#05172020

it has been a HOT minute tumblr. I figured since I took a 3 hour nap and then drank tea at 10:30pm, I might as well get the thoughts rolling since I’m very clearly not gonna sleep for the next 13 hours (probably) LOL. 

some lessons and interesting things about myself I’ve learned in quarantine:

+ I am the best version of myself when I feel like I have things to do. Not having a schedule actually makes me become a lifeless physical blob. I’d rather plan days where I do nothing than the other way around.

+ It’s okay to not really know what you want. Feelings and motivation comes and go and are super fleeting. This is perfectly normal.

+ Open honest communication is so much harder than you would think. Mustering up the courage to tell someone you feel like you have to walk on eggshells around them really takes a lot out of me and honestly I still struggle with this. But it’s definitely something I can work on.

+ Sometimes I enjoy texting people, but not talking to them. Sometimes, I enjoy talking to people more than texting them. Sometimes I am all talked out but that doesn’t mean that I don’t want you to share your thoughts with me. Talking actually does take a lot more energy from me than I believed.

+ I am very very selfish. I kind of always knew this, but this became even more apparent during quarantine. If I come off as selfish to you, please let me know. Any examples or instances when you felt that way would be really helpful. 

+ I’d like to practice listening more. Anyone have any pointers?

+ I enjoy 1 on 1 conversations the most.

+ If we were ever friends at one point and something happened that naturally or unnaturally made us grow apart, even if that event wasn’t a good one, I still think about you and hope you are doing well. I may not think it right away, but I really believe eventually I do. I hope some of you find solace in that.

+ I actually really enjoy talking about Christianity but I don’t bring it up because it’s kind of taboo and I don’t want people to feel uncomfortable but I really wish I could have more conversations about it. This makes me sad.

+ I really am not good at words.

+ I’m definitely addicted to tea. To the point that I get in a mood when I don’t drink it. This is dangerous.

+ I romanticize things a lot. Not in like a “I love you” kind of way, but more like in a “this action, this book, this character, this poem, this little moment in my life, etc. is super romantic”. I’m not sure what this means but I started to notice this a lot.

+ I value friendships a lot, and I’m still learning how to be a good friend. Thank you all for bearing with me while I continue to learn and try my best to nurture relationships.