#0006

i hate my job but i hate unemployment more so i can’t quit. i also recognise the privilege that i have, to be employed in a job market that is so fucked, even if it’s in a restaurant. ever since graduating, life has felt like being in purgatory. or maybe an elevator. i’m not actually at the next stage or the next floor, i’m just. getting there. but it doesn’t even feel like i’m moving. i just don’t know how to deal with this feeling of being unaccomplished. i know that i am okay and that this is not indicative of any personal failure but rather that this is a season that everyone goes through. my brain doesn’t understand that though. it is capable of rational thought but i can’t force it to believe those rational thoughts. sometimes it feels like i’m trying to chase my brain. thoughts are zipping around and i’m trying to herd all the irrational and unhelpful thoughts before they can escape from the silly part of my brain that has no self-esteem but then they get out and they escape and i just feel like i’m going insane.