#aegi

☆.。.:・°☆.。.:・°☆.。.:・°☆.。.:・°☆☆.。.:・°☆.。.:・°☆.。.:・°☆.。.

We all know I have a lot of thoughts and feelings about the purpose the Shinlyssa flashback serves, especially in serving to illustrate just how deeply Nol has hurt Shinae in doing to her what Alyssa had already done before, and why it's so significant that she is willing to forgive him and let him go at that time. As the story moves on from that night, we know that flashback inserted at that pont serves to help us better understand the things Alyssa doesn't reveal - the implication that she lives in an abusive home, that she is gay, that her desire to be popular is more about filling a psychological unmet need to be loved - as we watch her arc set up for the post-time skip second season.

But crucially, the flashback reinforces that Shinae fell for Nol for the same reason he fell for her: he made her feel special.

Shinae's trauma about her past with Alyssa, head injury aside, was that she didn't understand why. It was that Alyssa was special to her but she felt like Alyssa cast her aside, like the feeling wasn't mutual. Even regarding Rika and Maya, until she finally talked things out, she felt like she was just... there, that she didn't mean anything. Her mother left and took her sister and then what. Never calls, never writes, not even birthday cards or even a postcard??? Of course a child will feel like she was discarded, the unwanted one!

Shinae is so used to feeling like she is replaceable, easy to toss away and forget about, not worth a second thought or glance.

And then comes this earnest, handsome guy SO KEEN on getting under her skin, into her head, earning her friendship, and though it annoys her at first, he grows on her. She starts to VALUE it, his actions. She finds herself missing it when he changes and withdraws, aware of the change but uncertain of exactly what is different. As he pulls away she finds that she's the one doing the chasing now.

He made her feel like she's special. Like she matters. Like there is some kind of great value to her. How could she not fall for the person who made her feel seen when she was so used to blending in and taking up as little space as possible?

The juxtaposition of the Shinlyssa flashback set against Shinae and Nol's feelings finally bubbling to the surface is SO! GOOD!!!! Because Alyssa had such a lasting impact on Shinae! It was a ghost haunting her, following her into high school, clinging to her even when she met Nol. That hurt she carried, that scar she still hides, reminded her over and over how easy it was to discard her, how easy it was to throw her away.

And Nol proved to her (what we know to be true for Alyssa) that it isn't true, that she isn't, in fact, so easy to discard, that she is someone special, that she means something.

To insert the flashback that reinforces why Shinae believed herself so easy to discard on the cusp of Shinae and Nol's feelings for each other finally bubbling to the surface is to reinforce exactly how these two fell for each other in the first place: in the shadows where no one was paying attention, they saw each other, and they cared.

It's been a while, but here I am with my #ILoveYoo fanart

Tbh I think this is one of those things that is more or less straightforward, but there's a way we CAN read into it.

On the one hand, Nol IS strong. He's very physically fit, he's very active, so he's going to have a pretty decent grip, especially on someone like Shinae.

But yes, we CAN read into it more, and whether or not quimchee intended it, I think it holds up. Because something we can muse about Nol's grip being so strong is that it's always been Nol's grip on Shinae is so strong. How the first time it was used was the beginning of Nol and Shinae's friendship, even if she didn't yet see it that way (and I think it's hinted that way in 235), and the next time his grip is mentioned leads us into the romantic aspect of Nol and Shinae's relationship finally bubbling out. Shinae was acting on all KINDS of attraction to Nol all throughout the night - his intensity, his gaze, when he gets too close, etc. etc.

She never managed to shake herself free of him. He entered her life and he never really let go, even when he TRIED to let go, when he tried to walk away and extricate himself from her life, he still stayed by, and she didn't let him get far. He has a tight grip on her - no matter what they do, she can't shake him off.

I think if we REALLY want to read into it, we can take it a little further, too, with that anime expo poster, the one that has the future glimpse in the puddle, how Nol and Shinae are linked by two fingers. They don't need to have a full hand holding grip because Nol's grip is so strong - they are already tethered to each other, that bond doesn't need anything else to reinforce.

Stalkyoo Nation HOW ARE WE DOING