10
this last quarter of the year has been a tiring mess. nobody should have to go through this many ups and downs in such a short time span. I'm exhausted and don't trust my judgment at all. i feel like something went off-kilter in my brain which in turn has thrown off my ability to process situations and people.
my heart feels displaced. did i mention i feel exhausted?
i want to focus next year on really editing my personal style. i made a shit ton of mood boards in the past week so i didn't have to deal with my feelings, haha
music has sounded so blah this year. it's definitely a me thing, it's no longer the escape that it used to be. i wondered if i had lived in NYC sooner, would this feeling have occured earlier on? because i had nothing else going on for me in the bay lol, going to events was my literal single source of happiness. but now that i've moved, there's just so much more access to the rest of my interests. i think honestly, i still would've been as crazy about going to events and prob would've gotten into even more trouble lol. but comparing how i feel now about the scene now vs 2019... yeah, I'm pretty lukewarm about it now lol. but seeing as it took around 12 years for me to begin to feel this way... not bad lol
i just unlocked a memory of when i used to take pre-workout not long after waking up because otherwise i would be wired past my bedtime lol.
i did a quick inventory of my sephora and ulta orders this year and tbh.... 90% of the shit i bought, i only used a few times or they ended up being duds. the only things that were worth it were from replacing my staples, which really only happens twice a year. it's crazy how all that marketing will make you think wearing a certain lip color will make you change your entire demeanor, your entire life! (and falling for it despite you owning 3 lipsticks in that shade already lol). like why the fuck do i own 3 liquid highlighters when i don't use them anymore? next year, I'm gonna use that money and invest build my new wardrobe LOL
the most interesting and best cities allow artists to thrive. yes, it's a struggle, but the city still values them. cough bay area.
i can't wait to spend the rest of this year not seeing a single person cuz I'm tired and don't want to be asked what I'm up to. (if you know, you already know~)
i keep trying to find a signature winter scent. i thought it was tom ford's tobacco vanille but I'm having second thoughts about it. idk why it smells a little different than the sample i got a while ago but ya know I'm gonna use every last drop cuz tom ford is $$$
my theme for next year is gothic alien. gotta do it for the younger me cuz that little weirdo didn't get to fully live out that dream lol
