i never L O V E no body fully → hot pink (sex)
While she didn’t lose her virginity until her late teens, sex always had a certain role in Shawn’s life-- specially sex appeal. Having always looked mature for her age, Shawn learned young what the male gaze was and just how often it could be thrown at a developing woman from any given day. It wasn’t welcomed, though in time, she made a certain peace with having beauty and how society seemed to believe it was a woman’s responsibility on what reactions it made people have. School dress codes, tips on how to be safe walking at night, staying incredibly aware of surroundings... the list was endless as far as she could tell. Though, rather than let that defer her from dressing, speaking, acting, and doing as she pleased, Shawn found a way to wield it in a way that benefited her financially and personally-- phone sex work. Being warm enough to seem welcoming, but coy enough to stay safe, Shawn walked the fine line to avoid winding up in sticky situations she didn’t want to be put in. Being one to observe gave Shawn a vast imagination, and when she was desperate for work after her father’s passing, some opportunities you just can’t question when they fall in your life. Being one to find a lot of power in sex, it transcended into her work, often giving her voice the sultry appeal that her clients keep coming back for. While Shawn’s open minded, she’s firmly homoromantic thus she is able to keep an emotional distance with each call she does given her one rule with the job is this-- men only. It allows her to keep the full control she wants, never having to worry about offering too much of herself to a stranger on the other line. However, despite finding strength in what she does, and genuinely loving it, Shawn keeps her long term job hidden. Knowing very well already judging goes hand in hand with the masses at times, she prefers to keep what she does to herself as to avoid being seen a poor light. It also unfortunately keeps her from truly connecting with partners, as she would rather avoid facing the ultimatum of stopping something she loves or keeping someone she loves.
A L W A Y S one foot on the ground → indigo (serenity)
Even as a baby, Shawn was always able to make peace with the world and its conditions. Her parents often told her that people would tell them how she was the most quiet, well tempered child, and it even continued onto her teen and adult years. She could see violence, but find solace that someday peace would be found. She could see a situation being unfair, and know that one day it would get evened out. Though she wouldn’t call herself an optimist, Shawn at least can push aside her own personal judgement and reactions and find a hopeful thought to cling onto. Never a rebel, not one to cause waves, and always hoping for a result that left all parties happy (or eventually would), Shawn is able to keep a level head through many hardships. Some might even say too level as it makes it hard to know exactly what Shawn’s feeling or thinking, even in highly intimate or intense moments. Still, her ability to keep a calmness about her makes Shawn on hell of a meditation partner, book club member, or friend to talk to when need be. Her inner peace makes her heart all the more welcoming of other’s troubles, genuinely wanting to help take the weight from their shoulders.Â
