#052324

dear jj,

I think I'm falling in love. Actually, I already fell for you that hard na. Am I making it obvious ba? 😔 Hopefully, I do. Gusto ko malaman mo na crush din kita. To be honest, it's already more than that. I tried so hard na labanan ang feelings ko and naisip ko talaga na mag confess so that I could move-on na before. Pero that's a dumb reason that's why I didn't. The more na kinikimkim ko itong feelings ko, di ko alam na it only grows more pala. It seems like the feeling of wanting to welcome your warmth and love gets stronger everyday I see you.

It's almost there, I'm almost ready. Pero at night, I can't help but to wonder if I even deserve you. 😔 Sorry if I tend to overthink about things and overcomplicate it kaya we are stuck in the "mutual pinning" stage and stuck sa parinigs. I can't deny that I'm also liking the chase. Pero I'm worried na baka sooner or one day, you'll get bored of me na. Baka maisip mo na I'm only wasting your time. 😓 I just only wanted to take it slow so that I could be sure with myself. But don't worry kase it's you that I'm certain about.

Saka with my past being in a relationship with someone na nagrereview for their licensure exam is also the reason why I'm hesitant to be straightforward with my feelings. Feeling ko kasi na baka talking to me will be a hindrance for you. I'm scared na there will be a day na I might hurt you unintentionally and it would affect your mental or emotional composure during your review. Of course, hindi ko kaya gawin yun and ayoko mangyari yon sayo. Even if I really wanted to run to you and be with you, gusto ko unahin mo muna sarili mo. Kung hanggang dito muna ang kaya natin, walang problema sakin. 🥺 Crush na kita for 3 months so I just know na kaya kita hintayin. (ang martyr ko lang).

Thinking about those possibly happening clenches my heart while writing this hahshdhd I'm not the one who is able to control your feelings so I do fear those to happen.

Kaya hopefully, my unsaid feelings for you are able to reach you on its own ways. If only you knew how much your presence means a lot to me and how you saved me from misery.

You really mean a lot to me, Javier.