Random conversations between Alfie and his mrs in his vlogs.
You’re both stood in the kitchen, camera set on the usual shelf facing you. You’re chopping an apple up into little cubes.
“Nah, my mrs has lost it…” He shakes his head, watching you.
“What’s wrong?” You look between him and the camera, confused.
“What’s with the apples?” He questions, picking up an apple cube and popping it into his mouth.
“They’re squeaky. So if i chop them up then they’re not squeaky when i eat them.” You explain, still focused on the task in front of you.
“Right…” Alfie responds, pursing his lips and furrowing his eyebrows. He’s learned to just let you get on with the weird things you do, it’s easier that way.
-
He’s sat on the couch, talking to the camera as you walk into the Grotto. His face immediately lights up and he turns the camera in your direction.
“Look who it is!”
“Yo family!” You stick your tongue out at the camera, setting your stuff down.
“Nah, I was gonna vlog but I might have to put the camera down for a while…” Alfie dramatically bites his lip and looks you up and down before reaching for your arse.
The camera picks up a loud smack and you yelping. You turn around and hit Alfie’s arm.
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summary: you defend alfie from stray, unwanted flirting | Alfie x fem!reader
notes: He's so awkward I love him <3 based on this request!
content: awkward alfie, black cat gf energy, unwanted flirting
taglist: @pretendyoucantseeme @williamlenneys @theoreticallythe @thechurchboyniall @urinternetfairygf @luvbuttlestv @lilyyxoii @pookietv @lxzzxebunny @lenneyswhore @wherethezoes-at @st3viez3 @kislnd @mirrorinthemeadow @calico-lou @loveheart-123 @sdmnpact @smzyyx @arthurtvslover @chair-things @l3nney @aqraxiia @lostdeerinthemist @peachmd - send a message or leave a comment to be added <3
The YoungLA event is loud in that specific influencer way – music thumping just low enough to talk over, drinks everywhere, people dressed like they definitely planned their outfit a week in advance. Alfie’s got his arm loosely around your waist, thumb drawing lazy circles like he does when he’s overstimulated and pretending he’s not.
You’re half-listening to someone talk about protein shakes when you feel him tense slightly beside you.
You don’t even have to look.
You just now.
And then you hear her.
“Hi,” she says, leaning in far too close to Alfie, hand brushing his arm like it’s an accident. “You’re AB, right?”
He blinks, a little slow, already uncomfortable. “Uh- yeah?”
You tilt your head, eyes flicking to her hand.
It stays there.
You straighten immediately.
“Hello?” you say, sweet voice sharp around the edges.
Both of them look at you.
The girl smiles at you like you’re an inconvenience. “Sorry, I was just-”
“He’s taken,” you say calmly. No raised voice. No drama. Just a fact.
You slid your arm properly around Alfie’s waist now, possessive without trying.
Alfie, bless him, does absolutely nothing to stop you.
In fact, he leans into you.
“Yeah”, he adds helpfully, nodding. “This is my girlfriend.”
The girl’s fake smile falters. “Oh. I didn’t know.”
You glance down at Alfie’s hand on your waist, then back at her. “That’s interesting, because he’s been standing with me the entire time”
Alfie lets out a small, badly contained laugh and immediately hides it by pretending to cough into his fist.
The girl’s jaw tightens. She looks Alfie up and down once more, clearly annoyed that he hasn’t said anything else/
“Well,” she says, tone sharp now, “you didn’t have to be rude.”
You smile, polite and deadly. “I wasn’t. I was being clear.”
She rolls her eyes, mutters something under her breath, and storms off toward the bar and a group of girls, shoulders stiff.
The second she’s gone, Alfie turns to you, eyes wide and impressed.
“That was sick,” he says, grinning. “You’re crazy.”
You raise an eyebrow. “You looked like you were about to combust.”
“I was,” he admits. “Thanks for saving me. I didn’t know what to say.”
You poke his chest. “You could’ve said no.”
“Yeah, but you’re better at it,” he says, hands finding your hips again. “I like it when you do that thing.”
“What thing?”
“Where you go all calm and scary,” he says fondly. “Possessive behaviour.”
You snort, “You’re such an idiot.”
He leans down and presses a kiss to your temple, soft and public and intentional. “Your idiot. And you’re my scary girlfriend.”
You tuck yourself back into his side, satisfied.
Across the room, the girl glances back once from her group of friends, sees Alfie still glued to you, kissing you, and she huffs again and turns round.
-͙˚ ༘✶ ──ukyt alfie buttle, late night beach drives, sun faded polaroids, saltwater curls, tangled headphones, iced coffees, frecked cheeks, sunkissed skin, ocean air, lipgloss stains. ˚ ༘⋆｡ ༘✶
synopsis: when the friend group sets off on their annual two-week europe trip, the last person reader wants to be stuck with is alfie buttle. they’ve never quite figured each other out. too much history to be strangers, too much pride to be anything else. but between shared hotel rooms, long train rides, and a group that refuses to let them avoid each other, pretending becomes harder than either of them expected. what starts as distance slowly becomes something far more difficult to ignore.
( content warnings : sensitive!reader, swearing, enemies to lovers, arguments/conflict, jealousy, crying, angst with comfort, suggestive themes/ potential smut. )
(bambi talks ೀ! hi guys ♡ this is my first ever tumblr writing series and i’m so excited to finally share the ideas that have been living in my head for ages while reading everyone else’s work. i’d seriously love to hear your thoughts and opinions !! requests for drabbles, aus, and future series will also be open <3 )
ummm every day i fail to post rocky waters chapter 3 i hate myself a little bit more so here's some dad!alfie headcanons and shit to ease my mind!
He's talked a big game about the prospect ever since you were just a few months into your relationship, but when it finally becomes real, that boy is shitting himself instantly.
Constantly on the phone to his mum; once, your morning sickness had lasted longer than usual and while he held your hair back, he dialed her number to ask if he should be concerned. Sometimes he just wants a second opinion from the person he trusts most (besides you ofc), and others he's near-crumbling as he gets overwhelmed at the thought of being a dad, feeling like a little boy again preening for his mother's approval.
She absolutely adores you, by the way—constantly doting and making sure you're both as comfortable and prepared as you possibly could be, always telling him he should be proud to call you his kid's mother. And he knows.
God, does he know it. He lingers quietly while you scroll through TikTok, scouring through pages giving advice to first-time parents, or reading a book of baby names, or strolling slowly past the baby food aisles, giddily anticipating the arrival of your little one.
During labour, he's doing everything in his power to make sure you're as content as can be, rubbing your back, fetching whatever you request in record-time. But when he gets a moment to himself in the loo, he wrings his hands and breathes heavily and stares at himself in the mirror for much too long before surfacing again to find you.
The only thing that makes the worries as to whether he'll be a good dad go away, is the baby itself. Washed by the nurses, bundled up in soft pink blankets as they hand her over, seeing her is the only thing that's been able to settle is pounding heart since you first arrived at the hospital however many hours ago. His eyes leave the mass of soft flesh only to seek out yours—his are glistening as he grins. "She's so bloody cute, babe. Look..."
With hands nearing the size of a gorilla's, he starts to worry he might hurt such a small thing, and panics when she shifts.
"Fuck... What if I hurt her...?" he whispers.
Shaking your head, giving a lathargic smile, you murmur, "You won't... Don't swear."
"Shi- uh.. yeah. Christ..."
He hates the fact that it's (mostly) unsafe to cosleep—if he could, he'd have your bundle of joy splayed between and across the two of your bodies all night, every night, just to ensure she's as close as possible, thinking her crib must be cold and uncomfy.
Happily Elatedly, shows her off to his mates, his family, everyone from the YouTube scene, anyone who'll spare a glance at a picture, actually. Hell, he showed his favourite Subway (the only one he actually trusted to make his sandwich) worker a photo, just because.
The first few weeks, spent almost wholly indoors, curled up in bed, caring for you and the baby, are some of the most blissful days of his life.
Thankfully, he never really has to work all that much, so gets to spend as long as he likes with his girls, or preparing—he's taken to watching videos of how to do hairstyles ("Yes, I know she's not got hair yet, love, but she will, and I'm gonna have to do it right, yeah? Just- zzzip, and lemme watch this.")
Gets actually giddy when you send him photos of her, or videos, or even little text descriptions of what she's doing, whenever he's been at work and can't be there. Spends his nights away on FaceTime, cooing at the sight of the sleeping girl, whispering that "Daddy's gonna be home soon, darling, I promise.."
He finds it therapuetic to make bottles for his princess, setting up his phone on the kitchen counter and filming for his Snapchat story as he (topless, of course, because he knows you like to watch them and screen record them) rambles about how things have been.
"-Also, can you all stop fucking asking when we're gonna post her? I don't know! And, being real here, it's a bit odd you wanna see a kid anyway, so just fuck off, yeah? Right now, we don't want pictures of her out there, and that's our right, so leave it out. Anyway... uh, yeah, Reader's out with her now, and she asked me to make up some bottles, cause she's having a break from breastfeeding today, so just shut up, watch and learn."
This man cannot for the life of him figure out how carseats work! It just stays in the back seat (behind the passenger seat so he can always quickly glance back and keep an eye on the girl within it), to prevent having to take it to and from the house too much. And because trying to buckle it down is the finest form of ragebait for him. He excuses it because "that's what it's for. Carseat, innit? For the car."
You won't catch him dead being a beige parent!!!! His girl looooves bright colours and whatever she wants, she gets, so if she wants to go out in a banana suit, fuck yeah he's gonna allow it!
Such a hypocrite though because he rolled his eyes all the way to Heaven when you insisted on getting cute cutlery and bowls and plates with sweet patterns on, but when he's scrubbing them clean in the sink, he's cheesing the whole time.
Thinks himself the luckiest bastard in the whole world for having you and the baby, and is not quiet about it. Like at all. The Fellas podcast has even started a designated 'baby segment' for him to brag about how you've been as a mum, or which part of the local park his daughter likes best, or the new foods she's been getting onto — "Nah, she's a right fussy kid, she will only sleep if we read certain books. She's right obsessed with the Mr Men, actually. But I think we're gonna have to get her a little guinea pig or something when she's a bit older, cause obviously we wanna get a dog, but, like, wanna train her first, to actually take care of a pet. Well, that's what the Mrs said and I trust her, so.."
content: 18+! trailertrash!ab. mentions of: cursing, weed, child neglect, alfie being an ass, breeding kink, shower sex, freeuse, pinv, oral sex (f!receiving), etc.
a/n: thank you to @headinthewalls for brainstorming this lovely au with me instead of revising, ily minnie! ☺️🫶
trailertrash!ab who treats you like shit but you love him nonetheless.
trailertrash!ab who calls you a ‘bitch’ and a ‘tart’ as a term of endearment.
trailertrash!ab who’s actually a big softie when he wants to be.
trailertrash!ab who’s the biggest cuddler in bed when you both don’t want to have sex.
trailertrash!ab who appreciates a good kiss rather than a quick shag.
trailertrash!ab who forgets your birthday but in a way to try and ‘redeem’ himself buys you a half price cake that’s going out of date as a way to show his affection.
trailertrash!ab who asks you to marry him after only a couple of months of dating because you’re the only person who’s stayed with him for that long.
trailertrash!ab who’s a stoner and a slob (in the nicest way possible), and does fuck all to help you around the trailer.
trailertrash!ab who leaves you with a newborn baby and two toddlers for hours on end because in all honesty he doesn’t want to look after them.
trailertrash!ab who constantly breaks up with you but always comes running back because you’re the only one who actually loves him.
trailertrash!ab who loses his shit when his children disrespect you in any way shape or form.
trailertrash!ab who’s the freeuse king. loves when you wear short skirts around the trailer so he can fuck you over any surface.
trailertrash!ab who’s the messiest munch to ever exist. he’s always spitting on your cunt and letting it drool and drip all down you.
trailertrash!ab who’s a chronic grunter during sex, and incredibly loud.
trailertrash!ab who accidentally breaks the bed during sex with you because he was getting too into it.
trailertrash!ab who loves when you wear his oversized, grubby t-shirts around the trailer after having sex with him.
trailertrash!ab who makes you share a shower with him under the guise of ’saving water’, but really does it so you can have sex in the shower together.
trailertrash!ab who never wears a condom (because he says it’s just another expense) and has the biggest breeding kink even though they can’t afford another kid.
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content: 18+! sub!alfie buttle, pet play, sucking your thumb, lots of degradation, whiny and whimpery alf, humping your shoe, coming in his pants (what’s new there), porn w/o plot 🤭
a/n: HES FINALLY HEREEEE puppy boy!ab 😮💨😮💨🙂↕️ hope you guys enjoy this as much as i did enjoy writing it— so so glad this is finally out of my drafts!! (it’s only took me 2 months HAAA 😞)
“on your knees,” you commanded, clicking a finger, pointing in between your thighs. when he hesitated, you raised your voice a little, your tone sterner, “now, alfie.”
he followed your command almost instantly. sliding down onto his knees in front of you, the metal dog tag on his collar that read ‘alfie’ reflecting in the light.
you held a leash in your hand, your grip tight to the extent that your knuckles were nearly white. you unlocked the clip, before sliding it into the small hoop attached to his collar, before smiling to yourself as you wrapped the handle around your hand, keeping the length of the leash as short as possible.
“that’s better,” you hummed contently, smiling ever so sickly sweet at alfie, “so much better.”
you then leaned into his ear, before speaking again. “now you can’t misbehave,” you spoke more hushed, your hot breath fanning onto the shell of alfie’s ear, causing a hot shiver of excitement to rush down his spine.
alfie couldn’t help but feel himself getting hard. he gulped harshly, before squeezing his thighs together to try and conceal it away.
his breath was now a little ragged, coming out in soft-ish pants, whilst hot blood surged through his body ever so rapidly as his cheeks started to warm to a pinkish colour.
noticing his discomfort, you soon wanted to find out the problem. you dragged your shoe to the inside of alfie’s thighs, pressing lightly on the dent in his pants. he swallowed, cheeks burning with shameful embarrassment.
when you revealed his clothed erection straining in his trousers, you could only tut in disapproval, shaking your head briefly before looking down at him like he was merely dirt on your boot.
“pathetic,” you whispered, the syllables raw and harsh yet so intoxicating to alfie’s ears as you looked down on him with such disgust, “absolutely pathetic.”
fire burnt in alfie’s belly as he caught a glance of that look. a surge of want as his stomach fluttered stupidly, all of his blood still rushing excitedly downwards.
it took him a moment to think of what to respond with. “sorry,” he then muttered bashfully underneath his breath, not even able to make eye contact with you in the moment.
“what was that, alf?” you asked, before tugging on the leash wrapped around your hand snugly. alfie made a little noise of discomfort before you grabbed his chin, forcing him to look up at you with those wide eyes.
“look at me, alfie,” you spoke lowly, your newly manicured nails digging into his jawbone a little, “bad dogs don’t get to not make eye contact or mumble,” you commanded, your eyes dark as his breath caught in his throat.
his throat felt dry as he tried to speak. it was if words had betrayed him, leaving his brain foggy and unable to comprehend and formulate words, god forbid a sentence.
“well?” you spoke more urgently, your voice level a little higher as your hot breath fanned onto his face.
“i said i was sorry,” he repeated again, a little louder than before but still a murmur in some sense, cheeks now flushed as he felt his ears prick hot.
“an ‘i’m sorry’ is going to cut it right now,” you spoke almost condescendingly, your voice tinged with poison. “but you will be when i’m done with you,” you added, a wicked smile forming on your lips as you did so.
alfie felt defenceless. he felt weak as he stayed sheepishly perched between your thighs on his knees. his limbs felt heavy yet they were weak, his brain fuzzy as his heart beat faster with excitement.
you brushed your thumb tenderly across his lips, your eyes looking down at his face adoringly. your wide pupils swallowed his facial features alive as you kept that wicked smirk plastered on your face.
your thumb hovered over his lips, the pad pressing against the plush flesh. you looked down at him with half-lidded eyes, a smug grin now forming on your lips before you spoke.
“suck.” the command was simple, and alfie knew not to disobey.
his lips wrapped around your thumb almost instantly, his cheeks hollowing as he swirled his tongue around the thumb pad, causing a small groan to escape from his chest, muffled by your digit in his mouth.
he continued to suck your thumb, his head now bobbing against it as if he was taking your strap instead. you smiled smugly, before murmuring, “such a disgusting mutt,” as he continued to coat your thumb in his saliva.
by this time, alfie was becoming increasingly hard to the point that it was painful. he squeezed his thighs together, trying to alleviate some of the discomfort once again.
you then removed your thumb from the inside of his mouth, before smearing the saliva around his face messily promptly after before addressing the bigger problem.
“is someone a bit uncomfortable there still?” you asked as alfie shifted uncomfortably, his dick now practically throbbing in his boxers and a wet patch visually forming at his crotch from where he’d leaked through.
alfie whimpered, nodding. “yes,” he croaked. “im sorry but i need you so bad, girl. please,” he pleaded, eyes wide and ever so desperate, it was enough to make you blush.
“you’re such a needy thing,” you muttered disapprovingly as you pondered with your options. “naughty mutts like you shouldn’t beg, you know?” you spoke coolly, your voice ringing through alfie’s ears.
“i know— i know, but fuck, i need this, babe. need you,” he practically whined pathetically, each word strained, as his plush lips formed a pout whilst his eyebrows furrowed.
with an exasperated sigh, you ran a hand over your tired face. you hated that you were able to cave in when alfie did this.
“hump it,” you spoke darkly, thrusting the shoe closer to his straining member in his jeans, causing him to groan at the sudden pressure on his crotch. “it’s all you deserve,” you added with a bitter hiss through your teeth.
alfie was stunned. his cheeks burnt even more than before as his stomach twisted into tight knots of excitement. “are you…—“
“i said hump it.” you spoke again, louder and more clearer, yet it held a dark tone to it, “consider yourself lucky that i’m even letting you get off.”
alfie then nodded. “right. right, okay,” he muttered with a shaky breath. you let go of your grip slightly on the leash still wrapped around your knuckles, allowing him to adjust himself against your shoe.
his large hands came to grip your thigh, grounding him to the leather of the shoe. gulping sheepishly, alfie then rolled his hips timidly against the shoe, letting out a little noise in response to the new-found feeling.
as he soon found a steady rhythm, he started to hit the right spot that made his cock throb in the confines of the tight denim, causing a few short gasps to escape his lips.
as alfie began to rut against you, you let your upper body relax on the sofa with a satisfied, content smile.
you let your back rest against the back of the couch, melting into the pillows as the sounds of alfie’s gasps and shaky, almost nearly breathless moans already echo around the room, making a nice ambiance to the grotto.
“there we go,” you praised as alfie began to rut a little faster, his release building up like a growing wave. “such a needy thing,” you added in another condescending tone, as you petted his head as you would a dog.
you let your other hand that held his leash go limp by his side. whenever he stopped humping your shoe, you’d give him a little tug, warning him that he shouldn’t stop.
to which alfie always whined in response, biting his lip hard to suppress the moans and short gasps escaping his lips like no tomorrow.
after a while he became lost in the pleasure as his whole body was on fire, his heart now pumping blood ecstatically around his veins, which made you smile wickedly at him from above.
his fingernails dug deeper into your clothed thigh as he became closer and closer to this peak, trying to ground himself in whatever way he could.
his whole body started to shake from the overwhelming pleasure he was feeling. sweat now collected on his forehead as his lower stomach felt tight, as if it was begging for a release.
“keep humping my shoe like a bitch in heat, alf,” you coaxed him on with a devilish glint in your eye as he made eye contact with you briefly, his pupils blown wide and his cheeks fully dark crimson at this time.
“show me how desperate you are,” you added, tugging on his leash cruelly without warning, to which you were met with whine from the man in protest.
alfie’s hips jerked forwards, stuttering as he let his moans and groans out freely. at this point, he was breathless, panting and unable to catch his breath fully.
“fuck,” he cursed underneath his breath as he felt himself reach his peak. biting his now already bruised lip, he whined again for nearly the final time as his climax washed over him like a wave.
his body shuddered uncontrollably, hot shivers rushing down his spine almost instantly. his penis throbbed in his boxers, spilling hot cum into them, causing an even bigger wet patch to form on the fabric which ultimately leaked through to his jeans.
“good boy, alfie. that’s it,” you praised through his climax as alfie whimpered in response, his wide eyes fixated to your smug look as you looked down at him.
you soon shifted your leg from where he was perched on it, moving it so he was placed in between your legs again. his breaths were heavy yet soft as he looked up at you with full admiration, dilated and dazed.
you raised your hand to his cheek, feeling the heat of it against your palm as you cradled the side of his face, as you let the leash drop so it was dangling from his collar and down his stomach.
“you’re such a good mutt for me, alfie,” you cooed as he melted into your hand, nuzzling his cheek into your palm, “but next time you disobey me don’t think that those puppy eyes of yours will get you out of being in trouble. because next time they won’t.”
The last three days passed in a rush of comfort, birthday wishes and familiar love. One thing still hadn't changed. The face of the charming girl from the bakery haunted his past nights. Every dawn, when Alfie's head hit the pillow to unwind from the day, his thoughts would find themselves drifting to her.
It was a cold night in London, nothing unusual for the city, Alfie was with his friends shooting a video for one of their channels. Of course, to keep the spirits up for the challenges ahead, the boys had a few beers. Making their way through the city to a small pub near the market, Alfie distanced himself from the group of tipsy friends with a half-assed excused.
After a few minutes of walking without a purpose, he stopped in front of the white lights. Standing there with the cold breeze hitting his face, it finally dawned on him where his tipsy mind had brought him. The soft green walls, the vases full of colourful flowers and the empty window brought the memories back.
Alfie took a step forward to peek inside, ignoring the disappointing 'closed' sign. His vision focused on the bright lights and the baking trays with water droplets on top of one of the counters. His ears caught the familiar tune coming from inside the store. When the chorus of 'Rein me In' came, a familiar silhouette appeared from the door that probably lead to the kitchen. The girl, without her work apron, danced and singed to the tune as she prepared the bakery for opening the next day. Her moves where careless as she was blissfully unaware of the boy that watched from the window.
A soft knock on the window from Alfie was enough to make the girl jump. A embarrassing shriek escaping her lips as she turned desperately to see where the noise came from. When she figured the man on the window, a genuine smile grazed her lips immediately.
"You scared me!" she tried to scold the boy who laughed at the pink tint that grazed her cheeks. Unlocking the door, she observed the boy: the casual and cosy outfit in dark colours contrasted with her light work clothes. "Can I help you?"
Alfie took a deep breath before speaking. "Yeah, I was there-" he points behind him "- with my mates and I, hum, though about… my mum liked the cupcake. Best one she had or, whatever.". The strong accent, flushed cheeks and difficulty to compose full sentences gave the girl everything she needed to know.
"Are you drunk?" her voice surprised as she looked up at the man.
"No…." the answer came after a bit of thinking from him.
The girl stayed quiet for a beat. "Sure, I'll pretend to believe that."
"Alfie."
"Alfie? That's a pretty name…." She bit her lip to contain her laughter.
"Its mine, yeah." His voice slurred.
A soft giggle escaped her. She opened the door more to let the tall man enter the bakery. As he sat on a table, she quickly walked behind the counter to grab him a bottle of water from a fridge. As she tosses him the bottle a bunch of hurried words escape his lips.”Can I take you out on a date?"
As she leaned on the counter, she stared as the boy took a long sip of the bottle. "Are you sure?" she tilts her head. At his eager nod she mutters a sure. Grabbing a pen, she walks to him. Tilting his water bottle, she scribbles her number and name on the paper label. "There you go.”
"I'll text you"
"I'll wait for it then" she says as they walk to the door. "Do you need help finding your friends or?…"
"Nah, they're right there. I'll be alright… I'll talk to you then…"
The girl looks down as the drunk boy awkwardly extends his hand. Taking his large hand in her much smaller one, she shakes it anyway. "I'll be waiting Alfie."
She leans on the doorsill to watch the boy walk back to his friends down the road. She laughs as the boy screams down the road next to his friends: "Nice playlist, by the way!"
As she goes back to finish her tasks for the night, the butterflies fly around in her stomach. A sentiment she hadn't experienced in a while, and she had a feeling these would stick with her.
