#3daystokill

she’s so fucking hot

Have you ever seen a remake of a French comedy, and felt like something was lost in translation? 3 Days to Kill isn't a remake, but along the way, somebody mislabelled a test tube or forgot to forward a memo. This movie is all over the place.

Ethan Renner (Kevin Costner) is an experienced CIA agent who has prioritized his country over his family for years. During a mission to capture an arms dealer named “The Albino” (Tómas Lemarquis), everything goes wrong. The Albino escapes. While getting patched up, Renner learns he only has months to live. While trying to put his final affairs in order, he is approached with a proposal. If he comes back for one more job, the CIA will give him an experimental cure for his cancer and he'll be able to reconnect with his ex-wife (Connie Nielsen) and daughter (Hailee Steinfeld).

If there’s one thing that works in this movie, I’d say it’s the family element. It’s inconsistent, but here and there, seeing Renner babysit his teenage daughter and help her through some “tough” times (the film is set right before her prom) makes for a few nice moments. The same goes for the scenes where the parents begin to rekindle their lost love. They make the stakes feel real. You want him to get the cure so they can be a unit once more.

Outside of those scenes, 3 Days to Kill is goofy and contrived. At least you can theoretically understand what the idea was most of the time. Renner asking a suspect how much a box of tampons costs or relationship advice while waterboarding them is funny in concept but the execution is cringe-inducing. These types of gags mesh poorly with the cold-blooded murders and even the scene in which Zooey finds herself in a seedy bar that screams "trouble". Other jokes, you just don't get. There's a running where this bicycle keeps turning up. Is it supposed to be funny because no father would assume their sixteen-year-old daughter still has a favorite color? Because seeing a spy on a bike instead of a slick car isn't what we expect?

These stumbles could've been forgiven if the story was tight. As you might guess 3 Days to Kill takes the easy route too often. Renner is such an idiot. Seeing him repeatedly screw up his get-togethers with his daughter leave you infuriated. If I had to be pulled away from meeting for coffee to shoot some bad guys, I might call and tell her I don't feel well, that I'm going to meet my doctor or something. I’d make up some kind of excuse rather than assume the job will be finished within 15 minutes. While we’re re-writing parts of the movie, can we give some better instructions to Amber Heard? Her CIA agent comes from a completely different movie. She’s a normal person at first, and then every time you see her after, her ridiculousness doubles. First, she’s trying to seduce Renner, then she’s killing people willy-nilly, then she’s having a party by herself in a strip club and dressing like a character from a sleazy Bond movie knock-off. It's not her fault. It's the script by Luc Besson and Adi Hasak. At just a few minutes shy of 2 hours, someone should've made some cuts.

I’m unsure how to label 3 Days to Kill other than "unmemorable" and "not good". The action sequences vary in quality. Some scenes of hand-to-hand combat are edited in a way that makes it impossible to see what is going on, others are well-executed and thrilling. There are touching moments where the chemistry and sparks between the characters pop off the screen. Others leave you scratching your head, wondering what movie collided with this one. (On DVD, July 8, 2015)