#aaaangst

God, you wished you could just handle this like every other break up and move on. But you would have to see him at some point. If he chose to have a relationship with this child, your child, that was. You didn’t even know if he told the truth about having told his wife. 

“Sweetheart?” you turned your head, a smile sneaking to your face as you heard footsteps. 

“I’m here,” you called out, your smile widening when you saw Marcus walk on the patio. 

He kissed your forehead before he sat down next to you, his arm coming to rest around your shoulder.

Marcus had turned out to be your biggest surprise. Again.

Yes, he had come home with you, and yes he continued to be a big support for you but there was a voice deep inside in your head that told you every single day that he would leave. 

But it’s been months and Marcus had been to every single doctor's appointment with you. He had gone to birthing classes with you. He had been your rock. 

But you both decided that you would take it slow. 

Not only because you both had been burned in the past, but because you were a hormonal mess and Marcus was scared you would hate him once you had given birth and your hormones were back to normal. 

And while you wanted to laugh as he told you about this fear, you ended up kissing him softly and agreeing to wait. 

Which was why even though you were sleeping in the same bed, you haven’t had sex yet. Much to your (and his) frustration. 

“You really wanna go to the store? I could get what we need,” he asked. 

You smiled, taking his hand. 

“Might be the last time we can go alone to the store together for a while,” you hummed and he smiled. You both rested your hands on your belly that looked like it was ready to burst. 

You felt so fucking huge, you were ready for this pregnancy to be over. 

Lately you had caught yourself wishing it wasn’t Frankie’s baby, but Marcus’. A thought you felt guilty about. But then you had talked to your therapist about it (oh yes, you had started therapy to work though all of those feelings and issues) and they had told you that it was normal for you to imagine this with how you had been hurt by the biological father. 

Marcus had practically moved in with you. He still had his apartment and he still had his job back in Washington. But three weeks ago he had officially asked to transfer to the office here which was only a formality. The FBI was glad to have him here. 

“I can’t believe you’re due next week,” he said.

“Me neither,” you sighed. 

“Have you… Have you thought about reaching out to him?” Marcus asked hesitantly. 

“Honestly?” you asked. He nodded. 

“I think about reaching out every single day. I… Even though he hurt me, he has the right to see his daughter. And I have to…. I have to come to terms with seeing him. If he wants to see his child that is.”

Marcus kissed your temple. 

“Maybe ask him to come over to talk? I could go so you could talk about everything and…” you shook your head. 

“I want you there when I talk to him. You are going to be part of her life too. You will most likely spend more time with her than he will. You… I can’t do this without you,” you said. Marcus squeezed your hand. 

“Tell me when and I’ll be there.”

“Which one?” Marcus held up two different brands of mint chocolate chip ice cream and you pursed your lips in thought. 

“Both?” you said after a while and he chuckled. 

You had texted Frankie, left your phone at home and then went to the store with Marcus. It was almost 10pm and the store was pretty empty. Only a couple of people walking around. You were pushing the cart, which was mostly filled with snacks you had been craving throughout your pregnancy. 

Marcus came over, his hand resting on your back after he put the ice cream into your cart. You grinned up at him and he kissed you, his other hand resting on your belly. 

He was obsessed with your belly, talking to your little girl all the time, telling her goodnight stories when he thought you were already asleep. 

You wondered if Frankie would have been like that too. Was he excited to be a father? And to two children at once? 

You wondered how his wife took the whole affair and second baby thing. You didn’t know if he told the truth when he told you he had confessed everything to his wife. 

You blinked your eyes, getting rid of the thoughts as you pushed the cart forward into the next aisle. 

And suddenly he was there, his eyes already on you when you stopped in your tracks. 

You could hear Marcus say something, but it was like you were under water as you looked at him. But it wasn’t him that had your attention, it was the child strapped to his chest. You only got out of your trace when you felt Marcus hand on top of yours, your knuckles white from the way you were squeezing the shopping cart. 

You felt the familiar panic inside of you building as you looked at Frankie. 

“Sweetheart, look at me,” Marcus tilted your head towards him and you blinked up at him. 

“Do you want to leave?” he asked quietly. You gulped, letting go of the shopping cart to let him guide your hands to his chest. He breathed with you, in and out until you felt the fog in your brain disappear.

“Do you want to leave?” he asked again, his eyes full of concern. His eyes left yours only briefly to look behind you before they were on you again. It was forever before you shook your head. 

“Are you sure?” he asked again, checking in with you. You nodded, taking a deep breath before you turned around again, finding Frankie still at the spot you had last seen him. 

Marcus' hand on your back was grounding you as you slowly made your way down the aisle. 

You were tired of running. 

And until you moved to another city (which was a whole other conversation you would have with Marcus at some point) you did not want to walk around town, scared you would run into the man who broke your heart. 

“Hey,” Frankie said as you stopped next to him. 

He looked…. He looked miserable. His eyes sad and exhausted. And you hated the part of yourself that was happy about it. 

“Hey,” you said back, your eyes wandering down to the sleeping baby against his chest. 

It looked so tiny against him as it slept peacefully, the squishy cheek resting on his chest. 

“Uhm… Hi. I’m…. I’m Frankie,” you watched him reach out his hand towards Marcus, who shook it. 

“Marcus Pike,” he said with a nod, before his hand came to rest on your back again. 

“How… How are you?” Frankie asked and you shrugged. 

“Almost there. My due date is next week so… Any day now,” you said and he nodded. 

“I… I got your text. I wanna talk. I just….” he ran a hand through his hair. 

“I have to bring him, if that’s okay,” he gestured down to the sleeping child. 

“What’s his name?” you asked softly. 

“Mateo,” Frankie said with a small smile as he looked down. 

“It’s okay to bring him, but why? Can’t you leave him with… with your wife?” you asked. Frankie looked briefly at Marcus before he looked at you before he shook his head. 

“She’s… He came early, got out of the hospital only yesterday and there were complications during the delivery and…” Frankie shook his head, clearing his throat. 

“I can’t leave him,” he said, looking at you. 

You looked up at Marcus, whose hand ran around your back, resting on your hip, squeezing you softly. 

“Come over for lunch tomorrow?” you began to speak. Marcus nodded at you and you looked at Frankie. 

He nodded at you. 

“Okay. We’re… We’re home all day. Just come over around lunchtime. So… So we can talk,” you said. 

“I’d… I’d like that,” he nodded. Frankie looked down at Matteo just as he blinked his eyes open. You smiled softly. He was really cute. 

“See you tomorrow then,” you said and Frankie looked at you. 

“See you tomorrow,” he whispered before he slowly pushed his cart forward and walked away. 

You stood there for a couple of moments gathering your thoughts before you looked up at Marcus. 

“Do you think…?” you whispered. He sighed. 

“It sounded like it….”

Marcus pulled you against his chest, kissing your forehead as tears sprung to your eyes. 

“Let’s go home,” you whispered. He nodded, taking your hand, leaning down to kiss you softly.

She chuckled. "That's because you weren't brought up to schmooze, Ro."

"Poor me," he whispered, his voice dropping low. "Having to sip drinks and serve as arm candy for my gorgeous wife all night long."

"You've got a few more uses than that," she teased, winking.

His smirk set fire to the embers pooled low in her belly. "Allow me to show you just that, my love."

"After the dinner, buzzard," she reminded him, giggling softly at his frustrated grumble.

"Fine," he conceded. "But if this thing drags on...we're leaving."

Aelin grinned. "I'll make my excuses." Smoothing one hand down the fine, lustrous silk of her formal gown, the deep pine hue perfectly paired with her husband's eyes, she redirected Rowan over towards the beckoning circle of her parents and a few of their business associates.

"Aelin!" Evalin exclaimed warmly, welcoming her daughter into the cluster of elegantly dressed, fabulously rich business aficionados. "You look stunning, my dear."

"Thank you," Aelin smiled, painting a charming smile across her face despite the faint nausea lingering in the back of her throat and pit of her stomach.

Probably because Arobynn Hamel was there.

A longtime business associate of her parents', Arobynn had long been known to have near-infinite wealth and almost as much affinity for eyeing young women. Aelin had first been introduced to the red-haired man at a gala she'd attended with her parents when she was fifteen. She'd immediately internally recoiled from his oily leer and the way his hand lingered on hers a little too long. And each time she came to a business function, she grew a little more disgusted by the man.

But his apparently endless wealth was well tied into Ashryver-Galathynius Realty, so she gave Arobynn Hamel the same cool, professionally detached treatment she gave to every other business partner and client with whom she met.

"Congratulations, Ms. Galathynius," Arobynn purred, tipping his whiskey glass at her. Aelin's blood froze solid for a moment, until he continued. "Closing that deal with the Cortlands is a remarkable achievement."

Right. The Cortland deal. Aelin inclined her head, smiling modestly. "Well, after enough time, even the Cortlands realized how much of an asset to their business it would be to partner with us."

The Cortlands were an old-money family who'd long been established in the banking business, and they had been Aelin's clients for several months as they looked into purchasing a new property in the sleek new business district in South Orynth. The only catch? They had been trying their very best to swindle one of the company's associates into buying the property for a ridiculously low price, until Aelin stepped in and told Sam Cortland in very few words where he and his dynasty could shove their offer.

Nearly seven months after the Cortlands had approached AG Realty, Aelin had closed a deal on the property, shaking hands with Sam and restraining her triumphant smirk to a pleased smile. That had been a mere week or so ago, so of course the firm and its associates would be hearing about it.

"I'm sure the Cortlands will be a wonderful asset," she added, flicking a knowing glance at her parents.

Rhoe grinned. "My fearsome daughter."

She chuckled. "Hardly, Dad. People are just scared of a woman who knows what she's talking about."

"Quite the threat indeed," Arobynn offered, his gaze a few shades more than could be considered polite.

Aelin restrained herself from stepping on his foot with her stiletto heel as she made her excuses, noticing Elide beckoning her from a short distance away. "Thank you," she murmured to her friend, giving the petite brunette a quick hug.

"Anything to save you from that creep," Elide returned, flicking the blonde a knowing glance. "Having fun, Whitethorn?"

"Shut up," Rowan mumbled, taking a larger-than-necessary swallow of his drink.

Aelin chuckled, sliding her hand back around her husband's arm. "He always has the time of his life at these lovely little parties." She pecked a kiss onto his cheek. "Love, will you get me a drink?"

Thankful to have something to do besides pretend he could tolerate anybody except his wife and the few friends in the room, Rowan strolled over to the bar, pouring Aelin a glass of sparkling cider. Why she preferred to drink something nonalcoholic at these functions, he didn't entirely know.

Though he suspected it may have something to do with how tense she always was around Arobynn Hamel and his disgusting roving eye.

"Here you are, love."

"Thank you." She stole a quick kiss, making Elide flutter her lashes and coo.

"Aww, look at the lovebirds!"

"Quiet," Aelin laughed, "you and that hulking brute of yours are just as bad."

Elide snickered. "It's not my fault Lorcan's a big old softie."

"Bet that's not what you call him in bed," Aelin smirked.

Her friend's face went scarlet. "Aelin!" she whisper-shrieked, smacking the blonde's shoulder. "No!"

"Girls' night never lies," Aelin crooned.

"And what happens at girls' night stays at girls' night," Elide retorted.

"All right, all right." Aelin raised her drink in concession. "I won't say anything else about you and Salvaterre being all sappy." Out of the corner of her eye, she caught yet another senior business partner motioning to her, and sighed. "Once more unto the breach."

"Do you--"

She shook her head, squeezing Rowan's hand. "It's just Darrow and a few of his associates, you can stay here and keep Elide and Lorcan company."

"Thank the gods," Rowan mumbled.

She just chuckled, kissed his cheek, and strolled over to meet Darrow and the few men with him, greeting the man who'd been her business advisor for many years affectionately. "So you need some young ears, hmm?"

"I'm not a fossil yet," Darrow fake-sighed, the lines around his eyes crinkling as he smiled at her. "We just wanted to congratulate you on the Cortland deal."

"Ah, don't make such a fuss about it," she smiled.

The older gentleman shook his head wryly. "Always downplaying your achievements, young one." He patted her shoulder. "Mrs. Whitethorn Galathynius here managed to rope the Cortlands themselves into a deal with AG Realty, can you believe it?"

"Impressive." Dorian Havilliard's dark brows shot up. "And you managed to do this in under two years?"

Aelin laughed quietly. She and the younger Havilliard--a brilliant civil defense attorney--had been friends since they were young. "Seven months, give or take a few days."

Dorian whistled. "Congratulations, then!" He raised his glass to her. "I argued a case for old Cortland several years ago, and let me tell you, the amount of demands that man had almost drove my partners insane."

"Oh, stop flattering me," she laughed, but raised her glass anyway. "Thank you, Dorian."

He winked. "Anything for the future of Orynth's commercial real estate."

She chatted with Dorian, Darrow, and a couple of others for a short while before Evalin came and stole her away to speak with the senior associates of AG Realty. Aelin caught Rowan's eye as she walked with her mother.

Need me? his raised eyebrow asked.

I'll be fine, she returned. Keep Lorcan from drinking too much, yeah?

Will do, Fireheart.

So Aelin sipped on her sparkling cider and chatted with the senior associates and her parents, discussing a few upcoming clients and whether or not they should accept some of the offers that poured in daily. Most notably, Arobynn Hamel was considering buying yet another property in the industrial district.

What that man wanted with so many warehouses, Aelin couldn't even begin to imagine.

"I don't see any reason why we shouldn't move forward with that deal," Rhoe mused. "He's always been a credible buyer, never misses payments or defaults on anything."

"What about the..." Evalin lowered her voice, keeping their conversation private. "What about that article?"

Two weeks ago, the Orynth Journal, which was admittedly a tabloid at best, had published an article that almost instantly went viral. In it, they claimed to have evidence linking Arobynn Hamel and his holdings in the industrial district to an international drug trafficking ring. Of course, since it was tabloid journalism, the reliability of this "evidence" had to be questioned, but still--was there any truth to it?

When privately questioned, Arobynn had--of course--denied all of it, maintaining his sleek professional exterior and, apparently, putting AG Realty enough at ease that they decided to dismiss the rumors as the workings of the tabloids. Aelin still had her suspicions, given that the man was a certified creep, but she deferred to her parents' judgment. She wouldn't raise too many questions, not unless some new information that cast true suspicion onto Arobynn came into light.

"We agreed that was all tabloid nonsense," Darrow reminded Evalin, though there was a hint of concern buried in his keen gaze.

"I know," Evalin sighed. "Very well, then. We can negotiate the deal with him when--"

"FUCK OFF!" The slurred yell completely shattered the elegant mood of the evening.

Horrified, everyone whirled around, finding Arobynn Hamel with a half-empty bottle of Scotch clutched in his hand, a glazed sheen of obvious drunkenness in his eyes and a sneer on his face.

His yell had been directed at Dorian, who held up his hands in a placating gesture. "No, Mr. Hamel, you misunderstand! I am not--I would never accuse you of anything illicit without proof!"

"Fuckin' lyin' lawyers," Arobynn growled, anger flaring in his posture.

Slowly, Dorian backed away from Arobynn, careful not to say anything lest he set off the drunk man's rage. Just as slowly, a few others approached Arobynn, gingerly offering to make him another drink, to get him some water, anything to defuse the situation.

"Don't fucking offer me water, you cock!" Arobynn snarled, whirling sharply about to rage at Darrow, who'd made that offer.

CRASH!

In his clumsy turnaround, Arobynn smashed the bottle of Scotch against the bar top, littering shards of broken glass atop the bar and leaving him with a broken bottle top clutched in his hand.

"Mr. Hamel--"

As if realizing he now held a weapon, Arobynn brandished the broken bottle at Darrow, all semblance of sanity drained out of his wild eyes. "Fuck off, Darrow."

"Arobynn." Aelin broke into the tense standoff, matching the drunk man's crazed look with her steel will. "Put down the bottle, gods dammit!"

"Don't tell me what to do, bitch," Arobynn snarled.

Aelin's glare intensified. "You want your new warehouse, don't you?"

A brief, charged moment of silence.

"Bitch," Arobynn hissed, but he released the bottle.

CRASH. It shattered all over the floor, shards splintering up into the air and clinking in discordant symphony against the polished marble flooring.

Aelin winced as something bumped into her stomach--probably just a stray elbow as everyone around Arobynn collectively rushed backwards, out of range of the glass. Behind her back, she gave the prearranged signal to her parents, clasping her fingers together.

Call security.

The building's security personnel were in the room only minutes later, swiftly and efficiently subduing Arobynn and escorting him out, most likely to spend a night in the loving embrace of the Orynth Police Department.

"Everyone all right?" Aelin asked, brushing her hands against her gown, feeling the oddest sticky-wet sensation. Huh. Probably liquor from the mess.

Nods and murmurs of "yes, I'm okay," rippled through the guests.

Until Dorian gasped sharply, his sapphire gaze trained on Aelin's stomach. "Fuck!"

"What?" She glanced down at her gown, wondering what the hell had gotten into her friend.

And gasping, the color draining from her face.

Apparently, it hadn't been an elbow bumping into her, but a stray shard of broken glass.

Her breath breaking, shuddering, Aelin touched her fingertips to the warmth spreading over her stomach and pulled them away slowly, almost unable to believe the dripping crimson stain. Blood, some faraway part of her brain realized. My blood.

And as her legs quavered and failed beneath her, Aelin Whitethorn Galathynius could only form one thought. Her eyes shot across the room to a lock onto the pine green gaze latched onto her, her heart constricting at the sheer depth of shock and pain etched into her husband's eyes.

“Rowan…”

The only thing she could think, the only thing keeping her rooted to the ground as she splayed one hand over her stomach, over the thick dark pool of blood welling there, the scarlet stain seeping into the fine silk of her evening gown.

“Rowan….I’m pregnant.”

And then everything went black.

~

Aelin blinked awake slowly, like she was rising up from a bath of molasses, her head fuzzy and disoriented. Slowly, the room around her came into focus--an IV coiling out of her arm, the steady beep of machines tracking her heart rate and pulse and oxygen level, the slightly uncomfortable bed, the cotton fabric against her skin, the firm warm pressure of Rowan's hand in hers.

She was in the hospital.

"Rowan," she croaked, her voice a bare rasp, turning her head to meet his broken gaze. "Ro..."

"You're going to be okay, Fireheart," he rasped, not bothering to try and mask the tears choking his face, his voice.

Ignoring the agony that sliced through her whole self, she gripped his hand and swung herself out of the bed, suddenly desperate, flattening her other hand atop her stomach. "Our baby, Rowan," she gasped.

Her husband's veneer of calmness cracked, splitting down the seams, and his shoulders heaved with a choked sob. "They--Aelin, they said you--miscarried." He could barely get the last words out.

"No." She shook her head, dropped his hand, wrapped her arms around her middle reactively, protectively. Her whole body screaming with the effort, with the pain, she took one searing step after another until she reached the mirror over the sink and stared into her pale, shell-shocked reflection.

Familiar heat bloomed at her stomach, her disoriented stumbling having torn her stitches, letting the deathly rose of her blood bloom across her abdomen. The blood seeped through the bandages, through the thin cotton hospital gown, soaking her hands with the heat of her own life.

Words failing her, Aelin stared at herself in the mirror, captivated and horrified by the broken, bleeding woman who stared back, a chasm of unspeakable pain yawning in her eyes.

And as the nurses who'd come rushing when Rowan pressed the call button caught her, murmuring soothing words into her ear, and injected something that slowed her pulse to drugged sleep into her IV drip, Aelin tilted her head back and released a scream that clawed up and out of her throat from the shattered coffin of her womb.

They can't take my child. The last thing she remembered thinking before the pull of the sedative claimed her.

They will never take my child.

~~~

A/N: if you thought bit at the end resembled Rhaenyra in HOTD no it didn't ;))

~~~

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