#accession

[Images © CBS/Paramount]

Best moments

Try to touch the cup Introduced halfway through The Next Generation, Keiko mostly seems to be around to support other characters. So in “Violations,” she’s there to help with the investigation into the mind-probing Ullians. She doesn’t do much, but she’s there. And we’ve got to admit that her scene remembering her childhood with her grandmother is rather sweet.

I would die to save the life of my child Keiko shows some badassery in “Power Play” when Miles is possessed by a being who seems to relish the idea of tormenting its host’s significant other, really twisting the knife and making things personal. Keiko bravely demands that the being let baby Molly go and even expresses she would rather die than let this thing survive. This all to the face of the man she loves!

So easy a child could do it I shit on “Rascals” a lot (and rightly so), but one thing it actually succeeds in is giving Keiko something to do. Even if it is the child form of Keiko, and not that great a child actor to boot. But she does get to help foil the Ferengi takeover of the ship, which somehow the adults on the ship are unable to do. So, uh, low bar but she and the other kid-crew leap over that sucker.

Children are the future By the time Miles and Keiko have moved over to Deep Space Nine, the little missus is looking for some way to contribute now that her botanying is basically on pause, and she leaps feet first into taking on the education of all the children on the station in “A Man Alone.” It’s a commendable endeavor since, even in the future, teaching is drastically underappreciated.

Separation of religion and station We also have to stand up and applaud Keiko for standing up to Vedek Winn in “In the Hands of the Prophets” when the Bajoran leader wants her to stop teaching the science of the wormhole and instead enforce their backwards religion. Keiko’s spot-on response “I don't teach Bajoran spiritual beliefs; that's your job” is the secular philosophy Star Trek is all about.

You know, that was a very ugly thing you just said We give Miles shit for his anti-Cardassian racism, so it’s refreshing to see Keiko do the same and call him in on his dog whistling in “Cardassians.” Miles tries to insinuate that Cardassians had gentleness bred out of them, and Keiko won’t hear it. She lets Rugal stay with them, she encourages him to play with Molly, and she even tries (and fails) to feed him like she would any kid.

It keeps him up all night! Keiko later foils the Kelleruns’ plan in “Armageddon Game” when she sees through their doctored recording of the harvester-deactivation team getting wiped out by some failsafe or other. The whole thing, of course, is a lie. Without Keiko insisting that the thing is a forgery because Miles wouldn’t be drinking coffee ends up saving the lives of Bashir and O’Brien.

We call it Voight-Kampff for short Viewers at home don’t even realize it until the end, but Keiko does a great job not rumbling the game for Miles’s replicant in “Whispers.” The twist at the end reveals that she’s been hiding from him that everyone on the station knows he’s not the real Miles, but she manages to keep him from fulfilling whatever his directive and treats him like the actual deal as much as she can.

I have no intention of testifying against my husband Even while cemented into the limiting role of “Miles’s wife,” Keiko gets some moments to shine. Ostensibly, she attends Miles’s trial in “Tribunal” just to be the face of the defendant’s family (and to give Miles the chance to blame domestic abuse if he wants), but Keiko never gives the corrupt judiciaries what they want, pushing back against their legal system the whole time.

Be the best damned botanist in the galaxy When Keiko is forced to close down the school when the Bajoran kiddos leave the station in “The House of Quark,” she’s back to where she started in the premiere. So it’s great to have her go back to her roots and agree to join the agrobiology expedition on Bajor rather than wallow in despair. Was it just to write her out of episodes? A little, but at least it’s in character.

Cheer him up a little This one probably belongs on Miles’s Worst Moments list, so let’s cover it now. Miles spends “Accession” moping that he can’t hang out with Bashir anymore now that Keiko’s back from her botany assignment, even though she never once gives him any indication he can’t still have fun. So she tricks him into going to play with his friend like setting up a toddler playdate.

You’re family now More on this in the Worst Moments section, but first let’s praise Keiko for how she treats Kira, who is surrogating Yoshi after the events of “Body Parts.” The O’Briens have Kira move in with them during the pregnancy, and Keiko is super progressive during “Looking for par’Mach in All the Wrong Places” about how Miles takes care of the Major. It’s sweet, right? Right…?

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Worst moments

Runabout Bride I griped about this in both Data’s and Miles’s spotlight posts as well, but really Keiko is the one who started it! In her series debut “Data’s Day,” she continuously tries to call off her own wedding on the day. And even worse than that: she makes poor Data (of all people!) do it for her! The franchise really starts off this character as demonstrably unlikeable. But don’t worry, there’s more!

Plankton loaf du jour Chris put this on our Miles list as well, but it bears repeating. In “The Wounded,” immediately after their marriage, Keiko makes them breakfast of kelp buds, plankton loaf, and sea berries, which to my Western palette sounds awful. And then turns up her nose at Miles’s food culture. Did you two never eat together before this or did you go straight to the “I do”s with a stranger?

Is our marriage over? So Keiko and the kids outsmarting the Ferengi in “Rascals” made the good list, but the rest of her behavior while a child is just WEIRD. As a twelve-year-old, she tries to act like her relationship with Miles should remain the same. Excuse me? It’s one thing for him to be supportive of you in a crisis, but your life is entirely upended. Do not put this man in this position.

This garden transplant didn’t take Another element of the Keiko character that we brought up before in the Miles post comes when they transfer together to DS9 and Keiko effectively loses her job as botanist. How this wasn’t a conversation between the two of them is beyond me, as they spend all of “A Man Alone” publicly fighting at Quark’s and on the promenade about their terrible life choices.

School is now in session The writers strangely decide to make Keiko a school teacher in “A Man Alone” just to keep her character relevant to the new show. It’s a good thing for someone to do, as we mentioned in our Best Moments list, but frankly it feels like a disservice to her character, who already had a life before this. It just didn’t fit the Frontier Station™ setting, so Keiko gets a personality overwrite.

No more pencils, no more books Standing up to Vedek Winn in “In the Hands of the Prophets,” it turns out, is a terrible idea, as Keiko essentially stirs up racial tensions all across the station, resulting in most of the students pulling out of school, which ends up getting blown up. Coincidence? Oh definitely not. And shame on the writers for not giving Keiko another line after the destruction. Boo.

The best part of waking up… We’re still not sure what we think of the reveal that Miles does indeed drink coffee whenever the hell he pleases in “Armageddon Game,” as it negates the insight that Keiko had earlier brought to the episode (and to this blogpost!) when she saves the day. It feels like the writers are saying “nyah nyah!” because it turns out Keiko doesn’t know her husband as well as she thinks.

I don’t even want to sit at the same table with you More fighting in public with Miles. We loved Keiko getting back to her botany roots, but springing on her husband in “Fascination” that her survey expedition was going to take seven months longer than planned is an argument that should not have been happening at Quark’s in the Gratitude Festival. The writers made any excuse they could to not have her on the show!

So you wish Keiko was a man? Keiko is upset at Miles at the top of “Hippocratic Oath” for putting a workshop in the bedroom during one of the myriad times she’s away, and clearly there was another argument about it in which Keiko accuses him of living like a bachelor again. Bitch, you’re not even there 90% of the time. No wonder Miles admits to Julian he wishes she were more like a man.

I think she’s actually enjoying it, Miles We talked in both Kira’s and Miles’s posts about how ridiculous their B-plot was in “Looking for par’Mach in All the Wrong Places,” but Keiko is so naive that she keeps forcing them together by accident. What’s even worse: this whole surrogacy plot was a fabulous opportunity to have Keiko and Kira bond instead, as two women who rarely have scenes together. What a ripoff.

Where’re Baloo and Bagheera when you need them? I will never stop giving Miles and Keiko (and to some extent Odo!) grief about how they send feral Molly back into her cave in “Time’s Orphan.” How anyone can neglect their child this blatantly and then be rewarded for it by the episode’s intent is just terrible. Keiko doesn’t even resist the idea when Miles shares it, but is onboard immediately to give up on their child rather than get her actual help.

But the cat came back the very next day A smaller detail in “Time’s Orphan” hints at how Keiko doesn’t like Chester, the cat that O’Brien takes in after he absolutely gets Bilby killed in “Honor Among Thieves.” Keiko strongly insinuates that she’d be happy if Chester ran away, never to return, if they brought him on their picnic. How this woman cannot love this poor orphaned cat is beyond me and deserves some hate.

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