Hi so uhm I donāt usually post this type of stuff but about this and this.
This is a serious post of how this fandom has dehumanized me and mistreated me for my symptoms I cannot control
Tw: misogyny , ableism , mistreatment, bullying
A lot of people know that I was called out for bull shit friend group drama like a year ago. Adults are still shit talking me and my friends. Something Iāve noticed is that the appear to especially dehumanize me for ānot caring about the damage I didā which is not Tue in this context. I do not feel remorse for a lot of stuff I do or shame or empathy and I am ārecognizedā with conduct disorder and extreme behavior issues + npd. So yeah I do not care about the harm Iāve caused Iām not able to because my brain wonāt let me itās totally understandable if people hate me for that but guess what?
They praised the other person for the exact same thing and said itās okay to not feel empathy and remorse since they canāt. I do not have aspd but I do have issues with empathy and npd I donāt Talk about it a lot since itās personal. But Iāve recognized the pattern in this Iām a teen āgirlā (Iām not a girl Iām trans) and the other person is amab adult. I have a word that describes this perfectly misogyny! This fandom especially the adults (not any of my friends or mutuale Youāre all very nice šš) has absolutely dehumanized me for my symptoms the exact same symptoms they praised other people for. Mind you alot of the stuff I said was during a psychotic episode where I couldnāt think logically and insulted people because I thought they were going to hurt me since they triggered something in me. That does not make it right! And i know that but why does everyone accept for me get the pass? Why does everyone get accepted for their symptoms expect for me? Talking about not the perfect victim I am a very ugly result of what happens to a person when it went to extreme trauma Iām not a fawn I get aggressive and defensive and rude because Iām scared but no one seems to get that and just call me fucking evil.
I mean it has come to the point where I was dehumanized so bad some people were too scared to interact with me or be publicly associated with me because I was seen as a monster by half of the fandom. I was only fucking 15 and Iām still only 16. Thereās still the same adults that refer to me and my friends as āangelwowings Groupā as if I control people like hello what? My friends are their own people are you insane? Oh and letās not forget the time people full grown adults btw blocked people who interacted with me! No they did not do anything besides interact with me and get blocked. People were scared to interact with my publicly but even then my friends still supported me.
And guess what? A lot of people Iāve met who saw the whole thing go down said you guys were sick for making a whole blog about me hating me and making posts AS ADULTS while I was 15! And I couldnāt agree more! Every adult who has interacted with that account in the way of boosting it is sick because everyone knew my vents were in there and did not care about leaking a 15 year old vent.I could go on and on about how much I got mistreated for my symptoms by this fandom
You can call me ableist all you want but In the end a lot of you were fucking ableist towards me! Oh no how dare I be a mentally ill teen online that is perfectly capable of being calm and civil unless Iām triggered into something caused by my symptoms! Oh no how dare I?! How dare I have a flight or fight mode! How dare I get aggressive when threatened! Oh how dare I not be the perfect victim! Sorry for not being your perfect victim? But guess what!
I can recognize on that I was hurting people from the doc and it was stressing them. I didnāt mean to hurt any of them that was never my intention I never wanted to hurt people so I thought I never did in the first place but I did. So I apologized to them I talked it out and realized that no matter if I was in the right or wrong I still hurt people and I need to make up for that wether or not it was intentional or not. People were hurt through me and I donāt want to hurt people especially not kids. Although I cannot feel shame or remorse for the stuff I said I can recognize that theyāre wrong and take accountability for it. No I do not feel sorry for all of the stuff I said to that one adult because guess what? Iām not able to neither is he! So why did everyone get mad at me for having the same reaction? Would they not understand why I acted this way? They understood so well with the adult man so why not turn everything around when I āfemaleā kid does it? Odd isnāt it?
Iām tired of not speaking up about this Iām not evil or ableist or whatever else you people I donāt know have called me. I was 15 going through a psychotic episode where I got triggered and did awful shit. Not an excuse at all but I was not evil none of the stuff I did was because I thought it was fun or because I was bored Iām 16. Get that through your big skull thanks.
