#admittance

“Why don’t you and Taron head back to yours.” Emma had noticed how neither Robyn or her male friend had even tried to make a move once the course finished and they still sat on the little chairs. “Been a long day for you both.”

“I will help you put the room back together.” Robyn stood up and went to pick up the chair she was sitting on but was stopped by Emma.

“The girls can do it on Monday. They will have lots of time before the children come in. Take Taron and go home.” Emma tilted her head a little, her eyebrows motioning towards Taron.

Robyn easily read the body language from Emma and knew she had to face the fate of Taron’s clear disappointment as he spoke to her outside earlier. “Yeah alright.” She turned to Taron. “Ready to go?”

“Absolutely.” He nodded. Desperate for some privacy and his chat with Robyn, he also really wanted a shower and some sleep. Getting to his feet, he looked to Emma. “Thank you.”

Emma smiled a little. “No need for you to thank me. It was nice to see you again.” She hoped Taron got the hidden meaning behind her words and as he stepped forward to give her a hug, she knew he did.

Once they said one last thank you and goodbye to Aiden, they headed downstairs and while Robyn collected her belongings from her locker, Taron waited in the office. He heard a clash and clang as she dropped something and when the curse came from her lips as she dropped her keys again, he stepped into the hallway, watching as she juggled her belongings, reaching forward to take her purse before she dropped it too.

“Robyn?” He caught her keys just as the slipped from her hands too and he was left holding all of her things except her coat.

“Shit sorry Taron.” Robyn walked past him into the office and dropped her coat on her chair. “Don’t know what is going on with me.” She took her things from him, putting everything into her handbag, except her keys, leaving them on the desk.

“I have an idea.” He said kindly and he stepped in to give her a hug. “Adrenaline is gone and that tiredness is really settling in. Thoughts of things to come.”

“I hate that I did this to you.” She spoke into his chest.

“You have done nothing to me except protect me but you just went around it the wrong way and here in your office is not the place for this conversation. Let’s go back to yours.” Taron placed a soft kiss on her head. “And I am driving.”

Robyn lifted her head from him. “You are driving?”

“Yes.” He picked up her keys from the desk. “I am not letting you drive home like this. I know I am tired but your tired is so different to mine. I will get us back to yours and don’t even try to argue with me over it.”

“Whatever you want rocketman.”

He smiled as she used his nickname. “Great. Let’s go.” He picked up his sunglasses and hat, putting both on before swinging his bag over his right shoulder.

With everything in her hands except her keys, Robyn pushed the door release button and let them out of the creche, making their way to her car. She smiled as Taron crossed her path, getting to the car first at the driver’s side, unlocking the car and throwing his bag on the back seat, Robyn slipping into the passenger side. Strange having someone else drive her car, it was something she never thought Taron would ever have to do but inside she was happy for him to take over the short drive to hers, trusting him completely to get them there safely. At the moment, he was definitely the perfect person to have behind the wheel. She watched him adjust the seat a little, before he pulled his seatbelt on and then started the car, Robyn turning the radio down. The drive was quick and quiet and as the car rolled down the cul de sac of where Robyn lived, they both gave Lizzie, her mam a wave as they passed by her childhood home, Lizzie outside talking to the neighbours. Robyn cringed at the thought of her mam seeing Taron in her car and driving it too only imagining the questioning she was going to get when she saw her mam next.

As Taron parked the car outside her house, making sure the hand break was pulled up properly, normally what was a happy feeling inside at having Taron in her home, knowing it was some decent rest for him, was replaced by an overanxious and troubled sickening feeling for Robyn. She waited for Taron to grab his bag and then once he had locked the car, let him unlock her front door and turn off the alarm.

Once inside, Taron pulled off his glasses and hat and left his bag on the island and stood in the kitchen waiting for Robyn to hang up her coat. She slowly made her way to stand beside him, knowing full well what was coming, her eyes on the floor, avoiding looking at Taron.

“So, I want you to go into the bathroom and run yourself a nice hot bubble bath.”

Robyn’s head shot up. “What?”

“You heard me.” Taron moved a little closer to her. “It has been a hard morning and you just need to re-energise but also heat up.”

“Taron…”

“What I want to say will take me about a minute and it needs to be said when we both have clearer heads and taken some time for pumped up emotions to calm down a bit and preferably in a cuddle in my corner of the couch. We need to make sure words are not exchanged when we are still stumbling through what happened today. I know right now, my mind set isn’t perfect and seeing you perform the CPR has made me understand why you didn’t want to tell me about the training but I still needed to know about it so what I want you to do, is go and run a nice bath, put some music on and then after I take a shower we can sit and work some niggly things out. Then we put one some crappy TV in your room and sleep.” Taron placed his hands on her cheeks. “If you don’t run it, I will and you know I don’t know how to make the bath salts melt properly.”

Robyn smiled at him under his hands. “I would love a bath.”

“Go. I will find something to amuse myself with around here.”

“I have no doubt about that. Thanks Taron.”

“Take as long as you need. Is cwtch on your couch?”

“Of course.” Robyn answered him.

“Think I might go and catch up with him.”

“Feel free to raid the fridge Taron.”

“Baked goods?” He asked his eyes opening wide.

“Maybe.” Robyn side stepped around him to her countertop beside the fridge and pulled a plate towards her with a round cake cover on top. Taron came to stand beside her and as she lifted the lid, heard the gasp of excitedness from him.

“You made the chocolate cupcakes with honeycomb!” He reached forward to swipe at the pale chocolate frosting on top of the cake, eating the light frosting from his finger. “And you made them without me.” His voice held a tinge of sadness.

“When I don’t sleep, I bake.” Robyn answered with a shrug. “I also didn’t know you were coming and I wanted to practise them before I made them with you. Just to be sure.”

“Tastes good.” Taron picked a piece of honeycomb and ate it. “Delicious. I know what I am going to do now when you are in the bathroom.”

“Cwtch can’t have chocolate.” Robyn looked to him. “Don’t feed him cupcakes.” His smile was beautiful and the first one all day where his dimples appeared. “I don’t want to wash him.”

“I promise, I will be the one eating the cupcakes.”

“Good. Make sure you explain to cwtch that he will get his corner back too.”

“My corner.” Taron corrected quickly. “Cwtch was kept in a drawer under your bed before I came along.”

His answer made Robyn smile and she loved being able to have the little jokes and silliness with him. It was upsetting that it had been missing for them all day. “I am going to go now though I have a feeling I am going to come out to you covered in chocolate, in a chocolate coma on the couch.”

Taron shook his head. “You won’t. Go and take some time to relax.”

With a nod, Robyn walked away from him in the kitchen and headed for the bathroom through the laundry room, closing both doors behind her. It hadn’t been an idea that crossed her mind herself but after Taron made the suggestion of taking a hot bath, it was all she could think of and at the bath, got the plug in and hot water flowing quickly, adding an over generous amount of coconut bubble bath into the water, white foamy bubbles swirling in the water straight away. The tropical scent floated through the bathroom and as the water continued to flow, steam rose from the deep bath. Robyn walked into her bedroom, frowning at the mess she had left it in, the bed unmade, clothes thrown across the place. Even though she hadn’t really spent much time in her bedroom over the last few nights, it was still a state. She picked up a few random items of clothing and rolling them into a ball, threw them into an empty cubby hole in her wardrobe, then routing out one of her matching pyjama sets, laid it over the silver radiator bars in the bathroom and turned it on.

The bath was filling nicely and she unzipped her work fleece, throwing it into the open laundry hamper, turning to the mirror and sighing. She looked wretched and it was going to take more than a cosy sleep with Taron to rid of her the dark circles under her eyes and a lot of hydrating masks to sooth dry skin. She bent down and opened the cabinet drawer under her sink and flicking through her face masks, pulled out a pink sheet mask, perfect for rehydrating tired skin. She turned her attention back to the bath, getting to the taps just in time before the water reached the point where it would slop over the side once she got in. Going to her bath bomb wicker basket on the window, she picked up one she knew would match the coconut scent of the bubble bath and taking it from the paper packaging, threw it into the water, hearing it fizz. Once stripped and her clothes in the hamper, she eased herself into the water, wincing a little at the heat but as her body got used to the temperature of the scalding water it was glorious. Lifting her hand from the water, she pressed the button to start the bubble jets and left them on an easy sprinkle setting and then opened the face mask, placing the moisture filled sheet on her face and then lay her head back.

“Alexa, play Robyn’s piano favourites.” She called out into the bathroom, immediately the electronic device granting her wish. “Alex set an alarm for twenty minutes.” Alarm set and music on, Robyn closed her eyes and tried to clear her mind, to stop herself from thinking about everything she could. To forget how she had betrayed Taron’s trust and how she had a lot of grovelling to do for him which also involved as many head massages as he would like.

Taron had already eaten two cupcakes and was on his third as he stood in front of the piano, admiring all of Robyn’s framed pictures, particularly the ones of him and her at all of his red carpet appearances that she had accompanied him to. By far his favourite was the one Stella had taken of them in the hotel room and it was clearly Robyn’s favourite too as it took pride of place among all the photos of her family and friends. He was happy to have a little walk around, saying hello to her fish, looking out into her garden, smiling at the memory of sitting outside last year eating breakfast. The couch was calling to him but he was waiting to sit down because he knew once he sank into the comfiness of her corner couch, it wouldn’t be long before he had a nap and he wanted to stay awake until he just got his point across to Robyn that from today, things would have to change between them.

Eating the honeycomb from the cupcake, Taron had spent a good ten minutes wandering around her living area before he had to give in to some of the weariness he was feeling and sat down on the couch, nowhere near the corner but closer to the glass doors. He had just got settled when there was a knock on the front door.

“Robyn?”

Taron’s head turned to see Lizzie walking in, her face in slight surprise at seeing him sitting on the couch.

“Well, hey Taron. I thought it was you I saw in Robyn’s car. Driving it too I believe.” She closed the door and walked in towards the couch. “I didn’t know you were coming for a visit this weekend.”

“Well, it was a last-minute trip.” Taron stood up. “Just quick one.” He walked around the couch to greet Robyn’s mam with a light hug. “A real quick one.”

“Robyn normally tells me when you are coming over. It has been a while.”

“Just had a last-minute free day.” Taron shrugged. “Easier to get to Kilcreen now that I am in Belfast filming.”

“Now that she did mention.” Lizzie said with a small smile.

“It’s been busy but great being closer. No planes.” Taron tried to sound as upbeat as he could. “Always a plus.”

Lizzie saw Taron fold his arms over himself, the clear dark circles under his eyes and how he was faltering on his feet. “So, let me guess. My wonderfully stubborn daughter decided it would be in hers and yours best interest not to tell you about the first aid training she had this morning and but someone rang you to tell you and my first guess would be Claire but I am sure it was Emma and you came to Kilcreen to stand by Robyn as once again she insisted on taking on everything herself and it has been a horrible morning for both of you where neither of you got any sleep last night and Robyn is struggling once more with the frightening things that happened to you and her last year and you poor thing are here to help her but suffering through it just as much as she is.”

Taron’s mouth dropped open a small bit but his eyes closed as he nodded his head.

“I swear that daughter of mine. At times like these she is her father’s daughter. Not related to me at all. Come and sit with me.” Lizzie placed a gentle hand on Taron’s shoulder and they walked to the seats at the breakfast bar. “Sometimes I wonder if a sibling would have been good for her. She always had her cousins around, they only live next door but she is so stubbornly independent that maybe having a brother or a sister would have just opened her up more to the idea of sharing feelings and then since Keith…” Lizzie stopped to look at Taron who was avoiding her eyes. “Well, that fucker changed her into this broken scared girl and unfortunately since then she has always been out to close into herself. It wasn’t until she met you that I noticed a change in her but it seems she has been back to her old ways.” Lizzie reached for Taron’s hands. “I am so sorry she is making your life a little troublesome. Her heart is definitely in the right place just her mindset still needs to be shifted.”

Taron gave her another small smile. “She is not troublesome at all. In fact, she is wonderful.” The words came from his lips before he could stop them and knew his tired face blushed. “What I mean is…”

“I knew I liked you the first time I met you in her garden.” Lizzie smiled at him. “But the way she has treated you this weekend is not right.”

“She was under a lot of stress this morning.”

“Still no excuse for what she did Taron. Considering how close you two have gotten and how much she loves you, it really was very unfair on you though. She didn’t stop to think how her pig-headedness would affect you and not even a second thought to giving you a simple phone call. You came such a way for her and I am sure it has put you out some.”

“Not at all. I figured something out with work.” Taron insisted.

“I am sorry Taron.”

“You don’t have to apologise for Robyn. I actually admire her stubbornness; how independent and strong she is. Granted at times, she really pushes herself too far and honestly, I was hurt by what she did today.” Taron looked to Lizzie, afraid he was going to offend her. “I know why she did it and I am not mad at her.” He quickly said. “But I just need her to see that I am here for her, especially when it comes to things that involve me, like the CPR. I want to be there for her. She has done so much for me.”

“You sure you a man?” Lizzie asked with a chuckle.

Taron returned the chuckle. “Last time I checked, yes.”

“You have a good heart Taron.”

“Blame my mother.”

“Now Taron, I have spoken to your mother and she is a lovely woman.”

Taron nodded. “The best. Lizzie, I don’t want you to be mad at Robyn either. She is already feeling shit about not telling me and I am going to talk to her about what she did but honestly, I think something may have changed for her today. I saw a different Robyn earlier, one that finally seemed to understand just how much she was actually hurting herself more than anything.”

“But she is hurting you too and she can’t do that Taron. I can’t imagine today was any way easy on you too. Had to be hard watching the training.”

“It wasn’t nice.” He answered. “I saw the CCTV footage, I know what she did but it was so close to me in the creche and so very real and even though I am tired and need to sleep, I am sure I will have a few unpleasant images in my head for a while, might find it hard to drift off.”

“And get back to work.”

“Actually, they might help with my character.”

“It was still something you could have been forewarned about, something you could have talked through together rather than just being thrown into it.”

“Robyn threw herself on me to save me all those months ago, it was the least I could have done for her and to be honest, I do think doing the CPR for Robyn and for me, was good for us. Hopefully the start of the emotional healing we both need.”

“I hope so Taron because I have seen Robyn broken before and I can’t bear to watch her go through it again.”

“You already told me how strong she is and she is a serious survivor Lizzie and like I said, there was a little bit of a change and realisation after the CPR. I think a little light bulb might have gone off for her.”

Lizzie was so thankful for the patient man sitting beside her. “I really hope so but a lot of that is down to you Taron. You are the one perfect thing going for her at the moment and I really don’t want that to change but if she keeps blocking you out, I am worried that it…”

“It won’t.” Taron interrupted her quickly. “I am not going anywhere. Believe me, I am too involved now to go anywhere plus if she keeps baking me chocolate cupcakes, I can’t see a way out.” He joked.

Lizzie placed her hands on Taron’s face, finally making him look at her properly. “You have given her so much, already helped her more than I can explain but I don’t want her treating you like this because you deserve the same love you give her in abundance and believe me Taron, she does love you but as you also know, has a lot of demons to conquer.” She leaned into gently kiss his forehead, Taron smiling as it was the same delicate gesture Robyn always gave to him. “Thank you for being so kind to her, for treating her right.”

Taron placed his hands on Lizzies. “Your daughter did something for me that I will never be able to repay her for.”

“You have no idea how much you have done for her already Taron.” Lizzie took her hands from his face. “She still hasn’t stopped talking about that tent you made for her and that bracelet hasn’t left her wrist.” She was so glad to see a smile fill his face. “And I cannot even begin to explain to you how much her confidence has grown, how those little weekend trips to see you just excite her. It’s new and it’s wonderful and I just need to thank you for giving her back her spark, for helping her get it back.” She moved to give him a hug. “And don’t be afraid to give her a little bit of hell for what she did.”

“Lizzie…” Taron tried to break the hug but Robyn’s mam hugged him tighter.

“She listens to you Taron and I honestly think, if it comes from you, it means so much more than coming from me or her dad.  I know how much she loves you and of everyone in her life at the moment, you are the one person she will not want to disappoint.”

“Just a little word.” He agreed. “A small one. She already knows.”

“I am sure she does Taron but make sure she knows. I don’t want her to lose you.”

This time it was Taron who hugged Lizzie tighter. “She won’t. I am sorry to say but she is kind of stuck with me and hopefully for a very long time.”

“I think her dad and I might just be ok with that.”

Taron laughed. “My mam is pretty chuffed too.”

“Someday we are going to have meet your family.”

“I very much look forward to that day.”

Their heads turned as they heard the music in the bathroom stop.

“Guess that is my cue to go. I don’t want her to know I was here.”

“I won’t say a word.” Taron agreed. “Thanks Lizzie. I needed a little pick me up.”

“I can only imagine but I think Robyn might be able to help with the rest.” Lizzie stood up and walked around the breakfast bar, stopping to look to Taron. “Ask her for a head massage. I have heard you like those.” Lizzie left him with a little wink and wide smile, another deep red blush filling Taron’s face as she left.

Lizzie had only left when the bedroom door opened and Robyn walked out, looking more refreshed and slightly happier in herself, wearing the matching white ski pyjamas he had found in her old bedroom when he had snooped through her shelves.

Robyn was so glad she had set the alarm because she had found herself dozing and the jingle woke her up, with a little splash, the water now luke warm, a lot of the frothy bubbles gone. Carefully getting out of the bath, she hopped into the shower to wash the glitter residue off from the bath bomb but also to wash her hair. Slipping into her warmed pyjama’s she was thrilled to have washed the day off, glad it was mostly done with and as she sat drying her hair, felt very apprehensive about what Taron had to say. Disappointing him was a suffering she didn’t want to have to go through again but knew he needed to have his say and was going to let him, hoping she could keep herself together to listen because seeing Taron in pain was her worst fear.

When she walked out to her living area, he was swinging around on one her breakfast bar stools. She walked over to the bar, smiling as he continued to twirl around.

“Having fun?”

“Lots.” He answered spinning once more. “Have a nice bath?”

“It was perfect.”

“Feeling warmer?”

“Much.”

“Wearing your Eddie pj’s?”

“Not my Eddie pj’s but yes.”

“No shorts?”

“Not for the moment.” Robyn walked around the breakfast bar to stand beside him. “The bathroom is all yours.” She looked over his shoulder to the plates with the cupcakes, noticing some missing. “Your tummy happy too?”

“Very.” He agreed with a grin. “They were yummy.” He got down off the stool. “I am going to go and shower.”

“Take as long as you want. I know you love that rainfall shower or I could run you a bath if you would like.”

“Thank you but no. I will stick to a shower.” He walked to the island and picked up his bag. “I may have to borrow a few things in your bathroom. I am not too sure what I packed in here this morning.”

“You know you can use whatever you want.”

Taron nodded and started to walk away from her but turned back. “I like your pictures. On your piano.”

“Me too.” She answered him. “Go and shower.”

He nodded at her and walked into her bedroom, dropping his bag on the bed. He pulled his jumper off and dropped it beside his bag, his shirt landing on the duvet next. He zipped open his bag, rummaging inside and sighed as he realised what he had packed. One clean pair of boxers and some sweat pants. Thrown at the bottom of his bag was a can of deodorant and a toothbrush. It seemed that packing in a rush and haze of disorientated worry and annoyance had not worked in his favour and he realised he was going to need to borrow more than a few things. Walking into the bathroom, he opened his belt as he went, inhaling the gorgeous feminine scent left in the neatly organised wash room from Robyn and her bath. He turned on the shower and stripped down, leaving his clothes in a pile on the floor. He was going to have to ask Robyn would she mind if he put a wash on if he was going to have any clean clothes for tomorrow.

The shower was definitely needed and more beneficial than a bath and that powerful rainfall shower just pounded on tired muscles. He quickly washed his hair, used Robyn’s lime shower gel and as he stepped out of the shower, saw the towel waiting on the heated radiator for him, Robyn still looking out for him in the smallest of ways. It was so warm on his chilly skin and once dried he put on the one pair of boxers he brought with him and the grey sweat pants. He picked up the black jumper and his shirt from the bed and headed back into the bathroom to pick up the clothes he had left on the floor and walked into the laundry room and put them in the empty laundry hamper. He grabbed a fresh towel from the shelf and was towel drying his hair as he walked back into the living room, Robyn standing in the kitchen at the hob at the counter.

“Could I borrow a t-shirt?” He asked walking over to her. “I seemed to have left everything behind in Belfast.”

While Taron showered, Robyn whisked up some eggs, cooking them slowly in a saucepan and had some bread in the toaster waiting to be pushed down. She felt a little hungry and knowing how many cupcakes Taron already had, figured he would like some food. She turned when she heard his voice, her heart fluttering as he walked towards her in just his comfy sweatpants.

“My t-shirt?” She asked him.

“Technically one of mine but yes one of yours but as I gave it to you it will fit me and perhaps, I could borrow it for tonight? Or the hoodie?”

“Sure of course. You stir the eggs and I will get it.”

“Eggs?” He asked coming to stand beside her, taking the blue spatula from her hands.

“I thought you might have been hungry.”

“A little.”

“Eggs ok? I can make you a sandwich.” Robyn quickly said, worried her simply choice of food wasn’t the right choice for him.

“Eggs are perfect.” Taron nodded as he kept stirring. “No need for sandwich. I will happily eat some eggs and toast, maybe a cup of tea.”

Robyn gave him a little smile. “Let me go and get the t-shirt for you. You watch the eggs.” She held her hand out for the towel he was using to dry his hair and he handed it to her. She then walked away from him and through the laundry room, dropping the towel into the laundry basket, seeing his clothes already in there, making a mental note to pop a wash on for him when they were finished talking. She made her way in through the steamy bathroom and to her wardrobe. Reaching into the cubby hole that held her pyjama tops, she found Taron’s blue t-shirt he had given her mixed in with her other band t-shirts. She carried it back out to the kitchen. “Here ya go.”

“Thank you.” Taron passed the spatula back to her and fluffed the folded blue material out, slipping into it, inhaling the wonderful fresh scent of fabric softener as he pulled his head through. “I literally brought four things with me.”

“Bit of rush to pack this morning then.” She asked him as he smoothed down his t-shirt over his chest.

“Yeah and in a very sleepy haze.” Taron leaned his left hip against the counter.

Robyn pressed the toast down and handed Taron the spatula so he could continue to stir their eggs. “I promise you will sleep well tonight.” She moved to the kettle and lifting it from its perch, filled it at the sink, then clicking it back in place and switching it on.

“As I always do in your bed. Any chance I could put on a wash too?”

“Of course Taron. I saw your stuff in the hamper. You know you don’t have to ask.”

“Great. Thank you.” He let her take over the stirring of the eggs.

“Want me to help you?”

“No thanks. I got it. Want me to put your stuff on too?”

“Please.” She called back to him and he walked to the hamper in the bathroom and gathered up her clothes. Once at the machine, he pushed all of her bits in, his clothes after. He then added the powder and fabric softener, getting the machine going. Robyn had shown him how to use her washing machine before and he was a whizz at it now and once he was sure it was whirling round, made his way back out to Robyn in her kitchen.

“Want some help?” He asked coming to stand beside her again.

“Can you do the toast?”

“Of course.”

It took them five minutes to dish up two plates of hot scrambled eggs and triangles of buttered toast, with a pot of tea for Taron and they sat together at the breakfast bar, both eating in silence, both finishing off all the food in front of them. Robyn wasn’t surprised to see that Taron had cleaned his plate and finished most of the tea in the teapot but more so that she had eaten everything as well. It was the most food she had eaten in two days but now that the food was gone and they moved to wash up, she could feel the guilt and shame filter back into her as she dried the last fork, putting it in its place in the cutlery drawer. She knew Taron needed to have his say, that he definitely deserved to defend himself, but she hated that he had to do it and really wasn’t looking forward to see that horrible sadness in his beautiful eyes again.

As Taron dried his hands, he could see a change in Robyn and that light heartedness that filled the room earlier was gone and they hadn’t spoken a word to each other in the last twenty minutes which wasn’t unusual for them. They had sat in silence together on many occasions but it was so obvious Robyn was once again back in her head and torturing herself.

“Come and sit with me.” He said gently, taking her hand with his left, dropping the tea towel on the sink. He led her to the couch but avoided sitting in the corner, instead sitting near the edge guiding her past him so she sat his right. “Robyn…”

“Taron you don’t…”

“Just let me say one thing.”

“No Taron.” Robyn placed her hand over his mouth, stopping him from talking. “Just no.” She took her hand away from him and waited a few seconds to see if he was going to interrupt her again. When he didn’t, she continued speaking, turning around to face him. “You don’t have to explain it to me and honestly I don’t think I can listen to you tell me again that my selfish actions have hurt you because that is the one thing I never ever want to hear you say again or for me to ever do to you again.” Robyn took a quick breath, trying to keep ready to fall tears at bay. Knowing that she had hurt him, that he admitted to her that she had done so, was something she was never going to forget so easily. “I know you know I am sorry but there shouldn’t have been something for me to be sorry for. It was so easy for me to slip back into my old ways, when I promised you two weeks ago that I wouldn’t do that anymore but old habits are hard to let go of but let me tell you something, I never ever want to see the hurt in your eyes or in your voice again.” Robyn reached for his hands and cupped his two warm hands between hers. “It is not an excuse for what happened but I am still getting used to having someone like you who isn’t my family or friends and you probably figured I don’t tell them everything either.”

“Robyn…” Taron started but stopped when Robyn shook her head at him.

“I just need to you to understand how disappointed I am with myself for hurting you so. I was so caught up in my own misery that I never thought how you needed to know about the training, about how it would affect you too and that is wrong Taron. It is wrong for me to just cut you out, to be so unaware of your feelings and own emotions from the CPR and of all the people around me, you are one I don’t ever want to treat like that.” Robyn rubbed his hands with her two thumbs. “You have been nothing but kind to me and you only deserve to be treated with the same respect you give me and I know my words are probably shit at the moment but I give you my word, when I say I will tell you everything and share with you all these important things you need to know and let me start with assuring you that I have not had one nightmare since London and that’s why you haven’t had a late-night phone call from me. I wasn’t lying when I said it was daily visions but I think now they just might be gone. Before the CPR it was all I could see but once we finished, they vanished. I think it was the anxiety attached to the CPR and when that was done, a serious weight was lifted from my shoulders.” Robyn gave his hands a light squeeze. “But if they come back, I will tell you.” She let go of his hands and sat back on the couch, running her hands through her hair, looking to him, trying to put as much sincerity into her words that she could manage without crumbling on the couch in pity. “I swear Taron, I value and regard you in the highest esteem and I will never forgive myself for how I have behaved and treated you, being silent and not sharing with you and if you want to rant at me some more, I know I deserve it but Jesus Taron I will never ever let you down again or have you leaving work to come and talk to me because I know how important your work is to you and how much this movie means to you and you shouldn’t have to leave to come and chastise me for acting like a child and…”

Robyn found her words cut off as she was pulled into a tight hug, Taron’s two strong arms wrapped around her back tight as he closed the gap between them, turning to face her so he could hug her hard. She melted into him and slid her face in his neck, breathing in that wonderful fresh scent from his clean skin and hair, locking her arms around his back too.

Taron had watched Robyn go into one of her endless speeches and instead of her usual words of encouragement, she was straight into another apology to him and he could see her doing her very best to hold her tears in and keep her voice steady, feeling how hard she was squeezing is hands, not even noticing she was doing so. He knew she was sorry and as he had said to her mam earlier, could see the change in her and had a feeling that finally something had clicked with Robyn and her mindset had finally shifted to where she knew she could and must trust him and he wouldn’t hurt her in return so it was very easy for him to hug her, ending her apology and he hoped the firmness of the hug was enough for her to realise that all was definitely forgiven.

“No more tears, no more apologies.” He said into her shoulder. “I know.”

“Taron, if you…” Robyn began but he stopped her by tightening the hug.

“You have just said everything I wanted to say to you so I am not going to repeat it. It’s been a hard day for both of us and now we put it behind us and move forward and if we really want to go into people leaving work to chastise the other, don’t forgot you skipped a day’s work to come to New York to me. We are even and you and me have been through way too much to let today change us. You know I forgive you and you know you don’t have to apologise any more to me.”

“But Taron we can’t just leave it like this. I hurt you so much.”

“You did and you know this. I am not made of steel and I can feel just as much as you can and I know you didn’t mean too. It was the pressure of the course and taking it all on yourself and not leaning on others for support, leaning on me but I trust that from now on, you will talk to me. I am only a phone call away and a two-hour drive now too and Robyn I really think we are quits on the who has ever made the other person feel worse. Let’s not forget Paris either. Both of us have made mistakes but we are going to move on. I know you are sorry chicken. I am always here for you. That is never going to change. Please just don’t shut me out again.”

Robyn moved her left in circles around his back, while her right trailed up into his hair. “I won’t. I am…”

“Shh…” Taron soothed gently. “I know and it’s done. I don’t want to hear any more talk about it. Been a shit day for both of us and now we are definitely putting it behind us and moving on.” He moved his head to give her cheek a little kiss.

Robyn felt her whole body finally relax and she smiled at his little kiss. “Thank you.”

“Just make me more chocolate cupcakes.”

They both laughed, that light mood returning.

“I will make you whatever you want and hand deliver it every evening to your set if it is what you want.”

Taron moved away from her and back into his place on the couch. “Is that a promise?” He asked with a wide grin.

“Whatever you want rocketman.”

“Cookies.” Taron answered before she even finished speaking. “White chocolate chip cookies.”