#aelin.

Hi Aelin,

I'm so sorry about your parents' reaction to you coming out, although I'm glad they weren't overly terrible about it. I think resisting transition is quite a common theme for parents, and you're certainly not the only trans kid I know who's not allowed to transition until they've moved out. (Including myself, actually!)

I think the best example, and maybe a good way of looking at it for you could be Alex Bertie on YouTube. He's a trans guy who was forbidden to transition by his parents and thus couldn't start his process till recently. He has a lot of videos about making it through that time and how much better the position he's in now is.

It's shitty. I'm not going to sugarcoat it, it really is, but that doesn't mean you won't make it through this and out the other side.

My first piece of advice would be definitely to talk more to your parents about this. About how not being able to transition makes you feel, about how horrible this is for you, about how much you want it. I know for a fact that in the UK you can get hormones at 18 without parental permission - I don't know where you live, but there might be similar rules. One thing that a lot of people have said really help is getting their parents to come to an appointment with them to talk about gender, with to a doctor or psych or counsellor.

Additionally, maybe you could change your name/pronouns/presentation regardless of your family, or outside of your family. I use a different name among my friends, in my uni applications, online and at LGBT groups than I do at work or with my family. Growing your hair longer or shorter might help you feel more at ease, as could more masculine/feminine clothing. There are alternative ways to transition that maybe your family would be less restrictive of.

If you can't afford to move out right now, you can't afford to do that. Look at what you can do. Networks like transhousingnetwork might be useful when you are looking for accomodation outside of your family, but for the mean time, maybe your focus should be on your mental health, or on your physical health, or some part of your life that is going to make your future better.

You are going to get to a place where you're happy and you can transition, I know that. Suicide is not the answer, it never is. It might take awhile, and I know that even thinking about living with dysphoria and misgendering and all the issues with non-transitioning for that period of time seems horrendous, but it is survivable.

I'd also really strongly suggest getting more support groups. Trans groups and LGBT groups can be a great place. Talking to trans people in person and becoming friends with them has been one of the best things to ever happen to me.

If you feel like you're a risk to yourself, please do tell someone or call a helpline. You deserve to be safe.