#456 x reader

You were horrified, that was obvious. Your eyes were darting around in panic as more and more people were shot and bodies hit the floor, your hands shaking slightly despite your best effort to hold them still after seeing a woman get eliminated for having trembling hands, a strangers blood splattered over your face and tears threatening to run down your soft cheeks.

Gi-hun’s voice faltered for a moment. Glancing around and noticing that most people were over the finish line already, he rushed over to your side as quickly as he can and hooked your arm in his, practically dragging across the large hall to force you to move. Instinctively, you clung onto this stranger as he was guiding as carefully as he can to survival.

He released a deep breath he never knew he was holding as he gently lowered your shaking onto the dirt below. Seeing you cower and bow at his feet and thanking him over and over for saving him stirred something inside of him he hasn’t felt in years.

What exactly it was, Gi-hun doesn’t really know.

“You can get up, it was nothing. I am glad you are safe now.”

Yandere profile (SFW part).

- Overcompensating Generosity -

Gi-hun shares every single meal be gets with you. If you ever refuse or kindly decline his offer so he can have more for himself, he will come up with lies about allergies or feeling sick so that you can have even more. He worries that you might be malnourished or don’t have enough energy to live through and survive the next round of games.

He quietly stalks you from the side and makes sure you eat and drink everything up. If you ever complain about being full and sharing a little with Dae-ho or Jun-hee, Gi-hun will gently scold you for not eating properly, almost like a father would in a way.

His hand would ruffle your hair slightly in frustration. The kimbab he gave you was intended to be eaten by you, not… Dae-ho. No matter how much you grew fond of him. But your kindess and compassion to share does put a small smile to his face, even if it frustrates him.

“You shouldn’t be careless. Think about yourself first. Stop sharing your food with others.”

He completely contradicts his own actions by scolding you for offering Jung-hee or Dae-ho some of your share by giving you his own food.

Gi-hun doesn’t only share food but his clothes as well. If yours ever get bloody or if he catches you shiver just once, expect his jacket to immediately be wrapped around your shoulders or offered to you to wear it instead of your bloody one. He did consider giving you his t-shirt and going without one more than once after seeing your face scrunch up in disgust at the sight of someone’s blood on your shirt.

He wants and will do everything in his power to keep that frown of your face. Your smile lights up the whole bunkbed-hall and gives one more reason to keep going. It may sound depressing, but you gave him a reason to live and fight for survival. Even if you don’t know about it yet. He planned on leaving the rest of the money he had for his child and ending his life after the games. What other reason does he have to live for anyway?

Now he has. You are his reason to live. Gi-hun can provide for you, care for you, love , protect and worship you with every cell in his body, if you let him or not, he will find a way to fulfil his new purpose in life and Gi-hun will make you enjoy it.

- Persistent attention -

He is watching you every minute, every hour, every day and all day. Gi-hun insists on taking watch during the night and shooing Jung-bae off just so he can have a moment to himself to watch your adorable sleeping face. He takes mental notes on your sleepy expression, your soft pout, squished cheek as you lay on your side, your hair perfectly falling into place and how your chest was perfectly squished by the mattress or just lift up and down when laying on your back, synchronised with your breathing.

His fingers briefly brushed over your forehead to push some loose strands from your eyes so he can admire you further, a soft smile resting on his face. Watching you and knowing that you are safe brings makes his heart race a little slower when around you. One less thing to worry about.

For some reason, Gi-hun knows more about you than you do yourself. He can predict when you need to use the bathroom by watching what and when you drink. He knows your sleeping schedule and your favourite position to lay in. He knows what food you prefer despite barely mentioning it. He knows what to say to make you smile, his favourite expression on you, and how to comfort you when you are scared. Gi-hun also constantly “helps” you in a way that includes physical touch.

He might close your zipper up, his fingers briefly brushing over your chest, or tucking you into your bunkbed as if you were a child needing constant care.

Even if it may seem sweet from time to time, it does feel incredibly overbearing and annoying when Gi-hun goes ahead and “helps” you with eating food as if you’re not capable doing so yourself (embarrassing you in front of the others during the process) or offering you to go to the bathroom with you for protection, waiting outside with the guard while you did your business.

Somehow, even the stationed guard felt creeped out by him.

⁎⁺˳ — A mini scenario starts here. —

You were afraid to fall asleep at night despite Gi-hun assuring you that he will keep watch at all times. Your eyes were tired and heavy but your mind just couldn’t relax, couldn’t rest. No matter how hard you tried your own body forced you awake, believing that you are in immediate danger.

Paranoia kept swirling inside your mind as your eyes floated around the room. Did that shadow in the corner just move? Or was your exhaustion finally catching up with you?

“Hey.” Gi-hun’s voice ripped you out of trance like state as you flinched violently in surprise. His heavy hand carefully brushed over your shoulder in an attempt to comfort you as it rubbed back and forth slowly. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you.”

The soft red light of the X marking on the floor illuminated his face to the point where you could read his soft expression. Worry was etched into his face. “Can’t sleep?” His voice was mich quieter now, trying to provide a little more comfort. His hand slowly made its way down to your waist as it began rubbing gentle circles there. You slowly nodded your head as you shifted your position to carefully shake his hand off.

You rolled over onto your back and Gi-hun smiled slightly. His fingers brushed some hair strands out of your face, briefly brushing over your soft cheek to savour your warmth a little more.

“Let me…” Without asking, Gi-hun suddenly gently scooted you aside to make space for himself as he crawled into your bunk bed, wrapping his arms around your smaller body. His hand began running through your hair, untying knots and feeling their softness. You uncomfortably shifted under him. “I-I can sleep on my own—“ “It’s okay, I’ll stay here.”

His voice left little space for arguments, just as much as his arms did. They were tightly wrapped around your back and waist, pressing you so firmly against his body that you could swear he was trying to absorb you. His nose brushed over the top of your head briefly, nuzzling into your hair.

“Close your eyes, I’ll keep you safe.”

⁎⁺˳ — End of the mini scenario here. —

If you ever try to tell him about how uncomfortable it makes you when he keeps on treating you like you’re incapable of being independent and thinking/acting on your own. Gi-hun first on denies being so overbearing with you and insists that it’s all you’re exaggerating, mistaking his simple kindness for whatever you’re talking about.

“Why are you so unreasonable? I’m trying to help you stay alive in these games. Don’t you want to survive and go back home? Let me take care of this, of you. You’ll die without me.”

- Idealisation -

Gi-hun put you on a pedestal the moment you came into his life. To him, you embody perfection, kindness, beauty, patience… Everything good in the world. Whoever dares to taint your image just the slightest earns themselves a night visit by Gi-hun himself to force their eyes away from you (and everything else) forever.

He’ll downplay or outright ignore all your “bad” or “negative” traits, fully believing that you could never do or feel wrong. Even your tears, your anger, your fear makes him feel absolute euphoria since you blessed him with the opportunity to witness your emotions on full display.

He sees you as his saviour and the one who will cure all of his illnesses, mental and physical. You fill the void in the man’s heart and he believes, no, knows, that you will bring Gi-hun everything he ever longer for; happiness, stability, protection, hope, absolute love and eternal devotion.

He fantasises every hour about having a perfect future with you together; a rural house somewhere quiet and peaceful, a child or maybe children (wether you want them or not), worshipping the ground you walk on everyday and come home with a new bouquet of flowers whenever he returns from grocery shopping. A fulfilling family life.

If you ever voice something that would go against his fantasies and imagination, for example that you don’t even want to marry him, Gi-hun will become visibly depressed and deflated, going as far as stopping to eat until you comfort him and shower him in attention, encouraging his fantasies once more.

- NSFW -

Gi-hun cannot control his own body anymore to the point of constantly finding his hard on pressing against the damn pants of the track suit uniform. Concealing it is hard so he either uses your pillow to cover it up and letting it rest on his lap until it finally calms and goes down or he sneaks off to the bathrooms, basically pleading with the guard to let him use the men’s room in the middle of the night.

During masturbation, you are again the only thing on his mind. He teases himself my cupping himself by the base harshly, makes himself whimper broken parts or your name by brushing his thumb over his leaving tip and drown himself in the fantasy that you are right there, with him, your hand on his cock and furiously jerking him off while the lewd Schlick Schlick Schlick sounds echo through the bathroom.

He also likes using your belongings and things to pleasure himself. Your pillow, for example. Gi-hun secretly swapped it out with yours while you weren’t looking and now has it pressed between his thighs tightly during the night when everyone is asleep, pathetically grinding onto it, thinking about where exactly he went wrong again and again as thought of your soft lips leaving burning kisses all over his body, your soft voice whispering encouragements and praises into his ear before switching around and calling him your obedient slut as you edge him over and over.

Gi-bun bites down onto the thin blanket to muffle his pathetic whines as he coats the inside of his boxers with sprays of his warm cum, his head falling back and his eyes tightly shut, not ready to leave his fantasy just yet and open his eyes to find himself back in the damn death games. He cuddles onto the thin of his blanket as if it were you lying right beside him, comforting him after such a rough and unforgiving session of imaginary praise, edging and your soft coos.

He does get more and more perverted and rather desperate at times when his fantasies aren’t enough anymore. Gi-hun lets his hand “accidentally” brush over your backside before profusely apologising over for his honest mistake. You forgive him and wave it off of course. Your forgiveness and the way you wave it off so quickly pushes Gi-hun to go further, do more, *feel* more. His hand frequently brushed over your backside, his palms gently pat on top your chest after zipping your jacket close, his fingers briefly brushing over your soft thighs while you slept, lingering close to your core but never daring to outright touch it. Yet.

When it comes to thought of sex with, Gi-hun gets all shy when even thinking about doing it with you. He isn’t the youngest and his stamina is not the best either. It was a long, long time since he felt anyone else be wrapped around his cock than his own fist working up and down so what if he forgets what to do? What if you’ll be disappointed? What if you become disgusted by him and leave him forever? He doesn’t want to think of that so he finds himself content with just finishing inside his boxers, hand and all over your pillow.

Gi-hun gets incredibly ashamed of himself after cumming to the fantasy of you being there with him, encouraging him. He beats himself up over being so utterly in love with you, such a perfect, young woman. You would never love a middle aged man like him, he is sure of it. He knows he has to somehow make you love him, at least just a little. Make you learn to love him, accept his care, teach you how to pleasure him properly, keep you all to himself and shut you away from the world, all the perverts and men that ogle you when you simply exist.

The world is too cruel, too corrupted, too perverted for a naive thing like you.

- NSFW ends here -

Gihun’s jealousy.

The moment In-ho joined his little alliance group he immediately felt inferior to him. He is intelligent, charismatic, dependable, kind. Everything Gi-hun barely ever is. It’s no wonder you got so attached to someone like him, the way your eyes sparkle when In-ho begins to talk or explain something, how fascinated you looked after he put Thanos in his place by demonstrating his strength, how you complimented his kindness after he gave his milk carton to Jun-hee. It makes him feel sick and incredibly angry at his friend for seemingly no reason other than existing near you.

Gi-hun slouches in his seat and fiddles with his fingers as he watches you have some small-talk with In-ho during breakfast. He’ll compare himself to In-ho in every way he possibly can, from his appearance to behaviour and actions.

Gi-hun watches him closely and tries to study his gestures and the way he presents himself, subconsciously mimicking everything his does in hopes to appeal to you even more.

He’ll start over analysing every single, every small interaction between you, imagining and spiralling himself into dark thoughts. He somehow fully convinced himself that by you clinging onto In-ho during the six-legged game means that you are in love with him and will end up marrying him after the games (despite the fact that you held onto your life on Dae-ho and In-ho’s shoulders, scared you’ll trip. But Gi-hun is just focused on your touch with In-ho).

Gi-hun becomes much more irrational as he keeps switching back and forth between showering you in love and affection and accusing you with trying to sleep with In-ho. One moment he is happily sharing his meal with you, admiring your hamster-like cheeks as you chewed on the food he shared with you before passively-aggressively interrogating you about why you even looked at the other man.

“You and In-ho seem to get along really well. What’s going on between you two? Are you trying to seduce him?”

It rarely happens but Gi-hun does explode out of rage sometimes, mostly when you two are alone and after letting his chronic jealousy get suppressed. He’ll scream and yell, vividly gesturing around, accusing you of everything you can be possibly accused of; having sex with him, wanting sex from him, loving him, thinking about marriage, you thinking In-ho is soo much better than him, you seducing the man… Gi-hun would’ve gone on and on, yelling and screaming at your trembling form as you were totally confused on why he was so angry if not for a guard that stepped in and dragged him back into the halls of bunkbeds with the other players.

In-ho. In-ho. In-ho. Whenever you say In-ho’s name, Gi-hun could throw his guts out or snap his own neck. He both wants to die and murder someone whenever his name slips through your soft lips. It makes him want to break your jaw so you could never utter his name again or bash your head in to the point of not being able to think about anything but himself, Gi-hun, your caring and generous future husband you don’t know about yet.

⁎⁺˳ — A mini scenario starts here. —

“You seem awfully tense. Is everything alright, Gi-hun?” In-ho’s voice sounded sincere. He scooted a little closer to his friend and leaned forward to rest his arms on his thighs, a concerned look on his face.

Gi-hun didn’t bother to spare him a glance and kept his eyes glued to the ground below him as he kept clenching and unclenching his fist. “I’m fine. Just worried about the games and all.” He lied through his teeth and turned his face away from him, earning a hum from the man beside him. In-ho placed a warm hand on his shoulder and gave it a small pat.

“If you are worrying about your darling, don’t worry. She is too smart and fast, she’s a real fighter. We’ll keep her safe together though, won’t we?”That statement shook Gi-hun to the core. We? Who exactly is we? He turned his head to finally look into his eyes, trying to see if he was trying to joke or being serious right now. He’d thought about letting In-ho purposefully die in the next game if it means to finally end this friendship or whatever it was between you and In-ho, but he always felt ashamed to think of someone like that right after. But not right now.

Right now, staring at that man’s face, Gi-hun wished he could wrap his hands around his neck and shut him up forever. Cut off all the air and watch as the life leaves his eyes, personally making sure that he will never talk, look or even breathe your way. How dare he. How dare he touch you, how dare he make smile, how dare he make you happy, how dare he do the life-long-job Gi-hun assigned to himself and only himself.

Gi-hun’s thoughts spiralled further. Surely In-ho fantasises about you too. About how the fat of your ass jiggles ever so slightly when you walk, how your chest stretches against the fabric of your jacket, how beautiful you’d look covered in his cum, how it would feel to take and taint you as his and only his.

And yet, he forced his violent thoughts away and let out a small sigh. Gi-hun nodded and turned to look away from In-ho again, not able to bear to have bim in his sight without fantasising about bashing his skull into the bed frame until his brain was mush and never able to conjure another thought again.

“Sure. Let’s keep her safe.”

⁎⁺˳ — End of the mini scenario here. —

💠

Author’s note.

Oh wow, I wasn’t nervous about posting like this since the first time I ever posted. To be fair this is kind of my first time posting about something else than Demon Slayer, soo… Also, Dae-ho is my baby, my precious. I need to hold him and tell him that everything will be okay and that it’s okay to feel scared. 🥺 Poor baby is so traumatised. Anyways, rant about Dae-ho over.

Make sure to EAT, DRINK and SLEEP enough!!

Quiet guilt eats away at you for keeping your wound a secret through dinner. You made it through the last game in the nick of time, and before you could even celebrate, the glass exploded. Your world became narrowed down to a sharp, blinding pain in your stomach. You didn't have time to look and see, just covering it with a jacket and hoping for the best.

When the three of you returned to the dormitories, you huddled on your bed, watching as Gi-hun and Sang-woo started arguing the way only childhood friends and siblings can. But the foundational moral difference between them is a hurdle that neither can jump, and you wouldn't be able to stop the argument if you tried.

Gi-hun is an optimist, an idealist, who believes in the good in people. So are you, but... you know that Sang-woo is the only reason Gi-hun is alive right now. You don't know if you would have had the stomach to push that guy, but it saved him.

The guards come in, effectively stopping the argument. They're carrying three black boxes with a gift bow on each. "Players, we sincerely congratulate and commend you all for successfully making it through the first five games. The three of you are now the finalists and as such, we have prepared a special gift for each of you. Before we reveal the gift, please take a moment to change into the outfits we have brought."

You're grateful to be the only girl left, getting the bathroom to yourself. You undress carefully, and it takes a moment to will yourself to even look at your stomach.

The glass piece embedded in your stomach was too large to be anything but fatal. Your hands shook as you pulled it out, crying out in pain. You feel weak, head spinning, and it takes all of your willpower to not crumble. You rip up your shirt into strips, each movement making you grit your teeth in pain. Trembling hands wrap each strip tightly around your abdomen, tears stinging your eyes, until you've patched it up enough to maybe stop the bleeding.

You can only hope that it's actually enough.

Your blood stains your hands, even after you wash them - or maybe it's a trick of the eyes, your very soul feeling stained. You splash your face with water, change into the suit from the gift box, and leave the restroom.

The dinner is tense, silent. The food smells delicious, and it's probably expensive, but it makes your stomach turn. You manage to eat half of your plate, knowing that if you survive, you'll need your strength.

Your eyes keep flicking to Gi-hun, watching him as he watches Sang-woo.

Gi-hun had come into this game with such bumbling light that it had been impossible not to be drawn to it. He always seemed to be smiling, or in motion, or trying to make someone laugh. He made everything, even this dire place, brighter.

And if the sparkle in his eyes caused a fluttering in your chest... that's something you couldn't admit to.

Sometimes, you liked to fool yourself into thinking that he looked at you with interest, sometimes. You'd bonded quickly, trying to keep up morale, and sometimes, you'd catch a lingering gaze from him. He was always quick to point out how young you are - too young to be in a place like this, but you've been living on your own as an adult since 18. You know how the world works, the toll it takes on you.

He's old enough to be your father, but he's nowhere near as jaded and cynical as that man is. Gi-hun is all things light and good about the world. He's made mistakes, ones that have piled up, but so have you, haven't you? You wouldn't be in a place like this if you weren't.

So he kept a barrier between the two of you, even as he let you creep closer and closer to him, as he let you cry in his arms one night, or gave you half his share of food. Too young, too young, too young. It felt like more of an excuse, than anything else. And you joked right back, calling him an old man, saying he has too much life experience.

But as the games went on, his smile slowly became less frequent. It took him a moment to laugh, like he'd forgotten it was allowed. Especially after the death of Il-nam.

His gaze became harder. And now, that gaze is focused on Sang-woo.

The steak knife feels like a warning, a bad omen, and you know you wouldn't have the strength to push its sharp edge into someone's body right now, but you take it to your bed, anyways.

It doesn't surprise you that Gi-hun walks over to join you, sitting on the ground beside you and staring across the room at his old friend.

You feel so, so tired. But you're terrified that if you fall asleep, you won't wake up.

Your hand reaches over, touching his shoulder, wishing he'd let you touch him more than that. You want to sink your hand into his full hair, press your forehead to his, curl up in his lap. You want to kiss him, to forget everything - you may as well admit it now, at least to yourself.

"Gi-hun," you murmur, squeezing his shoulder. "Promise me something?"

He doesn't react for a moment, then slowly looks up at you. "What?" Something in his eyes seems to settle, the longer he looks at you, but he's still on edge, wary. Something else, too - protective.

"Whichever one of us gets out... we take care of each other's family. Your mom and daughter, my siblings back home." It's hard to keep the wobble out of your voice, the knowledge that you've been sitting with that you won't make it to morning.

Gi-hun stares up at you, eyes softening at the edges. "Of course, I promise. But it doesn't matter, we're both making it out of here. We just have to outlast him." He turns to look at Sang-woo again, and you can't bear it, how these games have changed him so much. You cup his cheek, turning his head back to look at you.

His eyes go wide with surprise, but he doesn't look away. He just swallows. "Gi-hun," you say, again, like his name alone could save you. "There's... there's so many things I haven't said, I--"

"Why are you saying all this?" he asks, his brows furrowing, concern entering his expression. His hand reaches out to grab your waist, and you stifle a cry of pain.

He almost never reaches out to touch you on his own. You can count on one hand the times his hand has grabbed your arm, or brushed a strand of hair away from your face, or found your own. You don't even need all 5 fingers. His eyes go wide, and he pushes himself up, squatting next to you, his hand pushing aside the suit jacket. Blood seeps through the white button-down, staining you.

You smile weakly. If these games were fair, the glass wouldn't have hit you. You would have been safe, once you made it to the other side. What a dumb way to die, after everything. You didn't even lose the damn game.

"(Y/N)--" he gets out, voice choked, and he tugs up the shirt, a desperate look in his eyes. It would make you blush, if you hadn't already lost so much blood. If this were a different life, and he was pulling up your shirt for any other reason. He stares at your makeshift bandaging, a tremor in his hand as he brushes the blood on the skin of your stomach. "What happened?"

"Glass hit me," you say, eyes searching his expression. You couldn't take your eyes off of him even if you wanted to. "I... I don't think I'll make it to morning," you add, voice hushed, like it's a secret. And, even if you do make it to tomorrow, you definitely won't have enough strength for the final game. Gi-hun can only protect you so much.

Gi-hun's wide eyes instantly flick up to meet yours, his lips slightly parted in a hopeless little look. You want to kiss his sadness away. "Don't say that," he murmurs, his free hand rising up to cup your cheek. You instantly lean into the touch, wishing it could melt everything else away.

You sigh, eyes slightly glazed but focused solely on his face, wondering if it would be peaceful to die in his arms. Comforting.

Gi-hun notices how you stare at him... like he's the last thing you want to see. Your face is pale, even your lips almost colorless, and he knows, deep in his gut, that you're right. The blood has soaked through the fabric of your makeshift bandage, is smeared on his other hand. So many thoughts race through his mind - that you're the last person who deserved this, how nothing in this world is fair, how he wishes... wishes... He gently brushed your hair away from your face as his fingers slowly caress your cheek. He's trying desperately, futilely, to keep a tight lock on his emotions, his heart hammering. But panic is setting in, and something that feels an awful lot like heartbreak - no, scratch that. His heart is shattering.

"Please." His eyes scanned your face, committing every detail to memory. "Don't go."

His shaky words hit you like a large shard of glass to the stomach. Tears slip out of your eyes, tracing a path down your cheeks. You'd stay if I you could. "You've already watched 453 people die, Gi-hun," you say, aiming for a light tone. As if anything about this situation could be light. "What's one more?"

"It's different, you know it is, I--" He cuts himself off, clamping his lips shut, his big sad eyes never leaving your face.

You smile shakily. "What would it have been like, if we met somewhere else, anywhere else? Out in the real world?" It's impossible, now, to keep your feelings for him out of your mind, out of your gaze, out of your words. You need him to know, know that whatever he feels for you - and you know he feels something that he refuses to admit to - you return it tenfold.

Gi-hun's eyebrows draw together, his lips slanting uncertainly. "I don't know..." he murmurs, his thumb brushing over your cheekbone. "You're... you're so young..."

You close your eyes, taking a deep breath. Trying to be strong. Brave. His words are an admission to that underlying something, and you can understand that the reality of your age gap might be too much. But you want to live in the fantasy, the impossible world where you would be allowed to act on your feelings. Not the world where you're dying in his arms. "I think... you'd come into the convenience store I worked at. Just every once in a while. but then, you'd start showing up more, and we'd talk." You give a shaky laugh, sniffling, heart aching. "You do love talking, even to people you don't know. Used to be such a chatterbox, when these games started. And I'd look forward to your every late night visit. I'd have such a big crush one you-" You cut yourself off, taking a shaky breath, more tears slipping down your cheeks. "But I would know, even in that world you'd never let yourself want me back. Too young for you."

Gi-hun stares at you with parted lips, his eyes wide in shock. The unspoken thing between you, finally being voiced, it's too much. His eyes are teary, and you still have tears sliding down your cheeks. "Maybe you're right," he whispers. "I'm... so much older than you. I don't think anyone as young as you, so full of life, should end up with someone like me..."

You huff out a breath. You're not exactly full of life, now. Time is running short, the sand falling away to almost nothing. You sigh softly, gripping his bloody hand. "So we're doomed, in every life?" you ask shakily. "I'm dying, Gi-hun. And you still can't let yourself want me back." Your breath catches, and you feel so weak, resting your head on his shoulder. "I wouldn't care, how old you are. Maybe I'd ask you to get a drink with me, one night, if I got off early. And I'd buy us soju, and we'd talk. And when I was tipsy enough, bold enough, courageous enough… I'd try to kiss you." You swallow. "I think you'd let me kiss you, for just a moment. Maybe you'd slip, kiss me back. Just for a moment, a single, perfect moment. But then you'd pull away. And maybe you'd leave, telling me you're too old for me. But I'd want you all the same."

Gi-hun squeezes your hand tightly, and you're grateful you can't see the anguish on his face. "Yeah. Yeah, I'd pull away, after a moment," he replies quietly, but that's an admission too. He would allow the kiss, could see himself kissing back. "I'd walk away. I'd have to."

You can see it so perfectly, the late night in the city, outside a bar. "But I wouldn't want you to. Maybe I'd chase after you. In the street, late at night, the pavement wet from rain that's still falling…. I wouldn't want to let you go." You feel choked, but you can't stop talking, more tears rising and falling. "I'd tell you that I don't care how old you are, that what I feel for you is real. That I'd be happy to be yours. I'd tell you that just because you think you're too old, too fucked up for me, that it doesn't matter. That every day when I saw your goofy face, my life became a little brighter. That you made me so happy, that... that I wanted to be yours. That you deserve happiness. I'd ask... I'd ask if you thought I could make you happy, if I wasn't so much younger than you..." Your throat is too choked up to continue, tears strangling you, your own emotions threatening to overwhelm you.

His voice is raspy and low when he replies. "It doesn't matter. You're too young, too young to want me."

You give a humorless laugh. "See, but then I'd point out that you're not playing the game right. If I wasn't too young for you… do you think you'd be happy, being with me? If you kept insisting I was too young, that's… that's not the same thing as saying you don't want me, my Gi-hun."

His breath stutters, a sob-like sound slipping from his throat, as if you're dismantling every defense he has. "Yes," he whispers, the confession wrenched from him. "I'd be happy. I'd be the happiest man... if I could have you."

Something rattling inside your chest settles, feeling laid to rest. Your body slumps slightly against his, your face burrowing in his neck. "If I kissed you again, right then and there... would you push me away again? Would you let me? Would you kiss me back?"

His breath is ragged, obviously struggling with all the emotions he'd shoved away, and the reality of the situation overrides the fantasy. Still, he replies, his voice quiet and shaky. "I'd kiss you back. I'd... I'd pull you closer... and it would be too late, for me. I'd never let you go."

You sigh, the idea comforting you. Maybe it's all in your head, a shared fantasy, but it's yours. And his. "In that life, I think we'd make each other so happy. We'd be poor, but happy," you whisper.

He cups your cheek, pulling your head away from his neck. His face swims in your vision, and you fight to focus, focus on him and him alone. His other hand squeezes yours. He gazes deep into your eyes, every flicker of emotion obvious on his face. He's fighting his feelings, like he has been for days now, but for once, he's losing the battle. His breath shakes.

You make the first move, like you always seem to. With every last ounce of strength, you lean in and capture his lips with your own. You want this, want everything with him, but you know that all you have is this moment. So you kiss him, with every ounce of yourself that is left.

His breath is ragged, and he kisses you back with the same desperate edge of your own lips. He kisses you like he's starving, like he's trying to remember every last detail. His other hand slips from yours, wrapping around you, careful to not hold you too tight and hurt you further. He makes a small noise as he deepens the kiss, and you can feel the wetness of your cheeks, but you can't tell which one of you is crying.

You press your now free hand to his chest, over his heart. Your own heart is pounding as much as it can, but it's still a weak flutter compared to his. Everything about him tastes alive, and you give a small whimper, trying to forget everything else. You don't know if you believe in heaven, but if this is the closest you'll get, you don't mind.

"Gi-hun," you whisper between kisses, and he moans faintly, his hand sliding into your hair.

He whispers your name, over and over, like a prayer, a desperate plead. You press your forehead to his, trying not to sob. "I-I should have done that so long ago, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry (Y/N)--"

"Yes, you should have," you whisper, trying to infuse some light-heartedness into your tone, your hand stroking his face. "But I love you, even when you're a coward." If it's your last chance to say it, you may as well admit that you love him. "Win, for me. And once you've won, don't forget me. And don't forget yourself. Don't forget how special you are, how kind you are, how you deserve to be happy, to be loved. I would love you for the rest of my life if I could." You smile sadly. "Well. I guess I am, loving you for the rest of my life."

Gi-hun gives a broken noise, clinging to you desperately. You can see the tears falling down his face, mirroring your own. "I could never forget you," he whispers, his eyes wide, filled with anguish. "I--" His voice chokes up, and he kisses your cheeks.

It's okay, that he can't say it back. Your eyes slip shut, and you're so tired, so damn tired. You have nothing left inside you. Everything fades but his touch, the world feeling like a distant dream.

Faintly, you hear him sob, can feel his hands cling to your face, your arm. Your face is pressed against your chest, and even that feels far away, detached, like it's happening to someone else.

The last words you hear - or maybe it's your mind, making up what you want to hear in your final moments - are him whispering your name. "I-I love you too, I love you, (Y/N), please..."

He was a very sweet man, he always came by the food vender with his daughter. You knew he was also poor, sometimes he wouldn’t have enough money to pay for their dinners. And you’d always cover the rest, telling him it was no huge deal. You could tell him and his daughter were thankful. He would come by without his child too sometimes. He would order something small and cheap… then chat with you the rest of the time. Telling you about all the money he won!!!… then the next day he’d tell you how he had just lost it all the same way he got it- gambling

Though it wasn’t your place, you’d tell him to relax on the gambling. He’d tell you he isn’t in too deep and can stop whenever. You hear it all the time from countless people who decide to share their life’s stories with you. But it didn’t make you see him any less, if anything it showed you why you SHOULD care. Why you should look out for those less fortunate because you never know who might need it.

After so many times of him coming in you guys shifted to a first name basis. You greet him with a smile and a “hello, gi-hun! Welcome back.” Or a “hey, it’s been a while since you’ve stopped by, gi-hun” he became a core part of your shift, you’d see him at least three times a week. And he always had some crazy story to tell you while you worked. You listened to him talk about life. His debt, his destructive habits, what happened to his family. You’d give him real advice and listen to him if he needed. Sometimes you’d even share parts of your fucked up life. How you got to where you were.

But it wasn’t always problems he came to you with

Every one in a while he would win big and come in to tell you about it. Leaving a heavy tip with a joyous smile “keep the change” he’d say as you laugh at him. You’d always get a good laugh in whenever he’s around. If not at his jokes then at his goofy situations he’d get himself in. Over all, you had felt you made a friend. You even got his number so you could reach out when needed

Only he’s been gone for a while. He stopped popping in to say hi and buy a snack, he stopped running by to tell you what he’s won and he stopped flying into your shop asking to be hidden in the back to hide from his loaners. He was just gone. And day by day you figured he either got caught up by the people he was running from or he some how moved far away. And it saddened you, you never realized how lonely you were till now. Up to this point you’ve had someone to occupy your thoughts and time, and now that it’s been gone you struggle to see how you made it without those stupid conversations over street food. And you had no clue where your gi-hun went.

You let out a very long and somber sigh, pulling yourself off your dingy discount couch and shuffle to your room before pulling on a sweater and some sweat pants. You checked yourself over once in the bathroom mirror before lazily walking out of your apartment, locking the door. You then descended down the elevator and onto the Main Street. You had a few extra dollars to spare and a rumbling stomach, so you decided to head down to your local convenience store to pick out some food.

The night air was chilly and the stars that hung in the sky were drowned out by the light pollution of the city lights. You clench your hands into fists and jam them into your pockets to protect them from the freezing cold. You picked up the pace and continued to walk, ignoring people and minding your own business the best you could. You turned down this one back street, dangerous at night but a much quicker way to your destination. That was until you were stopped dead in your tracks, mouth agape.

There he was, gi-hun! Your gi-hun!! Stood at the corner of two streets, looking very lost and confused. You could distinguish that messy hair from any distance. Your hunger was forgotten as quickly as it came, and you couldn’t stop yourself from calling out to him. “G-gi-hun?!” You yelled, waving your hands at him. His head snapped harshly in your direction, eyes filled with an emotion you couldn’t quite place. It seemed like he aged 20 years, he looked incredibly roughed up and exhausted. Seemed like he was barely upright, and he carried large bags with him.

It took a moment of him staring at you until it clicked. It looked like he had forgotten you for a second before it all came rushing back. You didn’t get a smile back though, and you dropped your waving hand. Your smile began to fade as you approached him, only he flinched away and took a small step back. “Gi-hun? It’s me, remember? I work down at that corner noodle stand?” You say, gesturing to the general area of your store. He nodded a bit before relaxing, looking around a bit.

“Hey, are you okay?” You ask, worry laced in your voice as you close more of the distance. He just looked at you as you inched closer and closer, this look of pain seemingly permanently etched into his face. He looked like he wanted to say a million things but couldn’t find the words. And most of all he looked like he had just crawled through the deepest pits of hell. “Do you need to sit, oh god. Come with me” you say as you lightly reach your hand out to him, beckoning him to follow. He looks at your hand distrustfully, skeptical for a reason unknown to you. “Cmon, I can help you.”

He closes his eyes and lets out a breath you didn’t know he was holding before turning to follow you silently. You were glad for that, you had no clue what the hell happened to him but it was clearly something. And he clearly needed help. Your snack venture was long forgotten as you lead him back to your place, trying to get any information out of him. You asked where he went, what happened, why he was gone for so long, how he got back… every time he tried to say he would tear up, and he’d choke the words back down. Telling you he can’t tell you yet, and even if he could he doesn’t know how.

And that was ok with you. You eventually got back, and you guided him to your couch. He analyzed basically your whole house, eyes scanning back and forth and back and forth, looking for danger. Like something could reach out from the walls and get him. You got him a glass of water which he thanked you for but didn’t drink, instead he just stared into the reflection in the water. Lost in thought. You tapped his shoulder, pulling him out of the reeling memories he can’t express.

“Hey, it’s ok. Look, do you want to take a shower or something? No offense but you look like you need one” you say, half trying to help and half trying to lighten the mood. It didn’t really work though, his lips barely twitched. He would have found that funny a few months ago. He did agree though.

The shower wasn’t long at all, maybe 10 ish minutes. You had set him up with some of the over sized things you have, including a hoodie he had bought you months ago after a winning particularly handsome prize. His gazed softened when he saw those laid out for him. He put the clothes on, happy to finally be in something clean, soft, and comfortable clothes. After taking a long, sad look at himself in the mirror he walks out to you waiting for him on the couch with a brush and some tea. “Come here” you call.

At this point in the night he’s so exhausted and shell shocked he was barely awake. The weight of whatever he experienced weighted down heavily on him and you could see it draining the life from him. He hadn’t even smiled yet, the thing you found you missed the most. He sits down next to you. You slide the cup of hot tea to him across the table with the brush in your other hand. He looks at it suspiciously before you reach your hand holding the brush up, flinching a bit before returning to normal. That’s when you noticed the slight bruising across his face.

“It’s ok if you can’t talk about it yet… I was just so worried about you” you start “I missed you coming to say hi at work” you added, chucking slightly as you moved to brush out his wet hair, careful to not rip it out. “I’m sorry” gi-hun says, voice wavering as tears prick his eyes. “I’m sorry”

Your eyes widen a bit as you rub his shoulder lightly “no no gi-hun, it’s ok. You did nothing wrong”

Though you were trying to comfort him your words of reassurance only fueled the tears to fall. You didn’t comment on them, instead you kept rubbing his shoulders, brushing his hair till it was dry, and listened to him softly cry. Cry over everything that happened, that he had to do, and that he has to do going forward. So much had happened and he’s the only one alive to tell the tale. The only one out of all those people to live. The only one…

Eventually, after much comforting, after many “shhh I know”s and “it’s ok I believe you”s gi-hun was finally able to sleep for the first time outside of the games. Games that no one knew of. But you told him that you believed every word of his story. And you did, saying you’d help him find who he was after, but only when he went to bed. That man slept in your arms, on your couch for HOURS. From the story he told you this was probably the first safe nights sleep in days, and you could tell he needed it.