Had an experience where I was picking in the mirror for like 15 mins, dissociating, and all the sudden I snap into reality and I’m looking at the rough pores of my skin. I see the beginnings of wrinkles, scars, scabs, and these fuck ugly skin tags all over my face. I feel the age of my body.
I wish I had the opportunity to take my own life early before my body REALLY shits out on me. I’m in so much pain at 26 what the HELL am I gonna feel like in 30 years??? I don’t want to die slowly, rotting into my own bones.
Actually, I don’t want to die. Ever. I want to stay just like this. I don’t want to find out where I’ll end up after this life ends. I don’t want to float endlessly in a pool of nothingness as a vacant shell in eternity. I want to exist here, left to my own devices, safe, and able to watch the years pass without worrying about what will kill me and when.
I can’t bear for this to get any worse.
