#actuallyasd

low empathy actually looks like: i don’t understand that what’s fun for me might not be fun for you. i might think i’m sharing Good Feelings with you by telling you about something i love or making you play my favorite game with me, and not realize that you’re not enjoying it because i have a hard time distinguishing that people interpret and enjoy things differently. i might be confused or upset when you don’t want to hear about something that makes me very happy, because it doesn’t make you as happy as it makes me and that’s hard for me to grasp. it is hard for me to put myself in your shoes and consider that other people might not get the same excitement and joy that i get out of these things. conversely, i might refuse to participate in something most people enjoy and come off as a “buzzkill” or self centered because i don’t understand that other people enjoy something that only makes me upset. i may be confused as to why everyone is engaging in something so upsetting or simply boring, like watching sports or listening to music that i don’t want to hear.

At least, that is how it appears as a social protector now turned host. Cause before really getting into therapy, I was a little off but nothing that couldn't be explained by 1) growing up in an autistic family and 2) trauma - I didn't have any outstanding sensory issues from the sounds of it, I didn't have any obvious lack of socializing / interpersonal interactions, I didn't seem to have any notable issues speaking or really any notable "autistic meltdowns" or anything. I was mildly symptomatic on all of them, but barely enough to acknowledge it. For many years I went with the line "eh I'm undiagnosable (differential diagnosis could not be made) but thats fine cause tbh I don't think thinking of myself or approaching therapy with me being autistic in mind would help me much."

But I dunno how much of it is the realization and deprogramming of our sister's crap (and specifically the related fucked up way of teaching of "how to survive in the world as an autistic person" that became one of the foundations of my existence as a part) and how much of it is coming to know and understand parts and honestly the majority of the system that have less socially acceptable and passable symptoms - but the past year or two its just been SUCH a thing we've had to accommodate our life around.

Be it sensory, sensory processing issues, communication, talking, and our general social approach and environment - a lot of our modern changes have been to leave space for our symptoms of our autism as much as they have been for our DID / PTSD.

We've straight up been unsuited for a job solely because in the long run it was too damn taxing and literally have retreated into work that literally has us in an underground basement where I literally only see 2-5 people a day and only regularly interact with like 2.

And its just wild cause I used to be this hyper social, hyper extrovert, people juggling, socially motivated individual - and I honestly still am, but the way that it is expressed is So So So much more different

me: I'm autistic

Me: Okay *stops masking and allows myself to be visibly autistic*

It's me again with another headcanon post with yet another one of my comfort characters! This time, we've got Uma from Descendants! I want to emphasize that I've never seen someone point Uma out as a possibly autistic character before and that it is in no way canon. I'm simply doing this because it's what I think and I really love Uma. Finally, I'm not giving these headcanons about her actor either, just Uma as a character. With that all out of the way, let's start!

1. Ecololia

If you've watched Descendants 2 at all, or seen any clips that feature Uma, you've probably heard her song, 'What's My Name?' I believe this was more than just a song opportunity and is actually her stimming verbally by saying that phrase. At the end of her fight scene with Mal where she escapes with Ben, we see her do this without a song. She repeats the phrase 'what's my name?' over and over again. The phrase probably calms her out of anger because of things that happened in her past. Saying that phrase reminds her that she's herself and not who people (like Mal) precieve her to be. In fact, the first time she said that phrase in the movie was after Gil jokingly called her 'shrimpy' (a nickname Mal called her back when they were kids to make fun of her.)

2. Stimming

There are many reasons to interpret that Uma may in fact be stimming throughout the two movies she's featured in. She flips/plays with her hair, feels the texture of her seashell necklace, paces while she's talking to other people (like Ben or Harry,) and of course, her ecololia that I mentioned earlier. It makes sense that Uma would stim because her stims have characteristics (she plays with her hair when she's happy, she paces when she's nervous or upset, she touches her necklace when she's really happy or unsure, etc.)

3. She gives a nod to the fact that she has meltdowns.

There's two crucial pieces of evidence that makes me think Uma may experience meltdowns. First, where she was talking to Ben about going to Auradon. Uma laughed at Ben when he bought it up and says, "That was the angriest I've ever been in my life, and I've been plenty angry." I know that sounds like a line to emphasize how mad she was about not being invited to Auradon like Mal, Evie, Jay and Carlos, but I think it's more than that. Also, back to that scene where Mal got away and Uma was repeating her ecololia phrase, the scene cut off after that with no sight of her again until Cotillion. Having something she planned out go wrong could very well cause a meltdown and stimming heavily before a meltdown isn't uncommon either. I think she had one off camera while Mal and Ben got away.

4. She only looks Harry in the eyes.

I was thirteen the first time I watched Descendants 2, and ever since then, I thought there was a deeper meaning behind Mal and Uma's arm wrestling match they had to settle their deal. Mal's eyes glow green when she wants to make people less powerful to her advantage, however Uma wasn't affected at all and won the arm wrestling match anyway. If she didn't look Mal in the eyes, it wouldn't have had any effect on her and that's because she didn't look Mal in the eyes. Now, you could say she didn't look Mal in the eyes because she knew she was capable of that power, but after a closer look, she only looks one character in the eyes, and that's Harry Hook. It makes sense why, she trusts Harry and he's been with her through a lot. He was there during Uma's possible meltdown on the ship and he's probably been there for a lot of others too.

Well, those were my terrible headcanons! If you like them, please reblog! And before you go, you know I had to make an autistic Uma icon too! So, here they are! You're welcome to use it if you'd like! Thank you for reading!