❛   no, you don’t..   ❜

harsh and quick, the words leave her lips like an arrow from a bow. she doesn’t stop the clean them of venom. nor does she care to retract them and find something less accusing. how can he stand there and say that? a long time ago, she might have believed him. believed that he was just looking out for her best interests. truly wanted her to be happy. and would stand by her every decision. but this.. this was selfish. how could he ask her to stay when he ( more than anyone ) knew how lonely and out of her element she felt? the woods of storybrooke were no place for her. she needed more. she needed to buried in the woods until she saw nothing else for miles. she needed to emerge herself in the comfort that only nature could provide. things like electricity, running water, television.. they might have made life more comfortable, but they also kept her isolated from a huge part of who she was.

pushed away are the thoughts of him. of what leaving him behind will actually do to her. she’s survived worse. living every day, watching him.. there’s no greater pain than that. and she has managed to mask it will a brilliant smile, keeping everyone from knowing her greatest secret. even he, who knows her better than any other person could ever dream to, doesn’t know. or she hopes he doesn’t. a secret buried so long ago for fear of putting him in a complicated position. it wasn’t fear of rejection, never that. a rejection from him would still come from the deep depths of his heart and he would protect hers even while explaining he didn’t share her feelings. it was his vows. the love he had for his wife and family. she would never dare to compromise that with a confession of love. she couldn’t bare to see the pain in his eyes upon realizing how their friendship would change. she needed his company in her life. and though it might have caused her great pain, she was would have her heart break day in and day out just to have him in her life.

but things were different. having him by her side is such a rare occasion now. even snow, who had once been her constant companion, has hardly given her a glance. they lead such different lives. there’s always something else getting in the way and in the grand scheme of things, ruby doesn’t fit in. they don’t need her like they once did. these are not battles she can fight blindly by their side. they have others to fight with them now. they have the family they had always dreamed of and.. it was time. it was time for the wolf girl to step back. the girl in the red cloak that always trailed behind the prince and princess wasn’t needed.

immediately her expression hardens. the wall that she had carefully broken down before him is piled back into place, without so much as a second thought. in her world.. this is nothing new. she is used to hiding herself behind walls and layers, keeping the nature of who she is buried deep within her bones. it’s not just because of the powers she possesses. there is more to her than meets the eye. she is more than the title that has been placed on her, no matter how powerful. and she carries the weight of her past on her shoulders with as much grace as can be hoped.

she’s never expected anyone to understand. she doesn’t go looking for pity, nor would she take it if it were placed in front of her. the only thing kahlan has ever wanted was to be accepted. a foolish and perhaps naive notion to hold in her heart. but after everything she’s been through.. she had believed she was allowed to indulge in one such dream.

there were some days she thought.. acceptance wasn’t important. she did not need anyone else’s approval of her. her confidence did not rely on someone else’s perception of her. she would not allow her self worth to be determined by another person. at the end of the day, her opinion was the only one that matters. ( well, perhaps one or two more. ) 

but even she couldn’t deny the pain she felt in a moment like this.

beginning to collect her things.. kahlan ignores his intake of breath. she writes it off as nothing more than simple breathing. ( though she knows it’s more. he has to know he’s crossed some line that he had only previously been tip toeing. ) this is not something she is willing to forgive. she can’t just blink it away as she would other things. standing straight, her pack is slung over her shoulder, pulled close to her back. eyes focus on his form, she looks at him and sees the friendship that could have been, reduced now to nothing more than a professional relationship.

when she had finished helping him.. she’ll turn away, and never see him again.

kahalan doesn’t wait for him before she begins walking. though she can hear him struggling to catch up behind her, she moves on. lips are pulled into a tight line. silence is something she’s comfortable with. but even with the quiet that settles between them.. she can hear his question, as if he were screaming at the top of his lungs. he says nothing. does not even make his breath audible to her ears, and yet she hears volumes.

she spins. eye glue to him with the same intensity ( if not more ) that she had expressed when her walls had gone back up. the words hang for a moment, unspoken on her tongue as she takes in his confusion. she can see he doesn’t understand. she wonders if he’ll even make it a point to apologize.

‘ i opened up to you and you judged me. ’

it’s a simple statement. spoken as if she were speaking about the number of clouds in the sky or the color of the changing leaves. any display of emotion is left in her eyes. they don’t have time. they never had time. she’s not sure why they bothered to stop in the first place. 

☽┆meme.

      she can’t imagine what she’s putting him through. telling him had never been the plan. from the moment she realized what she felt for him, ruby has spent every second burying it. locking it away because she never wanted to put him in this position. she didn’t want to risk loosing his friendship. she didn’t want to put him in a place where he would have to lie to his wife. there were plenty of reasons why she never wanted to tell him. and if she was going to tell him.. shouting it in the middle of an argument wasn’t the best idea.

      sucking in a deep breath through her nose, ruby’s eyes lock on blue ones that are burned into her memory. this is the first time in as long as she can remember that she hates knowing him so well. she can see his mind running a million miles a minute. even if she doesn’t know his exact thoughts, she knows this isn’t easy for him. she knows it’s ripping him apart as much as it is her. she knows him. and it’s breaking her heart.

                      ❛     i know who you really are, ruby. even if you’ve lost sight of it.     ❜

she’s quiet, at first.  doesn’t say a word as she drops thekeys onto the counter,    and begins to unload one of thet h r e e    grocery bags that she’s brought with her. he’skidding right?   it’s hard for her to take him seriously, buthe has a look in his eye that leaves her wondering.     it’stimes like these that she grows to  resent how close theyare.  she knows immediately when something is wrong &if he doesn’t tell her right away,         she’s left to wonder. left to question if maybe it’s her doing. or if her big secretis out. but mostly, he just looks tired. not that she blameshim for that.   she’s exhausted herself.  they’ve both beenpulling crazy hours trying to find some way to bring homehis family.  her family.  they were her family too, right?  no.no. she didn’t want them to be.    that made it even worse.

his words linger in the air.    it’s not until she’s put away allthe perishables that she turns to him.   almost immediatelyher lips curve up into a   smile  that’s  reserves  specifically for him. granny likes to remind her that david smiles are somuch more than they seem. but she just likes to tell herselfthat the old woman is losing it;      even if she knows better.

              “do you really think i’d need one?”

and there it is.    she can’t seem to go five minutes withoutpicking fun at him.  it’s in her b l o o d.  teasing each other was how they survived all those  long  days  in  the  forest.laughing  was  the  second  best  way  to keep themselveswarm.   but she refused to think about the nights that theywere close enough to cling to the other’s body heat.   thatwas the past. and living in the past hurt too much. instead,ruby busied herself                                     with their future.

             ”i noticed you were running low on pretty much             everything.                 so, i went food shopping.”

it was so DOMESTIC.          it almost made her sick to herstomach. but then again,   this could have very easily beentheir lives.     she couldn’t help but think if she had met himfirst, would she be the one wearing ruth’s ring? would theyeven be in this world?        or would regina have long sinceclaimed her revenge on snow white? it was easy to get lostin the what if’s and what could have been’s. but ruby knewbetter.    she knew going down that thought process wouldonly lead to more pain. and right now,     she just wanted toenjoy    w h a t e  v e r    time     she     had     with     david.

I just wanted to be that one asshole who ‘liked’ the post instead of reblogging.