Estrangement (follow up) 1:
Posted. My new post to my blog 'Go Getter' was already finished and was sent in for the public to enjoy. My feet dangled slightly off the soft cushiony magenta swivel chair I had invested some money into. For comfort this good, especially when spending long grueling hours staring at a vivid screen, it's obligatory to have congeniality. I propelled myself up; stretching my aching back and ruffling my ombre hair that had a color of caramel tracing the ends, and my natural sandy brown that I darkened led more towards my roots.
I clenched my hands into fist before straightening them wide out as if I were falling from a building and my hands were spread, desperate to grab on to something. After stretching every muscle in my body from my protracted writing shift, I rambled downstairs for a cup of tea as a token for another post well done.
The kettle bubbled as I waited patiently in my favorite living room chair, that rocked back and forth and had the coziest backing to it. It wasn't until my phone started ringing loud enough to startle me half dazed that my eyes vaulted open and darted themselves to my telephone. I purposely waited until the answer machine came on and the caller would be revealed.
"Hey Kaitlin....it's yn, your mom. I was just checking up to see how you were doing and if you're alright," Her voice ricocheted with unease, culpability and inquisitiveness. "It's been 3 years since we've last seen you and.....oh well it's just a mother's intuition. Maybe I'll see you around...bye." Click!
I tortured myself, making myself bitterly fatigued in holding back an eye roll that I fruitlessly achieved. "Mother's intuition?" I pondered loudly. Ha! What a joke! I don't need a mother like her....I don't need a mother at all anymore...like I ever had one. How did she even get my number? The thought of my mom having my home number in the first place was beastly. Afterall, I meant it when I promised I wouldn't see them again. The hissing of the kettle interrupted my deep engrossment in how in the world mom even knew someone who had my number. I quickly turned off the stove, and raced back into the living room to call and have my number changed again.
Chances are, if mom has it....so does dad, and that was a BIG NO-NO.
I sighed a sigh of relief when my number was changed. I spent the next hour texting everyone important my new number, but it was worth it. Only then did I feel alleviate enough to enjoy my hot tea....that I heated in the microwave. I plopped the black tea bag into my vehemently hot water filled mug and watched it bleed through as the water sizzled it in. I scooped in a couple sugars before sauntering in my kitchen nook. I couldn't quiver the tragic thought of myself reconnecting with my family, or should I say parental units. I contemplate on my siblings from time to time, especially Kira. She should be 10 years by now, in fifth grade with her favorite baby blue and yellow backpack with the anime faced crescent moon.
Maybe Kameron and Kristopher are famous or established athletes, Kimberly has her academics, so that lands her as a teacher or professor possibly, Kylie loves art so maybe a painter for her....so that just leaves mom and dad. I haven't heard much particulars on any of them, but I finally came to terms that it was requisite with all the calamity that I had escaped at the hands of my parents. I accepted that they were living their lives with acclimatization of me being a couple miles away, and that I myself have finally become the same with my own; even to the point of adding an addition to my 'world of fun'.
Angus. He was a couple feet taller, standing lanky with black messy hair that was occasionally brushed into a shaggy mop cut, where his bags flowed neatly above his eyebrows. His piercing grayish blue eyes would confine my hazel ones, daring as to not look to his mauvelous tiny kitty lips. Adrenaline drumed the more my mind would recapture the moments I had with him over the summer, a few short story posts that were marginally mirrored off him. I could die with his bulky arms wrapped around my waist and my head pillowing his shoulder blade. A goliath to me, but a gentle giant that would run through hail and fire just to see my face or to hear about my derisory day on the computer.
I beat myself to a pulp if I feel like I'm not giving my half of the invisible agreement to Angus because of my loveless background. He's the first person besides Kira who showed me an authentic side of life....one filled with laughter that causes your sides to ache, that makes your cheeks sting whenever he smiles at you, holding flowers or a new teddy bear behind his back like fingers crossed and one that makes you burn an internal promise to cherish every waking moment with him like it's the last time you'll ever see his smile, or his laugh or his heart.
I had finished my tea faster than anticipated. That was it? I thought before taking the cup to the sink and pressing my back to it. Sunlight gashed my back with it's florid rays, as it was indeed powerful enough to sneak around the daisy patterned sink curtains I had hanging up, and flash me with it's thick amber radiance. I licked my lips before draggin my bare feet across my hardwood upstairs to my bedroom. Maybe I needed answers, maybe I needed closure. The thought came as a shrug to me, like if someone shrugged their shoulders in an unsure manner like they couldn't be certain of the consequences that follow. I flopped in my swivel chair and conducted a internet investigation of my own, looking up every members name and what their profile was connected with.
Kimberly was now engaged to someone named Pete and as theory, she worked as a professor in "Limbgere's instutite of learning." Kylie was an art curator, studying to become an established artist, Kristopher was a sports doctor; inspired by basketball injury that took him out for the season, he decided to take his course in medicine, and Kameron was a professional soccer player. Kira, being the youngest was still in school and mom and dad.....dad still worked as a professor and mom was the typical homemaker like she was when I left home.
I swallowed a little stupefy as to how much of everyone's life was left from me. It was my decision of course, no one else's but mine. But I guess it still pierced that everyone seemed to forget about me so easily. Kimberly's engaged and I had no idea, so I guess it's no surprise the aftershock started kicking in. I mean I'm sure they've seen my Instagram posts; boyfriend posts, awards I've won for bestselling blogger. And my short stories that have won special achievements. In fact....Kristopher follows me. I only noticed this a few months back despite him being one my loyal followers for years. So it perturbed me on his silence. He was one of the ones I could bear my heart out when I reached a breaking point, and he returned it with chill hug and "You'll get through this."
My unsettled thoughts began to make me feel queasy. I wanted to scream, cry and swear at the top of my lungs, cursing everyone down to the big white house and my medium sized bedroom that I haven't even dreamed of in 3 years and 30 blocks away on the other side of town.
Ding! My melodramatic rumination was intervened with an email.
Dear Kaitlin,
You are invited to the 55th annual publisher awards this Friday! You have been nominated for 'Best short story' and 'Best blogger/ Writer!' We hope to see you there! Congratulations!
Sincerely,
The Publisher Foundation
A lump that was sheltering in my throat was finally released with a excited exclaim. Hair, makeup, nails, dresses all ran through my mind anticipatory. I couldn't believe I was nominated and let alone invited! This was a highly exquisite ceremony and words couldn't express my gratitude for such an acknowledgement!
Angus, being the first person I shared this invigorating broadcast with, took a delightful share in the rousing engagement I had. "Kaitlin, I've gotta rent a tux and arrange a special dinner for afterwards," My cheeks turned a deep crimson at the thought of being completely spoiled on the night of a special ceremony, that had already taken dominance in my mind. "Aw Angus, you don't have to do that,"
"I wanted to. After all, you've done so much and I need to make it up to you. Especially with this job that's been taking up too much of my life." Angus had inquired a job that he was planning to retire from due to the harsh elongate work and the smothering of the periods it occupies during the week. Angus would come to my house with achy numb fingers and languid shoulders that led his back into a slump. I was glad he was going to quit this nugatory job, as it was killing him in front of his very eyes.
After our conversation, I immediately arranged for fancy dress and heels that would match the jewelry I would adorn myself in. I laid out the prepossessing ocean blue ombre dress on my bed, admiring the painting like cloth that I would be wearing in a couple days. The realization sent a exciting chill through my spine. I could picture it; rouge colored lipstick, silver diamond earrings with a matching bracelet and silver heels. And of course my hair was to be styled in a beach wave bun with a french braid trailing itself around my head.
It was all set. I was officially ready.
I had just put the finishing touches on my eyelashes. I curled the fake hair into the perfect curve, that brought extrinsic to the silver and blue mixed eyeshadow and black velvet eyeliner to my hazel eyes. My heels clicked modishly against ligneous pavement that was a straight path to the bedroom door, that would lead me down the stairs to open the door for my escort. "Hello Angus," I greeted him, sashaying my hips as if to bring heed to how my body hugged the dress and how I modestly glistened to his appeal. "You look stunning! That color...." Angus was tongue-tied in his astonishment. "You're gorgeous." He simply stated, in a matter of fact like there was no question about it.
I returned his plaudits, and allowed our arms to twine together as we walked to Angus's silver van and drove off the ceremony. The dem yet bright lights were what flashed my eyes first besides the cameramen flashing their cameras towards the upcomers who were all competing for the special achievements being given tonight. I took a few pictures, did a couple interviews before finding my seat and joining Angus in sitting down for a little while.
Although, it bored me to death seeing everyone mingle, and a few attendees had asked to meet me, so I excused myself from my boyfriend and joined in the chatter before the show. "Kaitlin, you look rather beautiful tonight," Tiffany, the girl who owns the fashion blog who I occasionally allied with was looking stunning in her sparkly cream gown that she donned a matching shaw with. Although despite her formosity flashy dress, her strawberry red lipstick is what I noticed first besides her dangling diamond earrings. "I should say the same for you too Tiff! That shaw and those earrings!"
Even through her thick blush, I could see her beaming flattery cast itself beyond the artificial makeup. While glancing over her shoulder, I noticed familiar green eyes revert themselves in my direction before turning away. It shook me. I remembered those eyes, emerald colored ones that garmented brumal distant looks, and repugnant stares. Manly eyes that only one person I knew could wear so boldly around me.
Dad.
My sandpapered throat swallowed only drops of my internal distress. I couldn't bare to be in a room with that man despite my earlier curiosities. The minute Tiffany turned her attention to another guest, I darted as far away from that area in the large auditorium hall as possible. My heart banged loudly, as the thought of such nightmares could return to me on my night. How did he get here? Why is he here? How, just how? I didn't think this could get worse but.....on my luck, anything was possible right? "Kaitlin?" I turned to see Kameron standing there in awe before he raced to me and embraced me into his much thicker arms than when I had last seen him. "It's been so long."
I hugged back, looking over his shoulder and seeing Kim and Kylie following shortly behind and....Kira. The little girl who saved my life. Tear bubbled over as I greeted my siblings with tight hugs. "Katie!" Kira wrapped her little arms around my neck that I returned feeling fondness growing thickly in the form of of lump in my throat. "Kristopher's with mom and dad." That icy feeling hit again. It pinged hard enough to arouse vigilant protection on myself and Angus. "They're here?"
"Yeah, remember? Dad always had been a part of the publishing foundation because he would offer books and other important reading material to them." I hit my forehead with my hand mentally. That's why! I remember coming here faintly because of his connections to the program and with other professors of the publishing foundation!
"Oh right!" "Look how much times have changed, now you're here and you're nominated for two awards!" Kylie added. "She is?"I turned around to be met with those green glacial eyes again. Some things never change. Dad looked stunned and dumbfounded as him and Kristopher walked side by side to the rest of the group. I nodded almost bombastic. "Yep, they nominated me for best blog and best writer and blogger."
"That's amazing!" Mom had now showed up to this family reunion. "You deserve it." I swallowed pride and thanked my mother for her guilty compliment. Things hadn't changed. "You look so beautiful honey, I didn't know you added ombre to your hair. How's things been going?"
I flinched a little when she said "honey." "Oh very well thank you, you?" "It's been good. You know Kimberly's getting married and Kira is on her last year of elementary." I smiled wide of Kira. She has come so far and I couldn't be more proud of the little girl who I had to bitterly say goodbye to.
"That's great! Congratulations both of you!" I pretended to not have cyber stalked them. "Who's Angus?" Kristopher brought up. Of course he would know, as he became friendly with my Instagram over the course I've been running it. My parents head perked like a they had just seen a mysterious flash. I cleared my throat of a chagrin position. "Angus, he's a friend...my boyfriend." I don't understand why I mentioned that last part. Maybe a piece of me wanted to give a small insight to my life to the outsiders looking in. "Well that's great, is he here?" I kicked myself internally, regret was already sinking in and drowning me. "Yeah, but I think he's in the bathroom." I patted myself for my competent lie.
"Alright ladies and gentleman, let's get started." I heard the announcer say. I trollied to my seat that was next door to Angus, who was sipping champagne. "Tonight is the night of the Internet awards, where we celebrate bloggers and writers who gift us with wonderful content on their personal websites or a public one that's filled with tons of other writers. So tonight we honor these ones with awards. You've voted and so now we will tell the winners of our favorite writers."
My stomach did leaps as I thought about the awards. How shiny they looked, how sophisticated the design looked and how well it would display itself on my office shelf. I glimpsed over to my father who was also anticipating the ceremony. It would be preconception of me to think my father didn't deserve such achievement for his life's work. After all, the last time I stepped foot into the college he labored at, his speech and assignments to the students were exceptional. His precision and timeliness were astonishing. The high society professors cavalier whenever dad's speeches ring through their connections.
But without downgrading myself, I at least tried to be good writer. I don't know exactly how dad felt about me being nominated or being blogger in the first place, but that doesn't change anything. I swallowed my abhorrent thoughts and put on a number one smile for the show.
The announcer announced the nominees and then the winners; show going on faster than expected. It only picked up when dad was invited on stage to give a speech.
"I know tonight is very important, we're all dressed fancy for this special evening. Writers are what make the world and blah blah blah," I tuned him out and just sipped my champagne. I got up to use the bathroom, and as I stood up, my father's eyes met with mine. Those icy ones had now turned into hesitance and downhearted. Almost scared with my reaction to the turned tables. But I was simply excusing myself to the lavatory on an unbiased notice. I looked in the mirror, staring hard at myself with candid orbs. My eyes; fresh, my smile; unalloyed, my face.....guiltless. I didn't have to hide behind a facade of a sugary persona to be accepted again or to dismiss everything that's happened in my life.
I put on a more aplomb face and goose stomped myself out to my chair. Good job lieutenant.
Dadhad finished his speech and excused himself to his seat. I shifted my eyes quickly to the man who had tormented me for all my life, to see him shift his attention to me. He gave way to puppy dog eyes that hinged on predicted disappointment from my 'shallow' escape to the bathroom. I reverted my eyes back to the stage and continued my attention there until they would announce my category. "The nominees for best short story are, Maya Tutwell, Kaitlin Styles, Ruby Hoffman, Lance Griffin and Parker Deseto," Hepulled the ticket out of the envelope.
"Kaitlin Styles!" A hyper amount of adrenaline raced through my body like electric bolts. I zipped on stage, not caring that my dress was trying to introduce my cleavage to the audience, although I did adjust myself before turning to the crowd.
"Thank you all so much! I would never be here on this stage if it wasn't for any of you. When I first wrote this story, I had just moved a couple miles away from home, into a new apartment and I had just started my job as a blogger and I had no idea it would lead to this. The story was inspiration off of a personal experience in life and in love and it was difficult for me to convey at first. But I did it and I published it into the story you all know now. I wanna thank my boyfriend Angus for his limitless support and adoration, my friends and fans who made this possible for me tonight. Thank you, I love you so much!" I wiped the faint mascara tears and watched as I stood beyond the crowd, yet a second time since my graduation. I could see Angus who was clapping and whistling with immense pride, a few friends who clapped the loudest among the thousands of crowd goers and my family who clapped with confusion and botheration. Except for my siblings who were delighted at my second wind.
Mom tried to stand for a ovation but, It wasn't necessary....so I exited the stage with that thought. I didn't win best blogger, but I didn't care. I won something and that was enough for me. Angus kept continually kissing my cheek as we left. I had my new beautiful trophy in my hand as I walked arm in arm with my guy. In the corner of my eye, I saw my dad headed my way.
He approached me before I could take an escape route to Angus's car. "Hey Katie," I slightly narrowed my eyes to dads. I looked at him distrustful of what he was planning and I knew he could sense that. "Could I talk to you for a minute?" I signaled for Angus to excuse himself, as he took the award and ventured to the car. I turned my attention back to dad. I raised an eyebrow to signal to for him to explain what was the reason he pulled me aside. "Kaitlin, first I wanna congratulate you on winning best short story tonight....I'm very proud of you."
I nodded, just pondering on where this conversation was going. "Look, I won't be coy in the way I was when I last saw you. I know you hate that, especially from me. I miss you, your mom misses you, we all do. It's so painful to know that when you left, you wanted nothing to do with this family, and you changed your number, we didn't know where you lived and it's been years since we've last spoken. But that's not what I wanted for us, to end on such a grim note. It hurt to see you have a boyfriend, be in a successful career and just accomplish so many things, without us being there to see it all. I mean we are all proud but.....we just miss you. We love you Kaitlin and......could you ever find it in your heart to forgive us for everything so we can be a complete family again?"
I looked down. "If I'm being honest, I don't know. What you and mom did was disgusting and no one should be treated with such repugnance. I mean the only reason you say that is because I made a name for myself without the credit of your professor status, without Kameron's soccer career, without anyone's help and maybe that's a kick in the shins to your pride. No, I don't regret not speaking with you or mom. Maybe everyone else, but not you. Mom called only a couple weeks ago with the same speech of how she misses me and all that except I didn't pick up the phone, I let it go to voicemail before changing my number without any closure of how she got a hold of it in the first place. And besides, you have your children, Kylie, Kameron, Kristopher, Kimberly and Kira with all their successes. Why should I be the missing puzzle piece? My life is complete."
I could tell that last sentence shook dad, hard. His eyes welled up with tears that broke into an out loud sob. "I'm sorry, Katie, I didn't mean to hurt you. Why didn't you tell us before?" I squinted my eyes at dad before huffly walking off. But not before turning around and saying: "You figure it out. You've got your whole life." And then I joined Angus in the car.
Part 2???????
(Ha, I'll do it anyway!)
