Lol. Sure, why not?

—*—*—*—*—*

“You know,” Tim drawled as he sipped his drink, smirking at his boyfriend across from him. “I think this is the best date you’ve taken me on so fa—“

At that, the door to the restaurant was kicked open. Instantly, Tim and Kon tensed and got ready to jump into action, only for them to both just gape at who, exactly, had just barged in. Said barger almost instantly zeroed in on them, marching over with hands on his hips.

“And how many dates has my traitorous brother taken you out on, Huh?” Jon asked petulantly. Kon didn’t know whether to cry, laugh, or run away while he had the chance.

“Uh,” Kon floundered, absolutely caught off guard. Not that that seemed to be a problem, because Jon just started up talking again, the whole restaurant looking at them;

“When were you gonna tell me that you’re GAY?!”

“Uh. Look, Jon, buddy,” Kon tried to save himself, but couldn’t quite come up with the words fast enough. Jon places a hand over his heart, looking for all the world as if he was truly heartbroken. Dramatic asshole.

“I thought we were FAMILY! How could you do this to me? The horror! The injustice of it all! My brother is GAY—“

“Jon, seriously, can we at least not do this in public?” Poor Kon was starting to look pale and twitchy, so Jon sped his act up.

“—and he doesn’t even tell his gay brother that he’s gay!” Everyone else in the restaurant, who had been filming this on their phones and nervously chattering about homophobia and if someone was gonna step in, suddenly went pin-drop silent.

“What.” Kon forgot about the beginnings of his terror, now completely dumbfounded. “Wait, you’re gay too?”

“Yeah! Which is why I’m angry!” Kon put his hands on his hips again. “Damian’s mom had to tell me that our dad is Bi, because I thought he was straight and was agonizing about how to come out to him! And she also told me the huge dramatic tale of an apparently ten-year-long love triangle between her, Damian’s dad, and our dad. It was nuts.”

Kon wrinkled his nose, Tim copying the expression. “Wait, our dads? Ewww.”

“Yeah, I know,” Jon nodded before continuing. “So I was mad at Dad, because he never told me he wasn’t straight! And I spent weeks agonizing over nothing because of it! And then Dad tells me that YOU’RE gay too?! The treachery! The mutiny! You copycat! You didn’t even have the DECENCY to tell your brother that you were GAY so that he didn’t have to worry about being the only non-straight in the family!”

“I didn’t know you were gay too! And I never even told Dad, how does he know?!”

“Apparently he knows everything!” Jon threw his hands up. “He’s the one who told me to crash your date today after the prank I pulled on him yesterday for not telling me he was bi!”

“HOW DID HE KNOW ABOUT OUR DATE?!”

“HOW DID YOU NOT NOTICE THAT I’M GAY?!” Jon yelled right back. “I TOLD YOU I HAD A CRUSH ON DAMIAN YEARS AGO!”

“I THOUGHT YOU MEANT AS A FRIEND?!”

“OH MY GOD MY BROTHER IS DUMB!” Jon turned his attention to Tim. “YOU’RE SMART! YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO RUB OFF ON HIM!”

Tim, who was half-sunk into his chair and only still watching this fiasco out of morbid fascination, just deadpanned at Jon and said; “There’s no cure for Stupid, your honor. He only has one braincell and it forgot how to multiply.”

“Hey!” Kon protested, slamming his hands on the table. “You’re my boyfriend! You’re supposed to be on my side!”

“I can’t help that I’m dating a punk himbo, Conner.”

“Graaaah!”

“And I’m dating Damian!”

Tim looked over, horrified. “I fully expected this, but also— is it voluntary? Do you need a way out?”

Jon rolled his eyes. “He’s sweet, shut up.”

“Oh my god he’s brainwashed you!” Tim was obviously just being dramatic (he loved his brother, regardless of how they didn’t often get along) so Jon ignored him and turned back to his own brother.

“Anyway, you must suck at this whole dating thing. I heard Tim say this was the best date you’ve taken him on and, full offense intended but,” he swept his arm around to indicate the restaurant. “This is a Wendy’s.”

“At least we’re not getting mugged this time though,” Kon said with a shrug.

“This is also only the third date in four years that he’s taken me on. I started all the others.”

“YOU’VE BEEN GAY FOR FOUR YEARS AND DIDN’T TELL ME?!”

—*—*—*—*—*

Later, Tim was at the Batcomputer and Marinette was handing him his first cup of coffee for the long night ahead. He looked down at his phone when it beeped, and let loose a tortured groan. Marinette just raised an eyebrow at her adopted son.

“Uh? Problems in paradise?” She asked when she saw that the sender was Kon’s contact in Tim’s phone. Tim groaned again.

“Not exactlyyyyy,” he hedged. “You told Jon that Clark is bi.”

Marinette blinked, having actually forgotten about that after Damian had showed her the video Jon had gotten of Clark. Then again, the video ended abruptly ... as if Jon had intentionally cut something out at the end.

“Jon was catastrophizing at the dinner table— oh yeah you weren’t there because you dragged Kon out for a date that night— anyway, he was having a crisis and I needed to get revenge on Clark for something. So yeah, I told him the whole story.”

“Well,” Tim growled. “Clark told Jon about Kon being gay. And somehow he knew exactly where and when we were having our date.”

Marinette caught on, unable to hide her large grin. “Oh nooooo,” she breathed. “What did he do?”

Tim grumbled and brought up the YouTube video of the whole interaction. Marinette damn near laughed herself into a coma over it, and it had already gotten over a million hits too.

“Oh my god,” Marinette had to catch her breath. “I didn’t realize Kon was just as much of a himbo as the other two of them! I thought he had to have more sense, I always thought that being a punk requires more than just the bare minimum level of intelligence.”

“Apparently not.”

“Wait,” Marinette seemed to realize something, putting her hand on her chin in sudden thought. “Wasn’t... didn’t Luthor make Kon the same year Jon was born? They’re technically the same age even though Kon is physically older, right?”