#aesthete

Однажды ты поймешь... что никто не видит мир твоими глазами...♥️

That's exactly what they are. Those are the ones that introduced you to everything, made you love them, loved you back, and also broke your heart.

But no matter how hurt you are, you'll always love them. Always. They'll stay with you forever. And not only will you not notice it, but deep down you will compare every other person to them. And none of them will live up, because that person was your first love.

Then after months of letting go, when you finally think you are okay with letting them go, they'll call, or you'll hear

ugetsu murata is exactly who the aesthetes write about. rilke describes an artist as one who posesses emotional intensity from life, solitude, and feeling. he discusses how the difficulty of love itself is an art, one ugetsu has touched upon many times.

a possibly hopeless romantic, ugetsu is junxtaposed by the avoidant attachmenet he carries with him. driven by his deep connection to his art, the violin, the man's raw vulnerability forces him to isolate from others. he hides his intense sensitivity and pain with self destruction and feigned nonchalance, tormented by the very thing he does to live. ugetsu's emotions are passionate to the point where they're suffocating, defined by their severe volatility. this intensity has him jumping from melancholic pensiveness to aggression, notably agitated by overstimulation.

the brunette is certainly not as independent as he claims. despite his avoidance of relationships, he struggles to be on his own. ugetsu puts all his energy towards his passion, allowing music to practically drain him. he has no interest, energy or time to cook or clean, and struggles when he lacks somebody to help him.

ugetsu is a walking contradiction. everything he presents is rooted in it's demise, walking him to his eventual downfall. his awareness and fragility only blur with his self-sabatoge and strength, his strive for independence chained down by attachement. despite his extreme lonliness, ugetsu is quite skilled socially. this charming, alluring side of him is a facade he's heavily relied on, embracing his front. it comes naturally, now, slipping through his lips before his heart has a chance to put in its two cents. masking his profound lonliness and fear has become the default, pushing down his genuine emotions.

ugetsu is almost cruel, in a way, taking sarcasm to an extreme at his front, grasping at straws to be anything but who he truly is. he mocks bad music with the hubris of a prodigy (which he is), and can seem belittling. he's playful, theatrical in a way, exaggerating his speech with quips and hand gestures. it's much easier to live that way, avoiding everything that you truly are.

at heart, he yearns for deep connection. ugetsu contains a gentleness he has yet been able to embrace, believing he is bound to be damaged by commitment. his fear of being a burden or getting hurt drives him to believe he doesn't deserve the love he desires, instead choosing to sit at war with his feelings forever.

despite ugetsu's expressive facial expressions, he goes completely blank when he feels deepest. when hurt, his expression goes vacant, trying to comprehend how a problem has slipped past his walls.