#30 lives

her life was so peaceful, like a garden filled with lamb, all heavenly like the pull to him, there's nothing so dumb, like hoping for a change. the weather differs, the sea trembles, the trees walk in fear, but we all have our demons, they haunt us in the darkest hours, when the worst happens - the stride of a horse, the silence of the regime, the noises of chaos, the shouts are mute, the help is never there for you. the lies become true. the Balkans call this epos~ like in his fiction, where every word is friction. the walls keep me awoken, so tight, so right, alone and forgotten, it chokes me, like a rope. fame never makes you happy, only unhurried to your demise, is this the eternal image

of affection and c a r e?

...

[NAME REDACTED] was found dead in her house this morning. The police have clarified that it was a suicide.

When you feel like life is lucky, but you are angry for seeing your identity changed, you meet the popular one and then your life is always around her. Around the art of rhyming in tone with the cruel times of communism. Even if modernity considers you both boomers, the youth is inspired by you and her. You found her soul.

She dies, but you live, my child. And she will be always around you, in other life. She will smile, she will sing and will be the same great person like you.

You atone for her sins.

Rebirth exists.

I exist.

I am a 45000-year-old soul.

Souls, like me, choose when to be reborn and in what. We all can pick also where to be born. Well, I was testing it all till the end. I was always spinning the wheel on a random place to be born.

The choice was getting different with the eras, said my older friends who sadly, don't exist anymore. The reason is that we get to 30 lives. No more or less. 30 seems like a big number but the life I will be choosing now is my 30th. When it's over, I will disappear. This is the last chance to live, breathe and love. Till the end. I don't know what will happen next. But why would we jump so far? There is no future without a past, they say. So, shall we begin?

I still remember back in that time when I was a wild animal before the ice age, it was a wonderful time to be alive. Especially as the predator, I lived to be. Maybe my friend was my beloved, my child or even prey in those unknown and long forgotten lives.

We will never know.

Then my second life was the prey and I was killed by a human this time. Ugh, that death really hurt me back then. I perished in front of my parents. My huge body fell on the ground like a huge timber. I was something resembling the elephants today, a mammoth was it?

Then I wished to be a human but the wheel had to decide where I'd live. I never picked a place for once in these 30 lives, I was just summoned in Europe and Asia mostly.

Next — I was a Roman soldier's wife, then — a Greek girl killed by an earthquake — a pigeon that lived long and safe in the lands of Bulgaria's First Kingdom.

So, it turned out my best friend, who is also a soul was always with me anywhere, in every life. How cute. I learnt it at the end of his road. That he chased me. For instance, such things happened 8 times, in my 5th, 11th, 12th, 23rd, 24th 26th, 27th and 29th lives. He felt like he would fail to preserve me. But he was always near me like something attracted him. I loved his confessions when I could be close to him, I felt the same feelings. Even we sense what others see in us. This is what it takes to feel...some more, some none, but we have always felt this affection. Life pulled us together like a magnet, which our friends said was unique. No one of them found a love for eternity. That was too heartbreaking for me than I supposed. Even now I tear up when talking about this.

In some of the others, he was my friend, dog, parent. But still with me. I was so glad. Some of my lives were absolutely boring, especially when I was a Spanish princess in the XVII century. He couldn't talk with me between the worlds sadly. This is why he chased me. Adorable, isn't it?

Our 29th life was the worst...he was an animal runt. More specifically, Ciconia, a white stork. I'd been his mother, who killed him ruthlessly, without feeling grieved even for once. But sorry never made it feel alright. It is nature, you can't change it.

Now he and I will decide on living together as human beings in an alternative future. Lives were going faster and faster, until my friend and I decided to stop wasting our thirty lives so early before seeing a really distant future. Then he started speaking about his experiences.

— Man, never had luck. I was prey, then predator killed from the humans, then a Roman soldier, who died in a war, a father of a girl that died in an earthquake, and I was a king or a tsar...Boris the First?

— He is a Kniaz. I read some book about it in my previous life...

— Oh, I see. Sounds prestigious. Alright and then I was a British hero, grandson of a crusader, a brave general. I died in the 100-year war trying to get home to my Edward. Damn it, how did I get shot with a poisonous arrow then. My wife, my child, I wish to see them someday, I can't let anything happen to them...and then I was brave, but a crazy king. I was hit with a hammer in my head and survived that!

— Hey, it's too late now. We can choose our future but never change our past. After all, without the past, there isn't a present, so there is no future either.

— You are right and be sure. I will always chase after you, in every timeline, in every memory and in every life. It's always nice to talk to you. I feel you so close...But I have a question...

— What is it?

— You've never been a man, why so?

— I just feel like being a girl has always been better, they are stronger mentally and live longer... — he smirked because he's always been a guy. — ...and what is your argument about never being a woman?

— That's very tricky, especially in these Medieval times, most women have no rights! And men are physically stronger, wars kill us. I suggest that we better live our 30th life in a time where healthcare is free, just like education and there's more equality for us. Particularly in a good country, economically well and to embrace society on a very great level. Also, a plague comes soon. I heard from someone.

— Fair enough, let's wait though. Like...800 years...?

And that's what we both did. The time flew quicker than we both believed it will be. He showed me so much wisdom, I was always thankful for that...

But I am afraid that our life begins now. And the wheel was spinning gracefully again, with no rust or dirt on it. What magic!

— Damn it, it's a communist country!

— The wheel said so, don't dare disagree with it. Our last life will be long and beautiful!

— Good luck, beloved.

I nodded and we both jumped in the portal that the wheel made. I will always miss this beautiful, loud and loathsome looking wheel of fortune. He grinned like a child and bid his farewell.