#2025yearoftop

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Chapter Two

The smell of coffee awakens you the next morning. You groggily open your eyes and survey the room, immediately realizing it’s unfamiliar. You're naked, wrapped in the bed sheet. Your dress, well what’s left of it, is draped on a chair, along with your underwear, and what looks to be a pair of drawstring sweatpants and an old Pink Floyd T-shirt. You swing your legs over the side of the bed, your head spinning. You’re not sure you’ve ever been this hungover in your life.

You slowly stand and cautiously step into the sweatpants, a few sizes too big. You throw on the T-Shirt and cinch in the sweatpants as tight as you can, tying them off. You walk towards what you assume is the connected bathroom and do your best to freshen up. You look in the mirror when, suddenly, the events of last night slap you in the face.

You hold your head in your hands as the memories come flooding back. The drinking, the car ride, the SEX WITH THE MAN PAYING YOU TO ACQUIRE ARTWORK. All of it is out of character for you and now you have to face it head on outside of this bedroom. You wash your face, rinse your mouth, and finger comb your hair to the best of your abilities. You take a deep breath and head down the hallway towards the smell of coffee.

As you make your way to the kitchen, you peer around the corner to find Seunghyun with his back to you. He’s humming to himself, gathering mugs from the cabinet. It’s now or never, pushing forward, you clear your throat to announce your entrance. “Um, good morning.”

Seunghyun turns, two cups of coffee in hand. “Good morning.” He replies, smiling awkwardly while nodding in the direction of the dining room. You follow him as he places your mug at the seat across from him. He's wearing a matching PJ set, hair disheveled from the night before.

You take a much needed sip of the black coffee. It’s delicious and almost healing after your night of debauchery. The awkward silence is deafening as you stare at each other. You have to say something. “So…about last night...” you start.

Seunghyun speaks up. “Uh, yeah. Last night, um…We should address the elephant in the room…um, I don’t mean to be blunt but…are you on birth control?”

You cough, taken aback. “I’m sorry? That’s the first thing you ask me?”

“While reflecting this morning I realized…last night…I was stupid…and very drunk. It's no excuse but…I…I didn’t use a condom. I want you to know there’s nothing to worry about. I haven’t been intimate with anyone in…years. But I can get tested if that will make you feel better…I…” He rambles, clearly anxious.

You cut him off. “It’s fine, we are adults. I…feel like I can trust you. Truthfully, the same goes for me…I haven’t been intimate with anyone in over a year… but I can also get tested if you want.” You say assuringly, then pause. “But to answer your initial question, no, I’m not on birth control…but…It’s not…”

Seunghyun’s face goes pale. “Oh, uh, okay, don’t panic. I'm sure we can pick up Plan B and then we both can have peace of mind…I can go now. There’s a pharmacy a few blocks from here…” He starts to stand.

You put your hand on his, “No, wait. What I'm saying is we…you, don’t have to worry about it.”

Seunghyun looks at you, panic in his eyes. “Don’t have to worry about it? The last thing I need is an unplanned pregnancy added to my long list of fuck ups…”

“I can’t get pregnant.” You shout. “I…I can’t have children.” You repeat, closing your eyes, shaking away the memories of the doctors appointments, the medications, and needles from your past. You steady your voice. “To ease your mind, my ex husband has a son of his own, therefore, deductive reasoning would confirm, It’s me, hi, I’m the problem. You can cross a baby off your fuck up list.”

“I…I’m sorry. I…didn’t mean to be insensitive. ” He says, hanging his head. There’s a moment of silence before he speaks again. “I’ve had a lot happen in my past that has set me back and I finally feel like I’m getting ahead and…I just got…nervous.” Seunghyun says apologetically.

“Lucky for you, I've had plenty of time to process my inability to procreate and move on from it. So, your reaction doesn’t surprise me.” You say quietly. You notice Seunghyn winces at your words. “Besides, my past journey doesn’t exactly make the best story to tell over a cup of coffee the morning after you’ve had sex with a stranger.”

“Touché…I guess my past doesn’t make for good morning conversation either. I just want to make it known that last night was very out of character for me. I don’t want you to assume this is a lifestyle that I live frequently.”

“You mean you don’t typically end your art acquisitions by fingerbanging your contact and taking them home to your bed?” You quip, raising an eyebrow.

Seunghyun chuckles, "Believe it or not no, this is the first time this has ever happened. Despite what you may think you know about me, I’m typically solo in all my day to night activities.”

“Well, to be honest, I don’t really know much about you. So that’s big of you to assume I know your life.” You say, taking another drink from your mug.

Seunghyun takes you in with a serious look in his eye. “Well you might be the only female in Seoul that doesn’t know who I am.”

It’s then you recall your brief google search prior to the evening kicking off. “Oh what, like I’m supposed to believe you're actually T.O.P from BIGBANG?” You scoff rolling your eyes.

Seunghyun stares at you in disbelief, putting his coffee down. “You seriously don’t know who I am?”

You look up at him, shrugging your shoulders.

“That’s exactly who I am.” He laughs.

You almost choke on your coffee. “Seriously? I just assumed you had a similar name…and face. Look, I didn’t really have time to study your Wikipedia prior to all this.”

Seunghyun looks at you amused. “Well, I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a little relieved. When I reflected on last night, I worried you may have chosen to sleep with me based on who I once was.”

Once was? You think. “You can rest easy. I slept with you because I was…err…am…attracted to you.” You say, blushing.

Seunghyun smiles. “I appreciate that. The feeling is…mutual. Maybe we should give whatever this is another try and get to know each other…outside of the bedroom.”

“I’d like that.” You say, smiling at him. “Maybe you could take me to dinner and we can unpack each other's baggage.”

“How about I pick you up Wednesday after you get off work?” He says with a shy smile.

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Seunghyun drops you off in the parking deck connected to your building to shield the world from your walk of shame. When you get inside your apartment, the first thing you do is take a shower, washing away the night before.

Once clean, you make yourself something for lunch and settle in on the couch. Detective mode activated. You spend the rest of the afternoon researching the man you thought was a mystery. You reflect back on your early college days, listening to K-pop all those years ago. I should make a BIGBANG playlist to get more familiar with his work. By the end, your therapist hat is on and you’ve connected the dots between Seunghyn’s past and the self-deprecating statements he drops throughout conversation.

Nothing you’ve read shocks or sways you from encountering this amazing human. If anything, your heart aches for him and the way he’s been left to live his life these past few years. You decide you’ll let Seunghyun share what he’s comfortable with and follow his lead. He’s not the only one with baggage in this situationship.

As the evening winds down you order take out and begin prepping for the work day tomorrow. Nari is going to interrogate you non stop tomorrow. You’ve been ignoring her texts for the last 24 hours. You decide to keep this information to yourself. Your relationship with Nari is complicated. You consider her more of a colleague and she considers you to be her best and only friend. You limit communication to texts and rarely spend time together outside of work functions but in the grand scheme of things, she is one of your only friends here in Korea. But she cannot be trusted with this information.

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You arrive at the museum Monday morning and are immediately bombarded by Nari shouting, “Oh my God, you ARE alive!”

You quickly walk over to her, take her arm and head to the staff backroom. “Of course I am, why wouldn’t I be!?”

“Well maybe it’s because you didn't answer any of the FIFTY texts I sent you Saturday night.” She shouts through gritted teeth. “I was worried about you!”

“Well, I appreciate your concern Nari but I am a grown woman and I am FINE. The exchange took a little longer than expected Saturday night, so I slept in yesterday.” You deliver your line with confidence, there’s no way she’s going to suspect anything.

“Hmph, well here I was hoping you fucked a former K-pop idol.” Nari spits with disappointment.

You laugh awkwardly, “Seriously? I didn’t even realize who he was until I googled him…ha ha, come on Nari, you know that isn’t me.” Your voice is abnormally high.

“I know…” she retorts, “That’s more like something I would do. I thought for sure this would be your chance to do something exciting and racy! But I guess you’re just destined to be a prude forever.” She sighs and heads back to the front desk.

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Tuesday at the museum is business as usual and before you know it, Wednesday has arrived. You’ve texted Seunghyun back and forth a few times, ironing out the details of the dinner. You both decide to leave together under the guise of another artwork acquisition.

You go ahead and mentally prepare Nari for Seunghyn’s evening arrival.

“I haven’t laid eyes on him since 2019 at his military discharge.” Nari says, daydreaming.

“Well, I don’t think I would bring that up to him. Just act natural. He’s very professional.” You retort.

At this time Ms. Park, your boss, overhears your conversation. “You mean to tell me that Choi Seung Hyun will be coming to the museum tonight?”

“Yes ma’am, he and I have an appointment this evening to look at some new art pieces for his collection.” You share cautiously.

“You simply must get him to loan some of his artworks for an exhibition here. That would bring in so many new patrons. Do you think you could do that for me?” Ms. Park asks anxiously awaiting an answer.

“Um, sure. I think I can do that.” You smile back at her.

“Wonderful! He owns over 200 pieces you know…having some of them on display here would really revitalize the museum. And perhaps include a promotion for you as well Miss Y/LN.” She beams

Nari looks at you excitedly, “Wouldn’t that be amazing?! You’re welcome for hooking you up.” She adds under her breath, elbowing you.

“I do appreciate you Nari.” You smile genuinely. “You really have hooked me up in more ways than one…” You say to yourself quietly.

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An hour before you expect Seunghyun to walk in the door, Mr. Kim waltzes in. Despite your many attempts to deter him from being interested in you, he persists. Tonight he’s brought flowers. Your boss loves him as he is one of the top monetary contributors to the museum, therefore you’re forced to keep him in your good graces.

You take a deep breath, plaster on a smile, and head over to him. “Good evening Mr. Kim, what brings you in so late this evening?

“Oh I couldn’t miss our weekly chat.” He smiles, embracing you and kissing your cheek, “These are for you.” He hands you the small bouquet.

“Well thank you my…friend.” You take the flowers. “I do apologize, but we are closing soon and I have an appointment I need to get to. But I appreciate you coming by.” You link arms with him walking him to the door. He stops you, placing his hands around your waist. You’re repulsed, but desperately trying to keep the show going for your boss.

“What a shame, I was hoping to take you out to dinner tonight.” He says, sliding his hands up and down in his attempt to be endearing. “How about drinks after your appointment?” He whispers too close for comfort.

About this time, Seunghyun enters. You know it’s him because you hear Nari gasp with excitement. As you turn your attention back to Mr. Kim, he’s leaning in to kiss you. Without thinking you shout, “Seunghyun! So good to see you!” Immediately reaching your arm towards him.

He takes the hint, grabbing your hand and sliding his arm between you and Mr. Kim, pulling you away and into an embrace. “Y/N, so good to see you again.” He says, eyeing Mr. Kim.

Mr. Kim stumbles and clears his throat. “Mr. Choi, how surprising it is to see you here.” He glares at Seunghyun, “My dear, how about those drinks tonight?”

“Oh, sorry.” You say, pulling away from Seunghyun’s embrace but keeping him close. “I’ll have to take a rain check, Mr. Choi and I have plans, but I do hope you have a great night Mr. Kim.” You say escorting him out the door, locking it behind him. You exhale, look up at Seunghyun, and mouth ‘thank you’.

Nari rushes over to Seunghyun and introduces herself to him as your “best friend.” You roll your eyes as you hear her refer to him as ‘Mr. T.O.P.’ Ms. Park also makes a brief introduction before heading out for the night. While they exchange pleasantries, you head to the staff backroom, grab your coat and bag and rush back out to the main lobby. Seunghyun takes your arm and you head out the door. Once inside the safety of his personal car you finally relax.

Seunghyun pulls you over to him and kisses the top of your head. “What was that about exactly?”

You look up at him, “I’ll tell you at dinner.” You sigh and lean into him, inhaling the scent of his cologne.

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You arrive at Jungsik, an upscale restaurant in the heart of the city. Seunghyun has secured a private table near the back of the restaurant by the windows overlooking Seoul. A true gentleman, he pulls your chair out for you when you arrive at the table. He orders a bottle of wine for the table and you both decide to order the chef’s choice set menu.

As the waiter leaves the table, Seunghyun begins to pour the wine. “Is there something I should know about Mr. Kim?”

You roll your eyes. “Long story short, he’s obsessed with me.” You sigh. “He has been since I moved here, I helped him acquire a Jackson Pollock and he hasn’t left me alone since.”

“Why haven’t you just sent him packing?” Curiosity hanging in his voice.

“Well, he’s one of the main museum benefactors, thanks to yours truly.” You point to yourself and give a fake smile. “Therefore my boss wants me to keep him around. So I do so at arm's length. But no matter how I go about it, he cannot take a hint. Tonight was the first time he’s ever put his hands on me. Honestly it’s out of character for him, but I guess he’s gaining confidence.”

“I didn’t really like that. Him, touching you.” Seunghyun says, a tinge of jealousy in his voice.

“Well that makes two of us. I’m going to talk to Ms. Park first thing tomorrow. His behavior is unacceptable.” You say with intent. There’s a quiet pause between you as the food arrives. “Not to change the subject, but isn’t tonight about coming clean about our baggage?” You ask, poking at the fish on your plate. “Should I start airing out my dirty laundry or would you like to go first?”

He smiles into his wine glass. “You go first, then I’ll follow. Once we finish, we can either reject each other, or decide to move forward together.”

You laugh and raise your wine glass, “Deal.” You clink glasses and take a sip.

You pull your napkin into your lap, tugging on the corner for courage. Here goes nothing. “Before moving here, I lived in the US and worked as a therapist. And…” you hesitate, ”I was married for 6 years prior to moving to Seoul.” You look at Seunghyun, he’s stone faced, no reaction. You continue.

“A year into our marriage we decided to expand our family, but after a year of trying we sought out support from medical professionals. And…well…after almost five years of appointments, procedures, and medication with no result, I decided that I had gone through all I could handle. I accepted this wasn’t in the cards for me and I made the conscious decision to stop pursuing IVF and all other treatments. My husband…my ex husband…was not on board. But it was my body and…I was…tired…” You trail off as you feel a tear slide down your cheek. “I’m sorry, I really am okay. Just saying it all out loud again makes me realize how heavy it all was.”

Seunghyun reaches across the table and grabs your hand for comfort.

“Long, emotionally scarring, story short, my ex gave me an ultimatum I couldn’t agree with and we separated. After that, I closed out my client list and prepared to make a professional change, while my ex husband met someone new and got her pregnant within a few months. I booked my plane flight to Seoul for the day after we signed our divorce papers and I haven’t looked back.”

You look up at Seunghyun across the table. His face is full of empathy, “I can’t imagine what that must’ve been like for you.” He squeezes your hand.

You wipe your cheek and brace yourself for rejection. “So, I guess my question for you is, do you want children?”

Seunghyun doesn’t hesitate to answer, “No. I have a nephew and some of my friends have children. My life is fulfilled without needing that added piece.”

Your body relaxes, and you audibly exhale. This has been a topic you have been dreading to address with a future partner since receiving your diagnosis.

“Besides,” he says, clearing his throat, “After I tell you my story, I’m not sure I would or should ever be considered ‘father’ material.

The waiter comes and goes multiple times over the next hour as Seunghyun tells you everything. From the good times to some of his darkest, he leaves nothing out. By the time his story concludes, you've both polished off the bottle of wine and are finishing the dessert course.

“So,” he concludes, leaning back in his chair, self-deprecation in his eyes, “If you’d like me to pay the bill and bid you farewell, I understand. I’ve had my fair share of rejection.” He says, downing the remaining liquid in his glass.

You shake your head slowly, “No, I think I prefer to stay, if you’ll have me. Perhaps we can heal together, come out on the other side as whole individuals. Or, at the very least, maybe our broken halves can make one decent whole.” You smile.

“I’d like to try.” He says, a glimmer of hope in his eyes.

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The two of you leave the restaurant hand in hand, deciding to walk home in the cool night air.

“Can I call you my…boyfriend?” You ask sheepishly, looking up at him.

“I would say that’s an appropriate adjective to use in this relationship.” He chuckles.

“We can keep things quiet. No need to call attention to you…or me for that matter.” You laugh, “I don’t think either of us need to wake up to a tabloid screaming -T.O.P seen with a boring, irrelevant American in Seoul.”

Seunghyun laughs. “The media left me behind long ago, they prefer to wait for me to screw up and then highlight that for weeks on end. We don’t have to be so secretive, but I do enjoy laying low, under the radar.”

It’s quiet a moment, then you remember what your boss asked of you before you left the museum earlier. “I do have a proposition that could possibly get you some good press.”

Seunghyun raises an eyebrow. God that’s hot

“My boss, Ms. Park, is a big fan and she is very familiar with your collection. Any chance you’d be willing to loan a few pieces to the museum for a special T.O.P exhibit?”

“I think I can swing that.” He replies nonchalantly. “Assuming you’re not sleeping with me just to lay eyes on my private collection.”

“Oh, there’s something private I’d like to lay eyes on alright…” You giggle

Seunghyun pulls you in close and kisses the top of your head, “You’re ridiculous.” He sighs.

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