Tears

i don’t know how to open this message, but it has been a heavy week with a lot of bad news. and yet my only concern is the fear i feel that i might have offended someone who i tried to communicate had hurt me. am i kind? i seem kind my thoughts are kind but i don’t know why i doubt so much. well i do, but i think it makes no sense to doubt.

i need to go take a walk.

others see my beauty and kindness but i see a prison of fear tiredness and pain from ppl who couldn’t see me for who i am. including me.

1 john 4 says the world is full of the spirit of the antichrist dictating to believers and us all that we are not able to be saved and kind and better things. but we can and we are.

🎼you know the world can see us in a way that’s different to who we are .**.’*🎶

Now I know how men approaching me feel. A little. I wanted to talk to this girl bc she seems cool and I literally forgot English. I don’t remember the last time I tried to make a friend irl oh I do I was 15 and she looked at me weird and didn’t let me sit next to her when I asked but put her bag there instead. There was another cool girl too but she was out of there as soon as service was over on a phone call so I missed her. She doesn’t have a group yet. I want to be friends with them both but I guess the 2nd girl makes more sense to try to be friends with first. I want to be her friend because I like her and her style how she carries herself she seems cool.

We could be like Lisa & Meagan (if they were friends)

I’ll try again next week. I started watching anime Soap And Loafer. She’s like me. In university I only had 1 or 2 regular friends that I made in my last 2 months there - and only one was in my university. In my last church there were only 4-6 of us my age. So never needed to go make friends we were just together. Now I’m here I realise I need to try Actively.

Oh man. I’m in a slump. Before I eat it’s hard to do anything bc everything moves slowly and painfully when I’ve not eaten - but after I eat I only want to relax. I feel bad about myself. Because of this cycle.