#71317

Xユーザーのおーく@不動産さん：「買取検討の隣地の方が玄関先でスロット打ってるんですがどうしましょうか？」

71317

You see what happened was, I dated a guy from the age 14 to 17 and after I lost my virginity to him when I was 14 he sexually abused me until I finally broke up with his crazy controlling abusive ass. Then I started dating another guy a month before mt 18th birthday. I fell really hard in love with this guy. We broke up a little over a year ago and he continued to use me and lead me on for 6 months after the fact. I'm only now finally moved on from him. Though he still haunts my thoughts daily. I always thought I wouldn't be alone. So much that I've convinced myself I had feelings for at least 2 people now. I dont. I don't have feelings and this poor guy does now. I need to be alone and I finally get it. It's okay to be alone. I prefer it at this point. I so desperately need to live on the road. Or at least go on a week long road trip anywhere. Alone. I need to be alone. I'll figure it out someday.

Today was a penny day. I went for a run at panther park and happened to find a penny by the baseball benches. I stretched, then ran a little over a mile. I then stretched again and attempted to run another mile. This mile was tough both mentally and physically. My bug sitting in the parking lot alone got to my head and I almost didn't finish. The penny serves as a reminder though that everything happens for a reason. The sky was beautiful. There was a nice big pink cloud in the sky towards the end of my run. It's been hard to trust God lately. I'm not exactly sure what He is doing with my life right now, but I'll keep on keeping on. What I need to be doing is praying more. I feel a little disconnected lately, and I haven't figured out how to get rid of that feeling. As an adult living with my parents I feel a sort of guilt for not being able to take care of myself. I can't pay all the bills yet, and I frankly don't know how to do a lot of necessary adult stuff. I'm a little bitter because I feel like I should have been taught how to make it in the adult world, but I guess it's up to me. No matter what I do I feel like I am failing at something. Failing to keep up with relationships with my mom, dad, sister, brother, and friends. Failing to run 4 times a week or whatever. Failing to wake up early and failing to get a full 8 hours of sleep. Failing to be able to understand all political topics and have a for-sure opinion on it all (for the record, I never want a for-sure opinion on politics. I want an educated opinion with the expectation that my opinion can change at any time with more education). Failure to agree with or follow my parents opinions and morals. Failure-Its time to go to bed.