#11--2022

But who is this individual?

They seem quite goofy.

Mmmm....

Perhasp he's.....

Yes, he's a himbo.

DEAR DIARY

pages 1 - 8

pages 9 - 16

pages 17 - 24

DEAR DIARY

pages 1 - 8

pages 9 - 16

pages 17 - 24

DEAR DIARY

pages 1 - 8

pages 9 - 16

pages 17 - 24

This is one of those dreams I actively tried to forget due to its very macabre nature. My mind perplexes me at times and this was one of those moments. Every part of the dream felt real to some capacity and it genuinely caused some upset. Because of its darkness, however, I had actively tried to ignore so not all the details had been preserved sadly but I will try my best to remember all of the specifics.

The dream starts off with me lying down in my bed. I found myself wearing my black sleep dress that was filled with patterns of birds, canaries I believe they were. I had an emotion of dread rising up on my body and instinctively, it was as if I knew that a horrible event were to occur quite so soon. I paid it no mind and found myself conversing with my sister who was a roommate of mine right now

I hear a knock on the door and find that my mother was clad in a black blouse and a black skirt, clothing I've never seen before. Behind her was my father, dressed in all black as well - a polo shit I've never seen and dress pants he never owned. When I saw them, I had a sudden thought come to me. Today's the day my grandmother would be euthanized.

I felt the fried stricken expressions pull me down to such a low point since I genuinely didn't wanted her to die. Despite her old age, I had grown afraid of death following the sudden death of my uncle from covid last year as well as my close brush with it twice this year. The thought irked me and it served no comfort that she was in her late 80s.

Despite my hesitation, I found myself joining them in what seems to be a function hall where a few more people were in attendance. The people were mostly adult women I had never seen but I had somehow recognized as my aunts. One of them was very catty and absolutely had no equivalence in my life but I knew she was those gossip types.

I sat down on the floor crisscross as there was no chairs in sight and sat down next to her. She looked hesitant as the feature was about to start. I wanted to get frontrow seats so I wouldn't miss the event and I think she felt the same too.

The dream does a sudden jump to a different perspective. A cousin of sorts that isn't my cousin. This individual bore a resemblance to a Minecraft YouTuber named Tommyinnit that would have been hilarious if it weren't so depressing. The young man was trying to break in to the care house where my grandmother was supposedly going to be euthanized and he was desperate. He hated the idea maybe more than I did and he was willing to do whatever he can to stop it.

As he tried to break in, the lockpicks he made kept failing him and he started trying to thrash through the door. He was eventually stopped by another man who restrained him. This other man I've never met but I understood as another relative. He held the boy close as he started to break down and cry. It was heart-wrenching.

The dream cuts back to me and my not-aunt-aunt sitting in front of a projector screen as the program started. I somehow knew that we couldn't be in the sight for whatever reason and we could only watch remotely. Either way, I was on the edge of my seat as the film started playing before me.

The video starts. An old woman is wheeled into what seems to be a bedroom. I don't recognize her but she feels dear to me. She doesn't look like my grandma at all. She looked thin and frail which was a sharp contrast to my own grandma's more plump appearance. Her skin was also darker similar to more people around me which was definitely noticeable compared to my own's light skin that came from our Chinese ancestry.

She was being wheeler in by what seems to be a nun that had some clothes similar to a nurse. Perhaps this person was both. The nun nurse carefully assisted the old lady to lie down on a teal bed and then gingerly tucker her in. The grandma found herself dozing off and there was a calm at the screen.

I looked at my not-aunt-aunt confused and she looked at me back. My sister chimed in the confused stare off to clarify that they were going to let her rest first before sending her off. I nodded my head but my not-aunt-aunt was incredulous. She was pissed off that they wouldn't just get things over with. She just wanted things to end soon.

I was freaking out since she was getting much more aggravated and everyone was getting more upset. After trying to ease her out, she apologized and saif that the situation was getting to her, with the whole losing her mom thing. As we sat there trying to take in the scene, another one of my not-aunt-aunts approached us.

I sensed that she was a more practical person and she was more level-headed than everyone else in this room right now. She started to explain a new issue that had arisen with the upcoming death. Family inheritance. She stated that the family inheritance might be challenged by some unsavory people considering the family's complex history. Another one of the women said that it'd be fine and that those who dare try to go after it would have to go through them.

There was still and air of uncertainty as the conversation ended and a man walked in bearing sharp resemblance to my uncle yet I didn't recognize him in the dream as such. He said that the event was about to continue and we should go back to our seats. I sat down next to my not-aunt-aunt again and watched as the video feed continued.

My mother was now next to me yet she seemed different. Couldn't really out my finger on it. I asked her to hold me close and she held me tightly. I felt a wave of fear and dread wash over me as I knew the death was coming up and I remembered our own mortalities. After a few seconds I let go, and found myself propped up near the front again, eyes fixed at the large screen.

The old woman was now drearily awake and I saw another nurse nun come in with a needle. I didn't saw the needle going in, but it cut quickly to a faceless figure wearing a dark teal outfit cradling the old lady as she now barely hung on to life. The grandma reached out her arms to the faceless woman and it cuts to what seems to be a small female statuette of what I recognized as the Virgin Mary although I had never seen anything like it before. The old lady reached out to the statueette's head as if to try and get its blessing.

The video feed suddenly fades off to an outside shot of what seems to be a garden next to a building. A sort of mausoleum of dark cement bricks that looked like it came from the Hispanic era. A group of nuns were finding their way in in a procession, carrying with them a small urn. The video then dades seemingly with either quotes of encouragement or advertisement from the euthanizing company.