#adopters

I’m crying while writing this, what a great start.

To start things off, let’s begin with my birth parents. My birth mother, Helga was a full blooded Mongolian woman. What I know about  her is through my parents (I was adopted at birth, and to me they are my parents, more about that later). She spoke and knew four languages, she had a daughter and was married. 

Things get complicated from here.

My birth mom came to the U.S. with a work visa, and obviously began working to support her daughter/family back in Mongolia. My dad, I know his name was Robert, was Polish and came to the U.S. on a work visa for his business. They met, and that’s how I was made. That’s probably one of the most painful things to think about. I was a mistake. I was made from cheating. I was her dirty secret of an affair she had, while her husband and daughter were back in Mongolia. I shouldn’t have been made, because I was made through cheating and lying. 

I want to be optimistic and think they were in love. My birth dad sounded like he loved her from the story I was told. His work visa had expired, but he didn’t want to go back to Poland and leave my birth mom. He was forced to leave. I don’t know if he even knew she was pregnant. I don’t think he even knows he has a daughter. He doesn’t know that I exist. 

Eventually my mom gave birth. She loved me, my parents told me that because they met her at some point, and she didn’t want to give me up. But it still hurts. It hurts because she decided not to tell her family about me, that she had a daughter in the United States and had given me up for adoption. I was still a secret that she didn’t want to take responsibility for, or wanted to even let her family know. It hurts so fucking much to be a secret, a regret and something to be ashamed about.

I don’t know why I’m writing this. But I’ve never known anyone else adopted, so maybe writing it out to people who understand will help. There’s a lot of pain I feel everyday just thinking about it, and it’s affected who I am and my own emotional problems a lot. Since I’m half Mongolian and half Polish, adopted by two amazing white parents, I stick out. My brother’s adopted too, but he’s white. 

It’s painful to hear every time I’m with my family, or people that have seen my parents and say

“Why don’t you look like your parents”

“Why do you look different from your parents”

“Are those your real parents”

“THOSE are YOUR parents, you guys look nothing alike”

It’s just a constant fucking reminder that I’m different. And it’s a constant reminder that I don’t belong in a way. I didn’t belong in my birth family. And to people looking from the outside I don’t belong to my family. I don’t think people realize how much it fucking hurts, as an adopted kid, to hear that from people. So the next time you make those comments, remember that it’s none of your fucking business and that it can really hurt someone emotionally. Adoptees are fucking people too.

I was adopted when I was about five. Recently I’ve been asking my mom more and more about what she remembers from her trip to get me and she tells me stories about how I was very close with the people around me. I was close with the nannies and the person who drove me to school and I had best friends. There is a box of my stuff from China and I saw this kid’s drawing. I asked my mom who had draw it b/c there was a name on it and she told me that was my best friend. I don’t remember her. I don’t remember anything about my life in China. I’ve even lost the ability to speak it. It makes me feel so lost sometimes. “You learn from you past mistakes.” How can I learn if I know nothing? “You know where you’re going by knowing where you’ve been.” This makes me feel so helpless. I don’t know if this is just me and I forgot or if other people feel like this too.

This text was written by Observe Fred Alger Administration, LLC (“Alger”) is a privately held $27.4 billion progress fairness funding supervisor. Alger is a pioneer of actively managed, progress fairness investing. Their journey over the previous six a long time has been outlined by navigating change, embracing disruption, and investing in innovation.​​ Observe: This account is just not managed…

This text was written by Comply with Fred Alger Administration, LLC (“Alger”) is a privately held $27.4 billion progress fairness funding supervisor. Alger is a pioneer of actively managed, progress fairness investing. Their journey over the previous six many years has been outlined by navigating change, embracing disruption, and investing in innovation.​​ Be aware: This account just isn’t…

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