#actually depression

They, and I don't even remember their faces, took and left my lungs dry and tense with little air and my heart dried out with the flow of my blood too slow to sustain my brain and nervous system.

And as children we plant our heart into ground, as a childs heart carries hopes and dreams and potential and when a tree is grown enough birds should nest in its crown and carry those dreams into the world. But by the time my heart was planted it was already dried out and the only ground I could plant it to was poisened. The sun light was too burning and the rain too toxic to help with the growth but, oh, did it grow.

My heart grew into a tree, large with a thick stem and gnarly arms that seemed to reach for the sky as if in prayer, as if begging for a god to hear its cries.

The fruits of my tree and of my labor and life were, however, toxic and ugly, the trees wood filled with parasites and the fruits full of worms that consumed rotten flesh.

likely because i forgot or just decided not to do it

Introduction

Nick (pseudonym) | Age 28 | Any gender, any pronouns | AFAB

Diagnoses: Schizobsessive x AuDHD x C-PTSD x BPD

On 450mg Wellbutrin, 80mg Strattera, 20mg Prozac, 40mg Latuda

Side effects: trembling/jitters, mild nausea, excessive yawning, mild drowsiness

Likes (visuals): #weirdcore, #dereality, #liminal space, #surrealcore, #dreamcore, #anemoia, #kidcore, #2000s aesthetic, #Old Web, #webcore, #retro anime gifs, #vaporwave, #cyberpunk, #surrealism

Likes: libraries, fairy lights, the moon, sunlight, energy drinks, Halloween, sunrises & sunsets, Spotify, airports, pdfs, the night sky.

DNI #1:

LET THE DEFENSIVENESS BEGIN!

If you have a problem with me "trying so hard to do XYZ" (XYZ could be a number of things), and you don't even know if I'm intentionally trying to do XYZ or if XYZ is a side effect, and if XYZ isn't harmful other than making you feel bad about yourself (eg inadequate in some way), get the fuck away from me.

+ Some passive aggression to spice things up?

Also DNI #2 if you live independently, have an income that is sufficient to financially support yourself with in the future, and struggle to believe that there are things YOU take for granted as easy that are difficult for me, especially if you're prone to thinking, "Y can't be difficult for you because you can do X!"

DNI #3 if you don't believe that abusive people (whom humanity would be better off without) exist, that first impressions can be misleading, and again, and that people really can be *that bad.*

Lastly, DNI #4

Asks (non-anon only) are open as long as you don't fit into the DNI.