No one sees me as a person, they just see me as some kind of weirdo insecure monster who only inconveniences, annoys, and scares others.
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No one sees me as a person, they just see me as some kind of weirdo insecure monster who only inconveniences, annoys, and scares others.

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probably rhe schizotypal but 1m so scared 2 talk in rq servers because what if 1m unlikable and annoying and have bad sentences/way of talking and maybe 1 have a bad opinion and every1 flames m3 and blocks m3 and makes a callout doc on m3
i’m the type of person who requires constant love and reassurance that everything’s gonna be ok
tw vent
my ppd is getting the best of me

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why do I suddenly feel like I’m being hunted for sport??
being a cluster a jiraiblr goer is weird because. you want me to make posts talking about myself? me? gross, its like you want to get to know me, why
Cluster A is like living in hell I swear. Being constantly angry, defensive, scared, isolated, overall so exhausted. Can't escape cause the paranoia persists online, and even if I get off the internet I'm still always worrying about it.
I'm terrified to talk to anybody about it because I don't even 100% know if I have PPD, I don't trust doctors enough to get evaluated (and my living situation makes it so I probably couldn't even if I wanted to) and god knows everybody gets so mad at self-suspecting people and assumes all of us are from pop psych because we "want disorders". Cluster A is so under-researched that I doubt there's even a doctor near me that could help. Especially given that PPD is so ignored in psych some people want it de-classified as a disorder.
Idk how to end this (or if this is even the right blog to send this to). Cat kaomoji so this ask isn't just pure hopeless negativity:ヾ(=^・ェ・^)
It's such a mess, trying to tread the world with a Cluster A personality disorder, or any disorder that causes paranoia. I truly wish it were easier for people like us to access help and resources. You really did sum the feelings most of us have when it comes to our Cluster A symptoms with that one word: exhausting.
I personally don't think there's anything wrong with self diagnosing though! Especially when it comes to the lesser talked about personality disorders. I know the internet is cruel when it comes to self DX'ers, but really, at the end of the day, your mental health journey is no one's business but your own. If you end up relating to a disorder that isn't 'well known', then it is what it is. You likely know yourself best, and you're only using this self diagnosis to better yourself. It's not a matter of 'wanting the disorder', it's about seeking help in a way that will actually help you - if you know what's wrong, then you can be treated faster and more accurately.
Usually, when you self research and snag a therapist or something, most of them are willing to learn from you and may diagnose you with the disorder you believe you have - of course, even if it turns out to be a different disorder, what matters most is that you get treated for your symptoms, so you can learn to cope with them, and finally start to heal.
-Mod Void