#10th step

The time it calls to remind us all Of that which is good and just For the eyes do see the folly of man And the ears are filled with noise What does it profit us to complain? For what is will be and has been What does it profit us to resist? For what was is not what we have When do we remember our neighbor? As our brothers and sisters they are! When do we remember our kindness? As our world…

I was thinking about hiking the Appalachian trail. In the summertime there’s so much foliage that you can’t see more than just a few tens of feet. For most of the hike, there’s really not much  to see but leaves. But every now and then you come to an opening and you look out across the vista of the mountains and all kinds of peace and inspiration, and that’s why people hike the trail. They don’t…

1000 days sober, and people are still people. I am not perfect but I’m getting better. I want to better myself with acceptance and expectations. 

The reality is it’s just another day. A day at a time, one moment at a time, accepting hardship as the pathway peace. The hardships are in my head though, they always have been, and I have to realize whatever is going on in my mind is no more important than what’s going on in anyone else’s.

I goofed up on that today. I thought there was a plan and it didn’t work out, and that should be okay. It IS okay. It’s not the first and not the last time that will happen, but it’s not hard for to think it’s no it’s more than that and try to impose my will and weasel my way into some sort of excuse to get what I want regardless of what is actually happening. 

My intentions: to get what I want

My actions: act like an asshole

I’m not helping anyone by being a selfish asshole. I can do better. I’m getting better, but I thought I would be better than this by now. 

More than the disappointment of the day has transformed into disappointment in myself once I realized what I was doing.

I got no brakes. I need to learn to pause and breathe and physically take a step back. I’m fucking working on it but it’s so hard in the moment.

The pendulum of emotion doesn’t swing as far as it used too, but it still runs me I’m ashamed to say, and it’s fucking embarrassing and I don’t want to ruin anything anymore with my self-will running riot.

I’m not writing today off as a failure yet, I can still learn and practice being a good man, but I’ll be damned if I don’t feel like shit. Maybe tomorrow I’ll be just a little bit better.

pages 91&92 from the 12x12

Thought for the Day 2/14/16

Step 10 is the compass that tells us if we are on course in our program and in life. ~ Joe C.