenses because everything else had been paid for. My drag sister made the wraps and my mom and Mark (her husband) made them for me. I sold them at home, at work, and surprisingly, I sold a lot more at work than I did at home. It took complete strangers-except for a few select people who knew me-to support my journey. Itās a shame that most people down here donāt support each otherā¦period. But I was on my way.
The morning we left to Fort Worth, it was 9 am, and we were scheduled to arrive in town about 7:30 pm. Several stops. Two transfers. (One in San Antonio and one in Dallas). Thatās how Greyhound works, folks. Anyone who has taken the bus to travel will know that this is not fun to do, but Iāve done. Iāve traveled to Nebraska on Greyhound (30 hours each way).
In San Antonio, I almost wasnāt able to get on the bus. First it was my app on greyhound giving me a difficult time and I had to go inside to get a physical ticket. I only had twenty minutes to transfer, get a ticket and possibly use the bathroom. I yelled at the person in front of me to hurry up-as I was NOT going to miss this bus because a freakinā app wasnāt working. They printed the ticket and I rushed to the stop. Then, another problem. There were NO seats. I buy my tickets in advance, but stillā¦there wasnāt a seat. I told the bus driver. Jackie was sitting towards the back and I mouthed to her, āNo seats.ā
The drivers asked me where I was going, and I said, āFort Worth.ā And then, just like that, they threw someone off-I am assuming theyāll be putting him on another bus. But I got on and the trip to Dallas was long. Then, I had to transfer (again) to Fort Worth. That was only one stop after Dallas. And finally, we were in town. We checked in to the hotel, unloaded, and then we headed to Ciciās for dinner. We were starving-even though we had eaten snacks and sandwiches the whole trip. (Sandwich bar but a smaller version, as we on a bus, with those insulated bags).
After Ciciās, Jackie and I relaxed, unpacked, and showered. I was in bed by 1030 pm. I was going to get a good nightās sleep this time. The next morning I woke up around 9:30 am-10 am, and I ate a quick meal that we had in the hotel room and I had to start getting ready for interview. Jackie did my face, and she wondered if the eyeliner I wore was too much for daytime. I didnāt think so, but I typically donāt wear makeup except for drag-oh and some occasions when I āfeelā like it.
After getting ready, we arrived there on time and we were ready to go. Turns out, four divas showed for competition. Mahogany Campbell from Louisiana, The Lady Brooks from Tyler, Texas (which I believe is near Houston), Bella Forte from Houston, and of course, me, from Corpus Christi. Our first category was Interview, of course, but before that, we had to draw our numbers and make sure our music was turned in. I turned in my music and such and reminded them I had already paid my entry fee. Once that was done, it was number time. I drew contestant number one, for the first time in competition. I call it the ādeathā slot because you are the first one to be out there, the first one the judgeās see, and the first one for everything. Ā I like either being towards the end or middle in competition. I donāt ever want to be first and next thing would be Iād be the first to do everything in this pageant because Divas were first. Iād be the first interview, first evening wear, presentation and talent.
āYouāre setting the stage.ā
I had just enough time to use the bathroom real quick to touch up my face. Then, it was my turn.
I donāt remember much of the interview, truthfully. I was nervous as hell, and more nervous than I thought Iād be. I didnāt know how to react. I tried to greet everyone with a āHello, everyone,ā but it just came out too forced. It had been three years since Iāve competed for Diva. Missouri 2017 was my last time. I greeted the judges and then they began the questions. I tried to give my backstory of my return, coming āhomeā and so on. They asked me how to sell a prelim and I mention reaching out to other Divas in the area as well as other places. They asked me one of the hardest questions you could ask anyone.
āWhy do you perform (or do drag)?ā
That question did throw me off. I tried to use my āItās an escape. I become a stronger version of myself. When people meet me, they wouldnāt know Iām a performer.ā
But they wanted WHY. I finally said something personal.
āBecause it helps me with my anxiety and depression.ā
I truthfully donāt like talking about it. But that answer caused a reaction that almost garnered a smile from one of the judges. Before I knew it, I was done.
Glam (Miss Usofa Diva 2019) told me,
āThey spent more time with you because they like you. You need to relax, especially if you make it to Nationals. Just breathe.ā
I knew I didnāt win interview. Iāve done it before. But today, wasnāt my day in interview. And sometimes, thatās how it goes. Sometimes you have good days, and bad days.
Jackie asked me how it went and I told Ā her,
āAs well as it couldāve done, I suppose. It wasnāt my best interview Iād ever done, either.ā
āAnd you know you can do it. What happened?ā
āI donāt know. Ā Just nervous. First time back? No idea.ā
After interview, we headed back to the hotel, where we had to rest and get ready for the nightās madness. Jackie painted me-and I mean painted me darker than she ever does. I thought I looked good. Jackie made a joke when we were walking out of the hotel.
āYou look like the drag queen and I look like a real woman.ā
āYou are a real woman, Jackie,ā I respond, āAnd I agree. Especially with the drag queens that walk in tank-tops and sweats before putting on their stuff to perform, etc.ā
āAww, thank you,ā she responded to me.
Our Lyft arrives and we arrive to the bar, right on time. Iāve never been to anything when I compete and I donāt plan on it. If anything, weād finish up stuff that we could do at the bar.
Arriving at Urban Cowboy, we unloaded our stuff and began setting up. Presentation, Evening Wear, Talent. Then crowning. I had an outfit for each category. Even crowning. I planned on not wearing my evening gown for crowning, because it was a pain to get in and out of.
Presentation was first. I started stretching and Jackie kept trying to add more face and add my lashes, among other things.
I tried to slip on the denim jumpsuit I stoned, and we had a problem. It ripped. Jackie tried to borrow a needle and thread, but that failed. Then, Jackie wanted me to wear my jacket around the waist and have my chest popping out. Uh, nope. That made me really uncomfortable. My boobs are huge, and I truthfully didnāt want to have a nip-slip. Jackie remembered my skirt for talent and added as a tail to my jumpsuit-where the tear would not be seen. I walked out there, did my walk for presentation and then went off-stage. It was gown time.
Jackie did my makeup more dramatic with the fire theme, and as time went on, we were running out of time. I had to get in my gown-as she took too long on my eye makeup and only had enough time to do a drag ponytail for gown. Jackie hoped that the ponytail would not be penalized for not having āgownā hair or an āupdo.ā This show was going by a LOT faster than previous pageants. While I was getting in line to line up for gown, she glued my earrings on, and I slipped on my shoes that I wore for gown. They were the same shoes I wore back in 2017 and still in amazing condition-as Iād only worn them three times now.
Glam told me that I looked fine, even after Jackie asked for her opinion. Glam told me that,
āThat gown is creative. You just have to sell it.ā
I went out there, modeled the gown, remember all the steps Iād learn from before. I stood with my shoulders back, my back straight, and my head high. (which Iād learn discover a couple of the judges liked). I did the walk and then once they released me from my individual walk, I waited my turn, before I had to compete for comparative.
Then, it was time for compared. A couple of times, I nearly slid on the floor, but I would not want to fall. I stayed up and I was able to walk and model. I did my best to āsellā my gown, then once it was all done, it was time to dress for talent.
I was so glad to have the gown off. Jackie was more concerned with my makeup than my wardrobe, but this time I wanted to be dressed, first. Because if anything, Iād be dressed with ādifferentā makeup. My leotard and skirt combo was fairly easy to get into and I slid on my boots. Ā She removed the drag pony tail and left my hair in high bun so it could look more natural. I wasnāt the only one using my real hair, and I had long thick hair. (Itās now to my chin for now-I cut my hair during the warmer months, but it grows back).
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Then, it was time for talent. I had to deliver in this talent-this talent wasnāt what I normally compete with. It was a story about my depression and even my anxiety that I hope the judges would get it. I donāt remember much of the performance, but I felt like I had given my all, in that moment. I finished the performance, the audience seemed to like it. I was praised for my improvements and was told that talent was āIn my element.ā After my talent, I went to the bar to grab a quick drink of water, then I changed into my crowning gown. Then, I was able to watch the remaining talents. I watched Mahogonyās talent then the MI talents. It was time to wait for crowning and to see what will happen.
After Glam did her stepdown number as Miss Texas USofA Diva 2018, it was finally time to find out who won.
In the end, Mahogany ended up winning the pageant, along with interview and tying with Lady Brooks for evening wear. Bella Forte won talent and 1st alternate. I was a little disappointed in myself that I was 4th out of 4. It wasnāt that I did terrible-as I was told, it was best Iād ever competed. All four of us were great representatives of what a Diva is and we were all good, which made the judges nit-pick everything. Mahogany, Bella and Lady Brooks were the ones going to Nationals. And that would end my season. Texas was the second to last prelim and I would not be able to make Florida for lots of reasons. This season, I could only do one prelim and I had done everything I could to be there. However, I knew my time would come. There had been talk of a last chance prelim, but that never happened.
I suppose the hardest thing from competing again, was going out there, in spite of everything Iād been through in the past two years. I had to overcome a lot of my personal demons to be there and I didnāt give up, however, there was something that I will admit.
Did I do the best I could with what I had? Yes.
Was it the best Iād ever done (in my opinion) or my best work? No.
Truthfully, after this season, I had debated that this pageant, if I did not qualify for Nationals, I would no longer compete. Ā Now, of course, that sounds a little depressing and a bit of a downer. But at the time, itās how I felt. I did end up doing a local bar title a month later, called Snowflake and did not win, or place. I competed well-but again, it was last minute and things went majorly wrong before the pageant. (One of it was the dog chewing on my boots I wear). Ā I decided I was going to take a break and be done with competing-at least for now. I didnāt have the wants (at the time) anymore. I didnāt feel I was in the right mental state-I wasnāt in the one I was when I took first alternate to Missouri or won interview, or went to Nationals. It just seemed lost. And I felt I needed to find my light again. I certainly hoped so.
