#0153

i thought that i knew love in the shape of eyes that bat twice when i say the cold words of i love you

lost in between worlds, lost in between pain— when you held me, i felt found in the simplest of twists and turns. you made me understand that some ships needed to sink, so that the passengers could be saved from the captain.

you held me into your chest and i could hear every single word that your heart said. it was the most comforting thing i could’ve done for myself because now i understand that you don’t have to talk to listen to someone’s emotions.

the rawest parts of you were fully clothed and sensual, the most tender parts of you weren’t naked, but hidden under layers upon layers of fake smiles and insecurities— but somehow you always managed to appear confident and brave around me. they say that bravery is 90% stupidity and 10% fear. were you as scared to love me as i was to love you?

the first time i heard you cry, i knew right then and there that i never wanted to hurt you

the first time you said goodbye to me after our first date, i told you that i hated those words. i prefer see you soon. that way you won’t have to worry if you’ll be seeing me again or not, that way— you’ll always know that i’m not fucking around. no more games.

i know that i’m always intense and taking things too seriously, but when it comes to you— i take a step back and we’re always comfortable enough to be open and honest to one another

i dated people who only wanted to kiss me. who only wanted to fuck. who only wanted me to be there. who only wanted something other than me. but then i met you and in truth? why do you always talk to me like there’s always something new to learn? like you’re always studying my body language, like you’re always wondering my thoughts, like you have an insatiable curiousity to learn the curves on my body and the cracks on my heart

i write too much and you read too much. the perfect balance of supply and demand. a poetry and prose drug dealer that doesn’t need anything, but your undivided attention

sometimes i get cold. sometimes i don’t want to talk. sometimes i want to be held. sometimes i want to be alone. sometimes i don’t give a fuck. sometimes i can’t deal with anything. but darling, why are you always so gentle with me? these are the reasons as to why i love you.

i thought that i had it all figured out. you know that thing about meeting someone who teaches us about who we are? like revealing some hidden secret about ourselves that we never knew? for all of the years that scientists have been trying to figure out how the pyramids were made— you make me feel like you have it all figured out. like you know how to build me up brick for brick, like you also know how to tear me down. but i never fear that. quite the opposite. you’re nothing short of amazing.

sometimes when i have my mood swings. you show up with flowers and a love poem. it’s nothing too extravagant, but it’s the little things, ya know? those things matter. i understand life when you’re in action. i appreciate my existence when i’m close to you

sometimes when we’re driving around town and the windows are all the way down and the music is way too loud— you turn everything off. the songs, our phones. the world. and you look at me while we’re at a red light and you don’t say a word. and you know something? you don’t have to say anything because i felt everything. in those strange and random occurrences that happen more than i know how to explain them... i somehow understand everything that is said inside of our shared silence.

love is quiet. love is not saying the right words when the time comes up, but coming to an understanding that this is okay. this is alright. we have each other.

love is tender. but love is chaos, when you’re not around. love is the gentle rage that fuels your smile to keep on keeping on. i think that’s the most beautiful part about you.

you make me forget everything that was before you, while effortlessly making me wonder about the endless possibilities of a future of this.