#aarondingle

to us, as viewers, john is a horrific, manipulative, abusive liar with murderous tendencies who is playing everyone for fools and tearing robert’s mental health to pieces.

to aaron, john is a good, honest man who has only ever tried to help and has done a lot for his family (as john would make him believe). aaron has been abused emotionally by john for months; made to feel like himself and his family are a burden, that they’ve asked too much of john, that john is exhausted under the pressure of doing so much good for his family all the time and it’s his fault (and don’t forget the sly threat john made once regarding anthony). aaron feels he is in debt to john after all he’s done, and so he tries to do everything he can to suppress anything he feels towards robert.

those who have suffered abuse, especially during childhood, tend to have a blindness towards red flags and gravitate towards romantic connections with abusive people because of the familiarity. aaron is still being abused.

john, in aaron’s mind, is a man who has slaved away after him and his family who he betrayed by following his heart. the guilt will be swallowing him whole.

so, yes, he will try to push robert away. he will pretend he doesn’t love him. he will tell him that them sleeping together was a mistake. he will do whatever it takes to convince robert he’s fighting a losing battle; because if robert stops trying, he’ll have an easier time blocking out his feelings for him and he can turn his attention to repaying john for his ‘heroicisms.’

don’t get me wrong, i hope the conversation between aaron and robert today is revisited in the future and they can work through what was said, because i believe it has hurt robert and he deserves to be put at ease, but i don’t hate aaron for what he said. he’s in an abusive ‘commitment’, which in his mind he is too far in debt to get out of.

- Kev struggles with being gay, both before and after being sent to prison.  Hence why he doesnt want anyone in the village to know. 

- On finding out in prison that Robert is bisexual, Kev formed a friendship with him.  Maybe because he needed someone to talk who would understand his feelings and wouldn't judge him.  It's during these conversations he learns about Aaron being Rs ex.

- Robert helps Kev come to terms with his sexuality and to come out in prison.  They may have come up against some stick from other inmates as a result, hence the "After everything we went through inside?" - Robert clearly found it odd that K didn't  want anyone in the village to know about them, when they were married (and therefore presumably 'out and proud') in prison.

- In prison, R learned that Kev was SA'd as a child and was struggling to come to terms with it.  A bit like Aaron was back when he first came out, worried that his history of SA lead to him being gay.

- Kev struggled to move on from this and Robert supported him, telling him about Aaron and how they got through G*rdon together. It's not that Robert is betraying Aaron's trust, he's trying to help Kev understand that he is not to blame, and is drawing on his own experience when he supported Aaron.

- At the start of their friendship, Robert is being abused by other inmates (whether physically or SA, I don't know).

- Kevin finds out, and through violence stops the abuse.  Robert feels safe for the first time and is grateful to Kev which is why he wants to help him with his own trauma.

- Kev falls in love with Robert, Robert has feelings of love for Kev.  Both of them need each other for different reasons - Kev needs Robert as support and because hes the first person to listen to him and help him. His love is deeper as hes never had someone care about him and he therefore doesn't know how to behave in a relationship.  His approach is therefore intense and possessive, and not 'normal'.

- Robert needs Kev for safety and protection.  He also realises that he has 14 years inside and is going to need protection for a long time.

- Because they both need each other in different ways, they decide to get married.  Robert's decision may have been influenced if he knew K was wealthy as well, I dont know. 

I have to believe there is a good reason for R to tell K about G*rdon.  I know he probably never expected Kev and Aaron to meet, but it just seems so out of character otherwise.  The only justifiable reason would be to use Aaron as an example, to show Kev he's not alone and not to blame.

The above also seems to fit with Robert and Kevs, 'you got that scar saving me" "you saved me first'".  This can't just be about Kev protecting Robert from brin beaten up / SA'd, R must have done something huge for Kev as well.   Also Ryan said R loves Kev (i think?).  So it has to be too simplistic to say that this is simply a case of K protecting R, and R being manipulated / scared into a relationship.

Orrrrr, none of the above is even close, and I've got this story all bloody wrong.