#30 lessons

This is the final lesson in Taylor’s 30 lessons before turning 30 article featured in Elle. I get major The Archer vibes from this entire scenario as described by Taylor.

She’s saying that even as a kid her mother never had to punish her for misbehaving because she would punish herself even worse. As a five year old she would lock herself in her room unable to forgive herself, and says she still does the same thing now. We saw this in full effect with her “self-imposed” exile before coming back with reputation. Instead of doing typical album promo leading up to its release she stayed silent and let the music speak for itself.

Now that she’s approaching her thirties, she’s come to the realization that she needs to be able to forgive herself for making mistakes, whether it be making the wrong choice, trusting the wrong person, or making a public slip up. Instead she’s taking a new approach and celebrating her renowned self-acceptance.

I’ve looked at the lyrics more closely, and lesson 30 really sticks out to me...it’s basically the entire song lol

Combat, I'm ready for combat

I say I don't want that, but what if I do?

'Cause cruelty wins in the movies

I've got a hundred thrown-out speeches I almost said to you

Easy they come, easy they go

I jump from the train, I ride off alone

I never grew up, it's getting so old

Help me hold onto you

I've been the archer

I've been the prey

Who could ever leave me, darling?

But who could stay?

Taylor sings about facing an internal conflict, not knowing if she has the strength and courage to go through with her next move. It’s somewhere she’s been before. This conflict is not new to her. She writes down what she’s feeling but never hits send...

“I never grew up, it’s getting so old.” She’s been doing this since she was 5-years old. She makes a mistake and feels the need to isolate herself and “ride off alone”...

Dark side, I search for your dark side

But what if I'm alright, right, right, right here?

And I cut off my nose just to spite my face

Then I hate my reflection for years and years

I wake in the night, I pace like a ghost

The room is on fire, invisible smoke

And all of my heroes die all alone

Help me hold onto you

I've been the archer,

I've been the prey

Screaming, who could ever leave me, darling?

But who could stay?

She’s locked herself in isolation and pacing back and forth with racing thoughts, overthinking her mistakes. “The room is on fire invisible smoke” is the same figurative room she’s been punishing herself in for years...

These lyrics SCREAM anxiety. Worrying if the happiness in your life contends with society, overreacting to your own mistakes, which leads to more self-sabotage and self-hatred for years and years.

They see right through me

They see right through

Can you see right through me?

They see right through

They see right through me

I see right through me

I see right through me

This is anxiety overload with racing thoughts, concerned with her public image and how others view her. She knows it’s a tired act and sees right through herself, unable to ignore it any longer.

All the king's horses, all the king's men

Couldn't put me together again

'Cause all of my enemies started out friends

Help me hold onto you

I've been the archer

I've been the prey

Who could ever leave me, darling?

But who could stay?

Who could stay?

Who could stay?

Who could stay?

You could stay

You could stay

Combat, I'm ready for combat

The song ends lyrically very similar to her 30th lesson learned -

“I’ve come to a realization that I need to be able to forgive myself for making the wrong choice, trusting the wrong person, or figuratively falling on my face in front of everyone,