#aaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh

It is nice, being able to talk more freely with Franky after everything that happened, having Pecco check in for no other reason than he wants to, having Bez craft him keychains he thinks Álex will like for the sole purpose of befriending him...

It's nice.

So Álex doesn't really understand why he's feeling like the walls of his motorhome are crumbling around him. It's suffocating, and it's almost as if he's aboard a train about to derail.

And he doesn't know how to deal with that.

It's really not that he dislikes them. Álex loves every single member of the pack (leader excluded) but he still has that little seed of doubt at the back of his mind. There's nothing that he can seem to do about it.

He knows that the VR46 pack has turned a new leaf. Everybody started to notice when no sharp comments or frustrated looks were given once the season started. It's just...

How quick can one's opinion really change? Franky never cared, Pecco always stood firmly with Valentino, Bez openly insulted his brother many times, Luca—

(Álex didn't want to think about Luca in that fashion.)

His point is—

He doesn't know if he can trust them. The uncertainty of it is killing him like a slow acting poison. Álex so desperately wants to give in, to allow himself to feel like he belongs somewhere, but that's him.

Marc is there too, and he changes the game for Álex.

He'll never be able to live with himself if his suspicions turn out right and the pack ends up turning on Marc and hurting them. That is not something he can accept, nor something he will allow.

Álex is here to make sure his brother makes it out alive, and that means looking at the pack with extra suspicions.

Especially Bezzecchi. Álex doesn't know what the Italian is playing at, but he doesn't like it.

"Why are you glaring at the wall hermano?" Marc cackles next to him.

Álex kicks him in the shin.

"Shut up, idiot. I'm thinking about important things," he mumbles with a roll of the eyes.

Marc only hums and scooches closer in the nest until he's dropping his head on Álex's shoulder.

"You've been doing that a lot recently," his older brother comments, his voice inquisitive, and maybe a little nervous. It makes Álex blink.

"Marc, are you alright?" He asks in worry. His brother is gripping his arm in an almost painful hold as he stays plastered to Álex's side.

"Of course," Marc lies, and he bites his lips not to call him out on it. Instead, he lets Marc scent him softly, his head buried in Álex's neck.

Slowly, he turn Marc's hand around and laces their fingers together, holding tightly.

"Your heat is coming up, isn't it?" He says and feels Marc's hand twitch in his.

"In a few days, maybe. It's fine."

It's fine, Marc says, as if he doesn't smell as suffocating as a forest fire, burning roots stinging the back of Álex's throat. There's no smoke invading his airways, but there might as well be from his difficulty to breathe.

It's fine, Marc says, as if Álex can't tell he's lying. His brother is scared. Scared of asking for help, scared of how instinctual everything becomes when in heat, scared of the new possibilities now available to him.

...maybe scared to hurt Álex's feelings, for some terrible reason.

Marc doesn't talk about the pack. He never does. It's almost as if the subject is taboo to him. He'll stare at them fondly only for his face to become blank and look away. But Álex knows Marc wants a pack, he knows it.

Maybe his brother is just as hesitant as him.

(It shouldn't make him feel better, but it does. It's been him and Marc for so long now, the thought of Marc being ready to throw that away in a heartbeat for a new pack would surely kill Álex.)

(He's the worst person in the entire world.)

"Do you have someone?" He asks because that's important now. Marc has—he has more options than he used to have. It was always easier for Álex to find himself a rut partner; he's not as scrutinized as his brother. Marc's heat partners used to be crucified just for being near him, until his brother felt like he couldn’t let anyone in ever again.

And that hurts Álex. Because his brother deserves so much fucking better.

"Ah, no. I will go back home like usual. You don't have to..." worry. Álex doesn't have to worry.

(Marc, Marc you stupid fool.)

"Marc..." he trails off in a whisper. His older brother looks at him, eyes filled with fake assurance.

"I'll be fine."

Álex leans down and presses a long kiss on Marc's forehead. "You know it's alright to ask, right?" He mumbles there and feels Marc shudder against him.

That's when he hears it. A choked little whimper.

Álex's eyes widen and he grips Marc's hand even tighter.

"...I'm scared 'lex," Marc whispers in his neck. He sounds terrified, and Álex feels a protective growl rise in his throat.

He holds Marc closer and tries acting like this isn't destroying his heart. "Hey, don't be. You don't have to ask anyone. We can do like usual, okay? I'll stay around and you make sure to take care of yourself. We don't need anyone," he repeats like a prayer. If Marc isn't comfortable with asking the pack for help then Álex will make sure they never get close to his brother ever again.

Marc's eyes widen at that, and he lets out a distressed noise. Álex feels his panic grow because that wasn’t meant to make Marc feel worse—

"No! I'll—I'll ask. We can have a pack. It's fine, I'm just...it's been a while," Marc says nervously. Álex doesn't understand why he seems to adamant about asking for help. They can manage on their own, like always.

(A pack would be nice. Blue eyes flashes in his vision and he blinks them away. But not—)

(Not if it comes at the price of Marc's happiness.)

"You don't have to..."

"I know. But I want to. It will be good, no? For us."

For us.

(Marc has a gift to make Álex feel like crying.)

"For us," he repeats with a trembling voice. He understands, he really does. Marc is terrified to open up again after everything, but he clearly wants to.

It's Álex's job to make sure he safely can. If the pack wants them to join, really join, then they're going to need to prove themselves. Álex will not tolerate anything below perfection when it comes to his brother.

He hugs Marc, pressing soft kisses to the crown of his head and lets his brother melt in his arms.

He's going to make sure they understand this.

*

"Marini!" He growls when he spots Luca heading out of the paddock.

Luca answers with a snarl of the same intensity, and he lets Álex get close until their nose are almost touching. They stare in each other's eyes until Luca relents and looks away.

Álex feels the smugness wash over him. He doesn't know how this whole thing started, but it's now become some kind of ritual. There's nothing normal about it. They growl and snarl at one another until one of them gives in.

Franky calls it weird. Marc calls it cute. Álex doesn't really know himself.

"How are you, Álex?" Luca asks with a soft smile, the growls dying in his throat. Álex can't help the quirk of his own lips.

"I'm fine, I'm actually looking for Bez," he says and bumps their shoulders together. Luca blinks, and his face does some interesting gymnastics. Álex is disappointed the man is wearing scent patches; he'd love to know what's really going on under there.

(He also really likes Luca's smell. It's not as putrid as the other alpha are to him. It's similar to his own, yet completely different.)

"Bez? Why? Is there something going on?" Luca asks, his tone genuine. Álex bites the inside of his cheek and nods.

(He can't think about that right now.)

"He and Marc talked this morning right? I just want to clarify something," because Marc came back from that talk looking terrified, and Álex knows that this isn't because of Bez, but still.

Bez is the first person Marc has willingly let his guard down around in...in a while.

Álex can't let it get ruined.

"Alright. Let me come with you," Luca says and tugs him forward before Álex can object. He stares at their intertwined hands and sighs to himself.

Focus, Álex.

"Bez!" Luca calls out, and they watch as the Italian turns to look at them in surprise.

"Hey! Hi, Álex. Did you guys need anything?" He asks nervously.

He should be, a vicious part of Álex's brain whispers.

"You're going to spend Marc's heat with him," he states and doesn't beat around the bush. He feels Luca tense next to him.

Bez flinches and looks down for a second. Álex is about to be overcome with rage because how dare you be ashamed of my brother when the Italian raises his head and squares his shoulders.

"Yes," he confirms steadily before faltering a bit, "I mean, if that's alright with you...? And him! Yeah also him, of course. It's totally fine if not! I'll just, eh..." die, he probably wants to say.

Álex wants to face palm.

Of all the fucking idiots his brother could have chosen it had to be this one.

"Marc wants you there and that's all that matters, Bez. I'm not here to give you a shovel talk; you know how heats work."

Bez looks at him both in relief and apprehension.

"Then why are you here?"

Álex feels his shoulders sagging. Luca makes a worried noise next to him that he ignores.

"To beg, I guess. For you not to screw us over," he mumbles and can't meet the alpha's eyes. He knows how this look; Álex, an alpha, begging another for mercy. Anyone would jump at such a show of weakness.

Álex doesn't care about these pathetic things. He'd sell his soul to make sure it all goes right for Marc.

Bez gives a squeak and Luca makes a pained noise next to him. Álex finally risks a glance to see Bez looking at him in abject horror.

"No! What the fu—Álex we'd never screw you guys over! We want you in the pack, this isn't a joke," Bez says and grabs his shoulders. He doesn't shake Álex, but it's a close call.

"And is that how you'll feel when Rossi gets a whiff of this?" Álex bites out.

Luca goes still next to him.

"You brothers..." Bez seems to mumble almost inaudibly before sighing. "Vale won't change anything Álex. Trust me."

"I don't know if I can," he replied wearily.

He wishes he could, he wishes he could trust Bez to be able to handle Valentino Rossi in all of his fury, but he doesn't. Álex won't let himself and Marc be abandoned because the pack can't pull through on their promises.

Bez looks at him in despair, his mouth opening and closing rapidly.

A hand makes contact with his back.

"Álex."

He turns to look at Luca with a blank gaze.

(He can't—Luca is nice. He's too nice. He makes Álex want to melt into a puddle and sink his teeth into soft flesh. But he can't. Luca Marini holds no weight to him compared to this.)

"Please," the taller man says, bowing his head. He also looks scared, now. Álex can see himself reflecting in these blue eyes.

"I don't know how to make you believe me. But please, please believe me," Bez mumbles and bows his head in turn. "I'll take care of Marc. I promise. And if—if this really doesn't work out, I'll come with you."

Álex's eyes widen.

"You..."

It's a serious thing, to say that you're willing to abandon your pack alpha. Bez must really be...

"So will I."

He whirls around to look at Luca, who is already staring at him with steady eyes.

Why would you...

"You guys are insane," he finds himself whispering, his voice pitched high.

Bez only nods, "Kind of, yeah. Sorry."

Álex laughs, "don't..." don't apologize for that.

(Maybe this is why Marc likes Bez of all people. Crazy, absolutely crazy.)

"So can I still, uh...allora..."

He gives Bez a deadpan stare, "Yes. You're spending my brother's heat with him, congratulations," he shifted, "Take care of him, yeah?"

He doesn't want to sound too desperate, but he is.

Bez nods. "You can trust me, I swear."

He watches Bez leave after with a complicated stare. It doesn't taste like relief, or anything of the sort. But at least now, Álex doesn't feel like his life his about to fall apart. Marc will be alright. Possibly. Hopefully. And Álex...

"You still don't believe us, don't you?" Luca asks quietly next to him. He shifted closer sometime during the conversation, and now their shoulders are brushing. They do that a lot; touch shoulders. Álex likes it.

"It's hard," he admits, lowering his eyes in shame. He feels guilt eat at him, especially because they seem to mean it. Why would they want someone in their pack who can't even trust them?

Fingers make contact with his jaw, and he blinks in surprise. Luca turns him so they're facing and cups his face gently, his thumbs rubbing the skin under his eyes.

Alex can't muster a single word.

"You don't have to believe us. I know it's not easy. Just give us a chance." Luca murmurs, their foreheads touching.

Give us a chance.

(Alex wonders what Luca is talking about; the pack, or them.)

"I can try," he whispers with a trembling voice.

Luca smiles, and it's the most beautiful thing Alex has ever seen.

"That's all can ask."

yeah.