#170th

I have felt that I am increasingly 'real' recently :) (This is a good thing by the way LOL)

This year has been a good good year, full of exploration and self-realization and I feel mentally how alive I am. Such an interesting feeling it is! It is a great self-discovery to know the true meaning of loneliness and companion ;)

... I am currently in the kitchen. At the moment, it was so so quiet. Same time like this yesterday, we were singing Christmas Carols out loud (lol). But now, everyone has already gone back home for holidays. The kitchen has seemed more empty than usual..., which makes me 'feel' totally alone.

...

Funnily two-three years ago, during Xmas time I was usually by myself and that didn't make me feel much different from normal days. And I was always just oblivious to such circumstance. Didn't really care. "Whatever". Seriously, whatever.

... Now.

When time has been filled up with so many memories of being together with Friends, the next moment when they are gone suddenly creates a really ... big contrast.

...

Wow!

It's really a self-discovery for me today to feel alone :))

I am not being 'emo' here. I just feel it's quite interesting to ... really 'feel' yourself being alone XD I kept smiling for such a perception.

...

Okay, it's all started with a sudden moment of contemplation when being alone in the kitchen today, after watching FRIENDS (They were so so cute by the way! XD). I looked around the empty room. Felt the silence. A Complete Quietness. The sound of chopping, from the fan when cooking, footsteps, or fridge door opening, etc., are totally disappeared.

In that silence, I closed my eyes playing back the time I was with Friends, when we were singing together. I smiled a lot thinking of those moments :) The guitar sound, the singing, laughing... Everything was so noisy and lively!

...

And then I opened my eyes again looking around the kitchen. The emptiness again. No one is around.

...

...

Know what?

I feel happy!

XD

Don't know why but it's such a bliss!

I just keep smiling. That's how I feel ^_^

...

Happiness is just like that.

Happy to utterly understand the meaning of loneliness.

Happy to feel alone, without any shame or fear, but with excitement, looking forward to creating more memories with Friends again when they come back!

Happy to finally want to be with someone, Friends :) while in the past, I preferred to be alone no matter what >_<

Happy to have such Friends who teach me the stark difference between alone and companion.

Happy to be able to loudly confirm without any, ANY DOUBT that:

THESE PEOPLE MEAN A LOT TO ME!

They do!

:)

...

Yeah ^_^ ...

So Essays, Animation, etc! A lot of work >_<

However, I'm so gonna finish you guys. I can do it XD I believe I can do it well :) while waiting for New Year and my dear Friends ;)

Someone has said:

''He who can be alone without shame or fear can be sure he truly loves the company he is keeping.''

I think I agree ;)

I miss my Friends now. I want them.

I love them XD  

Thanks Friends. Thank You for Everything