#3rd pov

And then there came the diarrhea, the worst part of it all. He would eat food, whether it be a small snack or a meal, and he'd have to sit on the toilet for the next fifteen minutes because his stomach couldn't handle it. He doesn't like going into all of the dirty details, but if the window was left open and a fuckton of air freshner was sprayed, then that's nobody's business but his.

His period was the one thing he could never miss about being a woman, so when he misses his testosterone shot one week which he would administer every two weeks, he felt something off in the middle of the night.

He stirred awake, shifting on the bed, trying not to disturb Hannibal who laid with arms curled around him - so a very much hard task to accomplish.

Will felt the aches in his legs, face scrunching up in distress as he realized what that meant. Fuck, he thought along with a bunch of other creative curses. He whined, curling into a ball as much as he could with Hannibal wrapped around him. He glanced over at the alarm clock, 3:23 it read, and he groaned.

He didn't want to disturb the other man, but he really did not want to get up from the bed. He knew Hannibal wouldn't mind if he woke him up - Hannibal would do anything for Will - but he hated being a bother.

He hated periods more, so fuck it.

Will gently pushed at Hannibal's shoulder, trying to arise the other man, but he didn't stir. A sharp pain hit him in the stomach, causing him to gasp and curl closer into himself.

Will whined, pushing more harder at Hannibal, tears forming in the corner of his eyes. Hannibal, after a few more shoves, woke up, eyes fluttering open, looking down at the curly-haired man next to him.

He took in Will's distressed form, a crease in the middle of his brows forming as he fully woke up, "What's wrong?" Hannibal fretted, looking over the man for any injuries.

Will pushed himself closer to the man, "I got my period." He whispered it like he was ashamed of it, eyes landing on Hannibal's shirtless chest. Hannibal's face softened, his hands moving up to pet at Will's soft curls, the other moving to massage Will's stomach.

"What do you need?" Hannibal asked, hands moving in rhythm, soothing the man.

"Can you get me Tylenol and some pads, please?" Will softly asked, leaning into his touch.

Hannibal nodded, immediately, "Of course," he moved to get up from the bed, pausing when he felt Will grab onto him, "What is it, mylimasis?"

"Can you also get chocolate please? Oh and a heating pad." Will mentioned, looking and feeling embarrassed.

Hannibal smiled gently, "Anything for you, my dear. I won't be long." He removed himself from Will's grasp, moving over to his closet to grab a sweater and shrug it on, not needing to wear anything too formal as he would be right back.

He put on his shoes before crouching down next to Will who looked up at him with teary eyes. He hated seeing his loved one in so much pain - he'd rather endure it himself. "I'll be back soon," Hannibal caressed Will's cheek, the other man leaning into the touch.

"You better be." Will grumbled, "Now go." He leaned away from Hannibal's hand, burying his head into the pillow.

Hannibal stared, fondly, before standing up and moving to grab his keys to head to the nearest twenty-four hour pharmacy, making sure not to let any of their dogs out as he exited. There was a pharmacy not even ten minutes away, thankfully, so it didn't take long to get there.

Hannibal walked into the store, finding a very tired looking man at the only open register, walking up to the stranger. The man, heavy-lidded, looked up at Hannibal when he approached him.

"May you point me to your hygiene section please?" Hannibal greeted, his face masked with his persona of a nice, regular man.

"Can't you read the signs?" The man slurred, holding his face up in his hand, "It's over there." He pointed to an aisle.

Hannibal's eye twitched at the blatant disrespect. His eyes moved down to the name tag on the man, Brian, his name was. "Hm, how long have you been working, Brian?"

Brian snorted, wiping his face and standing up somewhat straight, "It's been a long fucking night, buddy, can you just get your shit and go?"

Hannibal smiled, shark-like, "Yes, I will be right back." He walked off, heading over to the women product's section, pausing when he noticed all of the different pad options.

This might be a little more difficult than he thought.

Whatever, he'll just grab one of each.

That along with a box of sweet chocolate, a heat pad, and painkillers, he walked back to the register with the rude man, placing it down on the counter.

Brian, noticing the ridiculous amount of pads, snickered, "You sure your lady needs all that?" He started to scan the products, placing them in shopper bags.

Hannibal really wanted to roll his eyes at the small minded man, "I make sure my beloved has everything he needs."

Brian noticed the pronoun, eyebrows raising in confusion as he continued to scan, "What kind of freak you keepin'?"

Hannibal's face twitched, this man would definitely be served as a platter on his dinner table. He would serve him as a gift for Will, something to say 'feel better.' Yes, that was a good plan.

Brian finished scanning and bagging the items, "That'll be $41.28,"

Hannibal paid for his items, grabbing the bags as he said, "Thank you for your service."

Brian smirked, "No fucking problem, good luck with your guy."

Hannibal wished he could stick a knife into the guy's neck, but refrained from doing so, wanting to return to his beloved in his bed. He walked out of the store and to his car.

He returned home ten minutes later, bringing the bags along as the dogs surrounded him, curious about the bags with wagging tails. He shooed them off, heading up the stairs to his bedroom where he found his love missing, bed sheets off the bed, but crumpled up in a ball in the corner.

"Will?" Hannibal called out, moving to take his shoes off, bags crinkling in his hands as he walked over to the bathroom door, noticing the light on in the crack of the door. "I brought your stuff, mylimasis."

"Leave it by the door, please.' Will's muffled voice pleaded, sounding distressed and irritated.

"Are you feeling unwell?" Hannibal asked, concerned, a hand on the knob ready to twist it.

"Don't come in, please!" Will rushed out, "I'm okay, I just - I have stomach problems." Will, on the toilet, cringed at his wording. His ass was almost numb by how long he had been sitting on the toilet.

"I do have some Pepto Bismol if you'd like," Hannibal mentioned, remembering he had some in his medicine cabinet.

"Please," Will perked up, "Yes, I'd like that." He heard some crinkling and then footsteps walking away, he figured Hannibal left the bags at the door and went to get the medicine.

Will finished his business, flushing the toilet and washing his hands, letting him free bleed into his boxers as he opened the door, seeing the amounts of pads, laughing at the sheer thought of Hannibal seeing how many different ones there were and buying them all.

He grabbed the pack of which he needed, grabbing a clean pair of boxers before heading back into the bathroom, flipping the switch for the exhaust fan in there, taking his dirty boxers off, sitting down onto the toilet as he opened and attached the pad to the underwear, sliding them on.

He stood up and flushed the toilet of the bloody water, washing his hands again as he left the bathroom, turning the light off.

He went through the bags of what Hannibal bought, taking out the heating pad and Tylenol, opening the new pack of medicine, popping two out and into his mouth, Hannibal appearing right at his side as he handed over a glass of water.

Will didn't really need it, but he took it, swallowing a mouthful of water along with the pills. He also took the pink medicine out of Hannibal's hand, opening it and chugging a good dose of it.

Hannibal looked at him, disapprovingly, "You're supposed to measure it," and then his face smoothed out, "How are you feeling?"

Will leaves the Pepto on the side table, wrapping his arms around Hannibal, snuggling into him while standing, "My cramps are hurting like a bitch," He complained.

Hannibal lifted Will like he weighed nothing, making him let out a yelp, "Hannibal!" The man walked and set Will down on the bed with new sheets - how he missed that, he wasn't sure.

Hannibal got the heating pad, plugging it in and setting it under Will's legs when he raised them. He took his sweater off and joined the man in the bed, arms already moving to wrap around the smaller man, a hand playing with his curls and the other soothingly running over his stomach, massaging it gently.

"Thank you, darlin'," Will said, twisting his head to meet Hannibal's lips with his, eyes closing at the gentle gesture.

Hannibal reciprocated the gesture, lips moving smoothly along his beloved's, turning Will on his back so he didn't have to twist his neck, moving to hover over him. Will moaned under him, a heat swirling in his gut as Hannibal's hands caressed his body, moving lower and lower.

Will pulled away, "Are you sure?" He asked as his lover's hand pulled the waistband of the boxers away from his skin.

Hannibal moved lower to kiss at Will's neck, sucking and biting at the plush skin, "So very much, my dear, are you having doubts?" Will leaned his neck away to give Hannibal better access, groaning at the pleasure, his hands grasping at whatever part of Hannibal he could reach.

"I just don't want you to get all bloody and I just used the bathroom," Will hissed as Hannibal's sharp teeth grazed a sensitive spot.

"Trust me I have no issue with that." Hannibal teased, moving further down Will's body, leaving a stinging trail of bite marks as Will withered and moaned under him.

"We should've put a towel down," Will breathily said, a hand coming up to tangle itself in Hannibal's hair.

"I'll change the sheets again." Hannibal waved off, pulling down the boxers in his way, revealing a bloody, pulsing cunt. Hannibal could groan at the sight, it was a beautiful thing to see.

He rubbed at his labia, in circles, his fingers gliding between his folds, the blood and wetness making his movements slick and smooth. Will moaned, head thrown back in pleasure as his hand in Hannibal's hair tightened.

Hannibal attached his mouth to Will's dripping cunt, ferociously licking up his juices, tongue fucking into the opening of his cunt. Will whimpered and withered, thighs quaking around his head. Hannibal used his hand to flick at Will's clit and rub at it, changing the action every few seconds as he ate out the man underneath him.

"Han - Hannibal," Will gasped out as he felt his orgasm approaching. His hand tightened in Hannibal's hair, to the point of pain which he did not mind at all, mouth falling open when Hannibal moved faster, tongue licking at him and in him, fingers rubbing fast and slick.

Will gasped out stuttering breaths as he moaned, "Hannibal - I'm gonna - gonna cum," He was cut off by himself as his hips jerked up into Hannibal's mouth, head thrown back as he orgasmed, thighs suffocating Hannibal.

Hannibal kept up his motions, coaxing Will through his orgasm 'til Will pulled him away, almost overstimulated. Will pulled him up, catching his bloody lips with his, panting into his mouth, "You're so fucking sexy." Will gasped out as his body involuntarily jolted at the shocks running through his body. Will licked into Hannibal's mouth, moaning as he tasted himself.

Will was about to move to return the favor, but Hannibal stopped him, "I only aimed to pleasure you, you need not return the favor." He wiped his bloody hands on the bedsheets - something he would have detested doing, but did because of Will.

"Why not?" Will whined, a hand moving to grab at Hannibal's tented crotch.

"You're tired, mylimasis, we can continue this in the morning," Hannibal offered, grabbing the hand on his crotch and pulling it up to leave kisses on, breathing in the skin.

It was almost five in the morning, but still too early to be up so Will pouted, but nodded, laying back comfortably as he pulled Hannibal to cuddle with.

"I love you," Will tucked his head into Hannibal's chest.

Kaito snuggled into the comfort of Samara's hug, gazing up at her with a cheerfulness that made Enjin curse at his own thoughts for even thinking something bad of them. How did he dare do that? Those two were Samara's family.

"Nee-sama, I am so happy we found you!" Kaito beamed up at his older sister, and Samara planted a kiss on his forehead, mirroring Hatsuharu's actions upon herself. "Can you stop crying, please? I don't like to see you sad."

"It's just...I never expected you to be here. Much less Haru-nii."

Hatsuharu straightened his figure and looked straight into the Akuta leader's eyes over Samara's shoulder. The boldness truly ran through their genes.

"All this talk and you haven't introduced us to your friend, Sam," Hatsuharu pointed out matter-of-factly as he walked by his sister, straight to Enjin's dumbfounded stance on the bench. The Akuta leader closed his Umbreaker and rose to his feet just in time to accept Hatsuharu's extended hand. His grip, albeit firm, was cold as hell. It was hard to accept the fact that Hatsuharu was otherwise dead when his whole demeanor was full of life.

"I'm Hatsuharu," he offered, a dashing grin decorating his visage. "But it's a waste of syllables, so you can call me whatever you want."

"Hatsu. I know," Enjin smiled in response, eyes leveling with Hatsuharu's. Even though he indulged in a relaxed posture, Hatsuharu had a stern aura about himself. "Sam's told me a lot about you. Name's Enjin. Just your average janitor, really."

"Enjin," Hatsuharu repeated, measuring his blonde counterpart from head to toe. From the way Enjin shook his hand, he was anything but an average janitor. Especially considering how tenderly and prudently he regarded his sister; Hatsuharu might or might not have stalked them for a while on the bench. "I hope my sister has told you good things 'bout me!"

Something told Enjin he had to make a good first impression. He eased his hands into the large pockets of his coat, shrugging in the process. "Nah, I don't know, man. A lot of shit to digest."

Silence. Hatsuharu looked at Enjin, Enjin looked back at Hatsuharu, and they both burst into a tornado of laughter. Samara's assumption that the two men would have been best of friends had just come to fruition.

"Hey, sis, I like Enjin!" Samara's older brother hollered, and it prompted her to walk over and interrupt the dumb and dumber duo. She could already picture the devilish stunts the two would pull together.

"Now this is something bound to mess with my head in all the bad ways."

Kaito trailed behind, chuckling to himself. The youngest sibling was so different from the Tokugawa duo; a candid and reserved persona, and, judging by the rays of sunshine reflected in his irises, was the most innocent soul in the world.

Samara was spot-on with her characterization: if one saw both Kaito and Zanka from behind without knowing them personally, they would pass as twins. Even though the two youngsters were polar opposites.

"Enjin-san." Kaito dipped his head in a bow. Soft-spoken as well. "Please take good care of us! My name is—"

Enjin's lips rested into a genuine smile. "Kaito. Nice to meet you, kid."

"Oh my, there's no use talking anymore, innit? You already know us by heart!" Hatsuharu snickered, gawking at his sister. He couldn't help but be intrigued by the kind of connection between Samara and the blonde man; his sister wasn't the type to open up to strangers that easily.

Samara clicked her tongue, crossing her arms over her chest. "Yes, please, spit everything out. I just about missed being made fun of," she inclined her head to look at Hatsuharu, whose body was angled toward the lively crowds of the festival, "by my own brother—Ashina-san?"

In the distance, an orange-haired woman wielding a refined golden spear with pointed tips was advancing rapidly toward the newly formed group.

And with her, Daichi, carrying a bag of goodies of his own.

"You're as beautiful as the day I lost you, dove," he said, displaying a sincere expression for Samara.

Enjin was just about to spit to the ground at the sight of the white-haired son-of-a-bitch feudal lord from Samara's past, whom he, quite frankly, never wished to meet. And Daichi was everything Enjin had pictured him to be: an elegant prick with a smooth speech and neat appearance.

Everything that Enjin was not.

Daichi wanted to approach Samara, but the woman hesitated to welcome his initiation, an imperceptible gesture that Enjin picked up straight away. The Akuta leader positioned himself inches in front of Samara, adopting a protective stance that didn't evade Hatsuharu's notice. And neither did Daichi's, as his eyebrows furrowed in flagrant dissatisfaction.

"It seems like we have a lot to talk about," the white-haired man stated, the jewelry in his neatly braided hair clinking as he shifted his weight.

Both Enjin and Samara took out their chokers in light of the latest news that someone might be listening in on that channel of communication. Hatsuharu generally had a way with mature women, so charming the matron of the Ochaya to give them one of her most secluded rooms was an effortless task. He actually considered whether accepting her job offer at the tea house, as a concierge, would be a good idea.

"This is what happens when you cozy up to your animas," Ashina's rigid voice echoed through the room. "We are your tools, not your friends, Samara-dono. What is this filthy demon doing with you?"

Enzo waved his burning cigarette through the air, tapping at his chin with his index finger. "You know, I could agree with you," he debated, tilting his head to the side, "But I don't wanna do that. You're no better than me, sweetheart."

Ashina unsheathed the spear on her back, her persimmon cape trembling with her movements. "What did you say?"

Enzo put the roll of tobacco between his lips and hoisted both his pistols to point at the other. "For such a beautiful chick, you're quite stupid."

Enjin's respect for the gunman skyrocketed, given the circumstances. Daichi put his hand up to halt Ashina's actions. "Ashina, stand down."

The warrior immediately discarded her weapon and bowed her head in response. "Apologies, my lord."

Samara clapped her eyes on Enzo, shutting him up before he found the opportunity to add fuel to the fire. The gunman pursed his lips and shoved his pistols back into their leather holster. Even though anima could not feel any pain, Shingen rubbed at the side of his head, somehow feeling a headache kicking in.

"Ashina is not wrong, though, dove," Daichi continued, grey eyes shuffling between her visage and Enzo's. "When did you bargain a pact with a demon? You never told us."

"Kaito knew," Samara corrected him, folding her legs. "But you wouldn't know since it happened the night Haru-nii died. Maybe if you hadn't run away, you would have been the one to broker the ceremony. Or maybe we wouldn't even be in this situation."

The sound of Enjin's lighter fissured the abrupt silence Samara brought over the room. Hatsuharu leaned his cheek into the palm of his hand, a gentle smile brushing over his face.

"Could you give me a minute with my sister?"

A demand, rather than a request. Enjin found himself wondering how much weight Hatsuharu's character carried when he was alive, if that was the control he exerted as an anima. And Samara was just the same as him, always commanding the room. When Enjin chuckled, content and rather relaxed, all eyes fell on him, facing the scrutiny of Daichi and his anima. What a marvelous way to kick off the meeting with Samara's ex.

Kaito was the first one to pull his chair and stand up from the table.

"Kaito-dono, you don't have to do that," Ashina said, baffled by the ease with which he took the order, when he should have been the one to give them.

"Why not? Nii-sama requested it, so I'll go, if that's what he needs."

In a culmination of paradoxes, Shingen chuckled too, heeding the Akuta leader's example. The bond of the Tokugawa siblings could not be broken, not even through death. Daichi scanned his best friend.

"I know you have things you want to say to her, Daichi, but could you let me take the headstart here?"

"You're not a lord anymore, Hatsuharu. Watch your speech."

Daichi had to stop his anima from pointing her weapon at Hatsuharu that time around. Enjin felt the pressure of the factions and the archetypal hierarchy that should have been respected between them; that was when he got a glimpse into the pressure Samara must have faced back home. Truly, what a tragic destiny to bear.

The white-haired man reluctantly left his seat, eyes never abandoning Samara's stoic visage. She felt so different, so new, in that obscene corset fitted like a glove over her chest and the split-open skirt over her thigh. Daichi'd never seen her wear such brazen clothes in public. There was something about how well that grey uniform fit her, and the outfit as a whole, that irked him, as if Samara had always belonged with the Cleaners, and not with him.

Enjin was the last one to unpeel himself from the wall beside her, and he stopped briefly by her side to give a pat of reassurance on her shoulder.

"I'll call Semiu to inform HQ we're bringing new people in. I'm outside if you need me."

Samara nodded faintly, her features softening for a fleeting moment. "Thanks, Enjin."

Hatsuharu followed Enjin's silhouette as he retrieved his choker and closed the door of the room in his wake. Words were meaningless to describe the authority each of his steps carried; Enjin's nonchalant amusement in response to his masked directive spoke volumes. If Hatsuharu had to guess, Enjin must have been a big shot in that Cleaners organization. On good merit.

"You don't have to be so harsh to him, Sam," Hatsuharu spoke, playing with the ring circling his little finger. "I told him to run away."

"And he listened," Samara hissed through her teeth. "How could he listen? I'll forever carry all these scars on my back and the guilt that I protected others instead of rushing to protect you. And now he parades like he's been entitled to everything from the very beginning."

Hatsuharu enveloped Samara's hand in his. He hated his cold hands and the fact that he couldn't give his little sister the warmth she needed. Not then, and not since his death. "If Daichi died too, who would there be left to care for you, little one?"

Samara shielded her eyes from her brother's. That pet name he'd always called her was too painful to bear from that side of the table. "I'm not that, anymore."

Hatsuharu's neck angled, head dropping in misery. When it rose back up, a sad grin veiled his face. "I'm so sorry I failed to be the older brother you needed me to be."

Samara rushed to grab his frigid hand. "No, that's not true—"

"Did you know that mom is dead?"

Samara's lips parted in agony, the oxygen in her airways shutting down completely. Unbeknownst to her, she jolted at the news, her hair falling over one shoulder. "No, I... she was alive when... she's dead?"

"A couple of days after you disappeared," Hatsuharu whispered, clasping his hands together over the wooden surface. "She was devastated to lose both her children in the span of months. Kaito buried her."

"What do you mean, Kaito buried her?"

"Father never lifted a finger for the funeral. He didn't even show up for the ceremony. So Kaito buried her alone."

Samara covered her trembling lips with both palms. She could feel heavy droplets filling her eyelids. To bury a mother who wasn't even his to begin with, be a better man than their father ever was, Kaito went through a lot in her absence. And he still found the power to be bright and hopeful.

Hatsuharu laughed silently, leaning over the table to dry the weighty beads spilling over Samara's skin.

"I'm thankful you came to visit me every day. It's so fucking lonely on the other side; it's dark and empty, that solace and forgiveness are a priest's bullshit. I heard everything you told me, little one. Everything. And Shingen was right, I didn't want you to avenge me. I didn't want you to follow me to the grave, and I never wanted you to be humiliated by those fucking puppets. I genuinely hoped you'd mourn me and get over me. Build a better future for yourself."

A hiccup surged from Samara's lungs. Words barraged her neck with thorns. "How could I... you're all I ever had, Haru-nii."

Hatsuharu moved to kneel by Samara's chair, hands resting on her knees. "That's not quite true. Do you know why I'm here?"

She shook her head.

"After Mom's funeral, Kaito came to my grave with three fat bottles of Father's best booze. He poured one over my grave first, saying that if he got drunk, I should do, too."

A shattered chuckle escaped through Samara's sobs. "Poor Kaito, he never knew you never could get drunk."

Hatsuharu's obsidian orbs curled into crescents, fingers gently caressing comfort into her skin. "He got completely hammered. He just drank and drank until I could barely understand what he said through the slurs. And he said only one sentence: I want to know if nee-sama is happy wherever she is."

Samara's head dropped to her palms, tears cascading silently through open fingers.

"How could I refuse him? How could I rest, knowing he'd go after you without anyone to look after him?"

Becoming an anima was more often than not a soul's commitment for too many generational cycles to count. Shingen had been in the Tokugawa family for centuries. Ashina, one of the legendary female warriors, had been in Daichi's clan for centuries. Perpetually reincarnating was a gruesome ordeal, and no one had ever heard about how such a curse could be lifted from an anima's fate. Now that Hatsuharu had chosen to burden himself with that destiny, Samara knew he would be burdened for centuries to come.

"I fucked up," Samara murmured, but Hatsuharu seized her wrists with a tender sweep.

"That's why I said that I failed you as your older brother," he cooed, and Samara hated his intrinsic ability to find the power of a smile in any given situation. "I chose to become Kaito's anima to be his guardian and relieve you of the hardship of killing my murderer. If this was the price I had to pay, it's a little one for you to be okay. This much I owe you."

Samara dug her canines into the plush of her lower lip. Hatsuharu, like Enjin, had the talent to read through her like an open book.

"Talk to me, sis. It's too late to agree anyway, but I need to know what's going on through your head."

The silence on the other side of the wall was deafening. Enjin was competing with Enzo on who could smoke the most, and was in the lead with his third cigarette finished. Kaito was doing his best not to pace around. Shingen was trying to meditate, Ashina was ogling Enzo, and Daichi was repeatedly slapping the fingers on one hand against his crossed arms. He was the one to break the stillness.

"I understand you took Samara under your wing in this misery of a place," he said, addressing the Akuta leader in a neutral tone. "I appreciate that."

"My pleasure." Enjin replied dryly. He was busy lighting up his fourth roll of tobacco. Which was coincidentally and obnoxiously his last.

"You won't need to do that anymore. Samara is under my protection now."

Enzo exploded into feral laughter, and Enjin was just about to share the sentiment; he really negotiated with the better part of himself not to detail Samara's erotic yet heavenly portrait, how his cum flooded from between her legs, how her lips milked his cock dry, and how they fucked each other senseless in his room.

"Oh, my, you're so fucking funny. Tell him, Enjin, isn't he funny?"

In the end, Enjin opted to keep all those sacred details to himself. That didn't mean he would not assert dominance when the situation called for it. He exhaled the nicotine out of his lungs in Daichi's direction.

"Samara is part of my team. While she's here, she's my responsibility. Don't go worrying about that."

Hatsuharu rarely called her by her full name, and on such occasions, the everlasting playfulness of his actions turned into stoicism. "Samara, what did you bargain for with that demon?"

There was no use hiding anymore. She straightened her spine to look her brother in the eye, the sheer willpower to confess and take pride in her confession, startled Hatsuharu.

"If that bastard managed to kill you, then that meant none of us was strong enough to take him on. I needed more power to hunt him, and that's where Enzo came in handy. Truth is, he'd been following me on the battlefield for the entirety of that war, begging me to enslave him."

The air in the room grew icy. Hatsuharu's eyes sparkled in a shade of blue.

"When your killer dies, I'll lose half my life to Enzo."

"Who else knows about this?"

"No one, except for Shingen. He was the one who brokered the pact. And master Shakra, she taught me how to use him."

Their reunion was cut short when Hatsuharu's hand began to evaporate into thin air. Samara's gaze darted upon it.

"I guess this is Kaito's limit," Hatsuharu sighed, and stood up to pull his sister into as tight a hug as he could muster. "I'm sorry to ask this of you, but can you train Kaito? I frankly don't know how. I'll be selfish with this, but I want to make up for all this lost time." One final smile illuminated his fading stance. "I love you, sis. Never forget."

Before Samara got the chance to enjoy his embrace, Hatsuharu vanished into thin air. Her eyes fluttered shut, and one solitary tear traversed the side of her face. "I love you too, Haru-nii."

Daichi clicked his tongue, and his fingers halted their drumming against flesh. The black robe he wore flapped frantically as he took a step closer to the Akuta leader.

"Look, you can tell yourself whatever you please. Samara is not yours to protect."

Amusement traversed Enjin's forehead, one golden eyebrow arching at the other's words. "Samara is not an object for you to claim. You wouldn't even know what it feels like to care for an object anyway."

Enzo whistled at Enjin's provocation, clapping his hands at the ongoing showdown. A sharp shade of vermillion colored Daichi's irises, as if forged in violence itself. Shingen was prepared to intervene between them if needed be.

"Enjin-san," Kaito looked at him, a hint of worry in his gaze. "I'm sure Daichi-san didn't mean it like that."

Enjin shrugged, keeping his daffodil orbs cemented upon Daichi's. "Then he should've said it better, dont'cha think?"

"My only wish was to be civil with you," Daichi declared as Ashina left a whirling of ashes in her wake to transform into the decorated golden spear. "But you're stepping on my nerves."

"I can give you my gun," Enzo nudged Enjin, putting one finger in the air. "Bullet is faster than the umbrella!"

The Akuta leader barely seized the opportunity to grab his Umbreaker when a torrent of blood started overflowing from Kaito's nose. The teenager blinked in surprise, and a sudden dizziness overtook him.

"Whoop," Enjin bent his body just in time for Kaito to collapse on his back. "Are you okay, kid?"

"Enjin-san..." Kaito mumbled weakly, his vision shrouded by the swirling sensation in his brain. "I can't feel my body."

Hatsuharu's sword materialized in its royal scabbard, and it fell to the floor with a grave thud that sent vibrations through the whole floor.

"Hatsuharu-dono's energy is too great for Kaito-dono to shoulder now," Shingen watched the crimson liquid smearing Enjin's coat. "Manifesting Hatsuharu-dono for so long at once depleted Kaito-dono of all stamina. He needs training so that his body can eventually sustain the effort."

"Kaito, can you wrap your arms around me? I'll grab your sword f'ya—"

It was Daichi's turn to reciprocate the mocking laughter he was treated with. "You won't be able to lift that. Only its owner or someone with the capacity to withstand the pressure can lift it. It's too heavy for someone like you."

Enjin's attempt to make the son-of-a bitch choke on his words was cut short when the door opened and Samara's silhouette hurried hastily through it. Onyx irises assessed the situation and only glared at the two men in response; she was too busy tending to Kaito's fragile condition to stroke their egos. Samara caressed her younger brother's hair, happy to feel that he was still responsive to her touch.

"Enjin, let's get Kaito to our room and tug him to bed. He needs to rest."

The Akuta leader slid his arms under Kaito's knees to sustain the weight of his body on his back. Daichi struggled to make sense of her words. "You're sharing a room with this man?"

Samara crouched to collect Hatsuharu's sword from the ground. Muscles in her forearm contracted under the brutal pressure, and, judging by the caustic looks everyone was throwing her way, they never expected her to complete this feat in particular.

"Samara!"

"Daichi, this man saved my life," she replied, a malignant glint of purple shining on battlefields and bad dreams. "My younger brother is in pain because of my dead older brother. I don't want to fight with either of you because you want to blow your cocks to see who's bigger."

Enjin scoffed. "I wouldn't want this asshole to blow me."

Samara turned to him, voice quivering with fury. "I don't want to hear another stupid word."

The Akuta leader opened his mouth to say something, but the unrest that pooled in her eyes, carrying the promise of ruin, made him reconsider his priorities. Enjin had never seen Samara so agitated, sanity hanging on by an illusion of a thread. Under the fluorescent light of the hall, he discovered how puffy her eyes had become from all the crying, and the astringent exhaustion washing over her skin.

Enjin instantly regretted his rash decisions. Not because he wasn't eager to throw a punch with the white-haired bastard, but because it caused Samara unnecessary pain. He carried Kaito to their tidy bed and laid him down in the comfort of the sheets. Samara dampened a clean towel to wipe the blood and sweat from Kaito's face and tucked him to sleep with a kiss to his forehead. The group left him to rest, and Samara placed Hatsuharu's sword on the nightstand by his side before closing the door behind her.

"We need Eishia to see him," Samara exhaled forcefully, her lungs left devoid of air. "I don't know what strain this is going to put on his body, if any. Kaito doesn't come from a family with spiritual training, and Haru-nii is not exactly the easiest anima to deal with."

"Ashina can help with that," Daichi crossed his arms over his chest. "I assume this Eishia person must be your healer, but Ashina can ease the spiritual pressure in his body for first-aid."

Enjin grabbed at his chin with his thumb. "I spoke with Semiu, they'll be on stand-by at HQ. We need to complete the mission before we go back."

"Yeah," Samara agreed and cracked her neck. There were too many bumps in her tendons, and fatigue was catching up. "We need to destroy those cores. Otherwise, the trash beasts will keep on haunting this town."

Enjin and Samara looked at one another, to read each other's thoughts, and rummage through their satchels for their gas masks.

"I'm coming with you," Daichi said, "We'll do it faster with three people."

"Suit yourself," Enjin shrugged, not bothering to look at the other man when he spoke. The Akuta leader twirled the gas mask on his fingers. "You're gonna die poisoned without this. Unfortunately, we don't have seconds."

Samara approached Daichi, eyes fixated upon his. The white-haired man lowered his hands to grasp hers. Enjin bit into his inner cheek as his digits entwined with hers, and Daichi allowed himself to be pleasantly startled by the contact.

"Please," Samara whispered, a trace of desperation riding in her tone. "Take care of Kaito for me, would you? Don't leave him alone. We'll be back before dawn."

Daichi leaned into Samara's proximity, invading the infinitesimal space of her uneven breaths. "It wouldn't hurt to call me by that nickname you love, would it, dove? I'll make sure Kaito will be okay."

When the white-haired man tilted his face with the intention of meeting Samara's lips halfway, Enjin jerked his head away. Watching Samara kiss another guy was a spectacle too morbid to witness, even for him. It was an image Enjin never wanted to have imprinted on his retina, to relieve that nightmare over and over and over again, for each second of his living days.

"Don't, Daichi."

Enjin expelled all the air he unconsciously imprisoned in his ribcage.

That charade was quickly getting off the rails. When Samara turned her head away, Enjin walked over to them, and much to his surprise, Samara positioned her body by his side. The Akuta leader hated violence, and he disapproved of the concept of killing any living creature; but if looks could kill, Daichi would have been struck dead right at that moment.

"Let's go, Sam. We don't have time to lose."

part 1

part 2

part 3

part 4

part 5

part 6

part 7

Sirius slid closer to James, careful to not arouse attention from their professor as he discreetly nudged James' side, causing him to painfully grit his teeth before snapping his head at him.

"what?!" James whisper-yelled at Sirius, which made the corners of his lips twitch into a smile that he could no longer push down.

Sirius grinned at him, an apparent twinkle in his eyes as he 'discreetly' wiggled his brows. "you couldn't even be more obvious if you tried."

"Actually, he could." at that, both males jumped back in fright – almost squealing out in fear of the sudden voice that joined their conversation.

Remus suddenly appeared before them, alerting the both of them of his presence from behind their assigned seats.

"what the– when did you even get here?!" Sirius squeaked out, hand tightly gripping his shirt in fright as he wheezed.

Remus scrunched up his nose in slight offense, softly bonking Sirius' head with a rolled parchment, "I've been here since the beginning of class."

James finally calms, composing himself before then giving Remus a lopsided grin, "sorry... I– we were just too distracted."

Remus blankly stared at him, awkwardly looking around before nodding in acceptance, "yeah, I can... I can see that."

"Why are you all stalking someone?"

"AH!"

Sirius and James jumped back against their seats once more, loudly yelping in fright – which caught the professor's attention, yet he merely gave them a warning glare before going back to his lecture.

Sirius and James' head snapped towards where the voice came from, which they soon found to be Peter that came from behind the two, who was blinking rather innocently at them as he awaited for their response.

James heavily breathed as he widely stared up at Peter, who sat next to Remus, visibly wheezing as he tried to calm his speedily beating heart.

"I am... I am not... stalking anyone!" James weakly hissed out in defense between harsh breaths, hand tightly clutching his chest.

Sirius, despite still panting to rid himself from the previous shock, breathlessly chuckled at his defense.

"That's the biggest lie of the century, Prongs..."

James scrunched up his nose with a grin, playfully pushing Sirius back with a small laugh. "oh, quit it."

Remus and Peter chuckled at their playful display, softly grinning at the two before Remus shakes his head with a simple smile.

"don't suppose that you've already given up on Lily?" Remus curiously asks, smile never lifting from his face.

James then shook his head, looking rather confused, "no, no... what are you even talking about?"

Remus and Peter shared a look, simultaneously turning back to him with quirked brows.

"I don't know if you noticed, but you weren't looking at Lily." Peter habitually tapped his desk with the tip of his quill, awkwardly looking anywhere except for James' baffled expression.

"what?" James eyes widened in disbelief before he immediately covered it up with an unbelievable cough, "I wasn't looking at anyone."

"well, clearly, you were looking at someone–"

"You four, in the back! Pray tell, what might be so interesting that you must interrupt our lesson?" The professor yelled out quite abruptly, his wearied expression deepening into a frown of disapproval.

Approaching the startled students' that found themselves frozen up, desks with much displeasure, he then abruptly stopped in his tracks.

With great displeasure, he then trudged near the horrified males before promptly being halted.

"Professor, I believe they were just conversing about the task you had given us. They hadn't been talking about anything else," in an apparent attempt to defuse a tense situation for the remainder of the class, you startlingly covered up.

Fearing for their lives, the four men held their breath.

The professor, in clear need of some rest rather than having to deal with impassioned students, he then listlessly relented — walking back to the board with an irritated hiss of a sigh trailing off his lips.

James was just strolling through the halls of Hogwarts before he then caught sight of you, which immediately brought a wide smile to his face.

"[ n / n ]!" James called out with an excited wave, the bright grin that overtook his features widening even further when you waved back.

You smile, pushing your hair back to move it away from your face as he ran towards you in a jogging pace – yet, it was still notable that he had an excited bounce in his steps.

"sup, lover boy." you casually greet him, somehow making his smile grow larger as he walked in a steady pace with you.

James nervously chuckles, rubbing the back of his neck as he stuffed his sweating hand into his pocket. "you're... really still gonna keep calling me that, huh?"

You jabbed a finger to his chest, grinning in a joking manner, "not my fault that you keep chasing after that Evans girl."

James laughed even more nervously, feeling rather awkward due to the sudden topic, "right, right... that's the reason why you call me that."

James awkwardly coughed, pulling at his tie to lessen the sweat that kept sliding down his neck.

You quirked a brow at him, smirking the slightest bit at his nervous attitude, "of course. what other reasons are there?"

James merely shrugged his shoulder, not finding any need to respond to that if he were truly being honest with himself.

"so, uh... any plans this weekend?" James then asks of you rather anxiously, might I add; though, he found there to be no reason.

"no, no. not at all." a teasing grin then appeared on your face, cheeky it even appeared to be – amused by his poorly covered up nervousness, though you weren't sure what was the cause of it.

"why? Evans still hasn't taken you up on those dates you keep promising her?"

"haha– yeah, yeah. you caught me." quite nervously, James began to rub his nape, feeling a tad bit awkward.

It was rather difficult on James' part as an uncomfortable awkward pause then occurred in the middle of your conversation, which often happened when it came to the oh-so close proximity James tend to have with you.

"so, uh... are you available for Hogsmeade then? y'know, since it... only happens every two months or so." James soon asked, unable to walk alongside you with such an awkward air surrounding the both of you.

Beginning off your response with a bit of a hum, you tilt your head to the side – feeling rather curious of his intentions as it wasn't often he personally invited you to an outing.

"I don't know... are you only asking me because Evans refused to go out with you?" awfully teasing, you then grinned at him, a tad bit expectant as you watched him begin to stammer at the assumption.

Though you had meant to initially come off as playful, James seemed to think otherwise as he panicked over what you assumed his invitation may have been.

"What– that's not what I meant at all! I just wanted, uh, to have fun with you. Is it really that hard to believe?" a tad nervous, James began to chuckle lightly when he finally took note of the teasing underlying tone you used.

Finding hilarity at the sight of him turning into a nervous wreck, a bit of a laugh was pulled out of you before you shook your head in amusement.

"No, I was just kidding. I'd like to–"

Rather sudden, the booming sound of the Hogwarts bell then rang through the corridors – inevitably putting your interaction into a halt.

Having recovered from the interruption, you then turned to him with a snicker, "well, that's my cue... anyways, yeah. I think I'm free this weekend."

"Cool! Yeah, yeah... see ya! see you..." James waved you farewell, watching your departing figure until you've left his line of vision – assuring that you've reached your destination before his own.

Awkwardly, he pursed his lips after having caught on to his rather odd staring, one that will most definitely forever be engraved into his memories as a moment of embarrassment.

Merlin, what was happening to him?

Long after classes had ended, after having long since finished assigned tasks; the Marauders find themselves prattling over a variety of subjects, one of which became their main topic of the evening.

"Prongs, as much as it's a good thing for you to move on, I don't think it would be a good idea to move on... with [ name ]." Remus slowly began, making James frown.

"and, uh, why?" James reluctantly asks, pondering over what he just might say.

"I mean, [ name ]'s a free spirit – like you, sure, but I don't really think that..." Remus pauses, not quite wishing to speak out about his opinions.

"[ name ] rarely comes with us when it comes to our pranks and stuff, don't you think you should take in the possibility of them... you know, not romantically seeing you in that way if they think you're... childish?" Sirius continues for him, finally grasping what he had in mind.

Truly, Sirius didn't mean it in an offending way, he just wanted to save James from going through the high possibility of getting brutally rejected once more if he truly believed he moved on from Lily.

James frowns deeper at that, which only Peter seemingly noticed.

"well, they scold us sometimes, but I don't think they outright hate our 'childish' pranks. I might even say they enjoy it." Peter nervously says, hoping to bring back a bit of light into James' eyes, which visibly dimmed even further.

"we–" Sirius began, nudging Remus's side as he referred to the both of them – which received a pained grunt from the latter.

"–just think that we all should be aware of the fact that there's a high possibility of [ name ] rejecting you because they'd think you're using them as a rebound." at that, James practically blanched at such assumption.

"what? I'd never! why would they even assume that? I'm not that much of a prick!" James defensively retorted, feeling much offended.

"It has little to do with your personality and more so.. your reputation." In hopes of lessening the impact of the confrontation they were hoping on achieving, Remus continued on with an awfully tense smile.

"They're an awfully honest person. And seeing that you're.. you've pinned for Lily an ordeal lot of time now," Peter peered from the shoulder of Remus, throat scratchy with the feel of his heart hammering against his chest.

This already felt as though it wouldn't go quite well.

A brief laugh left James, having calmed his nerves with the intent of shaking off the concerned thoughts of his friends – tender smile eased on his face.

"Who says I'm still not pinning over Lily?" A concerning crack held within his tone was much apparent despite the insistence of James.

"You know, I feel quite crossed with you, Prongs," Sirius then began.

Their question concerning James's rather abrupt change of attitude had struck a chord within him.

"It's going to be... al-right."

There James stiffly stood in the great hall; urged by his friends to pursue Lily once more due to their fear of him getting blatantly rejected by their best friend, which they feared might result of her leaving their friend group.

Nervous, he felt. James was suffering through conflicting feelings whilst trying to organize his perplexing thoughts.

Sirius nudged his side, handing him a flower of sorts, "you know we can't have you accidentally making [ name ] run away from us. this is just a precaution."

James sighs in dismay, accepting the flower as he mindlessly followed the other Marauders to their table despite wishing to run away.

Truly, James didn't understand what issue the other three had with him taking the chance to move on from someone who barely even showed interest in him.

It was understandable for them to fear losing their connection with you, yet James couldn't help but feel as though he was the reason why they didn't agree on the idea of asking you out.

Perhaps they knew something, perhaps it was even possible that you had a secret lover of sorts and he never stood a chance in the first place.

Perhaps James was just the problem in general; far too childish for your specific type, possibly eliminating any chances he could've ever had with you.

James' eyes hesitantly looks around, partly believing that he shouldn't have allowed himself to get dragged off by his friends without first organizing his own thoughts.

Now, he had to recount the times he unrelentingly asked out Evans without care of how he came off to her – which he was sure to happen once again.

However, the only reason why James agreed on trying to pursue Lily once more was because he couldn't even understand his own feelings.

He wasn't quite sure if he truly even moved on from Lily or if it was merely a temporary distraction from her.

Which James believes to be one of the many reasons as to why the other three didn't think it would be a good idea to 'rashly' ask you out.

Remus lightly tugs on James' robe, discreetly pointing at a familiar girl that sat among her friends in the Gryffindor table, "there she is!" Remus whispered in his ear.

James nervously gulps down his nerves before tidying up his uniform, tightly gripping the single flower in hand.

Here goes nothing.

Continuously tapping his foot underneath the table, James frustratedly fiddled with his thumbs as he stared hard at his food – gritting his teeth in worry as his eye twitched.

Frustrated, he now feels. Dare James even say he felt anxious as his eyes trailed over to the redhead that sat a few feet away from him.

Now, James ponders over how he'd go about this.

Perhaps James should resume his usual unrelenting and rather arrogant attitude, perhaps even act a bit more romantic than what's usually expected of him.

James' eyes trailed over to the flower he was twirling in his hands, causing him to heavily sigh.

Remus frowns in worry, elbow lightly nudging his arm to get his attention away from the poor flower.

"Prongs, don't worry. nothing wrong's going to happen, you've done this before." yet, even so, Remus knew that the chances of James possibly messing up in some way or form was heightening by the minutes that passed spent wastefully.

James gave a disgruntled grunt, eyes having yet to tear away from the flower held loosely in his hands, "why do I have to do this again?"

"because you might fuck it up with [ name ], and if you did fuck it up–" Sirius merely shrugged, expression much notably blank – pausing for dramatics before then continuing; “who knows.”

Visibly deflating, James felt even more disheartened by such implication – grip tightening around the fragile stem of the flower; just how bad did they think he could've possibly messed up?

Even though their concerns were meant to be as such, concerns that should've pushed him on, he felt incredibly discouraged.

Though, with the comforting hand Remus laid on his shoulder, alongside the daring looks Sirius and Peter sent him – his competitive side chose to take on their challenge, not seeing the upcoming events as an issue at all.

So, with a pretend confident expression, he finally abruptly stood from the comforts of his seat – finally gaining the pretense courage needed to act upon what was needed to be done.

An obligation, this felt to be.

Yet, he much feared what would come to be between the two of you if he were to actually take accountability for his conflicting feelings – much more than he feared the crowd that awaited for his mischiefs to come into play.

With a shaky breath, James' eyes drifted to the redhead that sat a few seats away from the Marauders, his grasp on the flower tightening.

He could do this. He could do this.

James felt himself awaken of sorts when the entire great hall quieted down, a few snickers shared amongst his peers as his cocky demeanor faltered while he stood on the Gryffindor house's dinning table.

Embarrassed, he felt. That must've been a first after all those years he spent terrorizing most students of Hogwarts for a laugh – a feeling James had never felt even when he was caught doing dangerous acts that were mostly pranks.

From the corner of James' eyes, he found you in the crowd of gossiping students, catching the curious and rather amused look you threw at him – which made his thoughts scatter even more.

Part of James wondered whether or not you actually believed that he was retaking his nonexistent chances with Lily, wholly believing that, perhaps, you had no chance with him.

Perhaps the part of him wishing that you'd gaze upon them in jealousy was nothing but wishful thinking.

Perhaps, he finally came to terms that he merely continued pursuing Lily because he wanted to receive a certain look from you.

Yet, clearly, James wouldn't be getting it any time soon.

With a pained gulp, James abruptly backed away from Lily as he tightly gripping his uniform, eyes never meeting Lily's own worried ones.

I can't do this, James could only think to himself before he immediately left the great hall, away from the prying eyes of his schoolmates.

Soon after he left, laughter began to erupt from a handful of students, with a few remaining beginning to whisper about his abrupt exit.

The other Marauders shared looks of worry before then following after him. Questioning looks were thrown at them, yet they paid it no mind.

Meanwhile, as your peers chattered amongst themselves, you remained seated with a rather calculating expression, which was soon replaced with an amused smirk of sorts.

James laid sprawled over his bed with numerous pillows stacked up to create a comforting barricade around him, where he then proceeded to bury himself in. The doors were even locked to disable anyone from entering.

Pride, he now knew. That must've been what James had initially felt in the first place. The significant drain of his self-esteem. That must've been what James had been trying to replenish through the years by relentlessly pursuing Lily.

Sudden hurried knocks were banged on the door, which made James groan before he then covered his face with a pillow.

"James! open the door!" he heard Sirius worriedly yell from outside the dorm, which made James groan even louder as he squirmed around in an attempt to block of his yells.

"James, come on... we just want to talk to you." James then heard Remus calmly say, tone laced with anxiousness as Sirius repeatedly banged against the door.

"James Fleamont Potter, I swear, if you don't open this damn door – I will break it down!"

"no, get out..." James' muffled voice weakly replied, face still stuffed with a pillow as he rolled to his side.

Clearly, his voice was far too quiet as Sirius' knocking hadn't relented and even began to get louder soon after.

James gritted his teeth, burying himself further into the stack of pillows before he suddenly heard an explosive blast.

He hastily sat up in a panic before immediately calming at the sight of Sirius exaggeratedly panting after having exploded the hinges off the door with a spell.

James soon fell right back against his bed in an ungraceful manner, arm reaching out to cover his face with a pillow once more.

"just leave me alone..."

With much baffling speed, Sirius pried off the pillows that acted as a barrier around himself – leaving him groaning in annoyance, dreading the confrontation that was about to take place.

"James, what the hell happened out there?" though that came off in a criticizing manner, Sirius made it much apparent that he was merely worried about him.

Remus seated himself near James' curled legs, gently stroking one of them in a comforting manner.

All while Peter cautiously neared them, yet he kept his distance with his forehead creased in worry, frown kept in place.

Worried he may be, Sirius have become less lenient with James' constant changes in mood – he knew plenty of those conflicting thoughts could get to a person, but he fears that this may just be James' breaking point.

"That never happened before," Sirius began with note as his tone quieted down in fear of further jolting the man, his hand reaching over the blanket sprawled over James, pulling it up his body to provide a bit more comfort.

James began fidgeting from within the loose blanket, hands clasped together before he released a shakey sigh that appeared rather pained.

With much exhaustive effort, James rose from the bed before leaning back against the stack of pillows.

"Yeah.. that.." he took a strenuous swallow of saliva upon feeling an inch in his throat, "never happened before."

James then raised his head with much unswerving determination that utterly baffled the others, his brows deeply furrowed as a grin graced his cheeks.

"guys.. I think I'm in love."

The breathless tone had silenced the few in mere seconds, the room being uncomfortably empty yet filled with much rushing thoughts of its occupants.

"You've said that before, Prongs." win the beat of the silence, and with much confusion apparent, Sirius had risen his arms – finding little qualms of concerning himself with the sudden yet often proclamation of his friend.

"I know! I know.. but this time, it's different, you know?" Ever so joyous, a notable grin began spreading across the man's face; his cheeks flushing as he released a breathy laugh.

"It felt so wrong earlier.. with Lily, I mean."

"Maybe.. I've been wasting my time with the wrong girl, afterall," James meekly stated with little hopes of them having heard him, casting a forlorn glance to the side.

A rather thoughtful yet undeniably pitiful look was shared among the group, an audible brief sigh erupting from within the peace.

James had felt his breath hitch upon feeling a sudden hand firmly placed over his sagging shoulder, and with much utter unwavering support, Remus had merely shared a tender smile with him.

"Then do what you gotta do,"

James snapped his head upwards with great shock, finding the other two providing the most supportive grins one could make.

A brief smile of relief left him, "okay."

With a sway of your hips, you strutted into the room with no care apparent in your features due to the shades covering your eyes, catching the eyes of those in your surrounding.

With your hands kept inside your pocket, posture giving off the feel of arrogance, and head thrown back in an uncaring manner – many would even say that you were simply a rich person with no care of anyone around you.

Yet even so, James eyes couldn't leave you at all. By no means did he think that he came off as a creep, but the other Marauders sure thought so.

"i'm getting slightly disturbed." Sirius awkwardly whispered to the other two, his hand continuously poking his food as his eyes never left James.

"James' giving heart eyes to [ name ], he never gave heart eyes to Lily!" Peter harshly whispered to the other two, his eyes unblinking as it went back in forth between you and James.

Remus softly exhales, biting the insides of his cheek as he turned away from the others, "maybe we should just let him be... I mean, I honestly think he actually does like them."

"Well, what do you suppose we do? What if he messes up with [ name ]? What if he drags us into that mess?" Peter then relentlessly questioned, fearing the outcome the plausible path they're pushing James to take.

Peter then abruptly leans forward – his face unbearably close to Remus' own, "they'll never talk to us ever again if he ruins everything between them!"

"You don't actually think that James would drag us into his love life, right?" Remus felt bothered by the fact that they were doubtful of James' capabilities, even if he had failed a few dozen times.

"uh, well–"

With much apparent sarcasm, Sirius then jabbed a finger at Lily's direction for emphasis – dramatically gesturing towards her to further prove his unstated point.

Briefly reminded of James' persistent pursue of the redhead, the oddity of his former infatuation towards Lily Evans, Remus merely pursed his lips.

"Okay, but he involved the entire school with that one, she doesn't count."

Having thrown on the invisibility cloak over himself, he had began to follow you around as you went about your usual schedule throughout the day.

He had been doing so for the past couple of days, the other Marauders had even commented about how lucky James seemed to have been as you've yet to even notice his suspicious acts.

Cheeks heavily flushed, he clumsily hid behind the wall to hide from your view when you had began to look around.

In a cautious manner, James slowly peaked behind the wall before then sighing in relief when you began to walk away without having noticed him.

He then slowly began to sit down with his back against the wall, shoving off the invisibility cloak as he hastily wiped away the sweat that had began forming on his neck before then loosening his tie.

Bloody hell, he felt like a creep.

James began to wonder as to how you have yet to take notice of his constant presence around you, practically stalking you whenever you were near like some sort of obsessed predator.

Depressingly, he sighed. James knew that if you had known about his tendencies to creep around you, you would've beaten him with a flying broom by then.

He fears that if you knew, it would lessen his chances of receiving a positive reply when he finally gets the courage to ask you out.

The thought of it all was sending painful shivers of fear down his spine.

Though, James find himself not being able to blame the hypothetical version of you – because if he knew someone was stalking him, he would also beat that same person with a broom.

He released a disgruntled groan, contemplating on what his presumably next step should be.

There were plenty of possibilities to take into account, many of which his paranoia have already partially corrupted with the bizarrest of insecure thoughts.

James weighed on the option to perhaps casually converse with you about his particular dilemma in an equally casual manner instead of downright confessing, as if referring to someone else.

However, this then led him to fearing that he just might accidentally utter out a confession, which he would then have to counter with a pretentious cover before then pretending that he had just pulled a harmless prank.

Which he fears that it just might force you to push down your hypothetical feelings for him – which meant he'd lose all his hypothetical chances altogether.

A mess, James felt himself to be. Hair disheveled as his hand went through the twisted tangles from within his curls, chest heaving ever so slightly as he thought over his next move.

One that would preferably avoid the same reactions he often received from Lily when he genuinely pursued her from before.

Releasing a soft sigh, arguably looking much stressed as ever, James then sluggishly raised his head – taking a moment to process what was currently happening.

Soon turning rigid after a moment passed, a sudden jolt coursed through his entire being.

"AHH—"

Scrambling to his feet in a frantic manner, a nervous laugh then left him as he rushed to boot away the invisibility cloak behind him.

Backing up against the wall, James leaned against it with his arms crossed in hopes to not having come off as bizarre and instead feigned a suave stance.

Though known for being charismatic, he wasn't one to succeed in fooling those he felt attracted to – especially not one who was as observant as you.

Standing before him, there you were with your posture looking rather lax with a bit of a teasing grin stretched across your face.

Paying no mind to his rather skittish behavior, you further neared his personal space to keep as much little distance between the both of you.

"H-hey, [ name ]! What's, uh... what's got you here?"

"What's got me here in the halls... near divination class?"

You've considered the probability that he could barely function, so much so that he failed to take notice of the fact that classes have long since ended, giving few reason for you to near any classrooms.

James then scrambled a response, realizing he might possibly be discovered for his somewhat strange behavior — hoping to prolong a much-needed diversion to avoid blurting out his long-awaited inquiry. "Oh! right, right..."

However, you cared little for continuous pleasantries and small talk, "But what are you doing here?"

Ever expected, you awaited an immediate response to your question and was highly irritated by his current lack of confidence.

"A date!" unexpectedly, James practically squeaked out as his pulse raced — choking back a pained groan. "I want to take you to Hogsmeade… o-on a date!"

James's shoulders stiffened with bated breath; he could almost feel a frown set over his face.

"A date, it is, then."

"Huh! A-a date? A date..."

Ever so slowly, a genuine grin then starts to stretch across his face at the revelation – paying little mind as you made your way off, his mind then drifting.

"Huh... a date. heh..."

“Once in a while in spring. Are you alright?” Essie asked and he nodded as he looked at her, searching her face, relaxing as he did.

“Yeah. You?” he asked and she nodded as she searched his and relaxed a bit, “I hate what happened to you…but I’m happy you’re here.”

“It makes you feel conflicted about it…doesn’t it?” she asked and he nodded after a moment, “Selfish.”

“Yeah.” Bucky answered as he looked at her, shaking his head, “I don’t…understand how…after everything I did…I still get to have you…but…you’re only here because of what they did to you.”

“Like you are? Bucky…it’s not your fault. What they did to me is not your fault. I chose to go out into the field when they asked for people to help through the forest. I always told you one more thing and I’d go out myself. I meant it. That’s on me…not you.” She said while cuddling back into him as the thunder cracked overhead again, “You’re here…with me. Alive. I’ve done…things I don’t want to remember…but…even though I feel selfish for being happy that you’re here…I know that what they did to you isn’t my fault. It’s not your fault either. HYDRA did this to us. Past and present. HYDRA stole so much from us. Don’t give them more. We’re not here because of them. We’re here in spite of them.”

“Was this how you felt…when you realized I was alive? After the facility.” He asked and she nodded.

“I refused to give them you. I felt conflicted at first. Torn. Selfish about being happy that you weren’t gone yet were being held captive like I was. I can’t take full credit for the epiphany I had. Most of it has to go to Eric. I think he got tired of my sulking and talking in circles about it because he just sat his sword down, looked at me and said: ‘Did you do it? Were you the one that sawed his arm off, gave him a metal arm, and then put him in a freezer? No? Then stop feeling guilty about something you didn’t do.’ Then he accused me of not feeling bad about almost eating him, which was a lie. I still feel bad about that.” she answered and looked at him, “Point being…he was right. We didn’t do this to each other. HYDRA did this to us. We are here now, as we are, in spite of them not because of them. As we should have been…just with…some extra flavoring.”

“We’re not a cake.”

“No. We’re cookies. Hard and crusty on the outside but still sweet and delicious in the middle.” She said and he paused to think about it, and to argue, “I have proof you’re sweet in the middle.”

He sighed. Yet even though he did, and even though he fought it, the corners of his mouth tilted upwards. So did hers even as the thunder cracked again and he held her closer.

“I guess my tour will have to wait…” he said and she nodded while watching the rain pour outside before getting up with a soft sigh, “What is it?”

Bucky watched her go over to the corner where he saw Willow hunkered down and hiding with her kittens. Essie just put her arms out for them and scooped them up when they went into them, all of them. It just made him smile. As much as she grumped about them she loved them just as much as he did.

“C’mere.” He said and held his arms out and pulled her down into his lap to lay back down with her and the cats, letting them curl up on his stomach and under her arm and then the blanket she pulled over them, petting Willow’s head gently while she peered out from under it, “You don’t like these either, do you?”

“Mao.” She meowed softly and licked Knox’s head when he snuggled into her side nervously, Aspen tucked up against Alpine under Essie’s arm, Pitch stuffed down between them, his head picking up and looking around whenever the thunder clapped.

“It’s okay…just thunder. You’re safe.” Essie cooed while relaxing against Bucky again, “We’re all safe.”

“Safe…warm…home.” Bucky nodded and listened to the rain fall outside, “Essie?”

“Hm?”

“Why…I mean…I’m probably remembering it…I dunno…biased right now…but why’s it feel like whenever we wanna go out it…it rains?” he asked as he looked up at the large rough hewn timbers above him and she let out a short laugh.

“Because we were in London when we were first together and had days to do that. I remember every single time it started raining just as you were about to kiss me. Every-”

“Single time. Yeah.” He laughed softly, shaking his head, “It drove me crazy.”

“Mhmm…” she hummed warmly while nuzzling into his shoulder contently, her hand resting on his chest idly as his rested on her side, “It was funny for me. You were so…overwhelmed by how much it rained there. I was used to it. You were the only person that could get me to laugh like that…to smile and mean it. Everyone thought you were crazy. I even did. Plenty of girls to choose. Ones that didn’t hit you in the head with their notepads, argue with you, snap at you, and…that would have been more than happy to go dancing and letting you pull them off anywhere you wanted. Instead…you picked me and I never felt like you were doing it because I was a challenge.”

“You weren’t. I…I still don’t remember everything, lately a lot of it’s from before you, my family, rescuing Steve from being beaten up in alleys, things you don’t want me to talk about to you, and stuff like that…but I remember why it was you. Steve brought me down to the war room, where you were workin’ after I agreed to follow him and help him. He thinks it was because I saw you goin’ a mile a minute waving papers in your hand and beating someone in the head with a big rolled up map calling him an illiterate moron.”

“If it was that then you were, and likely still are, crazy.”

“Well, yeah I am, but no. That wasn’t it. You were gorgeous…feisty…and so smart…but it was when you smiled. Later, when it was just the two of us going over the map, me trying to remember what Steve pointed out better, and I said something about him that made you smile and chuckle. That did it. No goin’ back from that.”

Essie smiled gently as she looked at his face and he turned it to look at her. There was a small smile playing at his lips. Gentle. Tentatively grateful. Hers.

It felt good to see it. It eased the vice grip doubt had around her hope that he would stay when it was all out in the open and he really understood what it was she was now. Yet as she looked at him, she couldn’t help thinking about what Ritva had said earlier as she reached up and gently caressed his cheek.

“Is that what you told Ritva about me?” she asked and he smiled a bit more.

“I told her I missed it…and I wish you’d stop actin’ like I’m afraid of what you are, because I’m not. I told her about us, what I remembered, not all of it, but enough she’d understand. I told her I wish I still deserved you like that…and she told me that…I was just like you and that I couldn’t decide I wasn’t.” Bucky answered and watched her face as he waited for the reaction.

“There’s never been a male anything that deserves me more than you. Not once did you ever question why I was the one you were told to listen to. You only ever asked why I did what I did. Not because you saw me as strange to be throwing myself into a world of men like that but because you wanted to know what my motivation was for doing it…because you knew there was one. Even now. You don’t question that I’m the Alpha here, you don’t challenge my ability to lead, you just ask how I became Alpha in a technical sense to understand how it came about.”

“Which you won’t tell me because you think it’ll be too much and that I’ll leave because of it.” He said and she looked at him making him shake his head as he took her hand in his and kissed it softly, “No one here that I’ve talked to about it will tell me, but…not because they’re afraid of you or disturbed by it. They want you to be proud of yourself for it. How bad can it be if they look at it as a good thing?”

“Bucky, they’re Wolf people. They don’t think the same way humans do.” She said and he looked at her more pointedly, silently trying to tell her he wanted to know, and she took a deep breath in, thinking, “What have they told you about it?”

“Not a lot. They said the old Alpha here was a Low tyrant, which I know means they hate his guts. Tanis told me that a lot of them wanted to get rid of him, they just weren’t strong enough to, and that he did horrible things to the women here. That he’d tried and failed and was about to be punished for it when you came. The females. Still getting’ used to that. Ruun told me that even though you don’t look it…you’re stronger than he is and made sure he understood that without putting him down for it…which Ritva explained was because he hid her away for her own safety. Maggie just says you were magnificent and wishes you’d stop arguing with them all about being a Wolf or not and that…she was proud to be your Delta and to be part of what brought you here even if it meant knowing what chains had felt like and what it felt like to smell like an Italian restaurant. She said you rescued her and Tilda from some sort of…blood auction the old Alpha sold them to. Other than that…nothing else.”

Essie nodded and thought about it for a moment, “Eric and I were following a lead I’d picked up from a vampire infested HYDRA base in Madrid about what the vampires called an auction for ‘rare vintages’. Vampires occasionally work with HYDRA on a small scale, and they both have tendencies to take over each other’s bases when they don’t.”

“I remember an incident of that from the war…that was…something else.” He said with a sigh and she nodded before continuing.

“You were in cryo at the time and HYDRA was being unusually quiet with things, so I had the extra time to help track this auction down. It took a while to get an actual pinpointed location for it and then to prepare for it so we wouldn’t miss it, be overwhelmed, and could get anyone there that was to be auctioned off out without hurting them. That was the difficult part. Usually on big gatherings like that, if we knew in advance, well…HYDRA made a mistake with me they didn’t quite make the same way with you that they learned to regret very quickly. Had Steve ever jumped on something I made he wouldn’t have gotten back up. However…with this auction…we couldn’t exactly do that. We had to think of alternative means. One that involved garlic concentrate. Garlic and vampires don’t mix just as much as fire and vampires don’t mix. Any large gathering they have nowadays they’ll have a fire sprinkler system in it. Sometimes they load them with blood for blood raves which is disgusting, but this particular one had water in it that I replaced with as much garlic concentrate as I could get my hands on.”

“Which explains why she said she smelled like an Italian restaurant.” He said and Essie nodded, “It’d take the vamps out without hurting people that weren’t vampires.”

“Exactly, and while this was our goal…it still meant we had plenty of other people to worry about. Vampires employ human guards, either through just straight up employment or because the humans worship them on some level. Blade, what Eric usually prefers to be called I just usually don’t, he has a harder time than I do telling the difference. It’s gotten him in trouble before and when we’re on a hunt together, despite him being the senior partner, he’ll defer to me to tell the difference because of my sense of smell. Anyway, that wasn’t really an issue in this case as much as it was something to figure out what they meant by ‘rare vintages’. Once they were all gathered and the auction started…we locked the place down and hit the sprinkler system. It was an absolute disgusting mess, and it pissed off the human fanboys. There’s these two terrified, women on the auction stage, wearing only underwear…and it’s the most denigrating underwear available at the time, in chains…with collars…”

“You saw red again. Didn’t you?” Bucky asked and she nodded.

“Instantly, but I wasn’t Hungry at this time, so it was very controlled rage. The two women, were female Lycans, and you can already guess that they were Tilda and Maggie.” Essie continued and he nodded, listening even though his insides twisted at the thought of what they’d gone through, the humiliation they were subjected to, and the terror they had to have felt, “Once I was done dispatching the people that were keeping them in chains they were just staring at me, not afraid, but…in just utter awe. There were others, just humans with special blood types, ethnicities, and particular genetics. Some we still talk to today, because their particular genetics were of the mutant variety and we took them somewhere where they could be safe. That’s a whole different story from this one and even if it’s short…we’re doing this one.”

“Yeah. You could smell the difference?” he asked and she nodded, “What do I smell like to you?”

“Not now. Let me finish and ask that later. It’s a more complicated answer than you’d think.” She said and he nodded, “Well, I knew they smelled different, but I didn’t really understand what they were until they explained and said that they could smell me the same way I could smell them and asked what Pack I was from. I had always known from what files I’d looked at that the main ingredient in their concoction for me was Lycan, but I’d never met any that were willing to actually talk to me…or any that were female. They’d talk to Eric if we encountered them. Never me even if I asked them a direct question. I didn’t take that well, but it quickly became too much of a hassle to deal with them so whenever we’d encountered them I’d just walk off and let him talk to them. It wasn’t worth the energy to go through the posturing and dominance jockeying every single time we encountered one. So…when I met Maggie and Tilda…it was a whole new world of information for me.”

“I know the feeling.” Bucky said and she nodded.

“I know you do, which helps in telling this because you’ll understand that it was overwhelming for me yet also…absolutely enrapturing. It made things I’d do make sense and made me feel less insane and less…less alone. They were completely mystified that I was a combat trained female and had no Pack. They rationalized me not being insane from isolation as me having made Eric my Pack.”

“Is that why they never just…leave us alone for more than a day?” he asked and she nodded.

“Yes. Wolves are highly social. When I’m in The Eye or out in town or anywhere…they all ask about you. Every single time. They all know who you are, what you are to me, and are legitimately worried about you being isolated or are isolating yourself. I have to repeatedly tell them that Ruun, Ritva, Tanis, and Maggie visit you frequently. That placates them to an extent but they’re all getting itchy to welcome you into the fold.” She said and he blinked a bit, not sure how to feel about it.

On one hand it made him happy. He knew how important she was to them and that they accepted him, even being near her was something he recognized as significant. On the other hand…there was The Winter Soldier.

“Do they know what…what I did?” he asked and she looked at him pointedly, “As The Winter Soldier?”

“Mm…I’ll take it…and yes. They know…and believe me that only makes them more eager. I told you that they’re good people and they understand a lot more than one would think but believe me they know what it’s like to be made to do things beyond their control.” Essie said as she held his hand, “Maggie and Tilda taught me what it was to be a Wolf as they understood it, which…was skewed by what their Alpha was like. I taught them…everything that I could that he was wrong and trained them both to fight, like I do. They asked me to, so I did…and as I did they told me more about Ulfhrafn and what it was and how it was and what their Alpha was doing and…it made me mad. Then there was the fact that, not only was he was selling his own people to vampires for profit, but he was also ultimately the one that gave HYDRA the information that led to what happened to my family.”

Bucky’s eyes widened, his stomach sank and twisted as it burned. He had figured HYDRA got the information about Lycans and Wolves from folktales and myth, but he’d questioned how they got the biological and genetic resources to try and change people. It made sickening sense…but…

“Why?”

“To save himself and make money. They didn’t know he was the Alpha…and they didn’t question how he knew where a supply of fresh Lycan blood was. I only found out because…HYDRA was being quiet…and I wanted to know why so…went digging and found a base near the Baltic. Maggie and Tilda were with me. It wasn’t vampire-related and Eric had somewhere else to be, so it was just us. Tearing through it with two extra people that could do most of what I can do made it a lot faster, so they didn’t have as much time to destroy information as they previously did.” She began to explain while toying with his metal fingers lightly and idly, “I had stacks and stacks of papers to go through that dated back to the war. There was information on you, which I went through first, but it wasn’t anything new, so I went through the rest of it and found the name of the supplier they had for the Lycan blood. Maggie was the one that pointed out it was the same name as the then Alpha, which I will not repeat nor will anyone here. No name means no memory and no memory means he’s truly gone and can never live again ever in any capacity. It’s the ultimate dishonor for them. Anyway, Tilda said the same thing and there was a picture included and it was him.”

“So, you saw red.”

“No. I didn’t see red.” Essie said and he looked at her and waited for her to continue as she thought of how to best word it, “I was…upset and angry and…and all of that. Yet it…it was…it wasn’t raw, triggered, rage. It was…deeper, harder, and…it felt like the ultimate betrayal. Now…Maggie and Tilda had floated the idea of going to Ulfhrafn to me and ‘teaching them all a lesson’ a few times prior to then, but I’ll be honest with you…I didn’t take them seriously. They were barely out of their teenaged years at this point. Did I trust them in a fight? Yes. Did I see them as fully formed adults capable of making their own decisions? Yes. Absolutely. Did I see them as a bit overeager and ‘Steve-like’? One hundred percent. Yes.”

Bucky snickered. He didn’t mean to. He just couldn’t help it, and he knew she wasn’t mad by the way she smiled and nodded.

“Really?” he asked and she nodded, “Steve-like?”

“Yes. I didn’t know he was alive and just a star-spangled popsicle at the time, but I never forgot him and would rate people’s…overeagerness to jump into situations beyond their physical limitations by him. People I met that were like he was in that sense…I named them all Steve.” She said and he shook with barely restrained laughter she smiled at while cuddling into him, “When they started on their ideas to do it…they were two Steves…but then we found those files and I…I realized in that moment that…they weren’t Steves…they were me when I was young. My family was taken away. My country was taken over by a tyrant that sacrificed his own people. I was kept as a special prize to be traded away at the earliest chance to make significant profit. They were me…and…I put my hunt for you aside for the first time…because…I couldn’t watch anyone else become me. So…I contacted Eric…and told him what I was going to do. He didn’t like it…not one bit…but he agreed to help.”

“How? Wait…never mind.” Bucky said, shaking his head, “You’d need him to get you in even if Maggie and Tilda brought you to the entrance…because you aren’t a male.”

“Exactly. I couldn’t just waltz in and there was no way to secretly sneak in. So…over the course of several months I trained with Maggie in her shift forms. The full quadrupedal one and the bipedal one. She’s bigger than Tilda in shift and I don’t shift so I had to learn how to deal with someone that could. She got me a couple of times pretty good until I grew to learn how to deal with the two forms. Then we worked on getting Blade, notorious vampire hunter, an invitation in to buy some more upgraded weaponry. Lycans are in the business of managing other supernatural creatures like vampires and werewolves and such things. Other societies do this, but Lycans are a large one. Took a bit to get him one, but then we did and we timed it so it would coincide with a Feeding Day.”

He looked at her silently and unmoving. Bucky had learned early on that Feeding Day meant a day, roughly once every week, where Essie did little more than eat. It was one of the first things he had asked Ruun about.

Ruun’s answer had been that, as far as they could figure, it was due entirely to her inability to shift. He explained that teenagers often went through periods of intense hunger before shifting for the first time. Like their bodies were building up the energy for the event which he described as intense. The best theory they had for why Essie ate like that was that it was like her body was on a constant loop of that. It was a sound theory as it was also capable of explaining her shortened temper when Hungry.

The Beta had also said they learned early on to take Feeding Days seriously.

Now Bucky knew why.

“Then…because I knew what I had to do to win…I stopped eating.” She continued and he looked at her with a frown while squeezing her hand and she nodded, “Yes. I purposely starved myself and when the time came to go…I let Eric put a collar and leash on because we had to sell it…and we sold it. He brought me up to The Eye, where the Alpha was, and offered me to him as a gift in return for their services and goods. Tanis was there to receive punishment, so was Ruun, but my presentation took precedence. The Alpha took one look at me, licked his lips, and accepted…then…I issued the Challenge. He laughed and thanked Eric for bringing him something entertaining…until the chains dropped off and Eric told him I wasn’t joking…and that it was Feeding Day. That was the hardest, most brutal, and bloodiest battle I’ve ever been in. He sent in others to stop me, Eric took some of them on, I took on the rest…Tanis and Ruun helped and I went after the Alpha. He was strong…I have a scar down my side where your fingers are from one of his claws. That it scarred at all should tell you how deep it went.”

Bucky gently felt for it through her shirt. It was there, faint, but long and jagged. He didn’t want to say anything. Not yet.

“To…assume the position of Alpha…you have to do more than just win a Challenge and…I did, and I didn’t hesitate to do it. I ripped his heart out…and then I ate it…and then I used every last drop of blood in his body to force his Beta and Gamma to release the files of his wrong doing to the Pack, cast a series of protective wards around all of those innocent of what had been done wrong…and…let the Challengers come. I had won, but they had a right to Challenge back and several did. The ones Eric and I had been dealing with for decades. One by one they Challenged me. One by one they failed. By the time it was over…I was drenched in so much blood that it was like I bathed in it.” Essie said while watching his face and then waited.

It was a lot to process and a lot to imagine. It should have been hard. It would have been if he didn’t know her as well as he did.

She wasn’t the same as she was during the war, but Steve said she wasn’t that different from that Essie when you got right down to it and he was right. This one was just physically stronger and more physically capable of things. If Bucky hadn’t known that he’d have found it harder to imagine. If he didn’t have several memories of her ruthlessly interfering in several of his missions through the decades he’d have found it harder to imagine. If several of those memories didn’t involve her mercilessly taking out members of the squads they sent him with he’d have found it harder to imagine.

Yet, as he looked at her face and studied it, knowing she was waiting for him to see the monster she imagined herself to be…he didn’t and couldn’t. What she had done was disgusting but he didn’t think for a moment that she had enjoyed it and, as a memory floated through his mind of something Monty had said, it wasn’t exactly something beyond the point of something he’d never thought she would do. Granted Monty had said it as a joke, but it was only funny because it had been true.

One question did come to his mind, though, well…two…but he didn’t think one was appropriate.

“Was he in full shift or…the big..hulking wolf person kind?” he asked and she answered.

“He was in the big, hulking, wolf person shift. He shifted several times in and out of full fur and bipedal thing and his skin form to try and dodge me, but I’m fast and was faster than he was.” She answered and he nodded, “He tasted terrible. I’d eaten cow ones…granted they were cooked…and I’d cooked them myself…but…no. Ritva tried to tell me it was because he was corrupted and evil…I didn’t agree. He smelled horrible, too…but he tasted worse…the worst thing I’ve ever eaten…and that includes HYDRA’s prisoner food.”

“Ugh…” he replied and she nodded, “Well you answered the question I didn’t think was right to ask.”

“What he tasted like?” she asked and he nodded, “I mean…I’d ask why you wanted to know but it’s not everyday you hear your girlfriend kind of….literally ate a guy’s heart.”

“I’m confused about why that’s a thing you had to do to become Alpha. Is it…a tradition, a cultural thing, or…is there more to it?” he asked and she answered, knowing he was simply trying to understand if he should be disturbed by it or not and to what degree.

“It’s a magic thing. The title can be passed peacefully, but there’s a blood rite involved because every village and town and safe area in Ulfhrafn is warded and made safe against things in the forests that would eat people. Those wards are tied to the Alpha. They are emitted by the large standing stones you see everywhere in the towns and outskirts or near the Timbers. That’s the easy to understand and explain part of it. It’s been…25 years about…from then…and I’m still learning everything it means to be Alpha and Wolf.” She explained while looking at him, waiting for more of a reaction, and when she didn’t get one, seeing he was rather calm about it, she spoke again, “Why are you so calm about this?”

Bucky knew he had to answer this carefully. He also knew he had to frame this in a way she wouldn’t get upset at him. That meant he’d have to blame Monty, and though he had been Bucky’s friend…he was willing to do that.

“Well…one day…while we were goin’ through one of the bases…we got to talkin’ about things and…eventually they started doin’ their usual thing picking on me for bein’ so crazy about you. Now…Monty eventually said something along the lines of: ‘Barnes…if she were ever given the chance to sit down and carve out Schmidt’s heart and eat it…she would do so with a side of spaetzle and wash it down with a glass of peach schnapps’. I’ll admit that I laughed…but only because I knew you would, but one part would be completely different and I told him that. ‘Wouldn’t be peach schnapps, it’d be apple. Apple goes better with pig’.” He said and she thought while licking her lips for a moment.

“I want to agree with him, but at the same time I don’t know if I would have. Not because I’d have been unwilling to eat it, but I’d have been concerned about it due to what he became after injecting himself with the serum. You’re right about the schnapps.” She said and cuddled him, kissing his cheek, “I am stupidly proud of you for remembering that then and now that apple goes with pork better.”

He smiled at the sensation of her lips against his cheek. Soft, warm, sweet. Just as he remembered them to be.

Yet the memories of things he’d done filed in one after the other next. They weighed his joy back down with ice cold metal. The pit in his stomach twisted as he let them, guilt churning in it until it spread from there and out and despite Ritva’s words he couldn’t help feeling as if he didn’t deserve the warmth and tenderness she showed him or the comfort she gave him.

“We’re both stained with our pasts, Bucky…but…maybe together…we can find a way to…move forward with our lives. Ritva said…that…I focus too much on what they made me into instead of what I want to be…and that I spent seventy years defining myself by that and by the hunt for you.” Essie said as she toyed with his metal fingers and he looked at her, “She’s right. She usually is when she says things. Including when she said that…it’s time for us to get some help. I don’t know how to help you understand that what you did as The Winter Soldier wasn’t your fault any more than I know how to stop seeing myself as a monster in the mirror. Part of me knows I’m not…but…the rest doesn’t listen.

“I want to be…I just want to be good, healthy, happy, safe, and…I don’t want to feel like a monster that HYDRA created anymore. I’ve given them seventy years of my life and attention and…I know I’ll have to give more of my attention to them, but I’m tired of giving them my self-worth, my mind, and I’m not letting them have my man back. Ever. Even if he decides he doesn’t want to be mine, they can’t have him.”

Bucky didn’t answer at first. He knew she was right. They both needed help. As much as he didn’t want to admit that he needed help beyond the people he was talking to currently, he knew he did if for one reason only: It was hurting her.

She held up the façade of strength around her people, her subordinates, and even to her officials to a point. Ruun, Ritva, Tanis, Maggie…they all knew she was struggling but they didn’t know how much. They didn’t see what Bucky did every day, even when she didn’t think he was paying attention or even mentally there.

He hated it. The early days he just shut down when the memories became too much and she had to push him through the act of even functioning. The nights he knew he held her too hard just out of fear she wasn’t real and would be gone in the morning. Days and nights she hid every weapon and sharp object in the house somewhere he couldn’t find them because she knew. She knew without him having to say a word that the thought had crossed his mind to just…end it. Even if that thought was always followed immediately by the refusal to put her, and Steve, through that…it was that she had seen the initial thought.

As strong as she was, as much of a front as she put up even with him at times, Bucky knew her well enough to see that she was wearing down. He’d seen it plenty of times in the war when she’d run herself ragged and he’d have to make her rest. It was just worse now and he was the cause.

Essie did everything for him and he hated it. She ran a whole country and group of people while taking care of him, cooking, cleaning, doing laundry, going to the market, seeing him through the night, reminding him how to use the technology, and doing everything she could to pick up the pieces of him while she slowly fell apart.

Bucky did as much as he could in return, that he could get to before she did, but that only triggered her to start doing it before she’d do anything else. The only thing he could manage to do without her getting to it first was cleaning up after the cats. He thanked her sensitive sense of smell for that one.

He’d voiced his frustrations to Ruun earlier. That had been what prompted the Beta to urge him to speak with Essie. They saw the cracks, but they knew very well they couldn’t make her do anything unless she wanted to.

“I don’t want to talk to a shrink. I don’t want someone else tryin’ to get into my head. I do not like the idea of being alone with someone that I don’t know with a notepad in their hand writin’ down all my feelings and telling me how to live my life. It’s…it’s too much like HYDRA. Alone. Sitting. Notebooks. Telling me what to do.” He said as he looked at her and moved his hand from hers to gently caress her face with it, being extra careful with the metal, “You tell me what to do but that’s different. You’re…you’re mine. That’s not changin’ as long as you don’t want it to, and I’d love for you to stop thinkin’ that I see what you do in the mirror. I don’t. You’re not the same girl I fell in love with back then…no…but that doesn’t mean I don’t feel the same way for the one you are now. That being said and because I do feel that same way…I’ll try. With a shrink…but I want someone else there with me that I know and trust…and I want it clear that the only reason I’m agreeing to do it is because…even though all I see in the mirror is either the Winter Soldier or a broken man, you don’t see that and…I don’t want to hurt you anymore. I want…what you do. I wanna be good, healthy, not broken, and free from HYDRA. I don’t wanna be what they made anymore. I mean…the arm isn’t goin’ anywhere…but…y’know.”

“Mmm…about the words…you remember I told you I was talking to one of my allies about the deprogramming?” she asked and he nodded slowly.

“Yeah…they finally get back to you on that?” Bucky asked and she nodded.

“Well, they did a while ago, but you weren’t in a state to even start doing anything they recommended, which I told them and they understood. I have arranged for…a visit from a couple of them. It is a…tenuous alliance. One forged through…admittedly through diplomacy alone and not personal affection of any kind. That being said the ones I’ll be allowing a visit are the ones I like and get along with more. The heir, his sister, a few of their guards. I’m hoping that visit doesn’t coincide with when everyone else shows up or there will be a discussion about the shield.” Essie said and he blinked at her in confusion, “I’ll tell you about it more another day. For now…I really want to move but…uh…”

She glanced down at the cats, all of them asleep, contently curled up as the rain slowly dissipated outside. Bucky just smiled and looked at her. For all her complaining about them…and teasing of him…she loved them just as much.

A/N: Yes, that happened. Yes, they were still cuddling on the couch the whole time. Next chapter should be up on schedule. Hopefully.

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She'd be foolish to think she could keep her feelings hidden for so long, but she didn't expect to be found out so quickly.

It might've only been three hours since Lynette herself realized what that bubbling of her chest meant each time she stared at you. And it only took three minutes for Lyney to become absolutely insufferable. 

Any time she was with you and he just so happened to be in proximity, She'd see his teasing looks directed at her, small smirks flashed her way when the corners of her lips twitched upwards at something you said.

"Lynette, when are you going to tell her?" He pestered her at least once every day. 

It wasn't that she didn't want to tell you anything; each day she suffered in longing wondering if she could hold you in her arms and live with your touch always being available to her, too familiar to forget.

Yet she worried about how her words may come across, if it was too direct, how would you react? Do you like grandiose gestures? (as much as she'd prefer not to make her feelings into a public spectacle it was still an option.) Or would even a heartfelt note suffice?

But Lyney, the ever clever and somehow helpfully-unhelpful man he was told her to 'Just ask her'

Safe to say Lyney got a face full of pillow that night. (Look what you've done, reduced her into this immature mess..)

 The next person to recognize her love filled gazes; one that would commonly be interpreted by those passing by as almost soulless despite how drunk her soul was off of her love for you, Was her younger brother, Freminet.

He had seen the two of you walking down a pathway close enough to one of his usual diving areas to see that soft smile on her face, Lynette's gentle gaze on you as though you were the most precious being in the world.

It took three days for Lynette to even muster up the courage to talk about romance with you; and she didn't even bring the topic up.

It didn't take long to find you, as if an internal compass pulled her into your direction everyday. She walked up to the table you were sitting at, a book rested in one of your hands and a cup of tea in the other.

"What is that you're reading [Name]?" She asked, stirring you out of the focused concentration you held when reading. (Was it so bad she found it cute when your brows furrowed after reading a sentence a bit too quickly?)

"A friend recommended me this book from Yae publishing house," you said, slipping a ribbon in between the page you were reading, showing her the title of the book in your hands. "It's a romance but I wouldn't say it's all too romantic." 

She looked at the cover, reading out loud. "'Engaged to my Lover's possessed body..?' It sounds out of place for that genre, it's a bit...?" 

"Scary? Definitely." You finished for her, the curve of your cheeks becoming more pronounced as you smiled with amusement at her confused reaction. "It would be horrifying to wake up and suddenly someone you know well-- isn't them?"

Lynette hummed in response, "When you put it like that, I wonder how the author came up with that plot." To which you rested your head on the knuckle of your fingers.

"It really depends on how it's written. Good chemistry is good chemistry," you said before looking at the chair in front of you. "If you have the time, you can always have some tea and chat with me Lynette." You offered.

Lynette's ear twitched at your offer. She sat down with a 'Thank you' quickly feeling all her surroundings melt away into a fading background noise with you.

You went over to one of the staff, placing her order for her. Something you had already known by heart, Lynette liked the sharp bitterness of her tea, and she also liked a sweet aftertaste. Tea and biscuits was a perfect combo.

Soon you returned back to her, the sun coating you in it's rays as though it was accepting you to be of the same caliber.

In some ways you were the sun to Lynette. "Are romance books something you read often?" She asked as you sat back down in front of her. 

You held your position in thought, "Outside of reviewing books I wouldn't really say so. I definitely do have an appreciation for the romantic but its always better when you can see it on someone's face." You looked off into the streets of fontaine

Your eyes followed that of those walking together. Different pairs of couples with their arms interlaced with one another, "That look in their eyes, treasuring someone so much that they could stand out in any crowd. That's more satisfying than any well-crafted line of text."

Lynette wanted to beg you to look at her, to see how her pupils dilated each time she looked at you as if she wanted to take in your whole essence and keep it imprinted onto your brain.

"It sounds like you speak from expirence."  Lynette commented, a selfish part of her wanted to be the only one that could show you love on such a grand scale. But her love for you was unique in its own way. She would be the one walking with you as you recited poems from across teyvat that you remembered in that moment.

That love was hers.

"I guess you could say so, I have fallen in love before." You said after taking a sip from your own tea making her remember her own neglected tea. You turned back your head to face her.

Lynette hesitated, her mouth slightly parting as she asked, "If it's not too personal, could I hear more?" You nodded, "Of course."

"I love for simple reasons," You said, your hands folded on your lap as you watched Lynette. "They would listen to me as though I was the only sound they could hear." Your gaze dusted her cheeks like a feather, as if she could feel each movement of your pupils.

"And I watched them as if they were the only moving thing in a still world. " You said.

"Do you still love them?" Lynette asked, her words tumbling out almost instantaneously. Maybe if you were a bit closet to her you might've heard the waver of her breath or seen how her tounge rubbed against one of her teeth. 

 "I don't think its possible to ever stop loving." You responded, Lynette's breath caught in her throat, the vertebrae of her spine keeping it trapped as she looked back at you. 

How Lynette wished she were an artist so she could draw that fondness of your face over and over again, and feel her stomach explode and contort with each rendition. 

Lynette's mouth twitched into a small, barely noticable smile "I guess that's what makes absence hurt so much." She said.

You nodded, "Love really is a beautiful thing." You responded. 

The two of you sat in each other's company for a few more minutes, drinking into each other's presence in a comforting silence as you sipped your tea.

It was only a few minutes afterwards when Lynette placed her cup down with a clink, the empty teacup placed back on its holder.

"Thank you for staying with me for a while." You said, not finding something of substance to make her stay and talk with you some more, but also not wanting her to leave.

She stood up and gave a slight bow to you, "Of course. I enjoy your company." Those soft monotone words padded your ears in a comfort she probably didn't even mean to give.

"I'll see you soon?" You said to her.

"Yes, soon." She responded.

You watched as she walked off into the distance, her figure fading with each step. You let out a soft sigh, glad you could talk about love with her, even just for a moment. In three seconds you already missed her so.

I literally spedran this, it's 3:29 am and I have not proofread it, I will come back to fix mistakes tho 😁 trust ( ≧ꇴ≦)

CHAPTER 1

Annoying was the best word Bucky could use to describe her. Annoyingly sarcastic, annoyingly smart, annoyingly beautiful. Just annoying. Y/n had been part of the team for over 3 months now and she got along with everyone, even Clint. But not Bucky. They have practically been at war with each other since her first day. Who was the faster runner, who was the most accurate shot, who was the better super soldier, who can hold their alcohol better.? You name it, they tied in it all. The whole team could see it, even playing into it from time to time.

"Morning old man, you missing your walker.?" Y/n asked Bucky as she poured herself some coffee. She had her hair braided down her back and she wore a tight wine colored top and black yoga pants, smiling from her eyes.

"Are you sure you're old enough to drink that, kid.?" Bucky asked, eyeing her from across the bar. She stared at him, sipping from her cup without breaking eye contact.

"You only wish you were still young to enjoy life like I do," Y/n said.

"Is that what you call it.?" Bucky asked her.

"6 am and they're already at it. It's a new record." Tony said with a groan, walking between them to the coffee pot.

"It is quite annoying," Clint said, looking between the two.

"As much as I'd love to stay and chat, I got a date to go to," Y/n said, a happy smile on her face.

"Oh, is school not in yet.?" Bucky asked, raising an eyebrow at her.

"He's a college graduate, actually, got his degree in biomechanics. Maybe he'll fix up your arm one of these days" Y/n said with a shrug before she left.

"Ooh, he's a college boy. Wonder how long this one will last" Sam said, sarcastically. This was the 3rd potential heartbreak for Y/n.

"Probably a week." Bucky said. Steve eyed him, a smirk on his face.

"I don't know, she talks about him all the time." Nat said, sipping her coffee and looking at Bucky. "This is their 3rd date, he might be expecting something." Nat added. "But what do I know.?" She said with a shrug as she got up and left. Bucky tried to ignore her but then he couldn't stop thinking about Y/n being held by another man. This guy would be just like the others, ready to break her heart.

Bucky hated that he ended up here, watching her 'date' from the alley across the street. Why did it bother him so much.? Y/n forced a smile at the college guy, his smile definitely not one of good intentions. Bucky watched a while longer till the guy put his hand on Y/n's thigh. She looked uncomfortable but the guy wasn't reading her. Bucky was about to go in when Y/n splashed her coffee on the guy's face. Bucky watched her storm out, before going in to 'talk' to the guy.

"Fucking bitch, coffee doesn't wash out of white." The guy said, trying to clean his shirt in the bathroom

"Date not go well.?" A voice asked from the doorway.

"Hah, that's an understatement." The guy said, looking up to see Bucky. "I mean, look at my shirt. I offer to take the relationship further and she throws coffee in my face.?" He said, turning back to the sink.

"Women, right.?" Bucky asked, walking closer.

"Yeah, but it is a shame. I looked forward to having her naked in my bed tonight" Bucky grabbed the guy's head and slammed it into the mirror, cracking it slightly.

"You ever treat another woman like you just treated her, I will find you, and I'll break your hands. Understood.?" Bucky said low in the guy's ear. He fearfully nodded, tears in his eyes. Bucky let him go and he curled up on the floor as Bucky left.

"Why are men such dicks.?" Y/n asked, plopping down next to Nat. "I mean come on, it's a coffee shop. How are you thinking of sex in a coffee shop??" Y/n groaned.

"Maybe you're dating out of your age range, maybe you need to date an older guy.?" Wanda suggested.

"Oh yeah, that's easy. Any guy older than me would be on his deathbed." Y/n

said.

"What about Steve.?" Nat asked.

"No, not into blondes. Besides, Steve is practically like my older brother."

"Thor and Loki are off-world too," Nat hummed.

"See, it's impossible to find someone older than me. I've been 21 since 1962" Y/n said and groaned. Wanda looked at Nat who had the same look in her eyes.

"What about.." Wanda started to say before she was cut off.

"Don't you dare say his name." Y/n pointed at Wanda, earning a giggle from Nat.

"Come on, You and Bucky would be cute together. If you could stop fighting." Wanda said, smiling at her.

"You can't say you don't think about it," Nat said, looking at Y/n.

"Am I gonna lie that he's cute, no. If we're being honest, he would be perfect if he weren't such an ass all the time." Y/n

said, rolling her eyes. She hated the image that came to mind, remembering the day she walked in on him working out shirtless.

Y/n had her headphones in, not expecting anyone else to be up at 3 am. She had hoped to have the gym to herself, so imagine her surprise at seeing someone on the bench press. They must have heard her come in because they stopped their set and sat up. She gasped when she saw Bucky sitting there shirtless, his chest covered in sweat. She quickly left the room, running back to her room and locking the door, her face hotter than a fire.

"Who's cute.?" Steve asked, coming into the room.

"Y/n thinks Bucky is cute," Nat said. Y/n was drawn out of her thoughts, her face flushing red.

"Nat!" Y/n exclaimed,playfully hitting her shoulder.

"That's not as bad as what she's thinking now." Wanda said. Y/n's face turned bright red before she shot up to her feet.

"Et tu, brute? I need a shower," Y/n