#ac079

Her blonde hair blew in the breeze, tangled and dampened from a dip in the waterfall earlier that day. Her bright blue orbs stared at the horizon, heavy from exhaustion and rimmed red from all the tears shed. The palm of her hand pressed against the trunk of the palm tree, scuffed up and bloodied, her fingers blistered from the burns. The toes of her worn out bare feet pressed against the sand, the red nail polish most of the way chipped off. Her stomach growled, her body ached, and her heart shattered. This was it. This was the end. This was how she was going to die, how they were all going to die. Pushing herself away from the palm tree, she made her way closer to the ocean’s edge, eyes never leaving their place on the exact point where the sky met the water, not until she stopped walking, at least, and suddenly shifted her gaze upwards at the scattered clouds. “If there’s a God up there, he’ll hear me, right?” Her voice was barely above a whisper, dry lips struggling to part as she spoke, throat burning with each word that escaped her tongue, delusional thoughts leaving her mind in the form of sentences. “Even if there isn’t a God, someone has to hear me. Someone’s listening.” Lowering her body to the sand, she dropped to her knees, not even feeling the sting that rushed through her limbs as her sunburnt skin collided with the sand. If this was the end, pain didn’t really matter anyhow.

“Dear God, or the Devil, or whatever higher power people seem to think exists. I’ve never really spoken to you before because I never was given a reason to believe in you. Every other time I’ve folded my hands to pray, my world has ended up crashing down around me. So maybe this time, once my voice manages to float up to you, you could make my world crash by putting me out of this misery. Just end it, don’t give Trent the satisfaction of doing it for you. You wouldn’t really want that in the end, would you?! What I want more than anything, out of this conversation, is for you to pass some messages along for me. Now that you know a little bit about me, I think you can do that, yeah? You see, I didn’t think I would die when I stepped on that cruise ship – although, looking back, I probably should have expected it, but I’m a fucking idiot, so I didn’t. But because I didn’t, I didn’t get to say anything. I’m not usually one to say goodbye, I tend to just disappear, but this time is different because this time my disappearance will be final. So, please, if you hear this, please pass it along. I know you have the power to do that! Tell my daughter that I love her. Tell her that I’m sorry that I didn’t get to see her grow up, that I’m sorry I’ve already made mistakes as a mother and that I couldn’t be better for her. Tell her that she can be anything she wants to be, and that I hope she has a good life, and that I thought about her everyday while I was gone. Tell her that, while I never knew I properly wanted her, I also can’t remember how I ever survived without her, and then tell her that I’m sorry that I didn’t survive. Tell my ex-husband, the one who matters not the other abusive one, tell him that I forgive him. Tell him that I forgive him for the things he did and the way he left. Tell him to take care of Effie and to give her the best life possible, and if he can’t or it ever gets too much, tell him to let Loren take care of her. Loren’s going to make it off this island, I just know she is! She’s going to make it back to her son and her life, so tell him that he can always look to her for help. But mostly, that I forgive him. Tell Loren that I love her, that I’m so happy we found each other again. She’s the best cousin, and until my daughter, she was the only blood family I had. Tell the few friends I’ve made that I care about them, and that I’m sorry I was a shitty friend, that if I could do it again, I might do it better. I’d list their names, but honestly, I'm a shitty friend and you know who they are anyway. I think that’s it…and even if it isn’t, my brain hurts too much to think, and my body hurts too much to speak. I’m sorry for the person I was, and the terrible things I’ve done, and if forgiveness after death is a thing, I hope it happens to me.”

Taking in a deep breath, she exhaled slowly, knowing well that she had rambled on for too long, and that ultimately, she was only speaking to herself. It was crazy what this place was doing to her. Pushing herself up from the ground, she returned her gaze to the ocean, eyes scanning from the horizon, following the water to where it met the shore, eventually looking down at her own feet. Kicking at the sand, she took a few more steps closer to the water, hands now rising to tug the straps from her now ruined dress off her shoulders before sliding it down her frame and off her body completely, kicking it off to the side. She wouldn’t need it, not wherever she was going. With another deep breath in, she forced her weakened body to move forward, making her way into the water, hesitation lost entirely despite the stinging of the cold water against her sun-soaked skin, stopping only once the water hit her bare thighs. Casting her gaze upwards once more, she parted her lips. “If you’re up there, whoever you are, if you do exist, please help me. Please. Please, help me.”