#absolutely not

Before I start this rant, I want to preface that this is not me saying "I'm not like other girls". I cringe when I think back on my "not like other girls" phase, and I think that teenage girls and their interests are always looked down upon by society. I'm a fully grown adult, and I am just voicing my opinions on my experience, knowing that I am not alone or unique in this experience.

Growing up, I never really liked makeup or beauty. I have no idea why, but if a party included getting makeup done or nails done, I would do the least possible necessary. I never really let myself have fun with crazy makeup or even something as simple as face paint as a child. I was a strict rule-follower as a kid, and I think I made arbitrary rules for myself to follow. I never did my own hair until the start of secondary school; my mum would do my hair in a ponytail every single day. The outfits I put together were atrocious, the colours would not match, and I would dress most of the time in jeans and a T-shirt.

This sufficed for quite a long time, but then I grew older. Everyone around me seemed to have their style figured out, and I just wanted to fit in. I dressed in different "aesthetics" all the time, wearing clothes from the boys' section, dresses, skirts, and anything else. I wore whatever I wanted, and my hair was always in a poorly done side plait like Katniss.

I thought dressing like this was enough again, but when I got to sixth form, it was not. Everyone was dressed nicely in unique styles, with good hair and good makeup. Every single day. Eventually, I settled on a style. I chose clothes and colours I liked to wear, and things started to fit in. Finally, I figure I want to/need to figure out how to do makeup. I know I need to figure out how to do hair.

My point is, why? Why do I need to partake in all these different aspects as a woman? I do like looking and feeling pretty, but I don't have a passion for fashion like a Bratz doll. I just like looking presentable and wearing something that suits me. That's sufficient, yes. But it feels like there is the expectation to always look beautiful in everything. To cover what you really look like underneath everything, because no one would like that part of you.

You have to be good at makeup and hair and nails and fashion and walking in heels. Everybody I know is amazing at all those things, and I love that for them, but it feels exhausting. Sometimes, it sounds like I'm just submitting to the industry when I play right into their hands with my skin care routines and makeup and wanting to learn how to care for my hair.

It's hard to know how much of the world I know is influenced by what others have dictated about how I should think or feel. Would I have chosen to wear makeup ever if I didn't feel some sort of societal pressure to do so? Would I really care about looking after my hair if there wasn't a voice of constant comparison saying I had to? I'm not sure.