#* self

It was only in watching the strength that Max portrayed as he joined the mother of his child in an effort to start the gift opening that she circled back to the unyielding optimism she tried to carry with her. The pair would make great parents, no matter which path they took from this point forward. The fact that any of them were there, was a testament to how they clearly knew that what was most important was the baby. She only hoped that Max wouldn't have to sacrifice anything within him to give their girl the best life possible.

It felt akin to looking through a window, at a family that would be, picking apart each accumulated vision of what their life would be like. Happy - she prayed, someone in this town certainly ought to be. Differences could be put aside, and time certainly offered to heal all wounds. A transcending thought which pulled doe hues from the soon-to-be-parents to Austin. When exactly would those wounds heal? An ache that had simply twisted itself up inside her and chose never to ease. The same happiness she wished upon Ana, Max and their child; while her own was wasted upon a man who didn't want her.

The murmur of voices as gifts are opened and swooned over gives her a momentary reprieve. The white noise seeks to drown even her most callous thoughts within its depth; she stays here because it's easy to pretend life in Hidehill is normal with the promise of new life on the horizon. Too many, has she tried to save and failed. Failure. It struck her in waves, one after the other until her lungs could barely take another.

But all too soon, she's swept up in murky depths again.

The harrowing scream is one she knows all too well. It echoes the halls of the emergency department - patient rooms and hallways forever soaking in the sound that pierces her heart each and every time. The same one that follows her home and hides within every shadow she can't quite brighten. Before she knows it, she's moving forwards. Pushing her way through those that seek to stand in curiosity - it's one of the most instinctive things a human being can do. Eat; breathe - and beckon themselves towards death.

"Get out of my way, Max." She states with the same authority and temperament the hospital staff know her for. It was something she'd built herself upon since the day she could make any given choice for herself. She'd sworn an oath, and Ela had refused to allow anyone to stand in her way.

Help people - save as many as you can.

A toll, that strikes Ela with brutal force at such familiar features staring blankly up at her now. Her chest implodes and where air should have filled her lungs, something far heavier finds its way in. It's excruciating and this time, she can't simply push it down so easily. Seconds pass; too many beats of her own heart to count as she struggles with what lies before her. "Give me some damn space," uttered as others try to crowd their way in as she reaches for a pulse point.

Fingertips find nothing but ice, and she swears she's never felt anything so cold to the touch. It burns away at her skin and were she ever to recount the moment to anyone, she'd tell them that it spread. The chill of death climbed its way into her flesh and froze everything within her, one little piece at a time. "Nico? Nico, come on." No longer is she crouched down in Ana's living room, her mind drags her back to the Trauma floor. Everything is sterilized and cold, and with each detail that floods her mind, Ela works to find something within him that hasn't quite left her yet. "Nico?" Yet hues that stare back at her hold nothing but a never-ending abyss and no matter what she does, she knows he's already gone. "Don't do this to me.."

Frantic hands continue to search for vitals and Ela remains entirely ignorant to the hands that reach for her now. All she needs is the faintest of heartbeats, the twitch of his lip as he struggles to draw air into his lungs. All she knows, is when it felt as if everything within her had died - when Austin left and her whole world left with him, the man lying before her remained the only one to find each tiny sign of life within her. When heartbreak brought her to her goddamn knees, Nico remained the only constant. She owed him her life.

"Ela, please.. he's gone." A hand snapped back to push away those that made an attempt to draw her away. How could she give up like this? How could she not do everything possible to wake him up? That was all she had to do - wake him up. As if nothing could truly keep Nico from another day.

"Help me with her, please. She.. - she shouldn't be seeing him like this."

There was no struggling against it this time, even as her hand grips tightly to Nico's in further refusal, "No.. no, stop. I can wake him up." The heated prickle in her eyes as tears flowed freely sparked something else within her; something otherwise unreachable. It was one thing that too many who followed the same path as her, suffered from. All trained and skilled with the ability to change what could otherwise be inevitable; only to meet a brick wall of loathing and hopelessness when even that was never enough. "I can wake him up." Her scream ripples through the room as something ungodly, as if someone had torn an entire limb from her body. The same one that is now drawn from the ground, lifted from the place beside the box the man she considered a brother, lay dead within.

"No..-- no, don't.. Nico!" It rattled her very soul, the depth of reality sinking in like sharpened blades, one after the other. Each moment would never come to fruition from this day forward. Each smile she'd never see, laugh she'd never hear and comfort that would never envelop her with the warmth that he'd always promised her. Never would she read another late-night text about the next questionable choice he'd made -never would he force her to take the time she needed when life snowballed far too much for her to handle. "Someone wake him up!" Why was everyone just standing around? Staring? Why wasn't anyone else doing anything? It boiled rage and anger and mottled it together with the ache in her chest convincing her that she'd never feel anything other than the acidic burn of disbelief that etched itself into her skeletal form.

The piercing screech of sirens can be heard from streets away and the sound alone swallows her whole until it's the only thing she can hear beyond her own heartbeat. No longer does she hear her own screaming, the words of those around her trying to soothe her within their embrace. The fresh chill in the air as she's half dragged, half carried outside doesn't touch her. Everything within her is already frozen and burnt. There's weakness in her knees and the pit of her stomach has dropped out of her almost entirely. She buckles, given the opportunity to stand on her own and falls into an embrace she doesn't know. One that doesn't reach her as the one that now slips through her fingers. Ela knows she'll never feel the same comfort as that which Nico gave her - she'll never feel that warmth.

Already, she knows nothing is right. He's gone. He's gone. He's gone.