#*(ask meme)

Tired, was that the word to represent the dread the idea of war had brought her? It was difficult to comprehend or put the words together out loud. If anyone had learned what her opinion on war was, would they judge her? Would they pick on her for attending Garreg Mach in the first place? How would her housemates feel about it? It was challenging to speak about, no matter the outcome, violence seemed to be the answer to most people’s problems.

What was the point of it? Taking another person’s life for no entire reason but for the pleasure was frightful to her. She never particularly enjoyed hurting others, unless she was in danger herself. Even so, it felt wrong, horrible even. After every encounter she was picked for, she scrubbed her hands clean until she couldn’t see the crimson liquid that had colored her hands and fingernails, no matter if it was hers or not. She didn’t care who’s it was, all she knew that it was from somewhere, and perhaps she had even caused it.

Each time there was a discussion about a mission or such, she prayed to Duma and even Mila that everything would be okay. Even if it wasn’t her on the battlefield, who could they lose during a fight? All students selected to help have always come home safely, but what outcome would be bestowed upon them next time? Or even the following, what if there isn’t even a next time?It's even more jarring to hear that it's her beloved going to fight with the rest of the Black Eagles. And it isn't soon before they embark on their journey for whatever the professor has settled on that day. She feels distressed as she noticed that she hadn't been able to even utter a word to him before they have left.

It's hard to take your attention off of something like this; she's discovered this out for herself. She tries everything that comes to mind that could make her remotely feel right. Dancing (though it's too cramped in her room, and there's no one she'd dare bug at this hour of the day,) Gardening was out of the question (she had heard some other students from Black Eagles discuss what they heard about where they're heading, which seems to be rather dangerous, and they listed out all the dangers that could fall upon their classmates, promptly causing Rinea to leave that exact moment,) could she do reading? This was all too confusing, even to her.  

The day seems to have dragged on, and after mumbling prayer after prayer to any gods that would listen, she's locked herself in her dorm, trying to focus on a book she's grabbed from the library to take her attention off of any negative thoughts that she could even remotely think of; though the book became long forgotten as she lifted her head, glancing out the window to catch the view of the entrance to the monastery, doors opening to let people through, and the moment it does, the book, now face down against the nearest piece of furniture near her is forgotten, as she opens the door to her room, slamming it shut as she rushes down the hallway as fast as she can, and down the stairs to those large doors opening.

At this moment, she's still praying to the gods, rushing over to where the students from Black Eagles are gathering, here to congratulate those who've come back, and it's not something to be proud of in her mind.

Welcome back, you've survived another day? What kind of greeting is that supposed to be?

It doesn’t matter the moment she comes upon the group themselves and sees the brunette male in her view, and she rushes over to him, throwing herself and her arms around him hastily and pressing kisses over his face. She doesn’t even notice herself, but there are tears welling up in her eyes, but she doesn’t mind it and holds him as much as she can.“Welcome back, my lord.” 

In her thoughts, the game from the last day was rather fun. As much as it was brutal, it was entertaining to see many personalities enjoying themselves in such an experience. It made her giggle just thinking about it. It didn’t matter if she was one of the first people out, it only had mattered if the game was full of life, which it seemed to be.

. . .