#act team

I am now on a community treatment order (CTO). I have to get regular injections still, even more frequently. Fluanxol (flupentixol) 40mg every 2 weeks. I have to see my doctor at least once a month, but they are planning for once a week to every other week. I have to see my case manager every week. The assertive community treatment team (ACT team) took me on and I will be seeing up to 12 different people. I don't consider myself to be a schizoaffective person, but that's what they want of me. I am discharged from the psychiatric facility after 41 days.

My therapist from the ACT team is supposed to come today. I hope she can make it because a lot of the roads are closed.

My psychotherapist from the ACT team made me laugh so hard today. She’s honestly the best!

Damn it, Marcia the goddamn ACT team nurse texted me a bit ago saying that she wants to meet with me, see my place, and maybe go get something to drink today. Of course no timeframe was given and for the zillionth time, contacting me the day of to try to meet up when I've repeatedly said that doesn't work for me and is rude and inconsiderate. Even if I agree to meet with her, she's not allowed in my place. Ugh, do I just suck it up and text back asking when? 😡

That phone is trash and my Internet access for now is crappy at best; this older phone isn't working all that well. To make matters worse, today was a shitty day (don't have the spoons to get into it and I don't know if I'd even get to post it) and I'm in a shitty, self-destructive headspace, though there were some good things about it. I feel like I need to stop existing. It hurts way too much, physically, mentally, and emotionally. I feel like I need to cut. I wish Michael had been able to spend the night because I don't feel safe from myself. I'm the problem, I'm evil and rotten to the core, I'm the reason I'm still fucked up and so fucked up.

That phone is trash and my Internet access for now is crappy at best; this older phone isn't working all that well. To make matters worse, today was a shitty day (don't have the spoons to get into it and I don't know if I'd even get to post it) and I'm in a shitty, self-destructive headspace, though there were some good things about it. I feel like I need to stop existing. It hurts way too much, physically, mentally, and emotionally. I feel like I need to cut. I wish Michael had been able to spend the night because I don't feel safe from myself. I'm the problem, I'm evil and rotten to the core, I'm the reason I'm still fucked up and so fucked up.

I might be getting off the ACT team. Laura (my therapist) agrees it doesn't seem like the right fit for me.