#aaronkenji

they-THESE TWO-for the ending of this whole series/so many feelings.just a few endings made me feel so much&make me feel so much STILL/this is everything and I'm beyond grateful to have it&revisit and relive it and refalling in love with it while strengthening my love still♥♥

BEST BROMANCE FOREVER!!!

Kenji trails off, distracted as if on cue, by Nazeera herself. She saunters toward the wedding arch, tall and steady in a gauzy, blush-colored gown. She grins at Castle, who acknowledges her with a smile of his own; Nazeera takes a position just off to the side of the arch, adjusting her skirts as she settles in place. It becomes terrifyingly clear to me then exactly where Ella is expected to soon stand. Where I am expected to soon stand. “But I haven’t finished with the tablecloths,” I say, “or the seating inside —” “Yeah. I noticed.” Kenji takes a sharp breath, tearing his gaze away from Nazeera to look me in the eye. “Anyway, don’t worry. We took care of it. You seemed really busy standing still for half an hour, staring at nothing. We didn’t want to interrupt.”

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“Okay.” Kenji claps his hands together. “First things first: do you need to go to the bathroom or anything before we start? Personally, I think you should go even if you don’t think you have to, because it would be really awkward if you suddenly had t—” “Stop.” “Oh—right!” Kenji says, slapping his hand to his forehead. “My bad, bro, I forgot—you never have to use the bathroom, do you?” “No.” “No, of course not. Because that would be human, and we both know you’re secretly a robot.” I sigh, resisting the urge to run my hands through my hair. “Seriously, though—anything you need to do before you go up there? You’ve got the ring, right?” “No.” My heart is pounding furiously in my chest now. “And yes.” “Okay, then.” Kenji nods toward the wedding arch. “Go ahead and get into position under that flower thing. Castle will show you exactly where to stand—”

AND HERE I STARTED SOBBING

I turn sharply to face him. “You’re not coming with me?”

 Kenji goes stock-still at that, his mouth slightly agape. I realize, a moment too late, exactly what I’ve just suggested— and still I can’t bring myself to retract the question, and I can’t explain why. Right now, it doesn’t seem to matter. Right now, I can’t quite feel my legs. Kenji, to his credit, does not laugh in my face. Instead, his expression relaxes by micrometers, his dark eyes assessing me in that careful way I detest. “Yeah,” he says finally. “Of course I’m coming with you.”

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“Hey, man,” Kenji whispers beside me. “You all right?” I shake my head an inch. “What’s wrong?” I can feel Kenji studying my face. “Oh—shit—are you having a panic attack?” “Not yet,” I manage to say. I close my eyes, try to breathe. “It’s too loud in here.” “The music?” “The people.” “Okay. Okay. Shit. So you can, like, feel everything they’re feeling right now? Right. Shit. Of course you can. Okay. All right, what should I do? You want me to talk to you? How about I just talk to you? Why don’t you just focus on me, on the sound of my voice. Fade everything else out.” “I don’t know if that will work,” I say, taking a shaky breath. “But I can try.”

“Cool. Okay. First of all, open your eyes. Juliette is going to walk out in a couple of minutes, and you won’t want to miss it. Her dress is awesome.” He whispers this, his voice altered just enough that I can tell he’s trying not to move his lips. “I’m not supposed to tell you anything about it, because, you know, it’s supposed to be a surprise, but whatever, we’re throwing surprises out the window right now because this is an emergency, and I have a feeling that once you see her your brain will do that creepy superfocus thing it always does—you know, like when you ignore literally everyone around you—and then you’ll start feeling better because, um, yeah”—he laughs, nervously—“you know what? I’m beginning to realize only right this second that, uh, when she’s around you don’t even seem to notice other people, so, um—until then I can—yeah, I’m just going to describe her to you, because, like I said, she’s going to look great. Her dress is, like, really, really pretty, and I don’t even know anything about dresses, so that should tell you something.” The sound of his voice is a strange lifeline. The more he speaks, filling my head with easily digestible nonsense, I feel my heart rate start to slow, the iron fist around my lungs beginning, slowly, to unclench. I force my eyes open, and the scene briefly blurs in and out of focus, the pounding of my heart still loud in my head. I glance at Kenji, who is staring straight ahead, his face at rest as if nothing is amiss. This helps ground me, somehow, and I manage to pull myself together long enough to look down the petal-dusted aisle. “So Juliette’s dress is, um, like, really glittery, but also really softlooking? Winston and Alia had to come up with a new design on such short notice,” Kenji explains, “but they were able to repurpose some gown you guys got at the Supply Center yesterday. There was lots of, like, sheer fluffy fabric, I don’t know what it’s call—”

“Tulle.” “Yes. Tulle. Yes. Whatever. Anyway Alia spent all night, like, first of all, making it nicer, and then sewing these little glittery beads all over it— but, like, in a nice way. It’s really nice. And it’s got, like, these little tulle sleeves that aren’t really sleeves—they sort of fall off the shoulder— Hey, is this helping?” “Yes,” I say, drawing in a full breath for the first time in minutes. “Great, so—nice sleeves, and, and um, you know, it’s got a long fluffy skirt— Okay, yeah, I’m sorry, bro, but I’m kind of out of descriptions for Juliette’s dress, but— Oh, hey, here’s a fun fact: Did you know that Sonya and Sara used to be, like, young virtuosos, way back in the day, pre- Reestablishment?” “No.”

“Yeah—yeah, so they started playing violin when they were fresh out of diapers. Pretty cool, huh? Nazeera helped us confiscate the violins they’re using today from old Reestablishment holdings. They’re playing this song from memory. I don’t know what it’s called, but I’m pretty sure it’s something fancy, from some old dead dude—” “Of course you know what it’s called,” I say, still staring straight ahead. “Everyone knows it.” “Well I don’t know it.” “This is the work of German composer Johann Pachelbel,” I explain, struggling not to frown. “It’s often called Pachelbel’s Canon in D, because it was meant to be played in the key of D major. Do you know nothing about music?” “Yeah, I don’t even know what the hell you just said.” “How can y—” “All right, shut up, no one cares—the music is changing, do you hear that? When it goes high like that? That means she’s going to come out any second now—”

The audience rises almost at once, a rush of breaths and bodies clambering to their feet, craning their necks, and for a moment, I can’t see her at all. And then, suddenly, I do. Relief hits me like a gust, leaving me so suddenly unsteady I worry, for a moment, that I might not make it. Ella looks spun from gossamer, glowing as she glitters in the soft light. Her gown has a corseted, glimmering bodice that flows into a soft, decadent skirt, her arms bare save delicate, off-the-shoulder scraps of tulle that graze her skin. She is luminous. I’ve never seen her wear makeup, and I have no idea what they’ve done to her face, except that she is now so beautiful as to be unreal, her hair in an elegant arrangement atop her head, a long veil gracing her shoulders, flowing with her as she walks. She does not look like she belongs in this world, or in this dingy backyard, or in this dilapidated neighborhood, or on this crumbling planet. She is above it. Above us all. A spark of light separated from the sun.

A dangerous heat builds behind my eyes and I force myself to fight it back, to remain calm, but when she sees me, she smiles—and I nearly lose the fight. “I told you it was a nice dress,” Kenji whispers. “Kenji.” “Yes?” “Thank you,” I say, still staring at Ella. “For everything.” “Anytime,” he says, his voice more subdued than before. “This is the beginning of a new chapter for all of us, man. For the whole world. This wedding is making history right now. You know that, right? Nothing is ever going to be the same.” Ella glides toward me, nearly within reach.I feel my heart pounding in my chest, happiness threatening to destroy me. I’m smiling now, smiling like the most ordinary of men, staring at the most extraordinary woman I’ve ever known. “Believe me,” I whisper. “I do.”

“ I stand stock-still for a moment, letting the shock of everything settle around me, and when it finally hits me that Nazeera is really here, really awake, really okay, I pull her into my arms. Her defensive posture melts away, and suddenly she’s just a girl—my girl—and happiness rockets through me. She’s not even close to being short, but in my arms, she feels small. Pocket-sized. Like she was always meant to fit here, against my chest.It’s like heaven.

When we finally pull apart, I’m beaming like an idiot. I don’t even care that everyone is staring at us. I just want to live in this moment. 

“Hey,” I say to her. “I’m so happy you’re okay.”

 She takes a deep, unsteady breath, and then—smiles. It changes her whole face. It makes her look a lot less like a mercenary and a lot more like an eighteen-year-old girl. Though I think I like both versions, if I’m being honest. “I’m so happy you’re okay, too,” she says quietly. We stare at each other a moment longer before I hear someone clear their throat in a dramatic fashion. Reluctantly, I turn around. 

I know, in an instant, that the throat-clearing came from Nouria. I can tell by the way her arms are crossed, the way her eyes are narrowed. Sam, on the other hand, looks amused. But Castle looks happy. Surprised, but happy. I grin at him. Nouria’s frown deepens. “You two know Warner left, right?” 

That wipes the smile off my face. I spin around, but there’s no sign of him. I turn back, swearing quietly under my breath.

 Nazeera shoots me a look. “I know,” I say, shaking my head. “He’s going to try and leave without us.”