#091025

'yer mi yoktu dizlerinde, şu başımı koydurmadın..

I was fuming. I was... again it's not something we've discussed enough yet, me and Zayn I mean, but again it comes back to like loyalty for me and I just selfishly I'd wished he'd had a conversation with me first 'cause me and Zayn... I'd like to think that he would say this too, I think he would. There was times where we were, let's put it like this is a good way of describing it, on the last tour that Zayn did, we always said we would never be this band. The type of band that would have all their own individual dressing rooms. Well, sometimes when you've got a lot of guests and stuff, it can be challenging, but we always said we wouldn't be that band. And on the last tour Zayn did, Harry had his own dressing room, Liam did, Niall did, and me and Zayn shared. So, I think It was kind of like a testament of the relationship. So, I felt a little bit hard done by. I felt like like not like 'throw these boys under the bus', but let me know. But I thought that we had a relationship where he could have had that conversation with me. In reflection, and he hasn't told me this, we'll see when I chat to him about it, but I think if he told me, I would have tried to tell him to stay and I think that's probably one of the reasons why he didn't, 'cause he knew I was always very opinionated. [So, how did you find out?] That evening,  the night before we found out, everything was normal. We're in the hotel room. We were somewhere, I don't know where, somewhere in the world, maybe where weed isn't legal, but we were having a joint. And everything was normal, you know, and then I think he maybe left at like 11:00. He was cool. Wasn't like in a bad mood or anything like that, you know. Good night, lad. And then the next morning I woke up, we had a shoot with like Coca-Cola for some sponsor thing. and we found out that he wasn't coming. Now, like I had this in me too, but like Zayn was quite prolific for it. Like this wasn't out of the ordinary. Like if Zayn... I always rated him for it, If he didn't want to do something he literally wouldn't do it. Like you name the thing, it doesn't matter. If it's not right for him then he won't do it. So I think well then that's probably why he left the band, you know, and that's what I admire about him because if I was in his same situation I would have probably put six plasters on it just to hope that we can stay playing happy families, you know. I want to know if he regrets it, not in the way that like his own personal success has been incredibly successful and he's done really really well like that but he must miss it like he must do because I know Zayn really well, and Zayn has a bit of the kind of energy I do in such a way that sometimes this whole job can just be a little bit fussy. It's just a bit fussy in general, you know, just there's just a lot going on like now when you're in a band, you can share that wealth. It's like it's, you know, say they say you're a sat an interview you're not enjoying. You just kind of shut up a little bit and let someone else pick up the pieces and they'll do that role. We could share the things that we didn't like to do as much. There must definitely be times that that he misses the comfort of that for sure. But it's kind of like the elephant in the room to be honest. It's not... I've met up with him a couple of times recently, but it's not often something we'll discuss. But there'll be a time for that for sure. I would like to have those conversations with him. But it crushed me, man. It absolutely crushed me. I was I was devastated because it felt like, oh, is this the beginning of the end of the band? But then also, I'm like this is my best mate in the band at the time. So, I'd lost a friend and someone in the band. It's funny. Yeah.

It's definitely brought up feelings like that. Look, there's now only three other people on the planet that can deeply understand my professional journey. Like you never say never, right? I can't ever imagine, I'm not sure it would be right to him, like say sake of argument 25 years time it's like a fucking Oasis thing, they offer us an arm and a leg and they're like come back and do this many shows. I don't know, yeah, I think it just completely put a pin in all that and the irony is there was no one campaigning for One Direction to get back together more than Liam. And like I would say I came in a close second actually. Like definitely another important thing to mention about Liam which I thought was incredible. There's a time where I felt like me and Liam were professionally losing together. We were struggling to be solo artists and find true success and we were kind of struggling together. And then Liam had little moments where he had like really successful singles and they stream really well and he'd like feel really good about that. But at that time nothing was really working for me and in my job. So, I was really proud of him and I'd messaged him and stuff and then not to the same weight, but kind of role reversed a little bit and Liam start was struggling a little bit more professionally and I just started just started to understand the picture a little bit more, started doing more touring and stuff like that. And like for example, when I made a documentary in a film about like my life after One Direction and Liam came to the premiere. Now, I'll just say this 'cause I was going to mince me words, but none of the other boys would have done that, fact. Boys out the band, the lads in One Direction.Would I have even done that? I would like to sit here now and say, "Yeah, I think I would" but I don't know truthfully. And the point being that me empathizing how I was a couple of years prior to that Liam was sat in a cinema watching a film about how I had been successful in the last 12 months when he was struggling with his own things. And it's something that I'm not sure I would have been brave enough to do. I'm not sure the other boys would have. And basically all that is to sum that up is just utterly putting himself second. There's no way that wouldn't have had a certain kind of weight on him because as you said, we're all human and we naturally compare. So, you know, there might be things that were happening there that he was he was wanting for. And I think just the fact that he turned up on that day and was there for me and I just did the role reverse in my head and just imagined how challenging that that could be and it's just a real testament to Liam and he couldn't have been more happy. And it's another great example, right, of this of where the fucking internet are, it's just horrible place at times. He put up — and luckily I know someone will have screenshotted it 'cause he deleted in the end. But he put up this beautiful post after my premiere for this documentary. Like an essay, a fucking essay, like stuff that he's never said to me before. It was like the sweetest, nicest fucking shit and then about two days later, he deleted it because the fans were just caning him for it. Just saying that he was like, you know, bandwagon kind of, you know what it's like. It's a very small percentage of people, but they make a lot of noise and sometimes it'll push you to a point of like even deleting a post. But that being an example of him just really putting himself second and really trying to say to the world how proud he was of me and and the end goal was more ridicule. And all I would say in any regard like that, not just Liam, in any person like that, after you judge, 'cause sometimes it's human nature to judge. After you judge, just give those things just a little bit more thought. So take the tour thing for example, and he's at the (Niall's) tour show and people were people were making comments of how much he was loving the attention. On the surface level, that's someone who wants attention. If you just look a little bit deeper, that's someone who's just been in the biggest band in the world and wants those situations again, who hasn't had those live situations again and craves for them. The reason also Liam could be misunderstood is because he didn't really operate with a filter, you know. So, he would just feel something and say it and there you go.